TW: suicide

A/N This chapter is a rather dark/heavy chapter. Please be kind to yourself and reach out to someone if you ever feel like life isn't worth living. You are amazing and important to so many in inexplicable ways that you may never understand. In the US you can call 988 and in the UK you can find helplines through the NHS at 111.

You are enough. You are loved. You are somebody's everything.

2024

Charlotte and Mia wandered into the kitchen both exhausted. Mia started the kettle while Char got out cereal and milk. They had time to cook breakfast, but they didn't have the energy. After they told the girls about Jack they had been taking turns sitting up with them. They both wanted to be with them if they woke up, but they knew it was better to share the load.

If they were honest, neither of them were sleeping much even when they were supposed to. Mia laid awake worrying about Char and the girls. Char laid awake worrying about everything.

Jack hadn't been a part of their everyday life for many months now, but the idea that he was out there for the girls if they needed him was comforting to her. Now, all she could think about was all the things he would miss. A ghost that hung over every important event in their lives like a storm cloud. She knew that every happy moment would be accompanied by the sadness that he wasn't there to share it with them.

Char stared at the little bag on the counter. It sat there since Sorscha dropped it off four days ago. It felt like it was taunting her at times, but she hadn't been ready to look. Today wasn't going to be the day either. At least not until after they got through the funeral.

The funeral was a blur. Mia had had to take Lucy out when she kept crying for her daddy to wake up. Lynn sat so still and just stared out in front of her with glazed eyes. Charlotte's heart broke for them. She felt so helpless. She didn't even realize Marjorie and Reece had come to sit on either side of her after Mia and Lucy left.

By the time they arrived home, Lucy was already sleeping. Mia carried her upstairs and Lynn followed. She wasn't talking much, but had decided that she was just going to sleep with Lucy tonight. Mia was tucking them in when Lynn finally spoke. "Mia do think our dad misses us too?" "Oh, I am sure he misses you terribly, my love,"she replied. The young girl seemed satisfied with that. "Mia, you and Mummy will be here when we wake up, right?" Mia's heart broke. She remembered wondering if her mother would leave the way her father had. "Lynn, your mummy and I will always do everything in our power to be here tomorrow and everyday after that. I promise."

Charlotte sat in the kitchen staring at the little bag. It was time. She opened it with shaking hands. His wallet. The chain she bought him several years ago. An envelope addressed to her. She stared at the three items for what felt like a long time. She opened his wallet and saw a picture of her and the girls taken a few years ago at the beach. They were all smiles and sun kissed. She smiled at the memory. It wasn't as if things were horrible after that, but it wasn't long after that beach trip that she and Jack had settled into indifference. Her hands shook as she placed a finger at the edge of the envelope and slid it across to open it.

Dearest Charlotte,

Charlotte, tonight as I watched you become engaged to someone else, I realized what a fool I have been. You were and are the best thing that ever came into my life. I took that for granted. I took you for granted. For that I am sincerely sorry. Charlotte, you have always deserved more and I always gave you less.

I still can't help feeling I was supposed to love you forever, and seeing you receive that from someone else is too much for me to bear. When I am gone please make sure that our girls know how much I loved them. Please forgive me. I realized tonight that I can't live in a world where you are not mine.

All my love

Jack

Charlotte's tears turned to anger. The accident wasn't an accident? What had he done? You stupid, stupid man. Her mind was reeling. Why? Why had he done this? Didn't he realized what it would do to Lynn and Lucy? She could never tell them. They would feel so unloved... so unimportant. She couldn't let that happen.

As Mia entered the kitchen she saw Charlotte throw the letter into the lit fire place. "Baby, why are you burning that? What's happened?"

"He did it. He did it to himself. The accident wasn't an accident. How could he do that to them, Mia? He spent three fucking years making me feel damn near invisible, and now he can't live in a world where I am not his? I can't ... I won't let them feel as unwanted as he made me feel." She fell into Mia's arms and sobbed.