She doesn't know.

She can't know.

She doesn't need to know.

Those thoughts were running around my mind constantly, refusing to let me relax as she slowly massaged the shampoo into my hair, silently, realizing how tense I had become. She had given up trying to calm me with words ages ago, and now, half an hour away from being picked up, she had finally managed to stop me from pacing the room and had forced me into the shower. With every scrap of her nails, it brought more pain emotionally. The feeling was normally sexual, and today was no exception, I was slowly getting turned on, but not for the reason she thought.

In my reality in my head, it wasn't her behind me. It was him. It was taking all my strength not to moan his name, give myself and the lie I had been living for the past year away. She didn't deserve it. She would think that I had been using her, keeping something, or more specifically someone hidden from her. And truthfully, she would be 100% correct. It was with this thoughts, and the consistent touches of her hands rubbing shower gel over my body that I finally realised why I was so nervous for today.

It wasn't just the fact that I would be seeing him again. It was the fact that I wouldn't be able to resist him. I wouldn't be able to explain it to her without telling her everything. But in that process, it would also...

Suddenly I realized just what I had done bringing her with me. And the boys were collectively going to kill me. Lies always come back to haunt you, and that's exactly what I feared. The biggest and first lie I had told her.

At that moment, as my body froze with panic, my phone began to ring loudly, twice, like a saviour to my thoughts. I quickly rinsed myself, glad that I had a rational and plausible reason to get away from her, kissing her cheek before sliding out of the shower, leaving her confused and probably worried. I grabbed a towel, hastily rubbing myself down, before running into the bedroom, grabbing my phone from the side.

I had 2 new texts, and one twitter notification. All from the same person. This couldn't be good... 

The tweet in question was shown fully on my lock screen, and my heart dropped immediately when I saw it, automatically knowing what it meant:

@grimmers: Moving on is impossible if your heart is broken, and the pieces are locked up.

Normally his tweets were upbeat, happy, about music and radio. But I knew where he was, and that made it worse. I had messaged him last night, telling him to make sure he was ok. His reply was a sarcastic "he'd be fine if it wasn't for you." But thankfully, he had gone anyway. I swapped to read the messages, praying that they had good news.

Nick: well, thanks for a warning. Passed out and drunk on the sofa, glass of whiskey in his hand.

Shit... He only ever drunk when he was really down... I continued on to the second message with caution and worry.

Nick: you tried to call him? Maybe you do care. I'll get him cleaned up. Ps, I've arranged your transport. Don't try to argue. It's necessary.

That made me panic. What transport? I thought I was travelling to the studio to meet them all? Just then, there was a knock at the door, and I wrapped my towel around my waist tightly before going to answer it.

I opened it, to my surprise, to reveal Liam and Dani.

"Hey guys, come on in" I said in shock, not really knowing why they were here.

Dani gave me a quick hug before pushing past me, shouting hi to Abi before collapsing on the bed, grabbing the remote and switching on the TV. Strange....

Liam stepped through the door and shut it behind me. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, almost like he was trying to say something, before loosening his grip.

"Li, erm... Hi?" I said confused, not knowing really what to say.

"Hey Lou. Look as much as I would love to talk, we have to go, are you packed and ready to go?" He whispered hurriedly, as if it was some big secret.

"Well, yeah, I just need to get dressed and I'm ready, but Abi isn't ready yet, why?" I asked, even more confused and a little worried.

"Well there's been a change of plan. Just chuck some clothes on, Lou's in the car, we need to get going. Dani and Abi are coming later, but we need to be out of here in... 5 minutes max" He urged, using his "Daddy Directioner" voice to stress his point, and I nodded.

I rushed over to the bed quickly, as he followed behind, grabbing my suitcase from the floor after seeing that a set of clothes were on the bed for me. He gave Dani a quick as I pulled my clothes on quickly, trying to hurry in order to make the deadline, and as I was about to quickly enter the bathroom and brush my teeth, Liam grabbed me by the arm and pulled me towards the door, shutting it quietly behind us. He turned, letting go of my arm and smiling weakly at me, before pointing to the lift and walking, leaving me to catch up.

When we got in the lift, he visibly relaxed, and I dared to ask him.

"Liam, what exactly is going on?"

