I laid in the bed curled up as I cried softly. What did I do? I've ruined everything. I mean everything. The sun set slowly as I stared out the large glass window. My heart hurt as I grabbed at my shirt. I gasped for air as broken sobs escaped my lips. Holding tightly onto the small blanket covering me I shut my eyes and prayed this would all go away. As my thoughts raced I breathed deeply trying to calm down.
Distant memories flooded my mind.
The birds chirped loudly as the Sun rose softly. My breaths were deep and peaceful. Waves crashed in the distance. Perfect bliss hovered as the covers comfortably hugged my body. A pair of strong arms wrapped around me as a body slid into the bed next to me. I smiled softly as Chase's arms held me tightly. He kissed my neck as my body welcomed him happily.
"How was football?" I asked exhaling as my eyes stayed shut.
"Good, I missed you," He whispered setting his head against the back of my chest. A grin tugged at my lips. I felt his body pull me closer as I smiled. A gentle gush of air rolled into the room from the balcony door. I wished I could stay here forever. Everything was perfect. The Sun shining, the waves crashing, the birds chirping, this room, him, it was all perfect. This moment. The simplicity. The love I had for him.
My eyes fluttered open as footsteps erupted from upstairs. I sighed in disappointment. It was just a moment in time, of course I couldn't relive it. Sitting up I rubbed my face and tucked my hair behind my ear. I looked down in the outfit I was wearing from yesterday. Chase's hoodie over a tank top and a pair of white LuLu shorts. Yelling came from the kitchen abruptly. I looked over as footsteps ran down the hallway. The door to my room opened as I stood confused. Kayla walked in and shut the door quietly.
"K what th-," I said before she shushed me.
"You're mom's here, she's like, really fucking mad," Kayla said walking towards me. I looked at her worried.
"Chase is trying to calm her down but its bad, Bella," Kayla said slowly. I furrowed my eyebrows. My eyes guiltily looked up to Kayla as she stood in front of the door.
"Kayla I just want to say I-,"
"Save it," She said putting her hand up. I nodded slowly.
"Isabella?!" My mom yelled angrily, her accent thick.
"So do you want to go out there and talk to her or what?" Kayla asked. I nodded slowly. Kayla opened the door as I walked down the hallway. My moms figure stood in the kitchen as she yelled at Chase. He leaned against the counter as his eyes shot up at me. My heart dropped slowly as he looked at me. My mom spun to look at me as I stared at her.
"There you are you little bitch," She said before marching towards me. Chase stepped in front of her quickly and held her back.
"Let go of me," she said angrily.
"What are you doing here mom?" I asked crossing my arms uncomfortably. She scoffed and shook her head.
"You embarrassed me, demoralized me, attacked me at my wedding rehearsal dinner," she said angrily.
"Okay, sure. But you know what you did? You lied to me my whole life. You kept the most important things from me so you could feel better about yourself, and that is worse," I said stepping closer.
"I protected you! I did what was best!" She yelled.
"For who? You?" I asked.
"You are not my daughter," My mom said sternly. My heart shattered as those words sunk in. Tears stung at my eyes.
"Good," I replied defensively.
"Go live with your father. Live here, I don't fucking care! You are no longer a person in my life. Do not contact me, and do not, show up to my wedding," She said angrily as she grabbed her purse and walked out the door. My lips trembled as I held back my tears.
"Fuck you!" I yelled as she slammed the door. Swallowing hard I tried not to sob. The world became blurry as I looked around. Dropping to the ground I felt reality slip away.
Distant yelling echoed around me. I looked up as my dad threw my mom clothes at her. I sat next to Geneva and played with a barbie.
"Get the hell out!" My dad screamed. My mom sobbed as she walked out.
"Please Zayne he didn't mean anything, it was a mistake!" My mom sobbed. My dad shook his head. Looking up into the mirror in front of me I saw my 6 year old self. My dark hair in two braids draping down onto my pink overalls. My mom looked over at Geneva and I before running over and scooping up. My dad yelled at her as she ran out the door. I looked back at him as he ran after us. She set us in the car and drove off quickly. My dad ran after us before my mom sped off.
My body jolted awake as I sat up drenched in sweat. My heart raced as I took rapid breaths. Chase next to me as I came to my senses. He looked at me in relief as I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
"How are you feeling?" He asked looking into my eyes. I looked around his room as my eyes started watering. I shrugged and tugged at the string on the sleeve of his sweatshirt. Pursing my lips I cried softly. I know he wanted to hold me. I wanted him to hold me. That's the only thing I need right now. As he slowly moved towards me and lifted his arms up Kayla walked in the room.
"Seriously?" She asked scoffing.
"Kayla," I said getting up and storming after her. She marched down the stairs angrily.
