It took two days before the inevitable prank war started. Harry rolled his eyes and set out clear guidelines once the first prank hit Remus who took a sip of tea and turned purple. Snape smirked as Harry stood in front of the other two men and sternly told them the rules they were expected to follow on pain of having an angry dementor follow them around for a day.
The rules were: 1. Snape is off limits. No pranks can be set that he would even accidentally be subject to. Sirius pouted at this for a minute but caved quickly as Snape stared at him and spun his wand carelessly through his fingers.
2. Jamie without Harry inside was off limits. Soulless people cannot protect themselves Harry told them sternly.
And, lastly, 3. Kreacher was both off limits and could not be ordered to help in any prank. He was just starting to come around to liking Harry and was less murderous towards others, so the dementor didn't want to lose the progress they had made. Kreacher actually seemed a little sad at this rule, but that just bolstered Harry's case since any pranks set by the house elf would probably be more cruel than funny in everyone's opinion.
With these guidelines, at least Snape didn't end up viciously attacking anyone because of bad, school day flashbacks. He ended up somehow taking on the role of judge as the two older pranksters tended to look to him almost unconsciously after each prank to see his opinion. His judgements were: turning someone a color was overused and juvenile, making Sirius sound like a donkey all day was quite fitting, boggarts should never be used as prank items (as soon as Harry walked into the room, the boggart fled like the one from the summer before, so it basically did nothing), using Weasley Wheezes was cheating, potions-based pranks always got extra credit, and dementors jumping out of closets never got old.
So, the first two weeks of summer went very quickly. While, the residents of Grimmauld Place were surprisingly getting along, Dumbledore had been busy with figuring out the horcruxes. Since they had assumed (from Snape's interrogation of Slughorn) there were seven and Harry, the diary, the diadem, ring, and locket were all handled, they only had two left. Harry had filled them in on his suspicions about Nagini, so Dumbledore had been focusing on the last, non-snake horcrux. He dropped by Grimmauld one evening as everyone was eating dinner. It was no problem for Kreacher to dish up another plate for the man as he sat at the table, Harry slightly turning away from him since his robes with suns and starbursts were just a little too shiny to not be distracting.
"I think it must be Helga Hufflepuff's cup," he concluded after an appreciative bite of Kreacher's stew.
"Great, so where was the cup seen last?" Harry asked, pointedly not looking at his headmaster.
"What was the man's fascination with founder's artifacts?!" Sirius grumbled, eyes flashing to Harry's necklace.
"Albus, the cup is another artifact that has been considered lost…any ideas?" Snape drawled in an almost bored manner as he drank from a thermos that most definitely contained blood.
The elderly man hummed in thought. "I tracked it down to Helga's last remaining descendant and obtained a memory of a young Tom Riddle visiting her during his time working at Borgin and Burke's. We can easily determine that he stole both the cup and the locket from her since she owned both in the memory."
"Headmaster, that still doesn't tell us what he did with the cup though…frankly, if Kreacher hadn't been able to fill us in on the locket, I don't think we ever would have learned how it ended up here in the house. He was pretty good at hiding things," Remus prodded but with a thankful look to Kreacher who just sneered at the man he still called the Wolf-Man.
"He gave the diary to one of his followers, it may be possible that he gave the cup to another?" Harry questioned the group. "I mean…Lucius Malfoy is pretty high up, but isn't Bellatrix, Barty Crouch Jr., and even Snape, before now anyway, higher in rank than he is?"
Snape seemed to be giving that some thought. "I do believe that Lucius would have been considered higher in status than Barty, but Bellatrix basically worships the monster. I would have thought she would have been given a horcrux if anyone was. It's possible she may have the cup."
"She's been in Azkaban for over a decade. Where would she have put a founders' artifact where it wouldn't have turned up before now?" Sirius asked as he considered this. "Could it be in her vault? I mean, my vaults were the only thing not taken by the ministry since they were family property instead of personal. The house as well, but Bellatrix didn't have a family manor, only her personal one with Rodolphus."
"Her personal manor was seized in her arrest," Snape supplied the information. "She has been living atbMalfoy Manor with the Dark Lord."
