"Sebastian do you honestly think that I give people too many chances? That I don't think correctly?" I ask as I step back from Milos bed where we've finally gotten her to go down for a nap.

Our lunch wasn't eventful after Bash spoke his mind to William, but it did feel awkward. It was pretty quiet with the exception of Milo trying her hardest to talk to Bash with the few words she actually can pronounce properly. William sat there awkwardly until I finally let him go back to the pack house. Once he left Logan decided to join us and we sat in the sun enjoying the few moments of peace we could find. It's truly not often that we get time like this. The only reason we were able to is because recently things have been calm.

Of course Tommy is away and Garrett is in hiding to protect himself, but it's been relatively safe. The new council will be meeting very soon and I've stepped up in the role Bash finds fit for me.

"I don't hate you for that opinion, if it's how you truly feel, you've just never said anything like that out loud before." I finish my thought as he places a hand on my back. He leads me out of the yellow room and into our own which is right down the hall.

"Baby it's not a bad thing." He whispers down onto my lips and I shake my head. "It's not bad even though I do mean it. You know I don't say much, but when I do it mean what I say."

"Yeah but that makes what you says even harder to hear sometimes. It's cause I know you mean it." I take a seat at the edge of our bed and he shuts the door before leaning against it.

"I was trained to only take certain aspects of situations into account. Your brother got raised in a similar way." He starts to explain himself. "Most Alphas get raised this way because it makes it easier to separate our feelings from what we need to do. I don't think it's wrong to think this way but it's clear that you didn't get raised that way. You focus on your gut feelings and you look past the facts. You find the reason behind things and I don't care to do that because I seldom have time for that. It doesn't make you any less of a person."

"But it makes me less of a leader?" I ask while mimicking his actions and crossing my arms over my chest. "I don't want to raise our little girl to be a soldier. I want her to have some compassion and to find the reason when she can. Can't you see the value in that?"

"I see it and I love you for it. I love that I have a Luna who is just as intelligent as me, if not more, and who has a heart as big as yours. You're the strongest woman I have in my life and you perform every aspect of being a Luna perfectly. You are everything I could've asked for and I'd be more than happy to have Milo raised to act as you." He walks over from the door and takes a seat next to me.

"I would love for her to be like you, but we both know she can't be." He stares into my eyes and I feel his heart break as he says the words to me. "Her safety is always going to be in jeopardy and I can't have her look for reasons. She has to be quick to protect herself and we have to do the same. That means there's gonna be no time to find a reason during most scenarios."

"She can't be exactly like you, but that won't make her any less caring or generous or loving. She is going to be all of those things and I will make sure of that. I just can't run the pack with your methods. That's why you're my Luna. You balance me out and you do things for the pack that I could never do. That's why we work." He continues to assure me but I can't help but feel slighted. I know that things get done in a certain way, but the thought of my baby girl growing up to interrogate men and kill them is mildly haunting. The thought of a hypothetical son doing the same also has the same effect on me.

For someone who was born and raised a wolf, I really can't fathom some of the stuff that happens behind the scenes. This idea of untrusting the process started when I met the council that dreadful weekend. When I heard how they interrogated people and how it wasn't uncommon for them to humiliate woman, I slowly saw the side I never wanted to see.

Bash eliminated those practices when he got rid of the council, but that doesn't erase the years of torment that nobody was willing to challenge. I don't appreciate that and it makes me wonder how easily these other packs would fall into the same behavior patterns once again. I'm raising a child in a world where those men allowed women to be beat and humiliated for answers or to prove loyalty.

Everyday I come to a new conclusion about raising Milo and everyday there's a new worry. I'm starting to think it's just a part of being a mother.

"Are you okay with that?" Sebastian asks me as I've gone quiet and I let out a small laugh.

"No I'm not really okay with it but I know that once she's older she will be thinking for herself and her thoughts will be her own." I give him a slight smile and he wraps an arm around my shoulder before pulling me into his chest.

"Fair enough Jen, fair enough. Just know she's got a favorite and it's me." He continues to tease me and I reach up to his face.

"She can't even pronounce the word favorite yet. I wouldn't get ahead of yourself." I pinch at his cheek and in retaliation he pushes me down in my back. "It's true, don't get mad at the truth." 

"You can't get mad at me then." He counters and I feel his hand run from my waist down to my thigh as his grip tightens.

"Bash." I breathe out while pushing my body against his. "I did say I wanted to spend my night with you, I just didn't mean this."

"Well I haven't gotten you alone since that walk we went on and you are my fiancée."

"At least take me to dinner before you try to get in my pants." I run my hands up his chest and he leans down to kiss me again.

"I just figured that since our daughter finds me to be her favorite that we could just make another one who would call you their favorite."

"Oh another one?" I question him and he nods. "I would love another one, but you and I both know I do not want to be pregnant any time soon."

"But we made such a cute kid." He points to the picture frame we have on our side table and I look over at the image of our daughter taking her first steps.

"You and I both know we can't be having one until she's older. She's a handful and right now is not the time for another one and it won't be the time until she's at least five."

"I know, but it's fun to think that we have a bit more of a normal life. I like to think that she's not growing up this fast and that we aren't dealing with all this stuff." He motions around us and for the first time in a while I feel how much this has affected him.

This whole time I've been stressed and fearful of the future. I've felt the aftermath of the council being dissolved, the chaos of raising a child, and mostly the realization that my life will never be normal. However, this whole time I didn't realize that Sebastian feels all of these things just as much as I do. I've made so much about me and I've never asked him how he's felt.

"Well what do you want?" I ask while relaxing into his chest. "Is another baby what you want?"

"Not necessarily." He sits up slightly while taking his hands off my legs and resting them on my back. "I just know how happy everything felt for those first few months. Yeah we were scared of the council but I was really happy with everything. There was no sadness of Logan missing his wolf or the constant yelling from my sisters that I'm ruining their love lives."

"I love being a dad though. The moments when I'm with Milo make it all feel better, but I know another baby won't solve the issues and I also don't want to put that shit on you. You take care of her and you deal with snotty teen wolves and pregnancy won't make that easier for you. I want you to be happy too." He starts to ramble, but I let him because I think he needs this.

"We were supposed to finally get married too and that's been held off. Trust me, I want to give you that wedding, I simply can't find a good time for it. The first new council meeting is coming up soon, I need Garrett and Tommy to be home too, but then I need those new wolves trained. There's never a moment to breathe."

"Bash, the wedding can wait. If there's one thing that I've learned since we met, it's that nothing we do follows the norms. We don't do things the way other people do and I'm okay with that because I'm still in love with you and in love with the life I have with you."

"Well then the two of us are just going to have to see where the next few months take us."