The entire Forman family sat around the kitchen table, ready to eat breakfast as Kitty poured their drinks. So far, the morning had been going well, as everyone stayed quiet from still being tired. But, of course, Laurie was home, so it didn't last very long.

"So," she started, smirking at her brother across the table, "Look at us. This is just like a Norman Rockwell painting. Mom is serving breakfast, Daddy's reading the newspaper, sister Liz is already eating, and brother Eric is trying to hide a big, purple, nasty hickey."

"What?" Eric snapped out of his morning daze to nervously chuckle. "Hickey? I don't have a hickey..."

Laurie leaned forward, her mischievous grin somehow growing wider. "You know, Eric, hickeys lead to dirty things."

"Yeah, you would know, you whore," Liz muttered before taking a sip of her juice.

"Elizabeth!" Red scowled, looking up from his paper. "That's no talk for a bright, young woman like yourself to be using." When Liz slouched away, he turned his gaze to Eric. "And, for God's sakes, don't let Donna suck your neck. She's a nice girl."

"I don't have a hickey," Eric insisted, finally removing his hand from the spot on his neck. "I was using a curling iron."

Wanting to know what all the fuss was about, Kitty walked over to inspect his neck. "Oh, well, would you just look at that."

"No! Mom!" Eric winced away as she tried to rub it.

She drew her lips together, trying to hide a smile as she moved to sit down. "Red, remember that time—"

"No, and neither do you," Red shut her down.

"Okay." She glanced around the table, chuckling nervously. "So, um, Laurie, what's on the agenda today?"

Laurie pulled a face. "Agenda?"

"A list of goals or actions one might feel good about achieving so as to..." Kitty trailed off, trying to find the right words, before turning to her other daughter. "Elizabeth, you tell her."

Liz bit the inside of her cheek as she sat up straighter. "So, for example, Laurie, your agenda would probably say, oh, 'sleep with every guy in town'. But, what it should really say is, 'don't be a slut'."

"You brat," Laurie scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Oh, Mom, come on. Relax. I'm still getting used to being back home."

"Yeah, flunking out of college can be draining. Phew!" Eric mocked, pretending to rub sweat from his forehead.

Liz chuckled, sharing a high five with him under the table. "Nice."

"Eric!" Red said sternly, finally setting down his paper.

"Oh, come on." Eric frowned. "Compared to Liz's, that was so mild."

Kitty shook her head, going back to her previous conversation. "Well, Laurie, all you do is sit around the house and watch television. You should come down to the hospital and volunteer."

"She's right, Laurie." Red pointed a finger in her direction as he got up to get some coffee.

"Daddy!" Laurie whined. He turned to mouth "no" a few times, which made her smirk again. "You know, I think Eric needs an agenda. Look at his neck."

"It's a birthmark. It's been there since birth," Eric defended with a slight shrug.

The argument came to a close as Hyde came shuffling into the kitchen, letting out a yawn. "Good morning, class."

"Hey, Hyde." Liz smiled.

"Oh, good morning, orphan," Laurie greeted dryly.

He didn't even look over at her as he reached for the coffee pot. "Good morning."

Laurie scowled. "That's all you got?"

Hyde held up a finger, waiting for the right word. "Whore."

"Mom!" Laurie cried, watching as the twins giggled. "He called me a whore."

"Yeah..." Kitty sighed before turning back to Hyde. "Steven, honey, you are too young for coffee. Have some juice."

"Mrs. Forman, I need coffee," Hyde mumbled, bringing a mug over to the table with him. "Your son kept me up all night, bragging about his hickey."

Eric shot his friend a look, but Kitty merely laughed.

❁

The twins sat next to each other in the basement, Liz trying to apply different makeup to her brother's neck in hopes it would hide his hickey. Jackie and Fez hung over her shoulder, inspecting the damage for themselves.

"Okay. Whatever you do, Eric, do not wear a turtleneck to school, okay? It's a dead giveaway," Jackie said. "Yeah, I'd go with a decorative scarf."

Liz couldn't help but giggle. "Yeah, mix that with your work with the curling iron this morning, and you'll be all set for the pep squad."

Eric jabbed his elbow at her, a warning to shut up. When she bit back another giggle, he turned his attention back to Jackie. "Thank you."

"Did you have to tell everyone about the hickey?" Donna asked in a hushed voice.

"Well, everyone can kind of see it, Vampira," Eric deadpanned.

"Yeah, Laurie had a field day at breakfast," Liz said with a roll of her eyes.