"I feel so bad for Draco," Harry groaned, worrying more and more about his sort-of friend as the summer progressed.
Dumbledore patted the teen's hand. "We can only help if he asks for help. I believe his parents will look out for him."
Harry just glared at the headmaster. Granted, Dumbledore didn't know that Draco's parents viewed him as un-pure and shameful since he was a creature, but the man's belief in family love was a little naïve to say the least. "Albus, I think Draco Malfoy cares much more for his parents than they care for him, but you are right. We can't just kidnap him if he doesn't want to go."
"I mean…we could…" Snape insinuated with a dark look in his eye.
"Unethical, Severus," Remus rolled his eyes. "Back to the horcrux, if it does happen to be in her vault, which sounds a bit like a stretch, but if it is…how in Godric's name would we be able to get to it? It's suicide to try to rob the goblins."
"If vaults are family property, wouldn't Sirius have some kind of access to her vault since he's still technically the head of the Black family?" Harry asked the group.
"She's a Lestrange though. It might be in a Lestrange vault," Sirius shook his head. "She has a Black vault that I could ask to see, but I doubt I could take anything from it without Bella being notified."
"Even if it's an illegal, cursed object?" Snape asked, leaning forward and looking more interested now that a plan was being developed.
"You know…I don't know…" Sirius concluded with a shrug.
"I think it may be worth a try if we can safely get him to the bank. What do you think, Sirius?" Dumbledore smiled and looked at the animagus.
"I'm always up for a trip out of this depressing house," Sirius grinned as Harry and Kreacher both huffed at the insult to their home.
Snape sighed and stood, stretching his long limbs. "I will go brew the Polyjuice Potion. I have a base already started, so it should only take a few days."
"Wonderful!" Dumbledore actually clapped in excitement. "You know…you could use a little help, and Harry must be getting better at Potions after all those Remedial Potions lessons."
Harry turned a mischievous grin to his professor. "Yes, Professor Snape, after all my Remedial Potions lessons, I should definitely be able to help you with brewing Polyjuice Potion."
Sirius and Remus both grinned expectantly at the man. Snape sneered at the table and the headmaster. Harry would swear he could see the wheels turning in his professor's mind. He figured the vampire was probably weighing the actual advantage of some help against Harry's skills (who really hadn't taken any extra Potions) and then weighing both of those against his boredom and desire to torture a student over a caldron for a while. "You will help me prepare ingredients," he finally concluded with an evil gleam in his eyes.
Harry nodded and stood. It seemed that boredom and torturing a student won the battle. "You know I have actually brewed Polyjuice before, right?"
"If you mean your toilet concoction in second year, I both knew, kept an eye on your progress, and even fixed that potion for you once," Snape gave him a bit of a shove towards the door when the teen stood in stunned surprise.
"What…but…why?" Harry sputtered as he heard the men in the kitchen laughing their arses off in their wake.
"Why didn't I turn you in?" Snape raised an eyebrow as they walked up the stairs to the attic. "I was interested to see if Ms. Granger could actually pull it off. It was almost perfect, but it was a bit too weak to be effective, so I added some more boomslang skin. She must not have stolen quite enough from me during your ill-conceived distraction and theft."
"But…really? You were just curious?" The dementor was completely stunned as Snape shoved a cutting board and knife in front of him when they entered the make-shift lab in the attic.
"Teaching gets boring, and it's not like I was busy with my second job at that time," the vampire shrugged with a smirk tugging at his lips. "It was impossible that Draco was the Heir of Slytherin, and as long as you didn't poison yourselves, it wasn't even a dangerous enterprise. I kept a close enough eye on your toilet potion to make sure that poisoning was unlikely."
Harry shook his head and started slicing ingredients. "The more I learn about you, the more I'm certain I made a good choice in making you a friend."
Snape sneered at that remark and threw a flobberworm expertly that ended up in Harry's wild hair. "Slice that thinner!"
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Two Remus Lupins waited in the sitting room as Harry put on his trainers and Dumbledore chatted with Snape. "I knew you didn't actually get a tattoo of that Hufflepuff girl's name in seventh year!" The Sirius-Lupin remarked as he held the waistband of his trousers out, looking at his borrowed arse.
