Chapter 42 – To be Mortal

Weaver

I had time to kill before I head to the gallery. Scratch that. I was now mortal. Every second mattered. Mother had cautioned me that my earthly stay would be fleeting. If only I could be with Selene every single moment.

My brothers were watching the news in the living room while I stood unnoticed in the doorway. I had never paid heed to current events, but now I found myself transfixed. War, diseases, accidents, grave crimes—all led to death. Others succumbed to depression and took their own lives. Life was a concept I had taken for granted as a god, but now I understood.

How weak and vulnerable we mortals were.

The thought left me feeling cold. Had I made the right choice to shackle myself with these temporal limitations? My heart thudded. I had never feared for my own life before. I had never imagined facing death with a measure of apprehension.

I closed my eyes and I saw her. For her, I would face anything.

And it would be fascinating to see Thanatos' reaction when he realized he could no longer sever my limbs without killing me. Except that I would be truly deceased the next time we met and his only role would be to lead me to the infinite hole of oblivion where I would cease to exist.

No biggie.

When the news coverage ended, Francis changed the channel to a show on animal cruelty. The documentary opened with grim images from dehorning deer to castrating cattle—all acts executed without mercy. When the reporter began discussing cultural rituals to excuse the violent practice, Markus stood up and switched off the television.

"I could literally see the wheels turning in your head, Francis."

"Come on, Markus. I'm not suggesting we don masks and be vigilantes. I am just saying there is a link between animal cruelty and violence toward humans," Francis explained excitedly. I assumed this was not the first time my brothers had this debate.

"No."

"But we've been here ages and we haven't done anything worthwhile. We could tap into their dreams and..."

"Have you forgotten the reason we were banished here? We are not staying here another mortal lifetime," Markus retorted with exasperation.

"Oh, stop pretending you don't like it here," Francis replied as he turned on the screen again.

Markus snatched the clicker from his brother and switched the channel to a fashion show featuring skimpily clad women. "Yes, but not to deal with idiots."

Francis grumbled, but instead of continuing to argue with his brother, he grabbed a pack of chips, settled back in the couch and decided to enjoy watching the lavish event of women in costumed lingerie.

The statuesque models were attractive, but they paled next to my muse. The thought that I'd have her in my arms in a while left me giddy. I headed for the door, a smile on my face. I couldn't hide my eagerness even if I tried.

"Talking about idiots, where are you going?" Markus asked.

Unable to stop grinning, I answered, "To see Selene."

"Have you told her?"

My smile wavered. "Yes."

"Everything?"

My smile disappeared and I stepped out of the house.

**

I looked at my hands. They were smudged with charcoal. Inspiration struck me the minute I stepped in the gallery. My clock had begun ticking. My time was limited. But I would not allow my imagination to be restrained by fear. Even when my existence had been swallowed by the void, I wanted Selene to remember how much I loved her.

I hung the latest sketch on the wall in the room that held all her portraits. I had started drawing her when we were in high school when she was yet to recognize herself. I remembered that exchange at the park. She had said she was beautiful, but she had thought it was a picture of my mother.

Oh, the irony.

I looked at all the illustrations. Selene writing in the café. Selene walking the dogs. Selene sitting on the swing in the park. Selene frolicking in the sand. Selene in her glade. Drawn with charcoal, chalk, paint, pencil, ink. On paper, canvas, fabric, glass, wood. Selene made immortal through art.

A lasting memory I would take with me when I cross the path to nothingness.

Francis would've called this room a shrine. He would've been right.

"Icelus."

I turned around, surprised to see Selene.

Surprised that she remembered. That she knew. That she believed. I didn't know which surprised me the most.

But when she crossed the room and was but mere inches away from me, I saw that there was not just acceptance of my existence in her eyes, but anger. Resentment even. Her eyes were glassy and she was visibly shaking.

"Why did you lie to me?" she asked, her face flushed, her fists clenched tightly at her sides.

"I didn't. I told you everything," I answered. I reached for her, but she evaded my touch.

Selene gritted her teeth and took a deep breath before saying, "Yes, you did. But this morning, you knew I didn't recall and you... you let me leave thinking you were... that you were just you."

"But I am just me," I answered, getting frustrated. I was living on borrowed time and I didn't want to waste even a fragment in conflict with Selene. I wanted her in my arms, damn it.

She crossed her arms against her chest and took a step away from me. She looked around the room, noticing the portraits she had been too incensed to see earlier, and gasped.

