I look over as Charlotte sits up fast after screaming. I glance at Bellamy who is now awake and moves to her side.

"Hey Charlotte, you ok?" He asks, gripping her shoulders.

"It's just nightmares" She sniffs and rubs her nose. "Do you always get them?" He asks and she nods. He grabs the knife he gave her and hands it out to her. She looks at him confused and I just watch.

"Screw you I'm not afraid" He says and she looks at him like he's crazy. He might be.

"Say it" She looks at the knife. "Screw you I'm not afraid" She says lamely. Bellamy raises an eyebrow.

"Screw you I'm not afraid" She says stronger. "Slay your demons when you're awake and then you can sleep"

"Not sure that's the best advice" I say, picking at my fingers. "Try to go back to sleep," He says. He moves and sits next to me, our knees brushing against each other. I tilt my head looking at him.

"Why didn't you wake her?" He asks. I shrug. "Number one you aren't supposed to wake people from their nightmares. And two I suck at comforting" "I doubt that's true" I snort. "You have yet to see me comfort someone"

"You haven't slept" He points out. "Yeah and you haven't slept very well either. I saw you twitching and mumbling. You get nightmares too. Guess the whole slay your demons thing doesn't work" no response.

"You do suck at comforting" he says lowly.

"Thanks buddy" I pat his knee. After a minute of silence I pull my knees to my chest resting my head on them. "You think it's safe to go outside?" I ask and he shrugs.

"I'll check" "Wait Amy-" He goes to stop me but I'm already skipping outside sticking my head out. I don't feel myself burning so I walk back in. "Were good" he bends down, waking Charlotte as we walk outside.

"JONES! Anyone out here!" Bellamy yells. "Over here!" We hear in the distance and run to meet Jones and the other boys. "You guys ok?" Bellamy asks.

"Where's Atom?" I ask and Jones shrugs. "Thought he was with you guys" we are cut off by a shrill scream. I looked over where Charlotte was by my side to see her gone. I follow Bellamy as we reach Charlotte.

I push her back as I look down to see Atom's face covered in blisters as he shakes in pain. He looks horrible. "Go back to camp" Bellamy says and everyone starts walking away. "You too" He says and I look up to see a look of conflict and pain on his face.

I shake my head and sit down next to him. Bellamy does the same as he pulls out his knife. I look over to see his hand shaking.

"K-k-kill me" He murmurs. A tear falls down Bellamy's face. This will break him. No one else should get hurt.

I reach over taking the knife without making eye contact.

"It's ok, you'll be ok"

I ran a hand through his hair. I start humming as I quickly plunge the knife in his neck as he takes one last breath. I stare at him for a moment, a tear falling down my face.

Not because of the sadness of the situation. Because I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything and I just killed a boy. A kid.

"We should head back "I say sternly. Bellamy looks at me with regret. I look over and see Clarke watching us from a distance.

"I'll meet you back at camp" I walk off clenching my fists tightly and squeezing my nails into my hands. I need to feel something.

I need to feel anything.

I sit against a tree staring at the blood coating my hands. I murder a kid. I murder a boy. I murder a friend. I am a murder.

"I thought I told you not to be out at night" I continued staring forward feeling that numb feeling creeping back up again.

"Melantha?" "I killed him, '' I whisper. "Who?" Lincoln asks. "Atom. I killed Atom" He doesn't say anything but holds a hand in front of my face.

"Come on, I'll take you back" "Can't go back" I murmured. "To my cave. Come on" I take his hand as he pulls my weak body up and I follow him as we reach his home.

I slid down to the ground again laying my head on the ground staring off into space. "I don't feel anything. I can't feel anything "

"Here eat something" he pushes a bowl in front of me. "It will come back up. I wish I would die quicker "

"Quicker?"

"I have a heart condition. Should die anytime. Only reason I haven't killed myself" I admit. He stays quiet but then bends down in front of me.

"If you live like you want to die you will always feel absolutely nothing. If you live like you want to live you will truly get the chance to know what the world is' ' My lip trembles and a tear falls.

"It hurts. Every single day it's a burning feeling o-or I don't feel anything and I'm so tired. I'm so tired" I cry.

"Sleep" "I can't" I sniff and rub my nose. "The nightmares" "You have to sleep" I just stare feeling my eyes droop. "I can't" my eyes close.