Sometimes I wonder if any of us are actually smart. I mean we're teenagers. Mostly. What the fuck does anyone expect us to do when we all look like we just came out of the womb? The Ginerva may be a century and a half years old, but they look just as young as the rest of us. What makes us so suiting for the job of ruling a kingdom and fighting a force far larger than anything we could possibly imagine?

I haven't even lived my life the way a teenager should. There are still things I want to do and places I want to see. Gods, there's so much I want to do, and all of it may be burned by the end of this. I'm too young to die.

"Where are your thoughts at, Kat?" I glance up at Clarice. I've been teaching her how to make flower crowns for the past hour. We arrived at the edge of the Wildflower Valley, making camp early so that we'll get to Cadorelin in two days' time. I like the slow pace we've had since the Banevenin. It doesn't feel like we're marching towards death, just traveling and enjoying the time with friends. 

The Ginerva have been stitching small wards in everyone's clothing, not trusting that Xaxias won't have a few things lurking in the flower fields to stalk us. A few of the Bhaltayr help, but they keep cursing every time they poke themselves with the needles. The rest are either hunting with Darius or talking to the soldiers while they content themselves with games. Lance went with the hunting party, and I pointedly ignored his presence as he left.

I sigh at Clare's question, going back to twisting the flower stems as I answer. "Do think we can pull this off? Uniting all the rulers to fight and win?"

She chews on her lip as she thinks, pausing her progress on her crown of velvetleaf mallow, tall cinquefoil, and red poppies. I've already finished one of Coreopsis, Primrose, and Spiked Lobelia for Roseia. She wears it now, laying in the grass and trying to soak in the words of another book before the sunset. She's got about an hour before it does, but something tells me that if she doesn't land in a good spot, she'll be lighting a candle or two to keep reading.

"I think..." Clare answers slowly. "That all we can do is try and hope for the best, but we can't not fight. We don't even have the option. There are too many lives at stake and so much on the line left to lose. The Kings and Queens of Ker are going to have to understand that. This isn't just one kingdom against another. It's the world against the Underworld."

"But why would Kings and Queens who have been ruling for years or decades listen to us? We're children to them. What do we know?" I question, voicing my thoughts.

"In regards to this situation, we know plenty more than them. In general...we may not have the experience they do, but that's what the alliance is for. To unite those of different views and use them to our advantage, not argue about who's view is right and wrong. That's a matter of opinion."

I sigh again, adding a Wild Morning Glory flower to the Bush Mallow and Tidy-Tips. She's sounding a lot more sure of herself with her answers. She's been thinking about it too. "I guess I'm just nervous."

"Why? You're not the one who's going to have to walk in that ballroom and be expected to talk to each and every one of them."

"That's true. That's going to suck for you."

"Tell me about it. I think I'll throw up before going in."

"How Queenly of you," I joke. She throws a stem at me, and we both start laughing.

I miss laughing with her. She always had a way of making me relax with few words. I'm not entirely relaxed, but I don't think I will be for a long time.

"So are you going to talk to my brother?" And the anxiety is back. "I just think that this fight of yours is petty," she says matter- of-factly.

I blink at her honest bluntness. "First of all, you don't even know what we're fighting about. And how is it petty?"

"I don't need to know what you're fighting about to know that it's petty. If it was serious, neither of you would be glancing at each other every ten seconds. You two still love each other, and it seems rather stupid to be dragging this out way longer than it needs to be dragged out."

"I already got this whole pep talk from the Ginerva," I mumble, slightly annoyed that everyone seems to keep telling me that I'm wrong. Who's telling Lance that he's wrong?

"Good. Then I don't have to waste time telling you that you may not be fated, but you were clearly made for each other."

"Look who's talking."

She stops her weaving to look up at me. She's truly confused. "What's that supposed to mean?"

I laugh, wondering if I look this oblivious when people talk to me about Lance. I do hope not. "Clarice, you may be making a crown, but you kind of already have one occupying your head."

