Cara's eyes stayed closed for longer than usual, so when she opened them again, she had just a really short time to get used to the bright light and the loud noises of her own breaths before Amara bent down and sat in front of her. She looked better, more bright, more content. There was a new light inside her eyes, something that Cara hadn't seen in a really long time. It seemed like almost all the sadness was gone, those few days away had done her real good. She was more peaceful, calmer than before, her smile was soft and fond. Amara's eyes were happier, and even though Cara could see the shadow of pain hovering in her eyes, she knew something had changed for Amara during the few days, and she couldn't be prouder of her. If things were really starting to move forward, and Amara was getting better with each day passing, then, even if it still might be long before she really started to live again, those days meant something.

Amara's smile brought one to Cara's face, and it only grew bigger as she listened to her lover.

''I'm back, I'm sure you missed me but wipe your tears, I'm here now.''

And yes, she did miss Amara. She might just be realising just how much she missed her. She was just now realising how deep the feeling was, Amara had always been her rock since the day they met, and even more since Cara left, not seeing her for those few days had been hard on Cara. And she was just realising it, thanks to her lover's words.

''I missed you too, to be honest, I missed you like hell. I won't even try to lie, you always know when I do, to this day, I still don't know how you do that, guess that's your secret little trick. I have secret tricks too, maybe I'll talk to you about them some time, but definitely not today, I like the idea of keeping them to myself for just a little longer, if you don't mind.''

And, frankly, Cara didn't mind. It made her laugh. She had lots of things she was the only one to know about. If Cara always knew when Amara lied, it was for the little nose movement that betrayed her all the time. She didn't know about it, and it made Cara laugh so hard everytime she tried to guess because she never guessed right, but she had all of those silly little theories. And everytime Cara would refuse to reveal her secret, a pout would take place on Amara's face, which she could only erase by kissing hundreds of small and sweet kisses all over her lover's face. Which would always lead Cara to let out adorable giggles, and Amara would grab her face and initiate a more intimate, more passionate kiss, which led them most times to stay in bed a couple more hours, cuddled up, whispering pretty words while making sweet, slow love, and give each other tons and tons of kisses to any places their lips could reach.

''We just came back, I wanted to say hello, so here I am, to say hello and talk a bit about these days. Darcy is the one who chose where we went, we had to drive a few hours to get there. It's a cool little place, very calm, next to the forest. I know it sounds like the beginning of a horror movie but we had no problems. The couple who rented us the house was lovely, they seemed quite old, I think they're retired, I mean, they said they came to this village to rest after a life-time spent at work, so I think i guessed right. We rented a part of the house so the couple stayed in the other part but I crossed paths a few times with them and we had a chat. They are really sweet and interesting. For the last dinner, she had cooked us a recipe that her brother had taught her after he moved to Sweden when they were young. It was delicious, I wish you could taste it, I hope there are great cooks where you are.''

Amara had always loved to try new things and she had loved to make Cara try new things. There was a new expression on her face, something that was really close to the fondness who used to paint her traits every time she looked at Cara.

''Darcy and Kathryn spend a lot of time together, I think they're really getting along, they have fun together, it's good to see Darcy having fun again. Evelyn and I also spent a lot of time together, I mean, the four of us did spend time together but like, we only had to room and Evelyn and I were in the same, meaning we were making plans for the next day and the other girls didn't follow us every time. The first day, we arrived at night so none of us did anything special. We went to bed quite early. But, the next day, Evelyn and I woke up at around 9 A.M., the girls weren't awake so we left a note for them and we went down to the village to visit a little. It's really pretty, the people there were kind and some of them showed us a few places. We had a lot of fun. I also discovered that Evelyn had really soft hands, she held my waist when I was looking at the fish under a bridge we crossed, she kept me from falling over. After that I grabbed her hand and we held hands for the rest of our visit. It was comforting to feel the warmth coming out of her palm. She has pretty hands, I wouldn't mind holding them again. She gives great hugs too, I'm sure you would like them, they're sweet and warmth and comforting.''

Amara seemed rather fond of Evelyn's hands and hugs. It wasn't hurting Cara's heart like it could have been a few months ago. As long as Evelyn was taking care of Amara, she would be alright.

