Her entire concept of time was stilled and it was just her and the world. The cruel, relentless world.

Swanflutter always told her to appreciate the beauty of the world but she didn't find anything beautiful. Not anymore. She figured if everyone viewed everything as beautiful, they were deluded. She knew. She knew because she experienced it firsthand.

The truth wasn't very beautiful. It was ugly and it was painful.

As every contraction convulsed inside of her, Dawnstar found herself slipping in and out of her thoughts, replacing them with the agonizing pain that rippled within her and left her with only minutes of solace.

Graypetal was by her side, constantly aiding her and helping her through the process. Half of her felt eased to have her former mentor with her, however another part of her just wanted him to leave and let her deal with it on her own.

"Graypetal!"

Dawnstar lifted her head immediately as a frantic voice screamed in her ears just to see Hiddenpaw, her deep blue eyes full of terror.

"They're coming! They're coming to the medicine cat den!" The gray-black medicine cat apprentice urged, her fear not easing Dawnstar's own lurking nerves. Despite her flaky conscience, she knew of the dire situation they were being placed in. They were completely vulnerable to an attack, and she couldn't do anything to help.

Dawnstar wasn't left to dwell on the thoughts for long as an involuntary scream left her mouth, the pain getting immensely more intense.

"These kits are coming now." Graypetal hissed, quickly grabbing a few herbs as Hiddenpaw looked behind her to see the approaching warriors.

"I can't!" Dawnstar finally heaved out, her breathing growing labored. "I can't right now! They aren't safe!"

Her gaze lingered with Graypetal's and everything seemed to stop. The screaming yowls outside. Her rushing heartbeat. Everything.

"Spottedbee! Risingflame!" Hiddenpaw yelped, the enthusiasm and relief in her voice enough to let Dawnstar relax.

Time was fast now. It was so unbelievably fast.

She felt numb. She felt completely and utterly numb. Every sensation was stilled. Every thought was faint. Every sound was silenced.

"A she-kit!"

She heard faintly. So faintly that she wasn't even sure she was hearing correctly.

Another kit came; a tom this time.

"You're doing great, Dawnstar." Graypetal assured, the smile on his face blurred between her hazed vision.

"Doesn't feel like it." She croaked out, a rasp lining the edge of her voice. Both Graypetal and Hiddenpaw laughed softly, the serenity in the both of them calming her down.

Eventually another kit came.

"She looks just like you." Hiddenpaw purred, deep ocean blue eyes warm.

"Hey you guys." Risingflame spoke, announcing her greeting silently with a flick of her tail. "Dawnstar! They're so cute." She grinned.

"Shouldn't you be out fighting?" Dawnstar rasped.

"I was, sent that SpringClan cat running. Even had his tail between his legs!" Risingflame boasted.

"You're not supposed to be here." Graypetal spoke as he was sorting through herbs, Hiddenpaw cleaning the kits as Dawnstar was too weak to do so.

"You really think I, of all cats, cares?" Risingflame nearly hummed which resulted in a scoff from her mentor.

"Trust me, she'll do anything you tell her not to in spite of it." The leader grumbled, however the two shared a halfhearted grin.

"What can I say, I love nothing more than to get under your fur." The young molly spoke, green eyes burning with the thrill of her previous fight. The moment grew quiet except for the hitched breathing from her former apprentice and herself, however she felt alarm seep back in as rustling foliage hummed in her ears.

Dawnstar's tail instinctively curled over the three kits by her side and she instantly felt herself grow restrained by Graypetal, however she wasn't left to retort as another pain rippled inside of her.

"You have a thing for bad timing or something?" Risingflame instantly spoke, a slightly horrified smile crossing her face. It was the first time Dawnstar had ever seen the she-cat so scared.

"Something like that." She rasped, claws flexing in her battered nest.

"I thought there were only three." Graypetal whispered quietly, motioning for Hiddenpaw to fetch a stick.

"There's another?"  Dawnstar groaned, however her frustration was turned into dread as two unfamiliar scents entered her nose.

"Intruders!" Hiddenpaw hissed, tripping over her own paws as she fled to Graypetal's side.

