Author's Note: In which Vader is being sort-of-but-maybe-not-exactly adorable, and Anakin has a not-good-very-bad talk with Padme. :')
~ Amina Gila
Anakin sighs heavily, rubbing his eyes, and pushing aside the datapad in front of him. He's been working since sunrise straight and it's shortly before noon now. He's exhausted. So many things are happening and so much has changed. Perhaps they should have paced things a little better, but it was important to move quickly on key issues to not only show the galaxy where they stand but also to pacify certain groups of Senators.
The former Separatist systems disliked the prospect of the Empire having a clone army, and really, Anakin can't blame them for their distrust... or claims that the Empire is using a slave army just like the Republic. Loath though he is to admit it, it's the truth.
But because of the recent decrees from Vader, the clones have effectively been freed. They have been granted their own, mostly uninhabited planet in the Outer Rim where they can settle down and build a community of their own, shaping it however they so choose. They were allowed the choice between staying in the army and leaving, and if they choose the latter, they are also afforded the option of either taking their armor and a blaster or credits. Many clones have left; nearly a third of the entire army, and the slack in security has been being covered by droids and newly hired individuals.
The clones who opt to remain are allowed to choose between security, special operations, or aid and relief missions.
Those who are part of aid and relief missions travel with supplies to the various worlds that have been worst affected by the war, supplies which are donated from Alderaan, Naboo, and other worlds which are offering to help. Other funds have also been allocated from military spending on both sides.
Clones who are part of the special operatives will be sent on missions throughout the galaxy to enforce the bans on slavery and aid in destroying slavers and crime rings. Anakin isn't surprised that much of the 501st signed up for this role, and when things become more stable, he hopes to personally accompany them at times.
Lastly, clones who enlisted as security work as security guards to protect various shipments throughout the galaxy from pirate attacks. Each sector now has its own security force. Half are clones and half are from the mandatory draft imposed on the worlds in that sector who wish to receive protection; the percentage of each world's representation depends on its population size. It was the only way to ensure fairness. The rest of the security forces are supplemented with repurposed CIS droids.
All in all, though it's been difficult to set up, the system appears to be working thus far. It helps that he and Vader have been being aided by not only Omega, but also, by Rex, Fives, Echo, and some others. The Senate has been functioning as usual, for the most part, while Vader takes immediate action on subjects on which the Senate is not fast enough.
Additionally, they have been screening Jedi and working them into the new system which is being established. Vader has sent the Council many missions, most involving distributing relief and aid, as well as settling conflicts and disputes, which they have been delegating appropriately. It's not perfect, but they're working on it, and they're making a difference. That, Anakin supposes, is what counts most.
Still, it's hard work, work which doesn't see any immediate results, so it requires immense patience, something that neither of them has in abundance. Oh, they can be patient if it's necessary, but it's so easy to get discouraged because things are not progressing nearly as fast as they're used to. Battles and military campaigns seem to show results more easily, or at least they show results in a way that the duo is more accustomed to.
"You look tired," Vader remarks, one hand falling onto Anakin's shoulder and staying there, heavy and reassuring. His other hand lightly cards through Anakin's hair, and he leans into the touch, closing his eyes for a moment and calling on the Force to give him strength.
"I am," he admits, because lying would be purposeless. "This is tiring work." He tips his head back, staring up at Vader, who is standing behind his chair.
For a moment, neither of them says anything, the only sound the room being the respirator. "I noticed," Vader says haltingly, "That you purified your crystal last night."
His eyes flicker instinctively towards the hilt which is lying on his desk just within reach should he need it, not that he expects he would since he the security of the Senate is especially tight now. "I did," he confirms, neutrally, probing at Vader lightly, though the elder's feelings remain elusive to him.
"Why?"
"I..." he frowns, uncertain how to answer, unsure how to phrase it. "I guess I just wanted to... prove that I – that we can... fix the things we've... broken or hurt."
Vader touches a hand to Anakin's cheek, and he takes a moment to think, hysterically, that it's hilarious that they're looking at each other upside down. "You did," the elder confirms, suddenly and unexpectedly poking the tip of Anakin's nose. He jerks, surprised, and he can feel Vader silently laughing.
That alone is so... unusual that Anakin can't help but grin at him, feeling a little bashful, and the Force hums with contentment between them. Now, unlike last night, Vader feels... almost hopeful, and it makes Anakin's heart soar with delight to feel it.
"You should take a break," Vader says, still cupping his cheek and jaw.
Anakin nods, sort of nods, that is, with his head tipped back so far, and then lifts his head again, looking speculatively at the datapad he put down only minutes ago. "Yes," he agrees hesitantly, "I – I guess I should... Maybe I can go visit Padme again?" It comes out more like a question, and not only because he hasn't seen her in a couple weeks. Well, that's not true. They've seen each other, but they haven't had a private conversation.