''So yes, we spent a good few days, I had a lot of fun. I would have stayed more but we have to go back to real life, right ? So yes, I should leave for now, I'm meeting up with Evelyn for a day out. I see you soon, Cara.''

Like all the other times, Amara waived because she turned around and left. The day was still bright, it was pretty early in the afternoon, Cara guessed that Amara might meet up with Evelyn over lunch before their day out. They were a lot together lately, not even 24 hours after the end of their week-end they were already seeing each other again. They were getting closer and closer each day and Cara smiled at the thought. Everything might turn out better sooner than what Cara could have imagined only a few days ago.

The sun was heating Cara's skin as she layed on the grass, the light brightened her eyes. Her iris flickered under a light and a warmth that grew to be so familiar that she could recall every second she spent under its spot. Her memory had never been good before but everything was so familiar, always the same, not a single little change in sight, that every experience since she had first woken up in this place was stored in the same box that was always open. The memories came up from time to time, never letting themselves be forgotten. They were all flying around, taking turns reminiscing Cara of the ones that held the more joy and the more sorrow whether she was facing these moments with Amara or on her own.

When she first woken up inside the cemetery, Cara had never been more confused. The last thing she had memory of was a shock, lots of noises and then her eyes closed and it was all dark and there was nothing else except the pain piercing through her body and the screams all around her, until there was nothing but darkness. Nothing broke through that darkness, not a single noise or a flash of pain. It was all too well compared to what had happened moments before. To Cara, it felt like she spent years in that strange state, completely immobilised and unaware of anything and everything that could have been happening around her. No matter whether she thought her eyes were open, she saw nothing and heard nothing. But she wasn't asleep, her mind was alive and conscious that something was wrong. At some point, after who ever knows long, Cara once again tried to open her eyes, thinking that she would be faced with darkness, but she was facing lights, and wind noises and feelings. It felt overwhelming to feel this much after feeling absolutely nothing.

The light was blinding her sight and the noises were too loud to hear anything clearly, but, after a few minutes this feeling started to fade away. Her sight was clearer, she could distinguish forms and her ears weren't hurting and also were capable of discerning sounds and their origins. That is when Cara became aware of her surroundings, the gravestones, the dead trees and the loneliness. The perfect cliché of a cemetery. Except for the wind noise, it was almost completely silenced, if not for the young looking, sobbing woman who sat down next to the gravestone Cara woke up inches away from. The woman had her hands holding the gravestone, her grip so strong her knuckles were white. Her face was down, her forehead pressed against her wrists and her hair hiding her features. Her entire body was immobile, except for the sobs, so much that Cara would have thought she was some sort of statue. Her shoulders were trembling and her hands were slightly shaking on the stone, either from holding it too strongly or from her crying. It was impossible for Cara to say who this person was, but only for a moment. She quickly recognized the woman as her lover. She extended her arm and let her hand fall flat onto Amara's back. Cara was unaware that she was the one Amara was crying for, she hadn't seen the name on the stone and she had no other way to realise that she wasn't part of the same world as Amara anymore. That was why the absence of reaction from Amara shocked her that much, and that was also why she repeated her hand movement over and over again, slowly then quicker, a sense of urgency behind her moves. For a second she thought that maybe, Amara was in a state where it was impossible for her to react. That was when Cara started to talk, to call for her, trying to use her voice to calm her lover down. But it didn't work like it used to, in fact, it didn't work at all. No reaction. Cara panicked at this point, she knew something was wrong, but she wasn't able to comprehend the fact that she was gone, that nothing she could say or do would ever reach Amara anymore. She sat, close to Amara, their legs were touching, but only Cara was aware of the connection between them.