"Don't worry," Risingflame reassured, a strained, non-confident smile crossing her face, "I'll keep them away."

Dawnstar scrunched her nose as her stomach tightened, however before she could say anything, Risingflame was gone, off to defend Dawnstar and her kits without a second thought.

Eventually a fourth and final kit came; a dainty tom. He had short, soft golden-beige fur.

Just like Luca.

Dawnstar just stared at them, trying to force herself to stay awake, but slowly she could feel her paws growing numb. Then her legs. Then every part of her was completely paralyzed.

She knew what was happening and she didn't even have the strength to fight it.

"Send me back."

The words left her mouth instantly as her paws met a nearly feathery surface, pale yet bright colors blinding her for a few lingering seconds.

"We need to talk."

"Sunstar," Dawnstar hissed, "send me back now. I lost a life. I get it. I don't need a recap. I'm very much aware."

"I think-"

"I don't care what you think! Send me back! I need to make sure my kits are okay!" Her words were growing more desperate and the disappointment within his gaze was only peeving her off more.

"Fine. I can do it myself." The white she-cat finally snarled as she brushed past him, ignoring his pleas as she dipped her nose into the pool of water. She didn't have time to listen to his lectures. Not now.

Once again she was deprived from sensation. Deprived from consciousness. She faltered between the line which danced around life and death, desensitization completely consuming her.

As feeling began to settle, Dawnstar felt herself slowly awaken with immediate anxiety running up and down her chest, enough to almost make her want to throw up.

"Welcome back."

A hazed voice nearly whispered in her ears, one nearly inaudible that she wasn't even sure she was hearing it, or making it up.

Dawnstar's eyes finally opened, blurred lights blending together at first before she met typically apathetic yellow eyes.

"My kits." She breathed out, trying to sit up however she was gently held back by Hiddenpaw.

"They're fine. You're all fine." The medicine cat apprentice soothed and Dawnstar just nodded weakly, finally looking down to the four little lives nestled in her stomach. It was a strange feeling; not one she expected to feel and not one she entirely liked.

However Dawnstar wasn't left to dwell on her troubled mind as the surrender call was called, her stomach dropping.

It was Brinebloom who had called it.

FallClan was defeated once again.

Dawnstar didn't hesitate as she instantly got to her paws, growing lightheaded almost immediately and nearly tripping over her paws until Hiddenpaw caught her.

"You just gave birth to four kits and lost a life, you need to rest." Graypetal demanded as he approached them, herbs already placed out beside him. "I have poppy seeds to help you sleep."

"No, I have to see my clan. I have to make sure they're okay." She argued, sharing a long stare with her mentor until he finally sighed in reluctance.

"Fine. But you're staying by my side." He ordered before looking to his apprentice. "Stay with the kits. Keep them warm."

Hiddenpaw seemed like she was about to argue, but eventually she just nodded as she began moving them to a cleaner nest.

Dawnstar leaned on Graypetal for support as he guided her out of the den and to her surprise, the moon had completely settled in the night sky. The thick, acrid tang of blood tainted the fear-engulfed air and with every step she took, strikes of anxiety streamed down her chest.

It wasn't until she saw Leopardlune, laying on her side and unconscious, that every logical thought in her mind completely vanished.

"Mommy! Mommy wake up!" Stonekit cried out as he tugged on his mother's ear, eyes blurry with tears.

"She's just sleeping. She's tired, Stonekit." Cranekit reasoned, however her own voice quivered with fear.

"Mom!" Stonekit screamed once more, this time much more vigorously as he pulled at her ear. "Mom please wake up! I need you!"

"Stonekit she's sleeping! She's okay!" Cranekit cried back, her eyes fully traumatized as she tried to not only convince her brother, but herself.

Dawnstar felt her legs buckle beneath her.

No. I can't lose you too.

Dawnstar watched as Brinebloom appeared, brief horror flickering within his gaze however he quickly masked his fear to remain strong for his kits.

"Dad! Wake mom up! Wake her up!" Cranekit begged.

