this is a bit of a filler chapter,but serves right to their feelings

like always,please,leave a comment :)

CHAPTER 19 - LOVE SUCKS

Dean stood awkwardly at the living room door, nervous, anxious, his cheeks flushed as all those people stared at him. A pair of forest green eyes in particular seemed to want to blow his head off. Not even Emily beside him could get him to calm down. 

It was supposed to be a hangout between friends, why were all those people questioning him as if he was taking her out on a date? Sure, the idea of being all alone with her at the zoo felt fantastic and definitely worth this moment, but still.

"You're Vanessa's brother, right?" Mr. Robinson asked, surly, and Dean nodded anxiously. The man stood, making the boy want to flee because of how frightening he looked in his height. Mr. Robinson was pretty much an older version of his son, just with more beard, which Jason shaved regularly, Gwen not liking the gruff touch of it on her skin, the man was in his early fifties, his dark brown hair that resembled Emily's was starting to get strands of grey, his ongoing scowl made him look like a really harsh man, but in truth, his wife knew he was grouchy only on the surface. Just like Jason after all.

Dean gulped as the man got closer, hands stuffed in his pockets, studying him as if he was this weird animal that had just entered his house. Emily stood there, annoyed at this never-ending scrutiny she was sure poor Dean would get, considering her father was just as much overprotective as Jason.

It was a wonder why hadn't her brother said anything actually. But what worried her the most were those forest green eyes across the room, which held such harshness and sorrow that she was squirming underneath his gaze, wondering why didn't anybody notice.

After she'd slipped away from him in the kitchen, she'd avoided him at all costs, even texted Dean to ask if he could come earlier, and he'd agreed, therefore there he was now, half past two pm, the contentment for having been, say, summoned by his crush all gone as soon as he'd stepped into that living room full with people that seemed to think he was actually there to kidnap Emily other than just hang out with her a little, as friends.

As friends. She'd cared to underline that. This afternoon they'd spend together was friendly, nothing more. It might have looked like a date, but it wasn't. And judging by the death stare he was receiving from the dark blonde guy across the room, only Emily was convinced about that.

Dean was bombarded with questions about himself and what would they do, to which he answered warily, almost hoping for Emily to point out that theirs wasn't a date, but ... apparently, she was too distracted by her favorite person. 

Pretty much a guinea pig, wasn't he? Dean thought. It was worth it, though. Even if she wanted to hang out with him only to avoid that guy, it was worth it. At least he'd spend some time with his Emily. Maybe he could pull it off and gain more than her friendship.

In the end, after the interrogation, Mr. Robinson gave him a small smile and Dean squinted his eyes at the vigor of the man's pat on his shoulder. "Well, have fun, guys." Mr. Robinson wished them, but his small smile soon turned into a frown he directed at Dean: "Keep your hands to yourself. Alright?" Dean nodded, frightened, not relaxing even when the man pulled back, smiling fully.

Sybil was watching the scene, half amused, but she was also perusing someone in particular, someone that seemed to be about to blow up, judging by how his jaw was tightening and how harsh his stare was, till he just leaped to his feet and startled everyone with a harsh: "Time to leave."

Mrs. Evans asked her son why the rush, but he didn't reply, just curtly said his goodbyes to everyone, and then left, walking past Emily and Dean, not shouldering the boy for a mere inch, careful to slam the door by good measure.

Emily closed her eyes, knowing she was to blame. There was such mix of anger and hurt flashing in his eyes that she didn't even have the courage to look at him. She knew she'd been ruthless and selfish, but she couldn't do else. It just wasn't possible between them. There was too much against them, starting from her own self.

Jason sighed and curtly saluted everyone, claiming it was better if they got going. He turned to his fiancée, wondering if she was going with them, but she lightly shook her head, making him sigh, then nod.

They'd talked about it after lunch and she'd claimed it was better if she took a couple of days far from him, hence, she wouldn't be driving back to Boston with him, she wouldn't stay at their place, but at a friend's, just for a couple of days, to clear her head. Jason had asked if after that they would be good, but she'd shrugged, claiming she didn't know.

