Chapter 1: The Car Accident

I woke up in a hospital bed trying to recall what had happened. I tried to sit up but I was still too weak. I saw my dad near the hospital bed where I was lying down. It seemed that he was very exhausted that he had fallen asleep. I can't clearly remember what had happened last night. Things are still a blur. My head still hurts. I am still wondering why I am here. I tried to sit up again and woke up dad. How long was I here in the hospital?

Finally, dad woke up and saw that I'm already awake. "Kath, are you okay? Does something hurt? I was very worried about you!" he said, trying to keep his voice calm.

"I'm fine dad. I'm okay. My head still hurts though," I told him. My head still hurts and I'm so confused that I asked him what had really happened.

"Dad, what happened? Why am I here? How long have I been here?" I asked like a little kid who doesn't know what's going on. He was silent for a while. He opened the television and showed me the breaking news of the car accident being reported by a reporter in Times Square.

"BREAKING NEWS! WE'RE HERE LIVE AT TIMES SQUARE WHERE A CAR ACCIDENT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT. WITNESSES SAW THAT A DRUNK MAN DRIVING A TRUCK HIT A BUS AND A PRIVATE CAR WITH 2 TEENAGERS INSIDE. THE PASSENGERS OF THE BUS AND PRIVATE CAR WERE IMMEDIATELY RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL AND THEIR CONDITIONS WERE STILL UNKNOWN. THE FAMILY OF THE VICTIMS DECIDED TO REMAIN SILENT ABOUT THEIR CONDITION...THE ACCIDENT MADE SEVERAL DAMAGES IN THE CITY AND AFFECTED THE TRAFFIC AS WELL..."

I felt numb and shocked. My heart started pounding hard. I suddenly felt a heavy pain in my chest. I didn't know how to react at first. I looked at Dad as he reduced the volume of the television to get my full attention. He looked at me and said, "You and Dimitri were on your way home when you met with an accident."

"WHAT?! No!" I yelled. Mixed emotions came out of me that I immediately rose from the bed and fell to the floor.

"Easy there, you're still weak. You should rest first," he told me as he helped me up and let me lie down on the hospital bed.

"Where's Dimitri?! Is he okay?" I asked him hysterically as I lay down and wiped the tears from my face. I started being so worried about Dimitri after knowing about the accident. Now, I remember everything that had happened last night. Slowly, the memories of the accident came back to me like a vision.

"He's still in the operating room. His head was hit too hard. Don't worry, he'll be okay. The doctors are doing their best," Dad tried to calm me down. But it isn't working, I am now worried about Dimitri. I don't want to lose him; not now that I know that he feels the same. I love him more than a friend. It was last night while he was driving me home when he finally confessed his feelings for me and I haven't had a chance to tell him that I feel the same too because of the accident. I can't take it anymore. I must see Dimitri. I rose up from the bed again but Dad caught me. The nurses immediately came inside the room to help dad calm me. I kept struggling from their tight grasp until I felt the needle of the syringe on my arm. I felt dizzy and sleepy and then everything went black.

It was already seven in the morning when I finally woke up. I feel a lot better than yesterday but the worries were still there. I can't stop thinking about Dimitri. Every time I asked about him, he either remains silent or changes the topic. Dad didn't tell me much of his condition. All he told me was that I've been in the hospital for two days and that Dimitri is still in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) but he is recovering little by little.

I was glad to hear that Dimitri is recovering but still, I can't stop myself from worrying about his condition. He is in a coma and has a 50-50 chance of surviving. While I was having my breakfast, I asked Dad if I could visit Dimitri. Dad agreed but he warned me that can't stay too long at the ICU. Dad still had to deal with his work so he called my cousin Sophia to accompany me for a while. He left for work and said that he had to reschedule most of his appointments because of what had happened. Aside from Dad and Dimitri, my cousin Sophia had been there looking after me too. I was glad she is here because I really need someone to talk to. I only have these three people in my life whom I really trust the most and could lean on.

"How are you feeling?" Sophia finally asked when Dad left us in the room. You can sense in her voice the concern and that she was trying to be careful with her words. It would seem that she was afraid that any minute, I might be triggered and would end up having another breakdown again like yesterday.