Hyde chuckled from his seat. "I hopped on that dog pile, too."

Eric turned to shoot him a look. "You sure did, you dillhole."

"Eric!" Liz scowled, pushing his head back in its original position so she could still apply the makeup. "Quit moving around."

"Alright, Forman. Yeah, that was sort of mean," Hyde admitted. "Probably what I should have said is... 'I'm sick of sharing a room with you and all your disgusting fluids and gases.'"

"Oh, and yours are just dreamy, Hyde." Eric drew his lips together.

"Excuse me?" Fez walked away from Liz's work to stand beside Donna with a smile. "May I please have a hickey, please?"

Donna turned to shoot him a look. "No."

"Please?" He urged.

"No!" She almost laughed.

Fez turned to his left. "Jackie?"

"No!" Jackie gasped.

"Please?"

"No!"

Fez glanced over at the last girl in the group. "Liz?"

Liz turned from her concentration on Eric's neck, her nose scrunching up. "Don't be gross, Fez."

"I didn't hear a 'no'," he pointed out with a grin.

"No!" She cried.

Fez let out a disapproving sigh. "So, the three of you do things to please your man. Well, Fez is a man. Why do you not please him? Why?"

"Fez, you're not my man," Liz scoffed before continuing to cover up her brother's love bite.

Kelso finally glanced up from the game he was playing by the washer. "Jackie, just give him a hickey."

Jackie's eyebrows raised before she abruptly stood up. "Okay, I'm going home."

"Me too," Donna agreed, getting to her feet. "Gotta go shopping with my mom. Suddenly it's, like, really important that we be best friends."

"What happened?" Eric asked.

"She's been... reading." Donna shrugged.

"Reading. Damn it, when will they learn?" Eric joked.

Kelso waited anxiously by the washer until the two girls walked out the door. He was then quick to turn and start rummaging through the laundry basket. "Yeah, finally. I thought Jackie'd never leave."

"Kelso, what are you doing?" Liz asked, drawing away so Eric could turn and watch as well.

"Well, I need a sexy memento from Laurie," Kelso explained, turning back to quickly look at them all. "I'm gonna commemorate our forbidden love... with panties."

"Fine." Eric sighed, watching as his friend shoved a pair into the pockets of his cords. "Just take your panties and go home."

Liz made a face the longer she stared at the white underwear. "Man, those are our mom's! Come on!"

Kelso let out a yelp, jolting backwards as he threw them to the ground. Panicking, he grabbed a shirt from the bin and used it to pick them back up.

"Okay, Forman, look, man. I'm not telling you how to live your life, but if someone touched my mom's panties..." Hyde scoffed, shaking his head at the thought.

Eric made a face, trying not to chuckle. "Hyde, didn't everyone touch your mom's panties?"

"Burn!" Kelso cried, laughing as he pointed back and forth between the two. When Hyde glared at him, he tried to defend, "Man, that was a burn."

"Okay, Forman." Hyde sighed, turning back to face his friend. "I have a solution to this whole 'you being a pain in my ass, we sharing a room' thing. You move out."

"Of my room?" Eric's eyebrows raised.

Hyde nodded. "Yeah."

"Well, uh, that's just not gonna happen."

"Okay, fine. I'll move out, you big baby."

Eric offered him a smile. "Still friends?"

"I need time to heal," Hyde muttered, looking away.

"Okay." Kelso walked over to Liz, holding out a pair of purple panties. "These are Laurie's right? I mean, if they were yours, that'd still be pretty—"

"Yes, Kelso, they're Laurie's." Liz cut him short with a scowl. "See? They're way too whore-ish to be mine."

Hyde glanced over at Kelso's prize, a smirk forming on his face. "Aww, what? No flowery lace panties for Miss Lizzie?"

"Shut it, Hyde," she warned with a glare.

He chuckled before glancing back up at Kelso. "Kelso, what exactly are you gonna do with those panties?"

"Just... look at them," he muttered, shoving them into his pocket with wide eyes.

Fez perked up from the other side of the room. "Kelso, did you ever notice that Laurie and Eric have the same eyes? So, if you're doing it with Laurie, and she's perhaps wearing a hat... it's kind of like you're doing it with Eric, too."

Everyone stared at him with wide, disbelieving eyes as he laughed.

When he noticed no one else thought it was funny, he frowned, getting up to leave. "Okay, bye."

❁

Later that night, Eric sat on the couch in the living room, mindlessly watching the TV. Liz sat a few cushions down, reading a book for her English class. As the two sat in silence, Hyde walked in from the kitchen with his cot, eyeing up a new spot.