Brinebloom seemed too stunned to speak, but finally he looked up, his eyes immediately locking with Dawnstar's. His gaze was unreadable and she hated the way everything was moving so slowly.

Dawnstar finally took her gaze away as she watched Graypetal approach her body, and somehow she was able to sit beside him.

"You can both breathe." Graypetal exhaled shakily, relief rushing off of him in waves. "She's alive."

Alive. She was alive.

"Did you hear that kits?" Brinebloom lulled, his voice breathless with relief. "She's okay."

Dawnstar watched as her brother curled his tail around the two kittens, both now nestled in their father's side, the family watching as Graypetal began tending to her friend. Her worries completely subsided as the bengal slowly awoke and was eagerly met with warmth and affection.

It was a bittersweet image however the she-cat couldn't erase the hint of envy which lurked so feverishly within her.

She was happy her friend was alive. Truth be told, Dawnstar wasn't sure she could've handled the loss of Leopardlune, though the jealousy still existed no matter how hard she tried to think it away.

Dawnstar decided to allow the family their moment's privacy as she looked around, abhorred by the sights she saw. Her clan was battered and bruised, not only physically but mentally as well.

Her gaze soon landed on Spottedbee. He had a huge gash on his throat and his entire body was drenched in blood.

He wasn't going to make it. It didn't take a genius to know that.

However Dawnstar's attention was quickly grabbed by a small crowd consisting of Frostbird, Redgrowl, Oceanmist and Shadeheart.

Part of her knew she didn't want to see what was being crowded because all of her knew what it was. She knew what it was and she knew she didn't have the emotional strength to handle it.

However there she was, approaching the group.

It was always a nice feeling, predicting something, or getting a gut feeling correct.

But this was anything than nice. The very opposite, in fact.

Dawnstar looked down to see Risingflame, blood dripping from her mouth. She didn't have any huge external injuries, however the blood which kept excessively dripping from her nose and mouth was enough to inform Dawnstar that it wasn't good.

"We need to get Graypetal." Dawnstar urged, however the family just looked at her with desolate stares.

"We all know she can't be fixed." Redgrowl mumbled.

"She's your sister! How can you just give up-"

"Dawnstar," Risingflame croaked out, green eyes just as bright as ever, "me and Spottedbee had this whole plan, you know?" She rasped, half-laughing half-coughing as blood splurged from her mouth.

"What do," Dawnstar paused slowly, "what do you mean?"

"A sneak attack. Genius, right?" She joked, her voice growing weaker. "He was gonna attack at their level, me from above. I had been hiding on a branch."

Dawnstar just stared, confusion completely clouding her vision as she waited for the she-cat to continue.

"The funniest part," Risingflame heaved, "it's my fault. I completely miscalculated and hit another branch. I mean, we're cats. We should be coordinated." She weakly chuckled, coughing as she did.

"Nothing is funny about this." Dawnstar hissed, however the concern in her voice was clear.

"You're right. It's not." Risingflame finally responded, every bit of sarcasm gone as her chest rose and fell with each forced breath.

Eventually Graypetal joined them and the leader desperately met his gaze, silently pleading for him to fix her. The medicine cat began examining the wounded she-cat and she finally felt herself relax.

"Graypetal, tell me please." Risingflame spoke quietly, her rounded eyes meeting his, "It's okay, I can handle it."

"When you hit the branch," Graypetal spoke, his eyes nothing but defeated, "you hit so hard that the trauma has caused a bleed."

"She's not bleeding, she doesn't even have a scratch." Dawnstar muttered, however she knew of the idiocy within her words. She knew she was helpless in this situation and she knew that this was irreversible.

"I'm bleeding internally." Risingflame whispered, her voice so delicate, however something else, something— accepting almost— tainted it.

"Yes. Yes you're bleeding internally." Graypetal answered as he began to nudge some poppy seeds to her.

"Here. This will ease your shock."

"I'm not shocked." Risingflame corrected as she ignored the seeds being pushed towards her. "Trauma by impact. That sounds so neat, doesn't it? Makes dying almost sound cool."