The real Remus Lupin smacked his arm away. "Stop looking at my butt! And no looking at anything else either!" He angrily instructed. "Besides, Peter spread that rumor, you know not to believe anything he said!"
That remark was laden with more than any of them had expected as the room got quiet. "Yes, definitely, let's go!" Harry quickly cut in before Sirius could get all moody again. He was positive that, after clearing his godfather's name, a mind-healer was the first stop they needed to make.
Dumbledore held out a handkerchief as a portkey to Diagon Alley. Harry glared at it like it was Nagini herself. "I hate portkeys," he glowered.
"Well, I hate this house, so suck it up and hang on," Sirius-Lupin threw an arm around his godson and also took ahold of the handkerchief. With a deep breath, Harry reached out. In a split-second, he spun out of the manor with Dumbledore and Sirius, leaving the other two men looking both worried and expectant behind.
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With a sigh, Dumbledore launched one more time into his explanation of what he thought Voldemort had made and their guess as to where it might be. "And we really ask that this information doesn't leave this discussion as that would be disastrous to the war effort."
The goblin, Ragnok if Harry remembered correctly, scoffed at them. "The Goblin's discretion is unparalleled. Also, our professionalism in not letting others into vaults they don't own."
"We know you won't let us into a Lestrange vault, but I'm head of House Black. Would that be enough to just let us look in any Black vaults she might have?" Sirius explained yet again as well. His Polyjuice had worn off and he was saving his second dose until they were ready to leave the building.
"This is extremely unusual," the goblin muttered as he rifled through a magically expanded filing cabinet in the corner of his office. "There must be some kind of precedent," he continued muttering as he seemed to search for the correct paperwork or precedent.
"The cup isn't technically Bellatrix's since Voldemort owns it and it's part of his soul. Would that help any?" Harry chimed in to ask.
The goblin paused before closing the filing cabinet drawer and opening another one. He had a vicious smirk on his face as he pulled out a form from the back of the drawer. "Now, now, there is precedent on a person being shut in a vault of someone else. If this really is a piece of the Dark Lord's soul, then it would count as a person being shut in a vault. As head of house, you may actually check a vault for persons, living or dead."
"There's a precedent for that?!" Harry exclaimed in shocked horror.
The goblin only grinned in answer as he passed the paperwork over to Sirius to sign. Apparently, there wasn't only a precedent but paperwork to go along with it as well. "If we were to find a person stuck in a vault, would we be able to take them with us?" Dumbledore asked with a twinkle in his eye.
"Well, we wouldn't want their remains to begin to smell, now would we?" Ragnok grinned viciously, his pointed teeth showing.
"Wonderful!" The headmaster exclaimed while Sirius kept signing away at the large stack of papers that seemed to multiply as he was signing.
"While we wait on Mr. Black," the goblin turned to Harry with a questioning look. "Would you happen to be in touch with the other dementors?"
Harry jumped in surprise, though he figured that goblins would definitely feel his aura like every other magical creature he'd encountered. "Er, I am. I'm visiting them in the Caribbean at the end of the summer," he answered with a question in his tone.
"You will help us tie up our lose ends then," the goblin ordered as he opened yet another drawer and pulled out a heavy iron key. "As your people's business with the ministry is concluded, the terms of their contract fulfilled, therefore they have access to their pay."
"Their pay?" Harry asked in surprise. The dementors had never mentioned any pay in either the British or Caribbean contracts; he hadn't actually read over the British contract though.
The manager nodded as Harry put the vault key into his pocket. "Of course, they must be compensated. This key is to a vault with the jewels of their choosing from the original contract. The settings are quite good workmanship even if they were not goblin made," Ragnok assessed thoughtfully.
Harry grinned broadly. The dementors were going to love this! They would all have their own shiny jewelry now. He couldn't wait to tell them about it. He might be able to bring a couple of them back from his visit to go through the vault. "So, that must be why the ministry didn't want to acknowledge the end of the contract, because they'd have to pay up."
"Presumably," the goblin nodded with a smirk.
"Done!" Sirius worked a cramp out of his hand as he shoved the parchment over to the goblin with a sigh.