The tension suddenly came back and he took a deep breath, not daring to look at me. His eyes glared back at me from all sides of the mirrored lift, but then it stopped and he rushed out, obviously uncomfortable at the question. He waited for me in the lobby, and I noticed the limo waiting out front, quite probably for us. When I got to him, we headed for the door together, into the same waiting limo, and the driver had started moving before we even closed the door.

I crawled in and took a seat beside Lou, who was beaming widely at me, makeup bag and hair kit besides her. 

"Hey Louis! How have you been!?" she exclaimed loudly, nearly deafening me.

"Erm, yeah hey Lou. I've... I've been great thanks, and you?" I replied, as Liam finally took the seat opposite and Lou began playing with my hair.

"Yeah yeah, me and baby Lux are fine! How's your girlfriend?" She asked politely, but by the way she suddenly stopped moving after made me realize what she had thought.

Liam suddenly looked up from his phone, waiting for me to answer. The air was so thick you could cut it with a knife at that moment, but no body wanted to break the silence until they had heard me answer.

"I...erm...she...Abi...yeah...girlfriend..." I stammered.

I knew what I wanted to say, but for some reason, right now I couldn't say it. I had never called her my girlfriend out loud, not to anyone. The nerves were already settling in, and Lou then nodded at Liam, which confused me, until Liam spoke.

"Lou.. the reason you are here and not at the hotel with Abi is the same reason why you couldn't answer that question. Lou, we all know the truth. The way you walked away last year, we all knew you were on the verge of turning back. But the problem is, you never told him that. He wouldn't believe us, especially when you two went public a week later. Mate, you broke him."

I listened with intent to what Liam was saying, and all of it was true. I got to the door on that day and I nearly let her go and ran back into his arms, but I was scared. I was on the verge of tears, but I knew Liam had more to say, so I wiped my eyes furiously and took a deep breath.

"After you left, he was a mess. First he started drinking, then smoking, then taking drugs. And none of us could stop him. The news were all over him, but management paid them to stay quiet, not for the band, but for Harry's sake. And as much as I know you don't like him, the only reason why he's still alive today is because of Nick. He caught Harry about to overdose in the toilet of a club, and saved him. He nursed him back to health, well as close as he could. You need to thank him."

The harsh reality of his actions was starting to sink in. He had seen the club photos of Harry, but his bloodshot eyes, his appearance at times, Louis thought it was just alcohol. This was all his fault, all his doing. The tears had started without me trying, rolling rapidly down my face as I remembered it all. Liam crawled across the limo and held me in his arms, rocking me gently as I sobbed into his shirt, until I passed out from emotional exhaustion.

....

When I woke up, it was because Liam was shaking me. Turns out, I had been out all the way to the airport, all through the 4 hour flight, and then we were now at Heathrow airport. I rubbed my eyes, still red raw from all the crying, and Liam grabbed my hand, helping me up from my seat and down the narrow corridors of the plane. Lou stood, mirror in one hand, with our bags waiting outside next to another limo. She turned the mirror towards me and I realized that I had been made up on the way here, and Liam held out a pack of breath mints towards me for my breath.

I gave Lou and hug and she whispered good luck in my ear, which caused me to pull away in confusion.

"Wait. What? Why? Aren't you coming with me?" I asked and she shook her head as another limo pulled up.

"Nope. Hasn't Liam explained yet?" She said, and I realized that he must have wanted to tell me earlier, and I turned to him.

"Lou, you are going to the studio on your own. Well, sort of. You are going to take a de tour around London first." Liam said, looking at me as if I should know what he means.

"Why aren't you coming with me?" I asked, and then it all clicked.

London. Detour. Scenic route. Houses. His house. Harry.

"Harry...." I said out loud, and Liam nodded.

"You two seriously need to talk before you get to the studio. And Abi being with you would have killed him. So, hasta la vista Lou!" Liam half shouted before running over to the other limo, leaving me no time to ask any other questions or protest.

Lou waved bye to me and got in before Liam, and I sighed before waving back, walking over to my own limo and sliding in. The driver pulled off straight away and I quickly checked distance times on my phone. 10 minutes to get there. 

I attempted to compose myself and think of what to say, but it was impossible. I nearly came up with a plan, when the driver came to a stop and I checked my phone. Suddenly I heard laughing, male laughs, his laugh. God how I had missed that sound. I was quickly pulled to my thoughts though, when the limo door slid open, and he swiftly got in and shut the door simultaneously with practised ease. 

Then he looked up and our eyes met. 

There was no turning back now....