Stuff is going down😬

Yes I chickened out, I know. But it didn't seem right to ruin our last city in the Asia tour with a request like that.

So yes, we got through the Bangkok concerts without me telling Taehyung about he and Sora needing to break up.

We boarded our flight to Melbourne, Australia without a hitch. But when we had settled in, Sora came over to me.

"S, have you told him yet?" She asked.

"Not yet. It didn't feel right. I promise I'll tell him once the Melbourne concerts are over," I said.

"Please hurry. It's really hard to fight off whatever is happening to me," she begged.

"I'll try Sora, I promise."

She nodding, turning to go back to her seat. But just before she could I grabbed her wrist.

"Z, thank you for trying to fight it off."

Her expression softened a bit and she gave my hand an awkward pat.

"Healing, right?"

I nodded, giving a soft smile.

Healing. What a great word.

Four Days Later

After arriving in Australia, we had wonderful concerts.

Today was the last concert in Melbourne and also the day I told Taehyung to break up with Sora.

I was in my outfit for the dancer stage, waiting quietly from my stage manager spot so I could monitor everything.

Sora sidled up to me, "You ready?"

"No. But I have to be," I sighed.

"Again, thanks. I think this will work out," she hummed.

I hope so.

Taehyung and Sora got on stage for their first round of songs, singing and dancing as if nothing was wrong.

But when I watched them perform, I noticed a look in both of their eyes. He was watching her with uncertainty and she was watching him with dullness.

This had been going on since the Tokyo incident, but no one could really tell unless you looked hard enough. But their whole dynamic was not flowing today.

Every hug and kiss seemed so fake.

Maybe Sora had fought back harder than she should've.

And so the concert progressed as normal with the two of them switching between solo stages and duets. Soon enough it was time for the dancer segment.

I fixed the in-ear into my ear, a metronome tick blocking out the sounds of the fans.

As I begun the dance I felt my thoughts continuously drift back to what I had to do. The thing about me was that I had really great muscle memory, so my body was able to move on its own to the dance while my mind wandered off.

I could fool everyone except Jungkook. He could see the distant look in my eyes. And when our eyes met he looked at me worriedly.

I gave a small smile to assure him that I was okay. Luckily I got through the routine without problems. But it stressed me out because with every finished performance meant that the time was drawing closer.

Before I knew it Sora and Taehyung had finished their last song and we had all taken our bows.

As we were heading back, Sora caught my arm.

I gave a firm nod, confirming that I wasn't going back on my word.

Once everyone had cooled off and changed into their normal clothes, I pulled Taehyung aside.

"Hey, you were great up there tonight," he complimented.

"You too. Can I-uh talk to you about something? In private."

We slipped away from the others, moving a comfortable distance away from the others.

"What's up?" He asked.

"I need to talk to you about something. And it's really important that you listen to my words and consider them carefully. I'm doing this for the sake of everyone," I explained.

"Soorim, I'll always listen to you," he cooed.

I took his hands in mine, "Taehyung, you need to break up with Sora. I know you said you'd do it after the tour but I think it's essential you do it now."

Silence. We stood there, devoid of sound. I didn't want to push him further and let him consider what I was saying. But his face was contorting into confusion and hurt.

"Soorim, I told you to trust me. Why are you bringing this up again? And so brutally at that. This tour is about our 'love' whatever that may be. Why aren't you trusting me?" He questioned.

"Taehyung it's not that. But I think it'd be better for everyone if you stopped this. I mean today, it was so painfully obvious that you wanted nothing to do with each other," I reasoned.

But that only made him angrier, "What's your deal Soorim?! I don't understand why you're acting like this!"

My voice was small, "Taehyung please, you have to this for Sora. She's suffering in your relationship."

"Oh so now you're suddenly the expert?! Last time I checked you two hated each other's guts! I don't know what happened but if you think your friendship makes you the expert then you're sorely mistaken!" He spat.

"That's not what I'm trying to say! She came to me and she told me that she's suffering mentally. She needs you to break up with her because she can't do it herself!" I retorted, irritation laced in my voice.

"Are you jealous or something?! Sheesh you're a totally different person Soorim! I can't believe you'd ask me something like this! I told you I'd handle it so stop breathing down my neck!"

"Kim Taehyung! Is that what you think I'm doing?!" I fumed.

"What it looks like you're doing is being a possessive jerk just like she was! Mind your own damn business Soorim!" He seethed.

"Do you hear yourself?! Why are you making me out to be the insane one here?! You're not even listening to me!" I shouted.

"You're being selfish Soorim!" He hissed.

Our yelling came to a halt when we heard two familiar voices coming towards us.

"So you do know."

"Yeah. I asked her to do this for me because I'm suffering Jungkook. She seemed like the only person to turn to."

"But you hurt her a lot."

"And I apologized. We're going to heal together. Sierra and I will figure it out together."

My heart dropped.

I looked back at Taehyung who was staring at me with pure disgust.

"You're Sierra Kang. You were the one who left ZS and left Sora in ruins. Y-you lied to me," his voice was shaky.

"No, n-no Taehyung listen. I am Sierra but my Korean name is Soorim. I'm still the same person," I said, but he was staring at me as if he didn't know me.

