I stayed there all day long. All my day off, looking at her window, longing to see her or to talk to her. It had been the longest conversation I've had with her since she decided she doesn't want me in her life anymore and of course I had to ruin it. What an idiot I've been. It was way too soon to tell her I love her. Even if I assumed she understood. Either way she had no reason to push me away. And I was 100% sure she wasn't the kind of girl to play with guys. But what's the point of fighting when she doesn't want me in her life anymore? Maybe being with a guy makes her sad and she's better without me. Maybe she will come back. I have no clue. I was desperate. I needed her so much, but what if she didn't need me? I got in my car and went back home, not even bothering to turn on the radio on my way. Maybe time was all she needed. And if she needed that, I was the idiot calling her 20 times a day and waiting for her outside. Or maybe she didn't want me in her life anymore, when all that I wanted was to keep her close to me. Maybe I needed time too. Time to think, time to feel. Or just time.

I reached out the house and went in, throwing my key on the table and my bag on the floor. What a shitty day. Just one more since I last saw her. "Hey buddy, any news?" Joey asked as he went out of his room. "No. Nothing. The same old thing...I need a drink" I said as I walked to the bar. Joey looked at me with a worried face but walked to me, to support I guess. He sat on one of the stools in front of the bar and watch me as I put some whisky into a glass. "Do you want anything?" I asked to him, sounding indifferent. "No, I'm good" he answered and pinched his lips. His stare reflected pity. Awesome. I took the glass in my hand and drank it all in once the shot. I felt the alcohol burning my throat, but it was nothing in comparison of how my heart felt everytime I think of her. I served another glass and took it again, but before I drank it, I explained everything to Joey. "To recap, she doesn't want to talk to me and I'm just here like an idiot" I explained. "You shouldn't think like that" Joey tried to reassure me. "How should I think Joey? I gave everything to her and now all I can do is watching her go away from me!" I said, way too loud. He had nothing to do with this, I had no reason to be upset at him. "I'm sorry" I added. "Bad day". "Yeah, I figured that out" Joey chuckled. I took the glass once more to my mouth but before I could feel the whisky down my throat again, the door bell rang. "Are we excepting someone?" I asked as I put the glass back on the bar. "No one that I know about" he answered.

I went to the door, and opened it, determined to just send away the person who were going to distract me on my way to forget thanks to alcohol. I opened the door, and the next thing I know, someone has their arms around my neck and hugged me tight. I took me a second to realize it was a crying y/n. I hugged her back, so tight I was positive I choked her. "I'm so sorry Darren. I tried. I'm so sorry" she cried on my shoulder. Ok that was hella confusing. "Are you okay?" I asked, kind of ignoring her sentences. "I tried to stay away but I can't Darren. I just...I miss you" she said between sobs. "It's okay. It's okay. I missed you too" I responded as I put my head in her neck. I never noticed how addicted I was to her before. Her smell, the way she talks and her hugs. She's amazing. She pulled away and looked at me in the eyes. She had mascara under her cheeks and puffy red eyes. "You can't love me Darren, you just can't. I'm a...I'm a mess and you don't wanna be in love with someone like me. You deserve better. All I will do is hurt you" she said quickly. She looked like she was panicing. "Hey, please, beautiful, calm down" I said as I took her face in my hands. She looked at me silently, but still with that panic twinkle in her eyes. "It's okay. Calm down" I repeated calmly. Her eyes were looking back and forth at my right and left eye and after a while, I saw her shoulders falling. "I want you to listen carefully to what I'm gonna say next okay?" I said. She nodded and bit her lip not to cry again. "I don't wanna love anybody else".