Said she'd see to get over it, she wanted to try, she'd promised him another chance, but after what he'd confessed, about having cheated on her for two weeks ... that was harsh to digest. "Maybe I only need to miss you a little to get over it. Hence, let's just take some time away from each other."

He'd asked if that meant they were on a break, she'd said no, it was supposed to be only a couple of days far from each other, to think things through and cope with the thing. He was pretty sure she wanted to ponder over she could go through with their marriage plans or not.

Gwen was a really sweet and nice girl, she didn't deserve what he did to her, he felt awfully guilty, but there was no going back, the least he could do was be at her mercy. After six years together, he really didn't know how could he function without her. He loved her. 

Yeah, but Ness ... his mind mentioned now and then, to which he'd always shake his head. There was no Ness. She'd been only a fling, a very wrong fling, given the consequences for both him and her. Had he been more mature, more in control of himself, now he wouldn't be risking his relationship with Gwen, and Vanessa wouldn't be nursing a broken heart. It served him right to suffer, after what he'd done to the two girls.

Hence, Jason sighed and, after another goodbye, he left, barely mentioning to his mother that he'd call once they were in Boston. Once out, he didn't find his best friend's car. Obvious. They were supposed to drive separately after all. With a sigh, Jason stepped in his own vehicle. Lucky thing they'd thought about having everything ready in advance, so that all he had to grab while going out were his phone, wallet, keys and hoodie.

Heaving another sigh, he started the engine. Hopefully, everything would go back to normal in a few days or weeks. At least for him. As for Riley ... he ought to stay closer than ever to his best friend, no doubt. Never did Jason imagine it'd be his own sister to break the poor guy's heart. Then again, never did he imagine he'd risk his relationship for a teen. Fate and its weird sense of humor.

***

When Emily woke up that morning, she really hoped to be living in a whole other universe. One where she wouldn't have to face school, her peers, teachers, everything. One where she hadn't broken Riley's heart and she didn't feel so horrible. One where she'd slept more than four hours. One where her heart didn't ache so painfully.

Going to the zoo with Dean yesterday had been nice, he'd kind of taken her off her thoughts a little, but not enough. Dean was nice, kind, sweet, a heart of gold, but ... but he wasn't Riley. Her heart kept reminding her that. Dean was a great guy, but he wasn't Riley. Riley who'd left so angry. She knew it was her fault, she just didn't know what to do about it. She knew she'd hurt him, but there was nothing she could change. Sometimes feelings are not enough. Not when there are so many things hindering them.

With a sigh, she told herself it was better to focus on one thing at a time, for now, the issue was Vanessa. Normally she'd come pick her up to drive them to school, but that morning she didn't show up, Emily had texted her yesterday night, to ask, but she'd received no reply, so she'd asked Dean, only to receive the worrying response: "she's locked herself up in her room, doesn't talk to anyone, mom too is worried". Obviously, Emily assumed, the cause was her brother. She only needed details.

Adjusting her backpack on her shoulders, she walked through the school lawn, trying to ignore the hordes of teenagers happy to see each other but grumpy because another year was starting. Because, that morning as ever, she was early, she'd walked to school, not wanting to face her mother, also knowing she might ask either about Dean, about whom Emily had avoided questions by coming home after dinner (with Sybil's permission, of course) and heading straight to her room, claiming to be tired, or about Riley.

Already during breakfast her mother had wondered why was he so upset, she'd informed Emily that the trip had been safe, both Jason and Riley were in Boston without a scratch, but Emily hadn't wanted to listen. Better said, she had done her best not to, pretending to be engulfed in her breakfast, which she'd gulped down quickly, claiming she was late for school.

The first thing she did once she'd stepped foot in school was reach the first bathroom available and lock herself up in one of the booths, careful not to make one single noise. There, she put down her backpack, crouched to the floor, and stuck two fingers inside her mouth. 

The first two times it didn't work, but in the end, she was able to get rid of every single thing she'd swallowed during breakfast, maybe even the ice cream she'd eaten with Dean yesterday night, before coming home.