She still looks confused for a second, then realization sets in and I laugh while watching her lift a hand to run her fingers through the fire crown still there. I'm surprised she's forgotten about it. It's been burning brighter since Darius left as if he's using it to keep track of her while he hunts. Which is funny considering both Víđarr and Kalla are asleep. The wolf lays by Roseia, Kalla resting on top of Melody's saddle as the mare chews on some grass.

"You two pretty much just claimed each other with that," I tell Clarice. Her eyes go so wide that it's hard not to laugh harder. I suppose we can all be blind to our own actions when it comes to love.

"This is not funny," she seethes, glancing around to make sure no one's noticed her worried expression and my laughter. Everyone's noticed. "Gods and their Saints."

She starts to shrink in on herself at the attention, hiding her face behind her hair. "Relax. It's a good thing," I reassure her.

"I didn't know what I was doing," She whispers harshly.

"Oh, trust me. You both knew exactly what you were doing."

She groans, covering her face with her hands. I really like this part of her. The part that acts like an actual teen girl with a crush. It's cute, and completely at odds with how she acted before.

Still laughing, I put down the flower crown and kneel in front of her. I rub her shoulders, hoping that it'll bring some kind of comfort to her. "Hey, it's okay."

"This is definitely not okay." I have to bite my lip to keep my laughter in.

"Yes, it is. You love him, so what? Love's a good thing."

Her hands fall from her face and she looks like she's about to be sick. "I didn't even know what putting a crown on him meant. I didn't realize it was some sort of claiming. How am I supposed to know if I love him?"

"You wouldn't be as red as a strawberry if you didn't love him."

"My face is red? Fuck me." She hides her face again, mumbling something I can't hear.

"No thanks, that's his job."

"Kat," she whines. She curls up into a ball, her head falling against my shoulder. "Just leave me in a cave forever and don't tell him where I am."

I wrap my arms around her, loving how this conversation totally turned on her. "You do recall that the last time you went missing, he searched for you nonstop for two months, and then nearly burned down his own castle just to get you back, right? I don't think any hiding place could keep him from you, Clare."

She mimics crying noises, then mumbles something I can't quite make out again. "You wanna know something?" I ask her.

"What?"

"I bet that if he suddenly disappeared, you'd move mountains and part the sea just to find him." She doesn't answer, and I smile at the knowledge that if I had the power, I'd do the same for Lance. Even though he is stupid sometimes. "You'd lose your mind worrying about him, just as you worry about him every time he and Nilsa spar. My guess is that ever since the accident with the Banevenin, you've begun to realize what he means to you, and that's what you're scared of."

She sits back up, her face no longer red. She doesn't seem so conflicted now, but even now I still have trouble reading her thoughts. She's still got a poker face here and there. I don't even think she realizes she's doing it.

Her whole body tenses suddenly, and I follow her gaze over her shoulder. A few moments later and Ozzie, Mal, and Darius appear between the flowers. Ozzie carries a fox on his back, the other two holding the bows and arrows.

"Where are the others?" Vanya asks as they walk by.

"They went to go find the hare that the fox was hunting," Darius answers. He heads right for us and I glance at Clarice, the question in my eyes.

"Go ahead," she answers quietly. "I'll be fine."

"You sure?"

She doesn't look like she's sure, but she nods and I give her a reassuring touch on her arm before standing.

"Katarina," Darius greets with a bow of his head.

I curtsy dramatically, just like Svenja taught me to do. I rather like the dramatic wave of my flailing hand and arm. "My Liege."

He gives me a playful push that puts me off balance, and I smack his arm with a promise to knock him on his ass if he pushes me again. He knows that I'm not at all capable of doing it, but he still raises his arms in defeat for my sake.

"Play nice," I warn him, then walk off to go see what it is the boys are fighting over now. I make a pit stop at the horses, grabbing some blueberries from one of the packs. I go to say hi to Melody when I realize that she's eating an apple from Will's hand.

Why is it that every time I go near the horses, he's always right there to make me feel awkward for being there in the first place? It's even more awkward since it's Clarice and Lance's mother's soul in the mare. She is aware of who the man is, right? The man responsible for her family's pain after her death.
She seems completely content, however. Her tail sways side to side as he feeds her the fruit by the slice. He cuts the apple with the small knife in his hand, another thing she's unmoved by.

