We sat in the truck in the middle of the desert. Ghoul passed me the lit joint. I took two hits and then passed it back to him. I wasn't usually one to even consider drugs, but I knew that pot wasn't something dangerous. It took the edge off of my thoughts. I felt more chatty. 

"Can we talk now?" I asked Ghoul. 

He nodded. "It's probably best for the both of us."

I was taking my knotted thoughts and unknotting them. I could finally figure out why I was so angry.

"I'm so angry all of the time because the word victim sounds so damn terrible." I admitted. "I feel like I'm so weak. I can't show weakness! Not now." 

Ghoul tapped the ash off of the joint. "But you aren't weak. Think of all of the other people out there who have also been sexually abused. Would you say they are weak?"

"No!" I yelled back. "Of course not!"

"So why do you think you are so weak because you are a victim?" He handed the joint back to me.

"I don't want him to win." I mumbled. 

"He isn't winning. You are." Ghoul jabbed his finger into my chest. "You fell in love. You got married. You are helping lead a rebellion. People look up to you." 

"Being a victim is a helpless thing." I replied, taking a small hit and coughing.

"No." Ghoul handed me a water jug and took the joint from me. "Not if you know other people around you who have gone through the same thing. Being a victim doesn't have to be helpless. I might not have been sexually abused, but I know it's a lot easier to find a way to work through your feelings when you have other people to help you. You can find people who you can talk to." 

"How? I can't just make an announcement for a group called Rape Victim Anonymous. It doesn't work like that." 

I couldn't imagine myself communicating with many other people about what happened to me. I didn't want others to look at me different or treat me different. I had never really worked through what had happened to me and it was easier that way. If I could avoid my triggers and ignore the subject, I could live almost normally. It was easier to pretend it didn't happen. Others could easily come out with their stories. I wasn't like that. I wasn't confident enough to own it and move on from it. If I came out with it, it would become my whole life. I didn't want to reopen the wound over and over. 

"But you are a leader. If others see that you can grow from this situation and come up from the ashes, they will be able to relate to you. You inspire so many people already. You ran into the desert and became homeless. Now you are here. That is amazing." Ghoul put a hand on my shoulder. 

"I don't know if I can be open like that." I replied quietly.

"Phoenix, you have to try. I believe in you." He pulled me close and kissed my forehead. "I believe in you."

*            *               *

When I woke up the next day in Ghoul's arms, I felt strange. It was like I could take on the world. Even with that attitude, I wasn't going to be prepared for what our friends from Scotland were going to tell us over the radio later that day.

We were sitting in the Trans Am discussing what information we had for them. They were very happy with our accomplishments.

"I think we'll be ready by Friday." A voice chirped through the radio.

"Friday?" We all replied at once. 

That was so soon.

"We have to get moving before they do." The men replied.

"Wow. Okay. What do you recommend we do now?" Poison said into the radio.

"Start gathering the troops. Over and out." 

I could feel my hands shaking. I grabbed Ghoul's hand to hold. I hoped it would keep me steady. 

We all sat in the Trans Am in silence. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that our world was changing so soon. We could all die or we could win the battle. No one was absolutely sure of the outcome. We couldn't predict how everyone would react to us starting this war against Better Living Industries. 

"What day is it?" Jet asked to break the silence. 

"Wednesday." Kobra replied. I could hear the tension in his voice.

"That sucks." Jet ruffled his curly hair.

"I guess that's just how it is sometimes." Kobra rubbed his eyes. 

"It just be like that sometimes." Ghoul echoed him. 

We all nodded to ourselves in response. 

None of us were ready for a war. 

Then, gunshots fired. Our car was hit.