fifty-one

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namjoon sighed as he took the medication his doctor gave him to pass the baby.

he was so mad at jungkook, but it's not like he saw him often to take it out on him. instead, he just took a week off work to rest and think about his marriage.

he loved jungkook, but didn't like the way he was acting. it often left him in tears and no one was there to console him. he missed his husband and missed the love he received from him.

the neurologist frowned at the thought. he didn't want to see jungkook, but craved his love. it wasn't long before he was sobbing into his pillow.

taehyung sighed seeing that yoongi was having a hard time eating. however, it wasn't his self-image this time. it was his anxiety.

yoongi was constantly nauseous because of how much he worried about hyewon. at first, the cardiologist thought the man was making excuses, but was proven wrong when they had to pull over on the side of the road because yoongi threw up when taehyung went one mile over the speed limit.

it was the littlest things that made the psychiatrist worry about his baby. her feeding patterns, how many diapers she used, how many hours she slept, and how often she cried. he worried about everything.

"what do you think the doctor is going to say at her appointment?" yoongi asked as he picked at rice his boyfriend made, "that she's a very healthy girl and her parents are doing a great job"

yoongi frowned, "what if she doesn't say that?" he asked, "don't be so negative. our baby is absolutely perfect" taehyung spoke, handing his boyfriend some vitamins and water.

"she seems to be doing great, i just have a small little concern" the doctor said, instantly making yoongi's heart drop in his chest.

"she lost a little weight since being born. just because of that, i'd like to switch the formula you're using. this is a very minor issue, but i'd much rather she gain than lose weight" the woman spoke, gently removing the baby's clothes.

she began crying because the office was cold, which stressed yoongi out, "she's cold" he spoke, the woman nodded, "i just want to check her hips" she spoke, doing as said before warming her up again with her clothes.

"how about you, doctor min? how have you been doing?" she asked, "i'm doing okay" he reassured, but taehyung wasn't sure that was the correct answer.

"what about you, doctor kim?" she asked, "i'm doing great. she's a good sleeper" he smiled, yoongi couldn't focus on the conversation and was focused on his baby girl laying on the table.

it was his baby. he made no hesitation to pick her up and press her against his own body, "are you sure she's not too small?" he asked, "she's small, but it's nothing i'm worried about"

she wasn't worried about it, but yoongi was. all he could think about was what he could do to help his baby. it added on to his already present stress and anxiety.

namjoon
hello

jungkook
hello namjoon

namjoon
the abortion medication is not making me feel the greatest
could you come home??

jungkook
i cant sorry

namjoon
oh
are you sure??
please

jungkook
yes im sure

"our baby is going to be fine" taehyung reassured yoongi, who had been spacing out since leaving the appointment. the psychiatrist didn't say anything and caressed hyewon's face.

"we'll do everything in our power to help her gain weight" taehyung spoke, looking at the rearview mirror and saw yoongi was silently crying. he frowned, pulling into the nearest parking lot to console his lover.

he went into the backseat with yoongi and hugged him, wiping his tears and tracing circles on the palm of his hand, "she's going to gain weight" he spoke, leaning on him, "what if she doesn't?" yoongi cried out, his hands beginning to shake as he thought about it.

"she will. she's a strong baby" taehyung spoke, holding yoongi's hands, hyewon began crying since yoongi's sobs woke her up from her sleep.

the psychiatrist quickly took her into his hands, rubbing her back. taehyung frowned as he watched. he didn't want yoongi to worry so much.

"appa, you look sick" yuna frowned, setting her backpack on the floor of his shared bedroom and sitting next to him, "the doctor gave me some medicine and i don't feel very well" he mumbled, sighing as his head pulsed.

"do you want me to get you a snack? i have leftovers from my lunch today" she told the man, the neurologist shamefully nodded.

how crazy was it that his ten year old daughter had done more for him than his husband over the last couple of weeks? it was bizarre to namjoon.