"Will you stop acting like a 5 year old for one second?!" I yelled. She flipped around in the kitchen and faced me.
"You hypocritical bitch. I'm the 5 year old?" She asked angrily. Her blonde hair swaying as she waved her hands around.
"Can we please just have a civilized, mature conversation about this?" I asked crossing my arms. She laughed softly and looked up at me.
"Oh yeah because what you did was real mature," Kayla said walking away.
"I didn't do anything wrong! I can't help how I feel Kayla!" I yelled following her. She shook her head as she marched into the living room.
"You didn't do anything wrong? You have been fucking my brother and lying about it to me!" She yelled turning around and facing me.
"I know. I should have told you. But you were so far up Hayden's ass you barely even talked to me or asked me about what was happening in my life, everything was about fucking Hayden! It was so fucking tiring competing with him to be the center of your life. I am your best friend I shouldn't have to even try!" I yelled. She looked at me as her eyes watered.
"Bella that is n-,"
"No. I am not done. For the last 5 months you have only asked to hang out with me or be my 'friend' when it was convenient for you. You never once helped me when I needed it. Everything was about you. I don't know when you turned into this selfish bitch but I miss my best friend. Because you sure as hell are not. So i'm not sorry for being with Chase. He at least cared about me when you didn't. When I was going through the worst months of my life recently, which you didn't notice, Chase was there. He was there. He was the one who comforted me and loved me and helped me. You never fucking noticed anything Kayla. I understand you're mad. You have every right to be mad at me for being with him. But I am not the only one who fucked up our friendship Kayla. You fucked it up just as much," I said crying. She stared at me heartbroken. I watched her jaw tremble as tears rolled down her cheeks from her eyes.
Are you in love with him?" Kayla asked as her voice broke in pain. Tears swelled in my eyes as my heart strained. Shuddered breaths escaped my mouth.
"I mean yeah I love him," I replied swallowing hard.
"That's not what I asked," Kayla said. My eyes fluttered.
"Yes," I said staring at the ground. She sighed painfully and ran her hands through her hair.
"What the hell," she muttered shutting her eyes.
"I don't know what you want me to say K," I said sniffling. She rubbed her face.
"Just go, please," She said quietly as her eyes were red and puffy.
"I don't ha-,"
"Just find somewhere, please, I need to think, okay," she said sighing. Furrowing my eyebrows I hoped she would say something else. My eyes led up to hers. Pursing my lips I felt warm tears rub down my cheeks.
"Kayla please, I don't k-,"
"Just go!" She yelled angrily.
"Kayla!?" Chase yelled from the top of the staircase.
"Don't even start," she said looking up at him.
"Get you stuff and Get out!" She screamed as she sobbed. Crying I quickly ran up the stairs and past Chase. He reached for my arm as I pulled it away. Going into Kayla's room I grabbed mg stuff from her bathroom and put it in a bag along with my clothes I had in her closet. Chase walked in and tried stopping me.
"Bells stop please, you don't have to actually go you know she's just mad," he said following me around the room. Tucking my hair behind my ear I shook my head as I shoved clothes in the bag. He placed his hand over the bag trying to stop me. I angrily pushed it away.
"Stop it Chase, just let me go," I said crying. Closing the bag I looked down at my sweatshirt. Chase's sweatshirt. Pulling it off quickly I threw it at him and put the bag over my shoulder.
"Bells stop," He said emotionally.
"Stop calling me that! Stop, just, stop everything," I said crying. He placed his hands on my face and wiped my tears.
"Please don't leave me," he begged emotionally. I wanted to stay. I really did. He made it so hard for me to leave. I shook my head crying as he tried to hug me. Pushing him away I sobbed.
"What?! What else do you want? Don't push me away. You don't just get to leave me," he said breathing heavily.
"Oh please, you always pushed me away, don't even start with that shit. You did this," I said crying angrily. I watched him clench his jaw.
"I did this? You were the one who wanted me first. You kissed me. God, I should've known this would happen. You're so fucking immature, grow up!" He yelled. I stared at him hurt as my heart hurt.
"Fuck you Chase. God I can't believe I thought you were capable of loving anyone but yourself. You're so fucking selfish. I made excuses for you and tried to convince myself you were a good person. You're exactly who I thought you were. God, you're just like your father," I said emotionally. Fuck. Why did you say that? His expression changed quickly. From anger to hurt. He stared down at the ground and scoffed. I quickly walked out the room as Chase slowly followed. Running down the stairs I looked over at Kayla standing angrily. I wiped the tears off my cheek and ran out. Opening the door I looked up at Chase. He looked at me longingly. I slammed the door and walked to my car. As I walked the sound of angered yelling erupted from inside the house. The salty tears rolled into my mouth as I got in. Sitting there I cried softly. Where the hell am I supposed to go?
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