"You probably shouldn't be doing that," I advise him, glancing back at Darius to see if he's noticed the man currently feeding his horse. He hasn't, too preoccupied learning how to make a clumsy flower crown from Clarice, but he will sooner or later.

"Why not?" He asks, not looking up. Of course, he already knew I was here. He's an assassin, after all.

"Is that a stupid question?"

This time he does look up. "I could say the same for you."

"About what? Taking some fruit that I packed?"

"For talking to me. There are plenty of people here who would yell at you for doing something as stupid as that."

I glance back at Darius again. He's noticed us both now, and he and Clare are clearly arguing about it. He's likely arguing that Will could kill me and is fully capable of doing so with his past. She's arguing that I'm perfectly safe and that even if Will did try and make a move, Melody would step in, as well as the water wolves. I think it's cute that they're fighting.

Then there's Lance who could show up any minute and start a fight. I turn back, finding him still where he was and still feeding Melody apple slices. I don't know the soul of the woman in the horse, but I think I can trust her judgment, and trust that she would, in fact, step in if he decided to try and kill me.

"What's wrong with you?" I ask.

He blinks at me, clearly taken by surprise at my question. "What?"

"What's wrong with you? I mean one moment you show up in a ballroom ready to kill everyone just to get to Clarice and Darius, and the next you're...this."

He's still confused and glances down at himself to which I gestured to. "What's 'this'?"

"A man who feeds horses apples and saves me from getting killed or taken by a demented woman - a woman, I might add, in which you were previously allied with."

"I'm not entirely sure I understand your question."

My annoyance starts to rise, but I keep my composure. "Why save me? Why not let Visha take me or kill me yourself to hurt-Arthur again?" I nearly trip over my own words as I remember to use Lance's alias.

"Because that would hurt Arthur," he answers slowly, still looking confused.

"So all of the sudden you have a conscious?"

He doesn't answer. Melody gets tired of waiting for him to cut the next slice and takes the other half of the apple right out of his hand. "Look-" he takes a step towards me, but I take one back while eyeing the knife still in his hand. He stops right away, noticing my gaze.

Slowly, he flips the knife so that the sharp edge is in his palm, and extends the handle towards Melody. She takes it in her mouth and walks away with it, heading towards the Ginerva which all watch us carefully. She steps in front of them, blocking their view with her body, a few of them ducking to avoid the knife she swings at them. I'd laugh if my body wasn't tingling with anxiety.

I look back to Willdred, finding his hands still raised to show that he means no harm. I quickly scan his body to see if I can find any more weapons, but just because I don't see one, doesn't mean there isn't one hidden somewhere.

"I didn't mean for you and Lance to fight the other day. I truly thought you knew of Rose's death."

"I know plenty of her death," I say between my teeth.

He looks away as if he's ashamed of what he did. He knew what he was doing, and he did it anyway. How is that supposed to be forgivable?

"There's nothing I can say to change what you already think of me, but trust me when I say, I didn't mean to hurt your relationship. I just...I thought you knew."

His apology seems sincere, but if he can lie as easily as Clarice or Lance, then I can't trust anything he says. But Clarice trusts him. For whatever, stupid, crazy reason, she trusts him, and I trust her.

Fuck, this is confusing.

I force my body relax, which lets him in turn relax as well and lower his hands. I still keep my eye on him, but I don't think he's going to kill me. "How'd you get the scar?" I ask, gesturing to his face.

"I thought you would've known with how much you hate me."

"I don't hate you." He gives me a disbelieving look. "Well, I don't entirely hate you, and I've only heard bits and pieces of the story, never the entire thing."

"You should wait to hear it from Arthur."

"Ugh. I don't want to wait, and I've heard the story from him."

"So then why ask for my point of view?"

"Because...because Clarice trusts you, and I trust her. So I just want to understand what it is that makes her trust you so much to keep you alive after all you've done to her. So...I don't know. Explain it to me." And to everyone who can hear and pointedly do so around us.

