A month into living with Eijiro, Katsuki, and Shoto, Izuku may or may not be having a mental war with himself. On the one hand, he felt he could trust the three alphas he was now living with, and there came ease. They were all kind... well, Katsuki wasn't exactly kind, but he wasn't like the other alphas he met. But, on the other hand, he felt he could trust the three alphas he now lived with and knew something horrible would come from it. He thought something terrible would happen.

"Izuku, you ok?" Eijiro asked, careful not to startle the omega too much.

Izuku still jumped but forced a smile, "fine- I'm fine-" he stammered. He was fine. Or as fine as he could. "Totally fine."

Katsuki raised an eyebrow, "you've been muttering to yourself and biting your thumb for the past 40 minutes." He wanted to add "idiot" to the end, but Eijiro would hit him upside the head later for that if he did.

Shoto took Izuku's hand away from his mouth so he'd stop chewing on his fingers. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked softly.

Izuku stared at where Shoto held his hand, and maybe his brain short-circuited momentarily. He still couldn't understand why they were so soft on him. Any other alphas would have yelled at him for mumbling to himself. He wanted to apologize, but his talk with Katsuki the other night made him bite his tongue. "O-oh um- no- no, I'm fine-" he pulled his hand away, trying to ignore how his cheeks heated up.

Katsuki rolled his eyes but said nothing about it.

"Ok," Eijiro said, "if you want to talk about it, we're here to listen." He patted Izuku's head a few times and smiled at him. "So don't hesitate."

Izuku was going to hesitate. He was going to hesitate so much. How would he even talk to them about it? Like- oh yeah, my trauma is so deep that I can't trust anyone, especially alpha's- which you three are -and when I get close to trusting someone because they're nice to me and seem ok, their personality always flips 180, and they abuse me so much that I can't bring myself to believe that hey maybe there are good people in the world and maybe you guys are good and won't abuse me or make me basically their slave for the rest of my life even though Denki said you guys were ok, but hey I have trust issues even with other omegas so- yeah... no offence to Eijiro, Katsuki and Shoto, but he wasn't going to do that.

"Can I go to my room?" Izuku muttered, looking down because he didn't want to be around people.

"Yeah, you don't need to ask, ok?" Eijiro reassured.

Izuku just nodded and got up, heading for the stares.

When he got upstairs, Eijiro sighed, leaning back into the couch and covering his face. "Fuck did we do something wrong?" he muttered into his hands. Whenever he thinks they're progressing, Izuku seems to backtrack and put up his walls again. He didn't blame Izuku for this, of course not, he had been through so much that it only made sense that he had difficulty trusting, but he couldn't help but feel like he had done something wrong.

Recovery wasn't a straight path; there would be ups and downs, which was expected.

"I don't think so," Shoto told him.

"He's just thinking too hard," Katsuki said, slumping in the seat beside Eijiro.

"I think that's what I'm worried about," the redhead admitted. Getting lost in thought with no one to pull you out could be extremely dangerous, especially when you had the self-esteem and past Izuku had.

"He'll be ok. Just give him a minute," Shoto told him.

Eijiro wanted to go and cuddle Izuku to make him feel better. His alpha begged and pleaded to make sure the omega was ok. But he wouldn't let himself give in. It could backtrack progress more if he did; that was the last thing he wanted.

"Don't stress so much," Katsuki grumbled, but deep down, he wanted the same. Though, maybe with less cuddling. "If he comes back out here, that's all he's gonna sense, and it'll make him scared again."

Katsuki was right. Of course, he was right. It was rare for Katsuki to be wrong.

"Besides, you know it can take time to get over the trauma," Shoto told him, "he's doing his best."

"I know, but I feel like we should be doing something more," Eijiro admitted, "but everything I can think of could make things worse if he doesn't like it, so I feel like there's nothing I can do."

Shoto joined him at his side and patted his shoulder. "We know how you feel."

-

Izuku wished his brain could make up its mind. One moment he didn't mind being with the three alphas, chilling in the living room and occasionally joining their conversations. The next, he was about to have a panic attack because his brain liked to spring the fact that- hey, you're still just an omega and meant to please them. They are your owners and can do what they please when they please. Any moment now, they'll stop being nice and turn out to be like all the rest.

The omega cried, his blankets muffling his sobs enough for them not to hear. He didn't want them to be like that. He wanted them to be good.

Something deep down in Izuku really, really liked them. He wanted to be able to trust someone. He wanted to trust them. But he still had the nagging voice.

They will turn out like the others.

They will hurt him.

They will break him into pieces and leave him to put himself back together.

He sobbed again.

They will only end up hurting him.

They will tear him down.

No alpha is this nice!

But what if they didn't? What if they were good like Denki said? What if all they wanted was to help him and let him finally be comfortable and feel safe?

They could be the good ones.

