After my brief runaway adventure things really picked up. I felt like that weight on my chest had been lifted but it was sadly replaced by the new found fear.

Milo has learned how to walk.

My little demon alpha has learned to stand up on her legs and move around the house and it's become the biggest stresser in my life. It's made the job of being a parent much more chaotic but at the same time it gives me a sense of joy that I've needed. It's given me something to be a mom about and not a scared mom, but a happy mom. The mom who gets to sit back and be proud of her daughters accomplishments.

I always wanted to be the fun mom who cheered on her kids and I feel like I've been nothing but a buzzkill. I've been on edge since we left for Bash to kill the council and I don't know when exactly I'll be back to normal. I thought maybe it would stop after Logan got his wolf back but he's set to be getting it back any day now and even that doesn't get me out of this funk.

I want to be the fun mom and I don't know how I'm gonna get to that point. For now I'm just going to stop beating down on myself. I'm gonna start focusing on Milo and the good in her life because she's perfect and she deserves to have a good mother.

I just don't know how to be one.

But at least I have my family. I have this family and I'm going to make this all work out. We're all going to make this work out.

"Jen, do you think I could have a minute?" I hear Bash's voice speak up as he walks into the kitchen.

I've been trying to cook dinner, but it never goes all too well. I'm awful at cooking in a precise or orderly manner but after being with Bash for almost three years I've picked up on some basics.

"I can find a minute if you want me to." I nod while placing down the knife I've been cutting with.

"Yeah come with me." He nods his head outside and I look past him to see if Milo is with him.

"Where's Milo?" I question as I take off my apron. "Wasn't she with you?"

"She's with Logan in the living room. I just left them to come talk to you." He wraps an arm around my shoulders as he leads me outside and into the backyard.

"So we're gonna go for this walk and we are going to keep walking for as long as we have to." He admits while moving his arm down my back and finally settling on holding my hand.

We haven't gone for a walk together since my first week here. It's not because we don't try to get alone time, it's just difficult now. We live with six other people and sometimes seven if Michelle is over to see Garrett plus there's always the added stress of Bash trying to fix the future council. There's never time to just walk away and relax cause even when we do have the time to ourselves it seldom free of arguments.

"Can you tell me why?"

"Because you're doing that thing where you cook and clean and act like a happy Luna, but I know you're not. I know my Jenifer and the girl I love isn't the type to be quiet about her opinions unless she's suffering. You're only quiet when you're suffering because you're a silent sufferer who hates burdening others."

Ouch.

No need to be that accurate.

"So I'm taking you for this walk so you can clear your head and say whatever you want to me. I won't interrupt or give my opinion unless you ask for it. I'm simply here to listen to you because you need to let it out."

"I hate being a mom sometimes." I almost immediately let the words fly from my mouth and it's too late cause I already said it.

I'm twenty two.

I'm barely a functioning adult and yet I managed to get pregnant and become responsible for not just Milo but this whole pack.

I'm twenty two and I feel like I have the responsibility of someone double my age.

I'm twenty two and I wish I got to be the dumb girl in her twenties who doesn't care about anyone but herself. I resent the fact that I didn't get to have those moments and nobody here understands.

It feels like nobody here knows what it's like to have a perfect child but to also wish you just had her a few years later. They don't get it because they aren't parents and Bash doesn't feel that way because he's never had the stupid phase. He's always been the future alpha and he's always had responsibilities. I miss the stupid phase because I know how much fun the stupid phase can be.

"I just wish I was older and that we didn't have Milo till we were both better and more highly functioning. You're a great father but sometimes I think I'd be a better mom if I had more time to be the dumb twenty two year old."

"But I know it's not real cause I'm not human and because I'm a wolf. I'm a wolf with responsibilities and a purpose. A responsibility to lead and to solve problems presented to her. At twenty two that's my job." I exclaim. "How is it that I'm twenty two and I'm in charge of a pack and a tiny human?"

"The same way I'm twenty five and in charge of one. The same way Logan lost his wolf but is getting it back." He reasons. "It's just how the universe works and I know that is an awful reason, but it true. You were the one he kept telling me that the universe makes decisions and that sometimes they suck but you and I both know we still got dealt a very good hand."

"I know." I squeeze his hand tightly. "You just asked and I'm telling. My brain is just thinking this way. It's not a reflection on my love for you or Milo. I love you two more than anything." 