"I feel a lot better now," I told her. There's still a big lie in there though. The truth is I'm okay but I'm still worried and I keep having visions of the accident that had happened. I just said that I'm okay so that she will not worry much.

Sophia seemed to notice that I'm not telling her everything so she asked, "Are you sure? I saw what you did yesterday and I'm just worried that it will happen again."

"Yeah, I'm sure. Don't worry too much about me. I'm okay now. It won't happen again. I just overreacted yesterday and I'm sorry if you and Dad got really worried," I said plainly trying to hide the white lie. I tried to convince her so that she would not ask me anymore. I don't like many questions. Again the "I'm okay now" was another lie.

"Okay, if you say so," She said, although, you can tell that she wasn't entirely convinced of what I said. One thing about Sophia, she is good at knowing whether you are lying or not. Her knowledge that I'm not telling that truth will just extend my stay in this hospital and I don't want that to happen. I want to get out of this place a soon as possible. It's so depressing here.

"Oh and by the way, the doctor said that your test results are normal so that means you can now be charged out in the afternoon," she added. At least there is good news. I can finally go home but I cannot shake the thought about Dimitri's condition.

So, I asked her, "But what about Dimitri?"

She just looked and smiled at me as she said, "Don't worry. He'll get better too."

I started worrying again so I asked her, "Why? Is he okay? How was he? I thought he was getting better little by little. That's what Dad told me earlier."

Tears came streaming down my face again. Sophia didn't answer me. I can't stop thinking of the worst possibility of how this will end. Dimitri only has a 50-50 chance of surviving. Sophia had suddenly gone silent as I cried. She knew how Dimitri and I both feel for each other. She comforted me and convinced me that everything will be okay and that I must not lose hope.

"Don't cry," she told me. Reassuring me as she comforts me with her words, "Never lose hope. I knew that Dimitri is a strong guy. He will fight for you, for all of us." I don't know what to say anymore but somehow, her words helped ease the pain that I'm feeling right now.

It was already around 9 a.m. when Sophia helped me get dressed so that I could visit Dimitri. As soon as I got dressed, I hurried to the ICU where Dimitri is. When we arrived there, I couldn't help but to cry. I can't stand seeing him like this. I can see that his parents and siblings have been crying a lot too. Mr. and Mrs. Heimlich hugged me as they saw me and said that they were glad that I'm okay. We had a short conversation while Sophia went to talk to his sisters. I asked them about his condition and all they could say was, "There is still hope and I hope that there is still a chance," Mr. Heimlich keeps on repeating it again and again but I can feel his despair and the vibrant hope that he clings on to. Mrs. Heimlich told me that the impact of the truck to the car caused him brain injury since he was the one in the driver's seat. After our conversation, they left me for a while to get some coffee. I finally went inside the ICU where Dimitri is. His brother and sisters left the room too to give me time with Dimitri.

I came near the hospital bed where he lies. I really can't stand seeing him like this. Suddenly, tears came streaming down my face. I can't help not shed a tear in front of him. It just seems so unfair that I recovered immediately while he only has a 50-50 chance of living. He protected me. He was the reason why I survived. A part of me is filled with guilt and anger why something like this would happen to him.

I sat down near the hospital bed, held his hand, and whispered in his ear as I cried, "Dimitri, I've been holding this feeling for a long time. I love you too. I loved you more than a friend. I wish I had told you sooner. We could have been together. There could have been an 'us'." I was hoping he could hear me. I never got the chance to tell him that last night. I kept holding on to his hand and caressed it. I stayed with him until it was time to leave.

I turned at him for another glance. I kissed him on his forehead and finally whispered again those words that I have been holding out for a very long time, "I love you." I felt my tear drop at his face and as I tried to wipe it from his face, I was stunned as he moved slightly. I felt him grasp my hand, softly holding on to it. He slowly opened his eyes.