"i'll get you water" she said, opening her lunch box for namjoon who was grateful for the leftover rice and kimchi. yuna came back with a glass of water and a banana.

she pouted watching him eat, "where is jungkook? you know, i'm kind of mad at him" the girl said, "why are you mad at him?" he asked her, "he's left us alone for so long. i've texted him and he doesn't answer"

"that makes two of us" namjoon chuckled, but ir wasn't funny to yuna, "i don't like that he makes you cry" she said, earning a sigh from namjoon.

"it's fine, yuna. we're just fighting because he's working a lot" he spoke, taking a sip from his water and laying down, "then, it would be logical to stop working"

namjoon agreed with her, but didn't want to make jungkook look bad, "i guess, but he's trying to get an even better job" he said, but yuna just furrowed her brows, "so, he's working a lot to work more?"

"we're not talking about jungkook's job anymore. why don't you tell me about your day instead?" he asked, "it was okay. i want to go to a cat cafe with my friends"

namjoon hummed, "that sounds fun. when?" he asked, "probably next week" she answered, earning a nod from her father.

yoongi say in the rocking chair with hyewon in his arms. she wasn't asleep, which he found a bit odd and it was one of the only times he saw her awake during the day since giving birth to her a couple of days prior.

"i'm sorry i didn't eat more while pregnant with you" he sniffled, "i let my eating disorder take over, didn't i?" he silently cried, tears falling down his cheeks as he stared at his baby.

the baby didn't do much, "i love you so much, i'm sorry i didn't eat enough" yoongi quietly said, the baby focused on yoongi's face before letting out a small yawn, "you're getting tired of hearing me complain, aren't you? i'll rock you to sleep"

yoongi rubbed her back until she fell asleep, holding her tight. there were no words to describe how much he hated himself.

he should've listened more to taehyung and namjoon who told him to feed into his cravings and not to care about how much weight he gained.

it was his fault. he placed hyewon in her crib, but she began crying when she couldn't feel her father. he picked her back up and sighed.

namjoon blinked seeing jungkook walk into their room at 8pm. the man had a huge grin on display as he flopped next to him, but namjoon didn't bother to ask why he was smiling. plus, the medication was taking a toll on his body and he was out of energy.

"joonie, i got the job" he smiled, the tall one hummed, "are you kidding me?" namjoon grit, making jungkook tilt his head.

"no, i actually got the job" he spoke, "as soon as i started on medication to terminate the pregnancy? you must hate me" namjoon mumbled. he wanted to be happy for his husband, but physically and mentally couldn't.

"what? i got the job, joon. i would expect you be a little happier" jungkook said, namjoon didn't say anything and felt tears beginning to run down his cheeks.

he was do mad at jungkook and had so much to tell him, but no words managed to leave his mouth. they laid there in silence, the only thing being heard were namjoon's sniffles.

"alright, i'm going to make a bagel. do you want something?"

sniffles.

"okay" jungkook sighed.

namjoon laid awake at four in the morning, feeling guilty that he didn't feel happier for his husband. he just couldn't.

the man had insisted that he terminate the pregnancy and that they could have children after he became chief of cardiology. then, he becomes chief of cardiology on the day he takes medication to terminate the pregnancy.

he was so mad. he was going through it. he turned to see jungkook sleeping peacefully.

the neurologist cried. why had his husband been so cold? why was his husband so mean?

jungkook stirred, "no crying" he mumbled, pulling him close. namjoon wasn't even sure that the man was fully awake, "i'm so mad at you. stop touching me" he cried, earning a loud groan from jungkook.

"gosh, you're so noisy" he grumbled, turning to the other side to not face the man.

namjoon
hi
can i come over

yoongi
it's 4am

namjoon

cant sleep
ok so no??

yoongi
you can but hyewon might wake you up
whats wrong with your house

namjoon
my husband

yoongi
oh okay??..

namjoon
nvm im going to a hotel
dont wanna bother anyone

yoongi
ur not bothering anyone joon
whats wrong?? :((

namjoon
nothing

the neurologist laid in the hotel bed while tears ran down his face and snot ran down his lips. it was an ugly sight, but he was alone so it didn't matter.

he didn't understand what went through jungkook's head that made him think it was okay and reasonable to treat the father of his children that way. his heart ached as he thought about it.