He ended up behind the couch, pulling the legs out from the cot so they were firmly on the ground. With a yawn, he went to lie down, but slapped the back of Eric's head first.

Not even looking up from her book, Liz giggled at the sound. It made Hyde smirk before he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, trying to pull her back to lie with him.

"Hyde!" She cried, falling into a fit of giggles as her back bent over the little half wall. Her book was immediately discarded as she tried to fight him off, making him chuckle.

When Laurie skipped down the steps a few seconds later, Hyde was quick to let go of Liz, making her fall back to her original position with a slight giggle. He then turned to his side, hoping to actually get some rest.

Laurie pranced into the room, plucking the remote from Eric's hand before getting comfortable between the twins. With a flick of the switch, she changed the channel.

Eric merely sighed. "Kelso took your underwear."

She made a face, shaking her head. "Aw, that's like the third pair."

"Ew," Liz muttered.

Hyde sat up from his cot, shooting the back of their heads a look as they continued to watch a show with a loud siren. Rolling back onto his feet, he grabbed his makeshift bed and disappeared into the other room.

Eric scowled at his sister's choice of a show. "Gimme the remote control."

"Gimme a reason why I shouldn't set you on fire," Laurie spat back.

Eric paused, glancing at the pillow beside him, before grabbing it and shoving it into her face. Her feet flailed about, trying to push him away, but he kept it there, glancing around sheepishly.

Liz started to whistle and looked away, pretending as if she didn't see anything.

Red walked into the room, making Eric immediately drop the pillow. When his father pointed to the ground in front of him, he slowly got up and walked over.

"Alright, Laurie!" Red yelled, wrapping his arms under Eric's shoulders, keeping his hands on his head so he couldn't move. "Take your best shot!"

"Weak!" Liz called through cupped hands as Laurie started to stand with an evil grin.

Before anything could happen though, the doorbell rang, making Kitty rush out of the kitchen. She gave the situation no more than a mere glance before sighing. "Oh, Red, we talked about this. Let him go."

Red sighed, but decided not to argue with his wife.

Kitty opened the door, revealing a balding, middle aged man in a suit. He immediately stepped inside, his eyes growing wide when they fell on Laurie.

"Hello, Laurie," he greeted, walking over to her. "I apologize for coming unannounced, but I—"

Laurie clapped her hands together, rushing to his side before he could say anything else. "Mom, Daddy, this is Professor Stark! He was my art history teacher."

"Well, actually, I was your psychology teacher," the professor pointed out.

"Well, whatever you taught her, she flunked it," Eric said with a laugh.

"Eric." Red slapped his chest before starting over to the man with an outstretched hand. "So, you're from the, uh, University of Wisconsin?"

"Yeah." Professor Stark nodded.

Red smiled. "Are you here to give me back my money?"

"Well, actually I came here because of Laurie."

"Oh, yes." Laurie put on a smile, turning back to her father. "He came to see if the university would take me back."

"Really? Oh, please, here, have a seat. I'll make coffee and cake... I'll make coffee cake. And coffee!" Kitty let out a little laugh as she rushed back towards the kitchen. "Oh, gosh, really, can you get her back into the university and out of my house?"

"Well, I'm going to try my darndest." Professor Stark smiled as he took a seat next to Laurie on the couch.

Red was grinning ear to ear as he sat down in his chair. "Well, this is really good news."

"This is the best news I've ever heard," Eric breathed.

"I'll say," Liz agreed. "I can have the room back all to myself."

"Yes it is." The professor placed a hand on Laurie's leg, patting a few times until she pushed it away. "I want to get Laurie back in school."

Eric raised his hand. "Professor, question. Uh, how lame, exactly, is your student body if you're trying to get this dumb cow back—"

"Eric!" Red said with a warning tone. "Don't be a smart mouth. We've got company."

"Yeah, yeah. Go make coffee." Kitty turned to him, dropping her voice significantly to say, "Don't scare him off. He's our only hope."

"So, Mr. Stark," Liz started, smiling as she sat up straighter. "I'm going to be a senior next year, which means I'm looking at colleges. Do you think you could put in a word for me at University of Wisconsin? I'm much, much smarter than my sister."

Laurie glared over at her, reaching over to slap her arm.

"Hey!" Liz whined, reaching over to rub the red mark. "I'm also way less violent..."

Red shot the eldest a warning look. "Laurie..."

She was quick to go back to smiling. "Sorry, Daddy!"