"I love you too. It is such a relief to see a beautiful face when I wake up. It is not every day that I get to see one," he jokingly said to me as he struggled to catch his breath. I turned around and saw Dimitri awake holding my hand. There is a sly smile on his face and tear in his eyes. He still looks pale and very weak. He closes his eyes again as if he was going to sleep and spoke again, "Take care of yourself, okay? I might not be around for a while."

"Dimitri—"I can't find the words to say. Tears kept streaming down my face. I can feel that this is his goodbye.

"Will you see the world for me? Fulfill our dream for me, will you?" he whispered as he tried to catch his breath. I couldn't stop myself from crying in front of him as I held on to his hand.

"Dimitri," I said again as I tried to wipe my tears. I just keep saying his name. I can't find the right words to say. "Why are you saying this to me?" I finally said.

Dimitri smiled with his eyes still closed as if dreaming and said, "I want you to see the world and find the guy who will love you just like I did," he suddenly opened his eyes again but this time, a tear streamed down his cheek. Our eyes locked and tears filled our eyes. He slowly moved his hand and wiped the tears in my eyes.

"Promise me you'll never forget me, okay?" he asked. I nodded, then he slowly closed his eyes again.

"I will never forget you—" I never got the chance to finish what I'm saying. The heart rate monitor started beeping.

"Goodbye, Kath. I love you. Always," he said. I can't stop my tears. My grip on Dimitri's hand is tighter now. Please, do not let this be his last goodbye.

"I love you too," I finally said in a soft voice. This is heartbreaking. Is this the end for us? The heart rate monitor beeped more loudly than it did a few seconds ago. I turned around and saw a flat line.

"Dimitri?! Dimitri?!!" I yelled. "Dimitri!! No!! Don't leave me like this!!"

I kept yelling. The nurses and the doctor rushed to the room together with Mr. and Mrs. Heimlich. Mrs. Heimlich caught me and took a tight grip on my hand as the doctor and nurses tried to revive him using the defibrillator three times but it was no use. He's gone. He is really gone. I kept on struggling from Mrs. Heimlich's grasp, shouting Dimitri's name again and again.

Finally, the doctor said, "Time of death, 10:45 a.m."

Those were the words that echoed in our heads. A very heart wrenching moment hearing the time of death of the person you love. Mr. and Mrs. Heimlich remained silent and started to cry. I did too. We couldn't stop crying. I can't believe that my best friend is gone. We've been best friends since we're seven, we've been through a lot of things, we had big dreams but he never got the chance to fulfill the dream of his own. The chance of us in the future together is gone too. Life is so unfair! Why does it have to be this way?! He doesn't deserve this. He is a good person that everyone wanted to be his friend. Why does it have to be him of all people? I'm starting to hate myself. Why did I have to survive while he didn't?

Two hours later, Dad arrived from work. Sophia charged me out of the hospital by 1 p.m. We also informed him of Dimitri. "He is gone," I told him plainly. It was all that I could say and he just hugged me as I broke down in tears again.

Before we left the hospital, Dad talked to Dimitri's parents while I stayed with Sophia in the car. Every piece of memory of Dimitri keeps on coming back and it's just too painful to remember. Our last-minute conversation in the hospital is the most painful of all, the last goodbye and the last wish that he wanted me to fulfill.

As dad drove us home, I'm still not myself. Dad let Sophia stay with us at home since her parents were also on a business trip. I was staring out the window for the rest of the afternoon as we got home. Sophia tried to distract me but it didn't work. She asked me to go out with her to watch movies or go shopping at the mall but I refused. Any distraction she tried to do did not work. My mind is just really somewhere else. She eventually gave up and decided to leave me alone for a while in my room.

It was already getting dark when we finally received a call from Mrs. Heimlich. She said that the funeral will be tomorrow. She asked me if I wanted to say a few words at the funeral. I told her that I can't, I will sing instead. She agreed and thanked me for being a good friend to Dimitri, a few more chats and then she ended the call.

I went upstairs to get started with a song. I grabbed my guitar, paper, and pen. I immediately started composing a song. It took me almost an hour or two to finish it. I just used basic chords and decided to record it. I sang the song with all my heart and I dedicated it to Dimitri. I sang it again and again until I was able to fall asleep trying to perfect the song.