Izuku needed someone right now, but he couldn't get the others. He had nothing to contact Denki with, and he knew no one else he would want to go to other than the three alphas sitting in the living room.

'They probably don't even care about you,' Izuku's brain told him. 'You're just a stupid omega.'

'No!' Izuku shouted back, 'I'm not!'

'You are. You'll never be good enough. You don't deserve the way they're treating you. You deserve to be hurt and punished.'

'I don't-' he wanted to believe it. He wanted to believe it so badly that he was good and didn't deserve to be punished, but it was so hard to.

'You do. It's your fault, after all. It's always your fault.'

'Katsuki said it wasn't.'

'And you'll believe an alpha over your brain?'

'No, but-'

'Why would he even tell you that? He's just messing with you.'

'He's not! He isn't. Katsuki wouldn't.'

'But he is. Why would someone like him be nice to you? Why would any of them be nice to you?'

'They're good.'

'No such thing.'

'Denki said they were.'

'He's been brainwashed and trained to say that.'

'No, he wasn't!'

'Why else would he trust an alpha? He said he wasn't scared.'

'Because they're good.'

'You don't know that.'

'They have to be good.'

'Why.'

'Why.'

'Why'

'Why'

"Stop!" Izuku shouted, holding his head and pulling at his hair. "Stop! S-stop- no-" he whimpered, and tears ran streaks across his face leaving his cheeks wet and blankets damp.

The door flew open, but Izuku couldn't get himself to look.

The question: why? Playing on repeat in his head, getting louder and louder.

"Izuku, are you ok?"

Why

Why

Why

"Izuku? What happened?"

Why

Why

Why

"Oi, talk to us."

"I don't know! I- I don't know. I don't know. I don't know why- why-"

They knew Izuku wasn't talking to them, which definitely raised some questioning looks from the three alphas.

"Izuku, calm down. You'll hurt yourself," Eijiro said softly, brushing his hand against Izuku's, wanting to take them and pull them away from his head, but he didn't want to make things worse accidentally. "Just breath."

Izuku flinched. "I- I deserve it- I deserve it- bad omega- bad omega deserves it-" He continued to fist his hair, stuck in his head and hardly hearing Eijiro.

Shoto crouched at the side of the bed, "Izuku, listen," he said, trying to catch his attention. "Listen to me. Just me, nothing else." He brushed his fingers against Izuku's forehead. "You're ok. You don't deserve to be hurt."

Shoto spoke to him for a moment longer before Izuku's teary eyes widened, and some of the fog was lifted. But then he pulled away, going to cover his mouth to hide another sob. "N-no, I do-"

"You don't," Shoto told him more sternly as he carefully took Izuku's hands. "You do not deserve to be hurt." He didn't know how to get it across to him. How does he make Izuku believe that he does not deserve to be hurt? That he never deserved to be hurt.

He's lying.

He's lying.

He's just messing with you.

Izuku tried to pull his hands away, but he felt weak, and Shoto held tight. "Breath," he said, rubbing the back of his hands with his thumbs. "Just breath."

The omega couldn't focus enough to understand what they whispered about next, but Katsuki did leave the room.

His brain kept making things up and telling him lies. Deep down, he knew they were lies, but he still believed them. He believed them because, with anyone else, it would be true. It was always true. Why would it be different now?

Eijiro took one of Izuku's shaking hands from Shoto, squeezing it softly. He said something Izuku couldn't process between his ringing ears and intrusive thoughts.

He tried pulling away again.

They're not going to be nice anymore, his brain told him. Get away. Run. There's no such thing as good alphas.

Izuku wanted to argue, but how could he, when all the evidence from his life before pointed to that being the truth?

"S-stop," he whispered. "Stop talking-stop talking, stupid omega, stop talking-" tears streamed down his face. He pulled at his hands again, and they finally gave way. He covered his face with his arms.

Any moment now, it would happen.

They would hurt him.

Somehow.

Izuku wanted to shield his head when that happened.

The door opened, but Izuku could only focus on the other omega's scent that followed the person into the room.

"Out," he heard Denki order.

"But-" Eijiro tried to protest, but it was cut short.

The alphas left, and Denki crawled onto the bed with Izuku, carefully wrapping an arm around his torso and gently pulling his hand. "Hey, you're ok," he said softly, his soft scent seeping into the air around them.

Izuku shook. He wasn't. He wasn't ok.

"Just try to breathe, ok? Can you do that for me?" Denki ran a hand through Izuku's hair and held him close. "Breath in and out, in... and out..." he said slowly, trying to encourage Izuku to do the same.

"Can't-" Izuku sobbed, his breathing ragged.

"In... and out," Denki repeated softly. "You can do it. In... and out."

Izuku tried. He tried and tried, and fuck; it was still hard to breathe. He couldn't think. But he was now focused on something that wasn't his thoughts.

In...

And out.

In...

And out.

"Good," Denki said. "You're ok, Izuku."