"Follow me," Ragnok stood and led them out to the vault carts.
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"Yep! It's definitely here!" Harry exclaimed excitedly as he felt the soul-piece as soon as the vault door was opened.
"Please refrain from touching anything that doesn't contain a soul," Ragnok grumbled from the door as he looked in disgust into the vault, obviously not liking that his bank was used to store something so vile.
"Er, may I leave my body here by you guys?" Harry asked the group tentatively, not wanting to just drop Jamie off at their feet.
"Of course, we'll take good care of him," Dumbledore twinkled at the dementor.
Ragnok visibly shuffled farther away from them as Sirius plopped onto the floor and patted his lap for Harry to lay down in. As soon as Harry was settled comfortably with his head in Sirius's lap, he rose out of Jamie and began to ghost through the vault. "That's very disturbing," the goblin remarked as the ex-convict patted his godson's soulless body's hair.
Harry ignored them as he followed the delicious feel of the evil soul. He was almost giddy in anticipation of the treat waiting for him. The cup was sitting inconspicuously on a shelf looking much more innocent than it was. The cup was a bit tarnished, but it was gold and shined all the same, it was an excellent culinary presentation for Harry's meal.
A few seconds later, and Harry was hovering back to the group, a blissed-out feeling running through him, warming his cold body. "You got it, pup?" Sirius asked as the dementor held up the cup for them to see. He nodded his cloaked head quickly.
"My, that's an interesting looking cup," Dumbledore moved to see it better.
Harry unconsciously drew it into himself more, the dementor not wanting the new shiny to be taken from him. Dumbledore just nodded though like he completely understood. "Let me help you with that. May I?" He motioned to the cup with his wand drawn.
Harry slowly held out the cup, not knowing what the headmaster was going to do, but telling himself that he couldn't keep the cup, and he'd have to let it go. With a quick tap of the headmaster's wand, Harry was suddenly holding a gold, bangle bracelet emblazoned with a badger on the top. The dementor in front of everyone did a happy little jig before he slid the bracelet onto his skeletal arm by the diadem turned bracelet. He held them both up to the light to admire them.
"You know, I had a great aunt like you," Sirius chuckled from where he was still sitting on the floor. "She went to Azkaban for kleptomania."
Glares didn't work really well when you didn't have a face, so Harry quickly fell back into Jamie so he could look up at his godfather and glare more efficiently. "I haven't stolen anything! They were just lying around!"
"Quite right, now, just one more to go!" Dumbledore reached out a hand to help Harry up off the floor.
"Thank you, sir," Harry grinned at him.
"What happened to Albus," the white-haired man huffed dramatically.
"Thank you, Albus, for my pretty, new bracelet," Harry rephrased with a laugh as he spun the bracelet on his wrist. He blessed his luck once more at finding the spell to keep his jewelry on him in both his forms.
"My pleasure," the headmaster remarked as they left behind Ragnok to return to the surface. "However, I do refuse to turn the last one into any type of jewelry." Harry shuddered at the image of Nagini being a bracelet or a scarf.
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"So, what are your intentions with my godson?" Sirius asked with a serious glare towards Ginny who was sitting on the couch and sipping her tea that Kreacher had happily provided.
"Sirius! I'm the guy!" Harry protested in a croak as Remus tried to stifle a laugh and Snape rolled his eyes from where they were all sitting before Harry and Ginny left for the wedding.
"Yes, but Jamie can't protect himself when you aren't in him. What if she wants to manhandle him while you're off floating around somewhere?" Sirius crossed his arms and glared.
Harry turned bright red and Ginny just laughed. "Don't worry, Mr. Black, I have no intentions of manhandling," she assured him brightly. "Not unless Harry decides to hang around inside Jamie that is," she winked at him, causing Harry to choke on air in surprise.
Sirius nodded sagely. "That's all I ask," he said as if that were a very reasonable response.
"There will be no manhandling, whatever that is, dementor present or not!" Harry exclaimed in embarrassment.
"Potter, you were apparently dating Ms. Weasley for months without realizing it. I believe you will be married with three brats of your own before you even get around to
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