"That first drawing..." she said behind a hand that now covered her mouth.

It finally dawned on her. She recognized herself.

"Selene, I am just me," I repeated.

"No, you are not just you. You are Icelus, weaver of nightmares. You had visited me in my sleep. And you had made me a fool."

"What are you talking about?" I genuinely could not fathom what she was rambling about.

"All these years I thought I had conceived all my stories, but now I know it had all been you. You were that beautiful beast hiding in the forest, weaving that wonderful universe. You had crafted all characters and creatures. Everything I had thought I'd worked hard for was not mine at all."

"That's not true," I said. This was ridiculous. Why would Selene even think this way? If I discovered Nyx had been whispering lies, I would drag her with me to perpetual obscurity. I cared not if she were a god and I were a mere mortal.

"I simply projected your ideas and collected credit on your behalf. You're a god of dreams and I... I have nothing novel," she uttered, her voice cracking.

Selene crumpled to the ground and I caught her. I had wanted her in my arms, but not like this. I did not wish her misery.

"Selene, please, I beg you. Believe me. I was a sheer spectator in your dreams and I am eternally grateful to have glimpsed your ingenuity. It was you. It was you who had inspired me again."

Looking pale and broken, Selene raised her head and told me, "If you are telling me the truth, then leave me be. Return to your world and let me write without your influence. I need to know that I could stand without a crutch."

"You don't mean that," I refuted, shaking my head in denial while clasping her tighter in my arms.

"You didn't tell her everything, did you?"

I looked up, not entirely surprised to see my brothers inside my gallery.

"You didn't tell her what you're sacrificing by choosing to be mortal," Markus continued patronizingly. "You didn't tell Selene how brief your mortal life would be."

"What?" Selene exclaimed as she pushed away from me and scrambled to her feet. I followed suit and growled at my brothers. I did not regret forfeiting my godly form, but on instances like this, I wished I could burn Markus to a crisp—if only to silence him.

"I told you. And I chose to be mortal," I said, looking at Selene in the eye. This day was turning out far from what I'd planned.

"You did, but you expected me to forget everything this morning."

I hung my head. I had hoped she'd forget.

"And you never mentioned there was a time limit," Selene stated. "How long do we have? Do we get to be old and grey?"

"I think Mother said ten years max if I remember your story correctly. And you don't go to The Fields or The Meadows after. You just die," Francis said. I glared at him. He was not helping at all.

Selene looked stricken. "No! I cannot let you die."

I walked toward Selene and held her hands in mine. "Selene, I had already made my choice. I choose to be with you no matter how fleeting my time with you would be. It would be enough for me."

"It would not be enough," Selene cried, tears rolling down her face.

I held Selene back in my arms and it pained me that she was resisting though eventually she caved in, dissolving in a puddle of tears, stammering that she would not let me die.

Tartarus, what should I do? I turned to my brothers.

"You should listen to her, Icelus. This is the most idiotic thing you've done, but we cannot let you die," Markus said.

"I have an idea," Francis announced. "Take her to Thanatos. Trade the pearl for her immortality and you could live happily forever after."

"But am I not already mortal?" I asked, confused.

Markus breathed out in frustration. "I'm bound to die first with this prolonged exposure to your stupidity. Did you sleep the entire time Hermes gave a lesson on contracts?"

I looked at my feet. "I might've. I stopped paying attention when Hermes relieved Mithra."

"Mithra, the divinity of covenant and oath?" Selene murmured, wonder lacing her voice.

"How could you zone out on Hermes?" Francis blurted. "He's so much fun!"

"We're getting off track," Markus said impatiently. "Did you sign anything?"

"No."

"Then it's status quo. Congratulations, you're still the boogeyman."

"But Mother and Father..." I trailed off.

"Currently have their hands full," Markus completed the thought irritably.

I was still a god. Nyx would not be happy if she found out I had told Selene everything when I still had an oath to abide by.

"Zeus! All this dallying is making me age," Markus snapped before he grabbed both me and Selene and engulfed us in his massive black wings.

"I'll take care of your shrine while you guys are away," I heard Francis say before Markus transported us to the dream realm.

**

A/N: Dedicating this chapter to kaidell who gave such wonderful feedback and suggestions, one of which has been included in this chapter :-)

I had the instrumental version of Sia's Breathe Me on replay while writing this chapter. This cover is divine.