"Is this a bad time to say I'd love another Milo?" He teases with a smirk and I roll my eyes.

"And I'd love more time for walks." I admit while coming to a halt. "I'd love for us to have more alone time."

"Well then we will make that work." He moves his hands around me and keeps me close. "I will find a way to get us the time alone and for us to get some sense of normalcy."

"I'll make sure we have some time for you to feel like a stupid twenty two year old." He adds and I shake my head.

"I don't need to be a stupid kid. I don't have to have that, but sometimes I wonder if I'd feel better that way. The truth is I won't." I shrug. "I won't feel any better because the grass is always greener. I have a lot to be thankful for, I just need to suck it up and get through this phase. I promise I'm happy with what we have and that I'm grateful."

"Well I love you more than I love anyone in this world and once I figure out this council business we're gonna have that beautiful wedding and we're going to live an easier life."

"Until then I think these walks are really just a time for me to kiss you without interruption." He leans down to place his lips on mine and for a split second I feel the peace I've wanted for so long.

"I'm kidding it's not just to kiss you." He pulls away and leads me further from any houses or building. He brings me into the woods and I start to get suspicious.

What is he doing?

"I can hear your thoughts all the time baby. You're not very good at putting up the wall."

"Well then answer my question you asshole."

"I'm bringing you out here so that we can talk without anyone else in earshot. I want to tell you my plan before I tell anyone else."

"You're plan?" I ask and he takes a seat on the same tree stump he sat on the day I met him. I cross my arms over my chest and he nods.

"The council doesn't exist anymore and I'm aware that I've pissed off a decent amount of packs. I've since explained my actions to them and why I felt the need to exterminate them and they are understanding. However, they still want a council. They want a leadership group too keep things in check and I agree with those feelings."

"You want to make a new council? What elders are meant to run it?" I pace back and forth while trying to process everything.

"The council is going to be comprised of non-elders."

"How will that work? The reason things were in check is because these elders didn't have ties to any particular pack."

"Because it's not going to be the same as the council. It's going to be a meeting we hold. Every pack will have a spokesperson to voice concerns at this meeting and it'll be a one day event of sorts. One day to discuss the past three months and the future of our communities as a whole. It's not going to include every pack, but it's going to be a way to make us work together."

"You've made it a democracy?" I clarify and he nods with a smile. "And every month you're going to go sort out business?"

"No, I have to focus on being a dad and handle the business here. Things only get tougher from here on out and I need to stay here as much as I can. This isn't going to be a one and done event, it'll happen four times a year for the rest of our lives if it works so I need someone capable and because of that I'm gonna send you."

Excuse me?

"Bash that's a lovely concept, but I think you're mental. I'm not the person you want to put in charge of this. Maybe Tommy or Hudson. Even Logan would be a better choice."

"No they wouldn't. You're my Luna and you know how things run around here. You're my equal and you have just as much say as I do. The only difference between our pack and other packs is that we have a daughter. We have a daughter and I need every second I can get, to be a second that I spend teaching her. I can't run off to these meetings like other Alphas because the way we raise her effects us more than anything."

"So I'm gonna send you because you're perfect for the job and because you're the best leader I could find." He finishes the thought and it feels like I'm back to square one.

"Bash, I'm twenty two and I just told you how stressed I already am. You want to send me off to meetings?"

"Do you remember what you did at twenty?" He asks. "You were out selling art work and making millions for the pack. You did that all on your own because you're capable and always have been. You're the best negotiator I know and it's because you know your needs and the wants of others. You think quickly and that's what I need in someone. You're incredible but you need to see that for yourself." He stands back up and I take a deep breath.

"When do these meetings start Bash? It's almost Christmas and I don't want this interfering with her first Christmas. I want us to relax and enjoy the holidays together before you literally throw me to the wolves."

"It's all in the proposal I'll be sending out in the morning. It will be set where the first meeting is in March so that we'll have enough time to figure out what exactly we need from this new council. It gives us enough time to get Logan his wolf trained as well so that he can travel with you and make sure you get there safely."

"Sebastian Michael Reece, you're a brilliant man, but sometimes I think you're trying to kill me." I let out a small laugh before taking a hold of his hand again. "But I trust you with my life and my future and our daughters future, so I'll do it."