"Risingflame!" Frostbird hissed, however the mother's eyes were brimming with tears. "Can you go a minute without making inappropriate jokes?"

"They're not funny." Oceanmist grumbled, her eyes red and tear-stained. "You're not dying."

But she was.

The assembled cats all fell quiet as more began to surround the dying warrior. At first Dawnstar wanted to command them to leave, to selfishly allow her to have these final moments with her apprentice alone.

But that wasn't fair.

"Where's Spottedbee?" Risingflame heaved as she looked around. "If you're all here to watch me die— which is a little creepy might I add— I'd want him here. We make a pretty good team."

Dawnstar felt herself shatter at her words, her gaze instantly meeting Graypetal's in a quick moment of panic, however the medicine cat was much calmer than she was.

"He's getting treated by Hiddenpaw right now." Graypetal whispered in her ear. At the same time, Dawnstar lifted her head, eyes trailing to meet Spottedbee's lifeless body away from the crowd.

"Liar." Risingflame laughed weakly, however her laughs soon turned into small cries. Dawnstar watched in silence as the family said their goodbyes and the clan watched quietly.

Despite the tragedy of it all, this was the most unified her clan had been in moons and the amalgamation brought them together. Maybe this was the wake up call they all needed.

"Dawnstar." Risingflame spoke, her voice getting noticeably more forced and weak. The leader slowly approached the young warrior and settled beside her, forcing her own tears back by habit.

"I know I have big talk," the beige warrior began, "but really, I've always looked up to you. It's a little embarrassing to admit. I always hoped I would tell you when you're old and and your muzzle is all gray but I don't think I have that long." She mused, however her words were much softer now; genuine.

"The Risingflame? Looking up to me?" Dawnstar matched her joking tone, however the trembling in her voice was clear enough to express her pain.

"Don't flatter yourself." Risingflame fired back, however the two just laughed at each other, tears falling from both of their eyes now.

Finally, the cream-beige warrior laid her head down, eyes staring at the night sky. They gleamed ever-so-slightly in the cascading moonlight, the light making her fur glow a nearly golden hue.

"Won't be long now." Dawnstar heard Graypetal whisper, his voice soft as he rested his paw comfortingly on the dying warrior's paw.

He was right. Risingflame closed her eyes and allowed herself one more breath, then suddenly, her chest stopped rising.

Thinking back on it, it finally clicked on why she was acting so weird when she was in the medicine cat den. Maybe if someone had just noticed sooner, this could've all been prevented and maybe she'd still be alive.

As Dawnstar stared down at her dead apprentice, her sadness was gone. Her grief was numbed. Her mind was clear.

It was so clear.

However one single thought crossed it.

One single emotion she embraced; she allowed herself to surrender to it, letting it control her, consume her and craft a new version of herself.

Anger.

It had been growing. She could feel the stronger pull it had on her, whispering silent wants, pushing her to cave into the satisfaction of victory.

Dawnstar drowned out the saddened, muffled cries that lulled softly in her ears. Instead, she stared at Risingflame's dead body, letting a montage of memories fuel the fire of hatred burning within her.

There was a line, a very faint, gray line which separated justice and vengeance. A moral line which waved between the two, painting them in different colors, pushing them into different lights.

Justice; just behavior or treatment.

Dawnstar mentally scoffed.

Vengeance; punishment inflicted or retribution exacted for an injury or wrong.

Punishment. Infliction.

Dawnstar didn't want just. She didn't want decency. She didn't want integrity.

She wanted them to hurt. She wanted them to hurt and she wanted the pain to come from her own paws. Their vitality was a liability in the sense of her troubled mind. She blamed them for everything.

Maybe it wasn't fair but the rage which churned inside of her was merciless, even Dawnstar was growing wary of what she was capable of, but her wrath was too strong to be overthrown.

She was ready.

She was ready to do whatever it takes to ensure her clan not only survives this war, but wins it.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

lex from the future here; so i had everyone's family trees mapped out before writing grim hollow and never even realized until now that spottedbee is literally risingflame's father. continuity error on my end, but makes this whole thing so much more depressing.