Anakin doesn't actually break down until they're in the speeder, on the way back to the Senate building. Vader is flying, and Anakin keeps his head turned to the side, staring at the passing traffic, trying to shield his raging emotions as he cries in silence. He thinks a part of him is mourning at everything which he's lost, everything which he may never be able to get back again. He can hope, but hope is not... enough.

Vader says nothing to him as they fly or as they arrive at the Senate building. Anakin pulls up his hood to shroud his face as they walk to the Emperor's office where they can speak in private.

"Are you alright?" Vader asks as quietly as he can manage with the vocoder, reaching out and resting a hand on Anakin's shoulder, almost instinctively.

He swallows, reaching up to swipe away any lingering wetness on his face before nodding hesitantly. "I will be." It's the truth, and he – somehow, he knows that.

"Is this about Obi-Wan?" Vader questions.

Anakin huffs out a mirthless laugh. "What do you think? I – yes. Yes, this is about him. I cannot ever seem to let go of him. I have tried. I cannot. He is – he has always been very important to me. I don't think that will ever change." He exhales slowly, meeting Vader's eyes through the mask. "You can say the same, can't you." It's a statement, a realization, more than a question. He can feel the knowing in Vader, the understanding. What Anakin is now feeling is the same thing that Vader has dealt with for years.

Vader says nothing, remaining silent, his respirator cycling rhythmically, so Anakin pushes further. "It's not – it is not our fault that Obi-Wan has treated us the way he did. He – he hurt us, you more than me, even if this version of him has not done so yet. I never deserved it. You never deserved it."

He can feel the way Vader's emotions fluctuate, flickering from surprise to disbelief to pure, unadulterated loathing. "You are wrong," he states with finality. "I did deserve it. This..." he gestures to himself, "Was always meant to be my destiny. I have accepted that. After what I did, I deserved no less than this."

It's a pointless argument. Vader is still too... broken and lost to understand and accept what Anakin is saying. But his inability to do so does not mean that Anakin is the same. He can see more clearly now, even if the clarity hurts. So instead, he moves on to another subject which is important, one which they might as well discuss while they're on the topic.

"You still love him." He doesn't know why that surprises him. Maybe because he cannot conceive still harboring love for someone who hurt him so badly and left him for dead. But Vader is different; he is convinced of the rightness of Obi-Wan's actions on Mustafar. He accepts that his actions were wrong, and he hates himself for them. Because of that, he believes that what Obi-Wan did was right. The mere thought makes Anakin feel sick.

He picks up on a flicker of longing, but Vader remains impassive outwardly. "He was my master before I betrayed him," he answers.

"You still love him," Anakin repeats, feeling as if the Force whispers a faint confirmation, the truth of the statement ringing in his senses, "Even after he hurt you so badly and left you to die. You are angry with him, and hurt, but..." you love him. You hate yourself, not him.

"It is of no consequence," Vader replies brusquely, pulling back from him, both physically and in the Force. He turns, cape swirling as he moves across the office to the window, staring out, hands clasped behind his back.

In this moment, he almost looks like a mirror-image of Anakin himself, except that Anakin doesn't have a life-support suit. He walks to stand at Vader's side, mirroring him. "I'm sorry," he says quietly.

Vader doesn't look at him. "What for?"

"Because you're here, you lost everyone you knew," Anakin elaborates. "I – I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose everyone I have, everyone I know, now. I do not think I could do it and still keep moving the way you have."

"We are no longer the same." Even through the vocoder, Vader sounds sad, defeated, almost.

A few minutes pass in silence as Anakin thinks about his own family, about Obi-Wan and Ahsoka and Padme. "I miss him." His voice is quiet, even. "I miss all of them. I – I don't want things to stay like this." I want them back. He misses being able to simply spend time with Ahsoka, with Obi-Wan, with Padme when he's not on the frontlines. It hasn't been long, sure, and he's been apart from each of them for longer periods of time, but this is different. He's rarely been apart from all of them at once, and not in a situation where they're not really on talking terms. He feels... alone, even with Vader here.

Vader turns to him, reaching out and placing his hands on Anakin's shoulders, squeezing slightly. "I know. I cannot promise it will be alright, because I don't know that, but I can promise that will stay here with you. Always."

"Always," Anakin echoes in a whisper, holding Vader's gaze for a long moment.

"Perhaps you should spend some time with Rex and the others?" Vader suggests. "Fives and Echo might like to talk to you."

He nods to that, exiting from Vader's – their? – office in search of Rex. It only takes the clone a few minutes to presumably figure out how depressed Anakin is feeling, because he invites him to join him and a few others in one of the few bars that the clones can frequent openly without facing discrimination or derogatory insults.

Rex flies the speeder, and Anakin leans – sprawls, more accurately – back in the passenger's seat, head tilted as he watches the buildings and traffic passing as they travel. "You have a permanent vacation now," he comments, glancing back at Echo and Fives who are in the back. They agreed to Rex's impromptu proposal that they take a break, get a drink, and sit down and relax. They're officially celebrating in advance of Vader's imminent announcement about the clones' citizenship and the order about removing the inhibitor chips. Unofficially... well, who even knows?

