Sirius: *opens a Capri Sun*

Sirius: I guess I'll just drink my sorrows away

Harry: Therapy. Now.

.

Remus: Um...why are you on the floor?

Sirius: I'm depressed.

Sirius: Also Regulus punched me really hard so you should probably get someone.

.

(The Marauders sitting in McGonagall's office)

James: Anyone else terrified?

Lupin: Not really. I've already lived longer than I thought I would..

.

James: Is Harry awake yet?

Lily: No, it's still nap time but he'll be up soon.

James: What about Sirius?

Lily: It's still nap time.

.

James: I'm having a mid-life crisis.

Lupin: You're only 10.

James: 10 and a half.

James at 21: 

Lupin, at his funeral: *mutters* it was a mid-life crisis...

.

Voldemort: BEHOLD! I am here to kill Harry Potter!

Voldemort: *struggles with baby gate*

Lily, lying nearly dead on the floor: Push back, then pull up.

Voldemort: I am!

James: *calls weakly from the hallway* He needs to jiggle it.

Voldemort: FORGET IT, I'll come back when he's 10.

.

Hufflepuff: Stop drinking so much coffee

Slytherin: No, coffee helps depression

Hufflepuff: No it doesn't-

Slytherin: More espresso, less depresso