He looks at me for a long, uncomfortable while before sighing and running a hand over his face. He almost looks...normal. Aside from the scar and sketchy attitude. He takes a step and I instinctively flinch. He stops right away again and we lock eyes. He freezes as if waiting for permission to move again. I don't answer, but he slowly starts moving again anyways.

"I'm just going to the rock," he explains, gesturing to the small rock to his left that's just big enough for him to sit on. He makes his movements slow, then falls on the rock and rests his elbows on his knees. He looks up at me and asks, "What do you want to know?"

I consider him for a moment, wondering if this was a good idea or a bad one. Probably a bad one, but still. "Why'd you do it? Join Xaxias, I mean."

"Because he offered me something I had wanted for a very long time," he answers evenly.

"What did he offer you?"

"Love."

I blink at his answer, recalling the few times where Lance confessed having thought Will of as a brother. "Xaxias? The very man who murdered his youngest daughter for a demon's power, offered you love?"

He rolls his eyes at what I'm implying. "I was a young boy who was orphaned far younger with no sense of direction nor a fatherly guiding hand to help me navigate life."

"What about Aldred?"

His expression turns remorseful as he looks at me, then he avoided eye contact and starts fidgeting with his fingers. "Aldred treated everyone in the House of Jade fairly, but no one could ever amount to his children. He welcomed you into his home and patted you on the back when you did exceptionally, but the fatherly love he had was reserved for his own blood. I was friends with Clarice and Arthur, but they had what I wanted. They had someone. They had each other."

"They loved you like their own brother," I defend, not buying this 'poor me' crap.

"I was never their brother. I was actually dared to become friends with them," he confesses.

"What?" I take a step forward unintentionally, but I don't want to seem entirely rude and take a step back, so I just stay where I am.

"True story. A few of the other trainees dared me to become their friends and get so close to them that they'd reveal their identities to me. It was all a game, at first, but then they started becoming actual friends." He huffs a laugh at a memory resurfacing. "I called off the dare and in doing so, lost all other friends I had. I felt bad for continuing the lie with Clarry and Arthur and decided to not talk to them, but they never left me alone.

"We grew up together as friends, but where they would get tucked in at night, I would walk downstairs to my cold bed and listen to crickets while they dreamed. Where they would get to go out with their father, I would stay on the roof and watch them walk away, happy. I wanted what they had, and Xaxias offered it to me. In a moment of weakness, I accepted, and he told me that I'd one day have to pay the cost for it."

"Rose." He nods, now staring blankly. "How did he give you love?"

"Visha, and Morana."

I snort. "You mean the two assholes who drink blood and have serious anger management issues?"

"I didn't know them as such when I first met them. They came to me as a mother and daughter. I was walking in the streets when one of Xaxias's messengers led me to a house on the other side of town. That's where I met the two women. They took me in and treated me like a son and brother. I'd sneak away at night or sometimes in the day to visit them, and they'd treat me as I saw Clarry and Arthur were treated. Sometimes I'd sleep over and they'd say goodnight and tuck me in. For a year I had a real family, even if it was somewhat made up. Then came Rose, and for a few months, I had everything I've ever wanted. A family, two good friends, and my...someone who I had started to love."

He stops for a moment. I watch him stare at the ground as his eyes fall past it and into the past. There's nothing else in his expression but the soft smile that's barely visible, but it's there. When he speaks next, his voice is suddenly hoarse. As if talking about it is draining him.

"I was so happy and excited to introduce her to Clarry and Arthur. I had hoped they'd be happy for me and would attend our wedding that I fantasized about at that moment. But then Rose and Arthur were fated. In my surprise and anger, I left to go see the family I had been given. That's when they revealed who they were. They told me that despite who they pretended to be I was a part of their family.

"I was hurt and I wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere," he pleas to me. "So I believed them. That's when everything went wrong." My gut is telling me that there's some lies in the truth somewhere, and truth missing in the holes. Still, I want to see where he goes with this.

"What happened?"

He looks up, and for a moment, I glimpse my own pain in his eyes. The pain of being alone and not wanting to be. Choosing between