Warning: mention of rape

......

"Oh god." A gasp came from Lucy's lips while she stared at the piece of paper she had just found in her mailbox. She had come home from the bookstore some minutes ago and would have to leave in almost one and half an hour since Luke had invited her over for dinner. The siblings hadn't seen each other in weeks and she couldn't deny that she missed her brother. So, Lucy had agreed and promised she'd come over.

But now she felt everything but leaving her apartment again. The paper she was holding showed words that were written hastily but the message wasn't anything less scary to Lucy: I know what you did. You'll pay for it.

Lucy swallowed hard before she scrunched the paper and threw it into the trash can. Her heart was racing wildly in her chest, but she ignored it. She had to get ready and go to Luke. She had promised and she didn't want to disappoint him, no matter what. Grabbing her bag and a jacket, Lucy left the apartment some time later and tried to ignore the feeling that was crawling up her chest as soon as she stepped outside. She felt like someone was watching her all the time now and it started to drive her crazy, even when she swore herself not to go insane and let something like that destroying her. But it was getting harder and harder every day.

"Hey, sis!", Luke greeted her with a wide smile before he pulled her into a hug. Lucy smiled.

"Hey, Luke." She followed him inside and was surprised to see Spencer sitting on the couch. Lucy frowned. She hadn't expected Luke's colleague and friend being here as well. She had thought it would just be her and Luke.

"Oh, I'm sorry I forgot to tell you that I've invited Spencer too. I hope that's okay for you?", Luke said when he saw his sister's look. Lucy just nodded and then went over to say hi to Spencer. The young agent placed the bottle of beer he had been holding on the coffee table and stood up to give Lucy a hug. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Spencer smelled like coffee and some aftershave she really liked. Damn, he was just perfect and she didn't want this hug to ever end. But it did when Luke came back with a beer for Lucy.

"Here." He reached it towards her and Lucy grabbed it. She realized that her hand was shaking and hurried to take a sip and then place the bottle next to Spencer's. She buried her hands in the pockets of her pants.

"You alright?" Spencer looked at her in a way that made it hard for Lucy to nod. She wanted to tell those two men so much what had happened but something was still holding her back. Maybe it was fear. Yes, she was sure that it was fear.

"Sure", she said after slightly clearing her throat. Now Luke examined her too and suddenly there was worry in his eyes.

"You look tired. And nervous", Luke eventually noticed, frowning. Lucy swallowed and slowly sat down on the couch. Her knees were shaking.

"Alright. Lucy, what's going on?" Luke sat down next to her. "Spencer told me that you changed somehow during those last weeks. And he's right, I can see it too. Something's going on and I want to know what it is!" Luke's voice had gotten louder with every single word. There was no doubt he'd let Lucy go tonight without her telling him what was going on. And she knew, she couldn't come up with another lie. She was tired, so tired. And she was afraid. The man she had seen in front of her bookstore some time ago had appeared again. Not only there, but also in the streets of D.C. It had always looked like it was random, but Lucy had known it wasn't. He was following her around, he was putting threatening letters in her mailbox and shortly there had been phone calls from him that had frightened her almost to death. She couldn't do this anymore. She was risking her life here if she didn't talk.

"Come on, Lu. Tell us what's going on. You've changed and I'm worried. Spencer is too." He gave Spencer a quick look. The young man nodded. "This has been going on for too long now and I finally want to know what's the matter", Luke continued talking to her. He was stubborn. He was an FBI agent. He wouldn't give up. "I can't help you if you don't talk!"

"I...I can't", Lucy stammered; her voice not more than a whisper. Tears were filling her eyes and she tried to fight them back. But she wasn't successful at all.

"Yes, you can", Luke urged her as he grabbed her hands and held tightly in his own. Spencer had sat down on the other side of Lucy, putting an arm around her shoulder now. She slightly leaned against him as the first sob escaped. She had to tell them right now. This was her chance, no matter what would happen next.

It was late and Lucy was dead tired. She had worked almost twelve hours today and all she wanted, was to take a shower and lay down in her bed. Lucy hurried through the streets of Manhattan, trying to get home as fast as possible. Of course, she could have taken a cab, but those weren't cheap in the city that never slept. So, she had decided to walk those four blocks. Walking was good for her and the fresh air as well. Okay, the air in Manhattan was everything but fresh, but still...

Only two streets away from her apartment, Lucy suddenly heard footsteps behind her. This wasn't something special – a lot of people were walking through the city, even late at night. But a strange feeling had started crawling up her chest. She slightly turned her head and glanced over her shoulder. Two tall and dark silhouettes were following her. Lucy grabbed her coat and tightened it around her body. She started to walk faster, but forced herself not to run. She didn't want the men – Lucy was sure they were men – to realize that she had noticed them and was scared. Maybe they just had to take the same way as her? Yes, that must be it, she told herself to calm down. But the feeling she had was telling her otherwise.