Once done, Emily remained there for a moment, sighing. Then, as if nothing had happened, she stood up, adjusted her clothes, grabbed her backpack and headed out, lingering in the bathroom only to rinse her mouth and hands, eating a chewing gum just so nobody would notice anything. Normal routine.

***

Vanessa sat at a lonely table at lunch, barely touching her food. She hadn't seen Emily all day, neither Dean, barely had she talked to the other girls. She just didn't feel like living today. She would restart soon, but now ... now really it wasn't the moment.

Time ago, she'd come up with a 'heartbreak remedy' plan, not because she imagined she'd need it, but because she knew, deep down, that sooner or later Jason would break her heart. It was nothing unexpected, she knew he would. When news hit her that he was getting married she tried to be as strong as usual, pretending she could still catch him, and she really believed she could try, but deep down, she knew how the odds were.

The worst mistake he could ever make. That's what he'd called her. It was nothing. Their thing was nothing to him. She'd always known he was only using her, but, because he'd been being a little more ... affectionate, she'd fooled herself, daring to believe he might feel something more than just attraction. How wrong she was. I love you and just you, Gwen. He'd claimed. Nothing much to do about it, was there?

Vanessa sighed, playing with her macaroni and cheese. Why did she even come to the cafeteria, she had no idea. She wasn't hungry, she didn't feel like eating. Ignoring the pasta, she grabbed the apple and started cutting it to slices, but even that, she barely picked at it. She didn't even want to come to school, but her mom wouldn't have it to let her stay at home. What a first day. This should have been an amazing year, being her last in high school, and it had started off awfully.

She'd been sitting there, barely taking very small bites, when she heard the chair across from her being dragged. She was expecting her friends to join her, even though, she'd purposely skipped their table with a small smile, claiming she'd see them later, right now she had things to do, in truth, she only needed time alone.

Vanessa was like that, she'd never show the least bit of sadness, but those times when she really was down, and it happened rarely, those times, she'd keep herself away from the world till she felt better. Normally, it wouldn't last more than a couple of hours, this time, it had been two days already. She'd gone to her grandparents in Maine purposely, in order to get away from that situation, but of course, it hadn't been enough.

Well, she wouldn't wallow in misery. She had her plan to heal, and she would. There was not a single chance that a single boy could bring her down. For now, she let herself elaborate the sorrow, then, she'd get back up. Only weak girlies let boys rule their moods and lives. She was no little girl, she was a strong woman perfectly in control of her life, not at the mercy of some selfish guy.

"Em has been looking for you." Dean mentioned as he stared at his twin sister, his elbows on the table, a frown etched on his face. "You girls fought?" Dean asked his twin, who didn't even look up, seemingly too taken by her apple slices, so that he sighed and slipped the tray from beneath her gaze, causing her to glare at him, but he didn't mind. "What's wrong with you? You've been weird since Friday."

"None of your business." Vanessa spat, taking her tray back and standing up.

Dean sighed, standing up as well. "You know that thing about twins feeling the same things? We must be weird types, because I can't get a hold of what you're going through." He admitted, more apologetic than angry.

Vanessa shrugged, grabbing her purse and tray, then leaving. But of course, he followed her. "At least talk to Em, okay? She's worried about you."

No doubt she was, Vanessa thought, Emily was such a sensitive soul, even if she'd never show it, and they hadn't heard from each other since two days already, of course she was worried, the proof were all those calls. Emily wasn't the affectionate type, but her calling so many times was her way of saying 'I miss you', Vanessa knew that. She just didn't feel like facing her yet ... because she feared her disappointment and because, at the moment, she really only needed to be alone. Just that.

Hence, without even answering to her brother, she headed off to the opposite direction of her class, going towards the exit, not minding Dean calling her. Their mother was at work, she wouldn't know she'd skipped. All she needed was time alone. Maybe just the afternoon all to herself, then she'd get on with it. For now, all she could think was, love sucks.

***

Emily barely knocked, just entered without waiting for a reply, knowing she wouldn't get it anyway. As predicted, she found Vanessa laying on her side on bed, staring out of the window, clutching her pillow. The only doubt was if she was asleep or not, but judging by the way her body shook, she was indeed awake and she was crying silently.