he missed the mornings jungkook would bring him breakfast to bed. he missed the text messages during work that checked up on him.

he missed waking up next to him. he missed the random health facts blurted out during their lunch. he missed everything about jungkook. how  could he be married and still feel so lonely?

jungkook
where are you

namjoon
hotel

jungkook

??

namjoon
sleepy

jungkook
okay??
you have a bed here??

namjoon
i know

jungkook
weirdo okay

taehyung let out a small sigh when he saw yoongi asleep on hyewon's bedroom floor. he was shocked to see the girl next to him on the floor.

she was awake and her eyes were wandering around the heart-themed room. he gently picked her up and thought about what to do with yoongi.

"i don't want him to wake up. he won't want to go back to bed" taehyung softly said to the baby, grabbing the baby carrier from her room and strapping it on himself to carry her, "we'll get him a blanket and a pillow"

hyewon's doe eyes eyes stared at her father. he smiled at her, "you look so much like your appa" he spoke, grabbing a blanket and gently placing it on his boyfriend's body.

he sat on the floor and put yoongi's head on a pillow. he panicked seeing the man stir in his sleep.

yoongi's eyes fluttered open and he looked around, glancing at the crib and panicking when he didn't see his baby, "taehyung! where is she?" he shouted, beginning to shake, "she's right here"

taehyung smiled and pointed to the carrier, "oh, hi baby" he cooed, hyewon leaned on taehyung's chest, "you need to rest. you fell asleep with hyewon on the floor"

the psychiatrist sighed, "i'm sorry, i'm just feeling a lot of things. i really need to go see my therapist" yoongi mumbled, "how about you schedule something your therapist and i'll take care of hyewon? as you can tell, we're having a great time"

yoongi blinked, "i don't see her smiling" he spoke, "she's four days old, give her a break" taehyung sighed, earning a small smile from his boyfriend.

"do you mind if i take a little nap?" yoongi softly asked, "nope, i'll get started on breakfast. first, i'll feed our baby" he reassured, placing a kiss on yoongi's forehead.

the small one nodded and sighed as he head to bed.

"where's appa?" yuna frowned as she ate the breakfast that jungkook made, "he's sleeping somewhere else" he spoke, taking a bite from his eggs, "why?"

"sometimes he wants to be annoying and not act like a husband" he mumbled, "i don't like the way you treat my appa! all you do is make him cry!" she shouted, "i have a job, yuna. it's not my fault he's crying over that"

"no! he's crying because you don't make him feel good! he was sick and you would rather help strangers than your husband!" she loudly screamed, "it is not my fault he's sick. he is a grown man who can take care of himself. don't you dare blame me for everything when he's part of the problem" he shouted back.

"maybe it's not his fault, but he wasn't in control of the fact he's sick! you're in control of your work schedule! do you not have a brain to realize that? do you know how to think?" she shouted, hot tears running down her face.

was a ten year old the person that would knock sense into jungkook? no, right?

"go to your room" he grit, "i'll go back to my room when we go back to the time that you didn't live with us! i don't have to like you! you're not my biological parent" she reminded, wiping her tears.

jungkook sighed, scrunching up his face as he thought of what to say before just leaving to take care of the twins.

jungkook
when are you coming back??
we need to talk about what's going on

namjoon
jsut serve me the divorce on the kitchen tabke
we can do 50/50 on the twins unlsess yiu dont want to see rhem thenn we can fidgyre somethinf out

jungkook
no it's not that

namjoon
aoku jsut leave me alone

jungkook
come home so we can talk

namjoon

cant

jungkook
yes you can

namjoon
thsi is a trap
yoiu want me to go back becasee you wnta to fo bakc to work

jungkook
no??

namjoon
im staying here

jungkook
okay
i love you

namjoon
FAKE NEWS
you hate me

jungkook
??

namjoon
don't use stupid little questions marks
i'll come home when i feel okay to see your face

jungkook
you chose to marry me

stay safe and healthy! drink water and eat some food! sorry for any mistakes, i love you all! qotd: do you think taehyung is helping yoongi as much as he can or is there more he can do to help?? do you think jungkook isn't understanding how he has affected his family??


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