Faster than she could have expected, hands grabbed her arms and dragged her into a dark side street. Lucy wanted to scream, but there came nothing out of her mouth. She just stared at the two men that were standing there in front of her. Although it was so dark she could barely see something, as soon as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she could see their faces. And she could see the knife one of them was holding. Lucy's heart was racing even faster in her chest now. She was unarmed. She wouldn't be able to get out of here, even if she wanted to. She swallowed hard and tried to not hyperventilate.

"Hey, babe", the taller of them said with a dirty grin on his face. He reached out a hand and tried to touch Lucy's cheek. She turned her head away immediately and did everything she could to hold herself together. She was terrified but she didn't want to show that to them. She didn't want to give them that kind of satisfaction.

"Come on, don't act so shy", the other one said and tried to touch her as well. Since he was the one with the knife, Lucy let him touch her cheek. She didn't want to risk being stabbed. That might happen soon enough anyway. The thought of what possibly was about to happen to her took her breath away.

It was when the armed guy came closer and let a hand wander under her skirt, that Lucy finally started to properly defend herself. She had practiced self-defense for almost a year and knew what to do. She wasn't ready to die. Not tonight. Not any time soon. Everything happened so fast, it felt like a blink of an eye. Suddenly, Lucy was holding the knife in her hands. When the men realized that they were the ones unarmed right now, they just stood there, staring at Lucy for a moment.

"You bitch, you'll regret that", one of them now growled and made a step forward. He reached out a hand and was about to beat Lucy. But first he grabbed her and with a loud noise, her skirt and her coat were ripped. In that moment, Lucy didn't think about what she was doing, but her hand holding the knife shot forwards and she could feel the blade going through fabric and skin. A choked scream came from the man's lips and he broke down almost immediately.

Shocked, Lucy let the knife fall to the ground and just stood there, staring at the man now lying to her feet. The other man looked as shocked as she did. "No!", he exclaimed after what had felt like an eternity, and kneeled to check on his friend's pulse. Then he slowly turned around to face Lucy, who hadn't been able to move her body. She felt as if she was frozen just right where she was standing.

"You killed him!", he whispered and it sounded as if he was going to kill her too now. Lucy's eyes widened, she kept staring at the body on the ground and then back to the man who was trying to get a hold of her. Lucy turned around and ran away as fast as she could. Her feet could finally move again. Although her lungs were burning and her legs hurt, she didn't stop until she had reached her apartment and closed the door behind her. Heavily breathing, she leaned against it while the realization of what had happened slowly got to her.

"Oh, my god!", she sobbed and let herself sink to the floor, with her back against the door. What had happened? What had she done? Did she really kill someone? Did she kill a human being? Chills ran down her spine as she managed to get up again and go to the bathroom. Her whole body was shaking and after she had gotten out of her clothes and stuck them into a plastic bag – for whatever reason – she finally stood in the hot shower for almost an hour. She tried to get rid of that guilty feeling, but it didn't work. Lucy had killed someone. She knew, that she had been just defending herself, but it didn't make her feel better at all.

Days later, she still hadn't talked to anybody about what had happened, although the guilt was almost killing her. She had just read a little article in one of the newspapers about a stabbed body that had been found. But nothing more. No suspects or anything. And from what Lucy had read, the other guy had taken the knife with him, so there wasn't even a weapon.

"And...and then I've decided to quit my job and come to D.C. I wasn't feeling...safe anymore, I was...afraid the guy could...show up out of the blue and...take revenge. I...I killed someone and...didn't...tell anybody and I...I can't-" Lucy stopped as new sobs were tightening her chest and made it hard for her to breathe. She had told Spencer and Luke everything without them interrupting her even once. They had listened to her in shock and with pity and now, that she had finally gotten everything off her chest, Lucy felt a little bit relieved. But also scared. Maybe even more than ever.

"You came here to forget, right?", Luke quietly asked, trying to keep his anger at bay. He wasn't angry at Lucy. He was angry that she had been forced to do something like that. He was angry at the men who had attacked her. As soon as Lucy had calmed down again, she nodded and whipped away the tears from her cheeks.

"Yes, I did. I wanted...to forget but I can't. I'm guilty and I know it. And...the dead man's friend knows as well. He...he turned up in D.C. some weeks ago. I think he's...looking for me and waiting for the right moment to take revenge."