Hence, Emily didn't say anything, only walked up to the bed and, once slipped off her shoes, she climbed in bed beside Vanessa, silently wrapping her arms around her, spooning her, as normally it'd be Vanessa to do to her when she was in a bad mood.

Vanessa didn't move, but neither did she push her off. Emily leaned her chin on her friend's shoulder, pressing their cheeks together.

The bond between Emily and Vanessa was like nothing either of them had ever had, you could say they were practically sisters, even if they'd known each other since four years only. Theirs had been an immediate affection, since the very first moment she'd started talking to her, their lockers being next to each other, Vanessa had felt that shy girl that barely responded could be an amazing friend.

Emily was used to bottling up her pain, never showing it to anyone, so that, the only way Vanessa ever knew about it, was for her to sneak up on her, so that Emily wouldn't have the time to show off her poker face. A couple of times she'd entered her room upon Emily crying, and that had been such a heartbreaking sight that Vanessa had vowed to herself not to ever let her best friend be that miserable again.

Sometimes she felt guilty, because she hadn't succeeded, the proof now was the fact that Emily had been relapsing. Vanessa had forgotten about her dramas for a few days, ignoring her lover boy to help her friend, but ... it hadn't sufficed. Emily's problems rooted way more deeply than her issues with her body.

Sometimes, the way she hugged her, Vanessa perceived Emily was afraid she'd let go. She was afraid of being abandoned. People she'd trusted had dumped her without so much of a fuss once she wasn't useful anymore, but most of all, the issue was Riley.

Emily would never say it out loud, but Vanessa knew the guy had been the first one to ever break his Honeybee's heart, even without knowing neither wanting to. Days ago, Vanessa had thought she'd talk to him and see to work out a plan to get them together, with Jason's blessing even, but now ... well, for once, she needed to be selfish.

For once, she needed to forget about her friend's troubles and let Emily engulf her in that hug. She needed comfort now as ever, because her heart was burning, and she had no idea how to cope. She'd told herself she'd let herself mourn only for the weekend, then only that Monday afternoon, but it wasn't working.

Every time she thought of Jason tears filled her eyes, she'd cried so much that she'd practically run out of tears. She needed something strong to move on, and she had her remedy, she just hoped it worked ... because, apparently, Jason was more persistent in her thoughts than she'd ever imagined.

Emily tightened her grip on Vanessa, cuddling her silently, knowing words wouldn't suffice. To bring down one like her best friend, it took only the toughest of heartbreaks, she knew the moment would come, she just hoped it could be avoided or maybe wouldn't be that hard.

"I'm stupid, aren't I?" Vanessa whispered against her pillow, voice broken by tears. Emily reached her hand and entangled their fingers together, pressing her cheek on Vanessa's, but didn't reply. Tears filled Vanessa's eyes for the umpteenth time, hurting them also, for how bloodshot they were.

"I knew he was using me, I knew I was only a distraction, a pastime, I ..." She sobbed. "What is wrong with me?!"

Emily squeezed her against her, nuzzling her neck. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong with you. You're the dream of every guy."

Vanessa snorted, even if weakly. "Not your brother's." She let out a shaky sigh and explained what happened between them, Emily remained there listening, silently cursing her brother for being so stupid and selfish. How could he? Not only did he cheat on his fiancée, but he also hurt Vanessa, knowingly even. Duh ... sometimes Jason was such a jerk that she didn't even understand how could they be blood related.

"You warned me." Vanessa went on, voice as broken as ever. "You warned me and I didn't listen. I'm so fucking stupid!" Her body shook as she let out another burst of tears, possibly for the thousandth time. She'd never thought love could hurt this much, but, she'd always known that, out of all people in her life, the one to hurt her the most would have been Jason.

Of course it would have been. She loved him. She'd concealed it for years, hiding it behind a foolish crush on her best friend's brother, which was at first, but then ... feelings just grew day by day, till nothing was left to do but acknowledge them for what they were, no matter how much it hurt. The only trouble now was, pain was getting unbearable.

"How could I be so stupid?! How could I