Katsuki had given him a rushed rundown of what they knew. Izuku had seemed fine, he left for his room, and then they heard him yelling at himself and having a panic attack. He said he deserved to be hurt. He said he was a bad omega.

Izuku still cried, but it was better. He took shaky breaths in and out.

"Good," Denki encouraged softly. He gently ran his hand through the other omega's hair, attempting to calm him further.

When Izuku could breathe properly and was not at the edge of another mental breakdown, Denki spoke up again. "Do you want to tell me about what happened?"

Izuku didn't know how to articulate his feelings. All he knew was that he wanted to think one way, but his brain forced him into a corner of fear. He told himself they were good, and his brain refuted it, calling him stupid for thinking like that and a bad omega. He couldn't do anything for them. How can he be anything but a bad omega when they wouldn't use him? They probably thought he was disgusting and overused and-

Izuku shook his head.

"Ok," Denki said softly. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

'Ask him'

'But he could lie.'

'No, he wouldn't.'

'You don't know that.'

"I-I don't understand-" Izuku choked out.

"What is it you don't understand?" Denki asked though he could guess. It wasn't hard to assume what Izuku was trying to understand; he had had trouble, too, when people were being nice to him for once.

"They all..." Izuku wasn't even sure how to word it. His feelings were stupid. He should just ignore them. Denki wouldn't want to hear this. He's probably annoyed for being here and wants to go. Why is Denki even here anyway? Wait, when did Denki get here in the first place? Where are Katsuki, Eijiro and Shoto? "They don't..." no, that's not what he wanted to say. Try not to sound stupid. "I don't understand them."

Denki let him try to get his words out, "Katsuki, Shoto and Eijiro?" He asked softly. Izuku nodded. "You don't understand why they are the way they are?"

"They- they don't hurt me? And that's- that's good. But I don't understand why! I-I deserve it- I deserve it- to be broken- I-I'm bad- bad- I-"

Denki could see the other starting to spiral again. He cupped Izuku's cheeks and pulled him so he was looking into his eyes, and there was no way he could ignore what he was saying. "Izuku, I can promise you that you do not deserve to be hurt. The boys don't want to hurt you because they're good. Remember I told you that?" He asked. "And you're good too."

Lying.

Izuku nodded a little bit.

Don't trust him.

But I can trust him.

You can't.

He's another omega. You can trust him.

No, you can't.

"I-I want to trust that, but-"

"Everything in you is telling you you can't," Denki filled in when he stopped talking. "I know the feeling. You want to trust someone, but your head can't comprehend it and tries to talk you out of it."

Izuku nodded.

"I used to have that... a lot, still sometimes do. It sucked ass." Denki smiled at Izuku as a way to reassure him. He wanted Izuku to understand what he was saying, but he knew deep down this was going to take a lot longer then one conversation to get the other omega to trust anyone here, even just a little. "I know it can be hard to ignore, but that's what you must do. You can trust me, and Eijiro, Katsuki and Shoto. Promise you that."

Izuku didn't know if that helped. His head told him not to trust Denki and, by extension, the three alphas. But Denki was an omega too. So he could trust another omega.

But he was with Hitoshi for so long that maybe he didn't know what he was talking about.

No, Denki knew what he was talking about, and he wouldn't lie.

He wouldn't lie.

He wouldn't.

Izuku nodded, "ok..." he muttered.

"And hey, if they do something you don't like, which they won't, tell me. I'll knock some sense into them."

"You're not scared of them?" Izuku asked softly.

"Told you before, they aren't the scary ones," Denki smiled, "they're the good ones."

The good ones.

Izuku stared at his hands for a moment, deep in thought but not deep enough to warrant any worrying. "Denki?" He asked. The other omega hummed, still running his hand through his hair. How does he word this? Is this even how he's feeling? "I... I think I...." He kept his eyes turned away from Denki and sighed. "I want them to be good, and that scares me..." he muttered.

"Yeah, I get that..." Denki said quietly. "It was the same for me with Toshi." He smiled softly at Izuku. "You like them, huh?" He asked with a bit of a smirk.

Izuku didn't understand what he meant by that. He didn't hate them if that's what Denki meant. They weren't even close to the worst people that Izuku had ever met. So, no, he didn't hate them. His feelings were complicated. "I'm not sure I know what you mean by that... it's nice being around them... when I'm not scared out of my mind, that is..."

Denki pats his head. "You'll get it eventually."

Izuku wasn't sure he understood what that meant either.

"Are you feeling better?" Denki asked, getting back to the original topic.

"My head quieted down, yeah," he said quietly. The voices were still there, they were always there, but it was better. "Thanks."

Denki smiled. "No problem, dude, glad to help. Next time you get those thoughts, get one of the guys to call me, k? Unless they can help."

Izuku got the feeling Denki knew more than he was letting on. "Ok," he said quietly.