He hates the way that Vader stills in the Force, a quiet grief surging up and washing over him. "That would be prudent," he replies.
Anakin stands, looking at Vader properly, wanting to say something, but he doesn't know what, so instead, he merely nods again before leaving the room, making the long trek from their office to where Padme's is. Luckily, she's alone when he arrives, and she welcomes him in, expression open, though he can still see the hardness in her eyes. So, she hasn't forgiven him then, not that he's surprised. He can understand where she's coming from, but he wishes that she could be more open-minded about what he and Vader are doing. They're only trying to help, and he thinks that they're an doing an admirable job at it.
"I just... came to see you," he offers, approaching her desk, feeling the fierce yearning to wrap her in his arms and let the rest of the galaxy fall away. He used to do it in the past before he and Vader formed the Empire. It's not something that he'll ever regret, but he does wish, sometimes, that it didn't have to be this... hard.
"I've found some things," she tells him, "But it will require more digging to present anything conclusive to you. I think we're finding individuals who were co-conspirators with Palpatine, but I'm not yet certain, since some of this is very hard to decrypt or make sense of."
"Palpatine was good at covering his tracks," Anakin replies. "He planned for everything."
"Except Vader, you mean." Padme raises an eyebrow at him.
Words catch in Anakin's throat, and he wonders what would happen if he told her everything, if he told her that Vader is him, that Vader is from the future. How would she react? How would she feel? It could be either very positive or very negative, but he doesn't want to make things worse, so he'll only tell her if she seems to be... receptive.
"Vader knew him too well," Anakin answers, choosing his words carefully. "We eliminated him before he could destroy the galaxy."
"Only for you to take his place," she states flatly. "I don't mean to say that Vader is as bad as Palpatine was, because he is not, but you have still made an Empire."
"We're helping people." He doesn't snap, but it's a near thing.
"I know," Padme responds placatingly, "But it is still an Empire, and I cannot condone it. I do not believe that Vader is evil, but I do fear that he... could be misguided or that he could do something that would hurt you."
"I do not know what that word means any longer."
He can't help but remember last night, remember Vader's brokenness and everything that happened. "He would never," he answers fervently. "Vader would never."
"Tell me more," she requests. "You said that you would."
He hasn't forgotten that, and he isn't looking forwards to it. His tension manifests as he paces across her office to the window, fidgeting with the sleeves of his robes. "We were on a mission," he explains, "And we encountered a strange planet, one abnormally strong with the Force. While there, we met Vader. I... talked to him." This part is tricky, because he doesn't know what to say, much less how to say it. "I – we – he told me what he knew of the Sith. He sought to destroy the Sith and restore peace to the galaxy. He had the power, and he was willing to act. How could I say no to that?"
"Because it was your duty," Padme returns sharply, "To the Jedi. Vader is a Sith."
"That doesn't mean he's the enemy. All Sith are not bad or evil." Anakin doesn't know if he's more exhausted or irritated by this conversation.
"Evil? Perhaps not. But he is still a Sith, and from my understanding of them, they seek power. That is what I see when I look at him." Her gaze is intense, and he finds that he can't meet it. He feels too sick, her words tearing into him, cutting in a way that she doesn't even intend, because she doesn't know. "I see a man who is powerful, a man who is ruthless, brutal, a man who will do anything, no matter what it takes, to get his way. He is not the kind of man I can ever trust to lead the entire galaxy, not when he's a dictator."
"He's not a dictator!" Anakin cries, outraged.
"He is an Emperor, and I will fight against that to my last breath." Her brown eyes are filled with a passionate fire that he always used to admire, but now, it only makes him sick. "One man should never wield that much power. Yes, he is doing good, but for how long? When will his benevolence turn to harshness and cruelty?"
He stares at her, sick and horrified. "You can't – you can't really mean that." He hardly even sounds like himself to his own ears, and all he can hear is a buzzing and a silent scream of protests in his head. "He isn't like that, Padme, or I wouldn't support him."
"Your name, our name, it belongs to someone who is... good, pure, light."
She studies him, and something in her face softens, and finally, for the first time, she rises from her desk, taking a few steps closer to him. "I know you care about him, but I fear that your feelings are blinding you to his true nature."
If he was capable of moving, Anakin thinks he might laugh hysterically, bitterly at her words. It's ludicrous is what it is, but it's still gutting him to hear it.
"Ani..." she sighs, moving closer. He flinches back unconsciously, and she stops, expression pained. "I – I know this must be hard for you to hear. Is it because he's your father? I know you have... wanted someone, and perhaps I never paid as much attention to that as I should have. If I did, we might not be having his conversation."