After a really long time, it felt like hours had passed to Cara, Amara straightened her back. Her head wasn't pressed against her wrists anymore even though her hands were still tightly gripping the stone. Her expression was pure distress, her lips almost bleeding from biting them, her eyes were bloodshot and lost, blank. Violently, she took her hands off the stone, as if it had burned her. She was staring unseeingly at her trembling palms before putting them around her own body and scratching her arms, her sobs were uncontrollable, tears falling down her cheeks without stopping, her body bouncing back and forth. Her head was shaking, as if to deny her loss, while she tried to cover her face with her hands, but they flew to her head, one grabbing her hair and the other one rubbing her neck. The movements were as incoherent as the words she was trying to say, she was repetitively doing the same things over and over again, especially with her hands, to try and take back control over her body, her sobs, her pain. It was all useless, she gained no control over anything that she was doing, her breath became even more erratic and painful as if someone was strangling her. The feeling of grip on her throat only became tighter as she was panicking from it. Her vision was blurry from all the tears that she had been crying.

Seeing all this distress, all this pain, she once again tried to interact with Amara, tried to shake her shoulders, say her name multiple times, it didn't change from earlier, Amara had no reaction, as if she was ignoring everything around her, even the wind and the snow that had started to fall on her body. Cara didn't know what was happening, why Amara was in that particular state, she had seen her crying, in pain, but never this broken. She got up and walked to the other side, where Amara had turned her face, her eyes once again locked on the gravestone. At that moment, when Cara decided to take a look at the stone, she understood Amara's state, because she entered a similar one. There, craved in the stone, were her name, her birthday and what she guessed to be the day she died. It took her a second to realise what that meant, what a grave with her name on it meant, she was dead. It explained why Amara wasn't reacting to anything that Cara had been doing, it explained why she was in that state, why she was feeling so much pain. She was grieving.

Cara slowly approached her hand to the stone, when she touched her name, she remembered everything that led her to be here, to be a ghost. She remembered the pain, and the screams, and she remembered thinking of Amara, wanting to fight for her, to wake up for her, she would have never intentionally left her, at least not like that, not without saying goodbye. She had no choice. The memories disappeared after she took her hand off the stone, the shock caused her to stand up and to walk away as far as she could, she kept walking away until she couldn't anymore. She was far from her grave. Her grave, that thought was unbearable. Cara's eyes couldn't look away from her stone, from her name, even though she was unable to read anything from where she was, she knew what was carved there. It was all too real, the implications of that reality caused the tears to fall down her cheeks. Cara felt nauseous, she wanted to throw up everything and ignore what she had just realised. She collapsed on the grass beneath her feet, her hands came to rest over her heart, her last hope. If she was feeling something, as weak as it could be, then maybe all of this wasn't real, maybe all of this was a huge hallucination. Nothing. There was nothing. Her heart wasn't beating anymore. In panic, Cara checked her throat, where she knew she could feel her pulse. Once again, nothing. There was absolutely nothing to be felt. The tears fell quicker, she closed her eyes, sobs were escaping from her mouth, her hands flew to try to contain them. Everything started to hurt all at once, her chest, her throat, her lungs, her dead heart, her ears were ringing. Her thoughts became too loud to bear, Cara covered her ears in hope to shush them down. They only got louder and louder, screaming without taking any break. Screaming so many things, so quickly it was hard for Cara to understand most of them, but one thing was being repeated over and over again. Amara's name. Obviously it was her name that kept turning in Cara's mind. When she realised that, her eyes opened and searched for Amara. Cara found her, she also had collapsed, the only was that she was once again holding onto the gravestone, from where Cara was, it looked like she was almost hugging it. Another loud sob escaped her mouth before she pinched her lips, not letting any other be heard. Her hands were shaking when brought them back to rest over her chest, she once again collapsed, her head hitting the ground. The last thing she saw before her eyes closed was a silhouette walking towards Amara.

That was the type of memories Cara hated to be reminded of. They were too painful, they held too much significance and they meant too much. No matter how long would pass, Cara will always hate that particular memory. All began after that, this ghostly journey where she had nothing else to do then wait and pray that she was right, that Amara's happiness will free her from this place, from this after-life that she never imagined like that. Was it even the after-life ? This empty existence ? Cara imagined it as either a sort of resurrection or disintegration that would lead her to become a part of the universe, so that every time Amara would be looking at the sky, she would actually be looking at her like she was sure she was doing. Maybe it would come after, or maybe it would never come. Cara had no idea, and it should have been terrifying, but it wasn't, not at this point, she had no reason to be afraid anymore, not when she had so much time to think about everything. It wasn't terrifying.