Kitty walked over, waving for Liz to get off the couch so she could sit down. "So, um, maybe you could stay for dinner?"

"Why, yes, thank you. That... that would be lovely. Oh, and I believe, uh, these paint chips are yours," Professor Stark said, reached over to hand Kitty a pile full of white chips.

Her brows furrowed as she stared down at them. "Well, these are the color of our front door, aren't they?"

The professor nodded. "Yeah. You had a paint chip hanging from your front door, so I... I started to peel it, and I guess I got a little overzealous."

Kitty made a face as the man reached over to start scratching away at the candle on the table. Discarding the chips in a nearby bowl, she asked, "Um, psychology, huh?"

"Yes, yes. Human foibles fascinate me," he said before going back to messing with the candle.

Kitty let out a nervous laugh before turning back to Liz. She subtly shook her head, saying quietly, "Yeah, you're not going to that school."

❁

"Eric, I need you to go to the store and get me three pounds of ground beef, lean," Kitty said, reading through a recipe she picked out for dinner.

Liz pulled a disgusted look. "Lean, really?"

"I know, I know." Kitty sighed, shaking her head. "It's what Laurie keeps insisting on, though. And, right now, I'll do anything to keep her on her best behavior."

Eric started for the door, but found himself stopping. "Mom, look, before you go and blow twenty more cents a pound on ground beef, this guy is not gonna get Laurie back into college. She's stupid and evil."

"Mostly stupid," Liz pointed out when their mother grew silent.

Kitty eventually found her words. "You guys, she's not stupid. She's just... she has... special..." She gave up, shooing Eric away. "Just go."

Eric turned to leave, but immediately tripped on Hyde lying in his cot. With a scowl, he climbed over him, yelling, "Hyde!"

Hyde frowned as well, starting to pack up his things again.

Liz stepped over to assess the situation. "Really, Hyde? The kitchen?"

"Well, you guys were all way too loud in the living room, and Red didn't like me in his den one bit," he explained.

"Oh, honey, just share the room with Eric!" Kitty called over.

"No, thank you. I'm fine," he huffed, knocking a few things over with his cot on the way out of the room.

Outside, Eric got into the Cruiser, jolting back when he saw something in his rear view mirror. His face then scrunched up in disgust. "Oh..."

There, hiding out in the family's garage, was Laurie making out with Professor Stark. The two were certainly not shy with moving their hands around either.

As disgusted as Eric was, a smile grew on his face at a sudden idea. "Busted."

❁

"No way!" Kelso jumped out of his seat, an unconvinced smile on his face from Eric's discovery.

Eric blankly stared up at him. "Yep. Laurie and her professor, tonguing in the garage like hungry dogs. It was very disgusting."

"Ugh!" Liz let out a disgusted grunt. "I knew something was up. I mean, what professor in their right mind would try to get that dumb bitch back into their school?"

Kelso started to pace the room. "No, no, you see, because Laurie wouldn't just make out with some old guy. She wouldn't do that."

"Uhh, do you even know Laurie?" Liz shot him a look.

"No, it's true, man." Hyde pointed his finger upwards. "I was in the upstairs closet trying out my cot, and I saw 'em. It was like live porno, but not good porno, 'cause he's, like, really, really old. It was like old bad porno."

Something suddenly dawned on Jackie. "Michael, why do you care if Laurie kisses her professor?"

"Yeah, Kelso," Hyde chimed in, "Why do you care?"

"Well... because. You see, it's wrong for an old person to make out with an innocent, young student," Kelso lied.

Hyde drew his lips together. "God, you're noble."

"Innocent?" Jackie shot her boyfriend a look before turning to the twins. "Okay, Eric, Liz, no offense, but your sister is as slutty as they come."

Kelso frowned down at them. "Hey, are you two gonna let her say that about your sister?"

"Sure." The twins both nodded.

Hyde, bored with the conversation already, stood up and made his way back to the storage room. "Hey, Forman, did you realize that there's a room back here, man?" He flicked on the light, admiring the space. "And it barely stinks!"

"Perfect," Eric yelled back. "You can sit back there beneath your bare bulb, writing angry letters to the government."

"Oh, don't think I won't," Hyde called back from the room.

Eric smiled before pushing himself up on the couch. "You see what's beautiful here, people? I finally have something on Laurie."

Liz perked up at the thought. "Can you imagine what she would do to keep that a secret? Eric, you own her!"

"Oh, yeah. She is so screwed." Eric pumped his fist in the air with an evil grin.

Kelso jumped up from his chair, getting