Maybe spending time with his boys is exactly what he needs right now.

"We should make it a real vacation and go somewhere," suggests Fives.

Echo snorts. "Not possible. We have to protect the Emperor."

"And Vader needs my help right now, but at some point," Anakin agrees, perking up. "I did promise to take you to Naboo." The mention of the planet sends a pang of longing shooting through him. How much easier this would all be if he could simply tell Padme everything. But he's afraid. Not only might she not believe him, but also, she could reject him entirely, and he doesn't think he's strong enough to go through that right now.

"How are you holding up, General?" Fives' voice is quieter now, more serious, worried, and Anakin feels gratitude stab through him. Of everyone, the clones are some of his best friends. He knows that he can trust them, rely on them, and he appreciates their support more than anything. They're loyal to one another. From the way Fives is speaking, Anakin also suspects that he's one of the few whom Rex entrusted with the truth about Vader's identity.

He swallows past a sudden lump in his throat, blinking a few times to clear away any possible trace of tears. "I've been better," he answers, his voice somehow sounding completely normal despite the fact that he feels like crying again. He chases away the unwanted emotions, burying them deep down where they can't continue to hurt him.

"Is there anything we can do?" Echo asks softly, his own concern echoing into the Force.

Anakin presses his lips together and mutely shakes his head. "The – the Jedi won't accept that Vader isn't... going to destroy them and the galaxy without provocation. He'll do anything to keep me safe, of course, but..." He shrugs helplessly. "He only wants what's best for the Empire. He doesn't want to cause another war any more than I do."

The clones process his words, and Rex lands the speeder before they have a chance to say anything else. The next few minutes are a blur of pushing through the crowds, getting a small table in the back of the bar, and ordering drinks. Anakin rarely ever drinks, mainly because it doesn't have much of an effect on him. Drugs don't, either. He doesn't know if he even can get drunk, but sometimes, it's nice to drink a little something, if only to slightly dull his senses for a while. Drinking with friends is different than doing so alone.

"I can't imagine you being a Sith, honestly," Fives comments. "At least not one like Vader."

"It doesn't seem real," Anakin mutters, squeezing his eyes closed and letting himself soak in the familiar, welcome, comforting presences of his three closest friends, excluding Obi-Wan, of course. "I've thought, once or twice, that I might wake up to discover that this is all part of the strangest dream I've ever had. I – I mean, I'm glad Vader is here. We understand each other better than anyone else, and it – it's... soothing," he finishes, unsure how else to convey the tangled ball of emotions inside him.

He taps lightly on the side of his glass, downing it in a few swallows.

"What will you do about the Jedi?" Rex questions. "Do you really think they'll give in?"

Anakin shrugs one shoulder. "I – they don't have a choice."

"They'll go along with it," Fives contributes, "But they'll keep trying to find a way to destroy both of you. We won't let that happen though." Echo murmurs a fierce agreement.

He doesn't quiet hide his flinch, and Rex shifts closer in quiet solidarity. "He hates me," he whispers, their conversation pausing when a bartender comes to give them another round of drinks. Anakin doesn't need to clarify who he's referring to.

"That's his loss then," Echo says firmly. "He ought to know better. He ought to know to ask you questions instead of jumping to conclusions."

"Do you want me to talk to him?" Rex suggests, uncertainly. "I doubt it'll do much good, but I can try, at least. Or I can ask Cody to try to put in a word on your behalf."

Anakin huffs out a mirthless laugh. "Obi-Wan would never listen to Cody about something like this. He won't listen to any of you. He might – he might respect Cody, and all of you, but you're – don't take this wrong – but you're not his friends, or anything. He's detached. Like all the Jedi. It's nothing personal."

"We appreciate that you're not the same," Fives tells him. "We know you're different than the others. You care. You show you care, far more than any other Jedi I or my brothers know."

"And we'd support you even if Vader was a homicidal mass murderer and not... you," Echo chimes in. "If you trusted him, we'd trust him."

Anakin doesn't deserve these men. The fierceness of their loyalty and their affection takes his breath away. He's taken care of them as best he could; he's never shirked his duties to them even once, no matter how much it will hurt to lose the men he knows. He can't allow himself to be distant from them to protect himself. They deserve so much better. They were created by the Sith to be the Jedi's ultimate downfall, to be cannon fodder in a war that should never have been waged. Every time they accept him, welcome him, even if he feels he should have done better to protect them after difficult missions, he realizes how incredibly fortunate he is to have been given the chance to know them.

"I – I don't know what to say," he manages finally.

"You don't need to say anything... Anakin," Rex replies gently, reaching out to touch his forearm for a moment. "You may not have been born as one of us, but you became one of us, because you never treated us as expendable. We matter to you as individuals, and that means more to us than anything else."

He breathes in slowly, trying to wrestle his wild emotions into control again. Vader had the right idea, sending him here to talk to Rex, Fives, and Echo. The elder undoubtedly knew, or sensed, that having someone who cares for him around would help to stabilize him. They move on to other topics, leaving the more emotional ones behind, talking about the best ways of celebrating the clones' citizenship once they receive it and wondering what they'll all do now that they have the choice.

