I was trying so hard to do many things. I was trying hard to love, understand, forget, and trust others. It's hard to  forget Jasper. Thinking about her made me feel shaken. It makes me scared to remember Jasper and the way she seduced me into abuse. I don't like sharing these things with Peridot. It just makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't wanna put Peri in the ring of the mess of my mistakes. It makes me cry just thinking about Jasper's influence on me. It hurts me so  much. I don't know a solution for me to deal with it. I ache with pain at the thought of my childhood too. I don't wanna give my child a bad life. Then again, let's see if I can even gain the money to adopt a child. With my salary, I don't even know how I make it to the end of the month with Peridot. Trying is whole lot but I know do is way more in life...