I would never abandon Vader. Never! In any universe, at any time, I would go to him because he needs me. He wants to scream those words, but they get stuck in his throat, and all he can do is swallow and stare blankly at her, trying to form words. "He is... everything to me," Anakin whispers, voice raw. It's a single, fundamental truth, one that Padme can never grasp the importance of. It's true about Obi-Wan as well, of course, but Obi-Wan would never deign to show him the kind of affection that Vader has. And it hurts, but Anakin is already with it because Obi-Wan is always a Jedi first and foremost.
Vader is... his heart and soul and everything he's ever wanted all wrapped up in one very broken human being. They complement each other; it makes sense since they share the same soul, but there is... more to it, something that Anakin doesn't quite know how to name.
"I remember," Padme says quietly, "When you once said something like that about Obi-Wan."
His breath catches in his lungs, and he clenches his fists. "Don't." He hates how much his voice is shaking, hates how close he is to breaking down entirely. "Don't bring him into this."
They stare at each other, and Anakin has never felt further away from his wife, not even when he was on the frontlines for weeks on end with hardly a spare moment to contact her. It feels like they're drifting apart, and he loathes it. But he doesn't know how to fix it, not when Vader offers so much more than Padme ever could. It almost feels like betrayal to even think that, but what else is he supposed to do? Say? Think? How else is he supposed to react?
At last, Padme blows out a breath, a quiet disappointment in her eyes that only serves to twist the knife in deeper. "Last time we spoke, you asked me what I suggestions I have for changing the Empire to make it freer."
He looks at her, cautiously, feeling as if he can't trust her. It's not fair to her, not at all, but this is all becoming too much for him to handle. "Yes?" he prompts.
"Well, I have suggestions," she informs him, stepping back to her desk and picking up a datacard. "A whole list of them. Present them to Vader and tell him to take them under serious consideration. It might help calm tensions and make people feel as if they actually have a voice."
Anakin jerks back a step as something in her words catches him off-guard. "You want me to – to give Vader an order?"
"It's more like... a friendly suggestion," Padme corrects.
"You're... giving me an order," he murmurs weakly, unsure how to feel about that. He's done so much soul-searching recently, because of Vader, for Vader, but something about her seemingly innocent remark is crawling under his skin and gnawing at him. It's not unusual – far from it – and perhaps that is what unsettles him the most.
He has given so much thought to his seeming need to get orders, to follow commands. Vader shares the same thing, and it's only now that Anakin realizes how unhealthy it is for them. It's not natural, not normal, and it rubs him wrong that Padme seems to just expect him to obey her because she told him to. It's not right. That's not wholly her fault, perhaps, because he's never said no to her, never tried to... stand up for himself. It's strange that the thing, the habit, the mindset he's always blindly followed is only now beginning to seem so wrong. Perhaps that is only because seeing a mirror of it in Vader horrifies him.
And for Vader to heal, he needs to heal. In a way, it's as if he's an example for the elder. Vader is so much more broken than he himself is, and one of them has to be strong enough to find a semblance of normalcy – what is that even? – to help the other.
Padme blinks at him, obviously surprised, and she seems unsure how to respond. "I did not mean it as one," she offers.
He wants to... (scream and cry). He doesn't know if he has the ability to say 'no' to her. But the alternative? How can he go to Vader with this and tell him everything when he doesn't even necessarily agree with Padme's suggestions himself?
Suddenly, all at once, Anakin realizes that he can't tell her about Vader. Perhaps it would change her mind, but it might do even worse. It probably would. She is who she is, and he loves her for it; he doesn't want her to be any different. But at the same time, Vader is... fragile. He is burdened by guilt and pain, and if Padme told him that she thinks he should do something when she knows who he is, he would do it. He would do it because it's something that's been taught to him. He's been trained to obediently follow orders, and Anakin cannot ever let Vader end up in such a position.
He loves Vader more than anyone else in the galaxy, and if he has to keep Vader's identity a secret, even from Padme, then he'll do it, because he will not let Vader be hurt. No matter what it takes, he'll do his utmost to protect the elder. And he knows, he knows that Vader will do the same for him.
Always.
"Perhaps not," he grants, keeping his emotions hidden behind a mask, something he's never had to do with Padme before, and that aches, but Vader comes first. He always comes first. "I do not think you did, but I cannot do it either. I will give it to Vader. I will tell him what you said. But I, and he, will do what we think is best."
"Is that how it will be then?" she asks, sadly. "Will you always follow him no matter what he asks of you?"
The truth hurts, but Anakin cannot offer Padme anything but the truth. "Always," he says solemnly. "He would not ask of me something I would not be willing to give."
She looks at him, searchingly, before nodding and holding out the datacard to him. "Then I have nothing more to say. You should give this to your Emperor." In the Force, she feels hurt, and he wants nothing more than to be able to soothe that pain away, but he can't, not when he is part of the cause for it. He takes the datacard from her, wanting to say something, but finding no words, so he merely turns and leaves in silence.
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