Anakin encourages the three to take some time off for themselves, but they refuse, insistent upon staying with him and Vader to continue their duties of protection. "It might be boring at times," Rex says, "But it's better than fighting clankers and wondering who will be next to go." And Anakin couldn't agree more with that.

Their... "break" lasts for nearly two hours, before they mutually agree to call it quits. The clones will go to the barracks for the rest of the day to sleep off the alcohol they ingested while Anakin will return to the Senate and Vader's side. Perhaps, he should first go to check on Padme. She was supposed to be working through the files she was given, and they'll need to keep in contact with her about it. And maybe the courage that Rex, Fives, and Echo have given Anakin has made him strong enough to face her on his own.

They need to talk and putting it off won't help anyone.

Still, that doesn't stop his heart from hammering wildly as he walks through the familiar halls leading to Padme's office in the Senate. She's alone when he gets there, and she looks up, surprise flickering through her eyes when she sees him. There's a painfully awkward moment where he stands in the doorway, wondering if she'll tell him to leave or if she'll let him in. "Come in." Her voice is soft, her tone the one she usually reserves solely for him, and for all that it relieves him to hear it – because it means that she doesn't, in fact, hate him – it doesn't take away the lingering uncertainty between them.

The silence is strained as Anakin slowly, shuffles inside her office, letting the door close behind him and approaching her desk. She doesn't move to greet him, a sign that she's still upset at him, and for good reason, but still. He understands why she's upset, he truly does, but Padme is... She is an idealist. She believes in democracy and the Republic. The system had failed. He knew that from the time he was old enough to understand what the Republic was. Padme's life was so different from his own that he isn't surprised that their views are so drastically distinct.

"The – the files?" Anakin questions, feeling uncomfortable.

"I'm working on them," Padme answers, voice level. "There is a lot to go through, a lot of connections which we have yet to make. It won't be a fast process, so I hope you, Vader that is, isn't expecting anything immediately."

"I..." He trails off, licking his lips and shaking his head in the negative. "I haven't actually talked to him about it," he admits.

Padme frowns slightly, maybe a little uncertainly. "Why are you here if not to check on me as per his orders?"

He tries not to tense or flinch at that. "Why – why should I need a reason?" he counters, voice trembling more than he would like. "You're my wife. I don't need an excuse to come see you."

"Vader knows?" She seems surprised at that, for some reason, and he doesn't understand why.

"Yes? I – I – yes, he knows. I'm not a Jedi anymore. It doesn't matter who knows anymore. The Council can't do anything to me if they somehow found out," Anakin replies.

"It does matter who knows," Padme counters firmly. "We cannot afford to have a scandal right now, and the last thing I need is for someone to pick up on my secret marriage to the crown prince." She says it with no small amount of bitterness.

Anakin fidgets, feeling even more uncomfortable and out of place. "I won't apologize for supporting Vader," he finally blurts out, knowing that's the primary reason for the... dissent between them. He hates fighting. He hates fighting with his family even more so, but at the same time, he isn't going to pretend to think or feel something that he doesn't. Those times are in the past. He owes it to Vader to be honest and frank with Padme about his feelings.

Something akin to regret flickers through her brown eyes. "I know, and I won't apologize for opposing him, either," she answers.

It's fair, but it still stings. "Is there some way that you think the government should be?" Anakin ventures to ask. "I think you and I both know that the Republic was extremely ineffective and corrupt. The Separatists left for a reason."

"Yes," she concedes, "They did, but an Empire is not the answer. Giving that much power to one person will bring about the galaxy's doom. When – when I was Queen, I never did everything completely on my own. I had people I would talk to; I had my handmaids. And I spoke to many other officials and legislatures. The Nubian Queen is only a queen in name. She never holds absolute power."

"Nor does Vader," Anakin answers quietly. "He listens to me. I don't follow him blindly. I understand your point," he hastens to add before Padme can get upset. "How do you think it could be better? We can't wait for the Senate. Some things are too time-sensitive and need to be addressed sooner rather than later."

"Yes," she agrees, a little grudgingly, "I am well aware. Give me some time to think about it. If you'll be redoing the entire system of government, I'll need time to figure out what would work best and still not take away democracy from the people. The galaxy has lost so much already. The people don't need to lose their voice as well."

It's not an accusation, but it certainly feels like it. "Okay," he manages, and as she looks at him, eyes lingering, he wonders what she sees. He wonders what she's thinking or feeling.

"I... I'm not angry at you, Ani, but I'm not happy with you, either. We don't have time to talk now, because with the Empire, there is so much upheaval and uncertainty, but we do need to talk at some point. I want you to tell me about Vader. Tell me how you met him and what happened," she requests. "I don't understand why you're supporting him, but I want to."

It's reasonable, so why does the mere thought of trying to talk to her about it make him feel sick?

He tries for a smile that probably looks more like a grimace. "Okay," he agrees and wonders what he's just doomed himself to. He leaves after that, having no further reason to stay. They didn't really talk, but they interacted without fighting, and that, Anakin supposes, is probably a good start.

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