"You lied to me. All of this. You. It's all a lie. Are we a lie Soorim? Or should I call you Sierra? What? What should I do?" He raised his voice.

I fought back tears, "Taehyung, please. W-we're real. I promise."

"It doesn't feel like it. I don't know what game this is, but I'm done playing. We're done."

"Taehyung listen! Why aren't you listening?! Yes, I didn't tell you my name was Sierra but that was because at the time, you were head over heels for Sora. If you found out, I wasn't sure what you'd do!"

"And how do I know there aren't more lies? You're a liar and a witch. I want nothing to do with you ever again," he muttered tartly.

Sora and Jungkook had appeared and came over to us hurriedly.

"Hyung what's going on?" Jungkook asked rushing you my side.

"You," he jabbed his finger in Jungkook's chest.

"Hyung?"

"You knew the whole time. I thought you were my best friend. How could you do that to me?" Taehyung scoffed.

He turned to Sora, "And you. How dare you do this to me! To us!"

He looked at the three of us in disdain, "We're finishing this tour and then I never want anything to do with any of you again."

He stomped off swiftly, not sparing any of us another glance.

The other two looked at me worriedly.

"He's got it all wrong," I sighed bitterly.

And then I broke down. Tears streamed down my face and I let out a pained scream.

Jungkook moved to hug me but I stepped back, running to a nearby stairwell. The laid to a back exit of the building.

I ran out catching a cab and riding alone back home, silently crying in the backseat.

It hurt. It hurt so much. My heart felt like it had be ripped in half.

Time Skip

I had been on the phone with Lena for hours, just crying to her as I tried to explain everything that happened.

"Sierra, breathe. I need you to answer me this one question. Do you love him?"

"I thought I did. I knew I did. He makes me feel like I'm floating on a cloud. I feel respected and appreciated. I can't even tell you one specific thing he does that makes me love him. It's just him. He flusters with every gesture," I rambled, making me cry even more.

"You love him Sierra. And I think he loves you too. But he's as much in the wrong here as you are. He didn't let you speak and he wouldn't believe you. And the second he found out that you were Sierra all his trust flew out the window as if the last six or seven months meant nothing. But at the same time, I understand that Sora has some problems, but it really wasn't your place to ask him to break up with her."

"So what do I do? I'm sitting here blaming myself and blaming him and hating the world and I don't know what to do. It hurts so much. I've never experienced something so painful before. And I got electrocuted!" I sobbed.

"Babe, it's called heartbreak. It happens when someone you really care about hurts you in some way. And babe, I'm feeling heartbroken hearing how upset you are. Maybe you should come back to LA."

"I can't Lena. It's my job. I guess I just forgot that," I sighed.

"I understand. But know this, eventually he'll realize. He'll calm down and try to understand why you said what you did. I've gotta go now, but call me before you board tomorrow."

"Okay."

"I love you, okay. Try to cheer up. You'll be done with it soon."

"Yeah. Love you too. See you."

And with that I hung up the call. I grabbed a pillow off of my bed and screamed into it, my makeup staining the cover. But I could hardly care.

But no matter how hard I cried, the pain didn't seem to go away. So I turned to the next thing that I knew would make it all go away.

I opened the mini fridge and pulled out every bottle of alcohol in there.

I poured myself shot after shot, trying to drink away all the pain.

"Stupid tour."

Shot.

"Stupid Sora."

Shot.

"Stupid Jungkook."

Shot.

"Stupid Taehyung."

Shot.

"Stupid...me."

After the shots, I went and drank a bit of beer and champagne. Luckily, we were allowed to drink from the mini bar for free so I wasn't going to regret any of this.

After drinking a lot more and being significantly drunk, I stumbled out of my room to the only place where I knew I would be loved.

I knocked drunkenly on Jungkook's door.

But just when I thought I could use alcohol to forget everything, when he opened the door I felt my heart drop and I burst into tears again.

He wrapped his arms protectively around me, gently rubbing my back.

"I'm sorry. It's my fault," I cried.

He carried me to his couch, gently rocking me back and forth, "Nothing is your fault. It's not anyone's fault and don't forget it. I'm not mad at you or Taehyung or even Sora. I'm just worried about how you all are doing."

I cried softly into his arms, taking advantage of his embrace to pour my feelings out onto his sweatshirt.

He tilted my teary face to look at him. His gaze softened as he saw how much of a wreck I look like.

"Kiss me," I said.

He choked, "W-what?"

"You heard me," I said.

I leaned in, bracing myself for contact.

I was very drunk so I had no concept of what I was doing but I knew I needed to feel loved by someone. It was wrong and I was going to hurt Jungkook but I wasn't thinking straight.

Jungkook's warm breath was right with mine and I thought we actually were going to kiss, but then he moved away.

"No. Soorim stop this. You're drunk and hurting," he sighed sadly.

"Please," I let out a shaky breath.

"Soorim, look at me. You don't want this. You don't want me. You'll regret it for the rest of your life. I've always admired you because when you didn't want to do something, you wouldn't do it. You were strong that way. So please don't lose that now because your drunk and heartbroken."

I let out a bitter laugh, "I mess up everything. I'm sorry."

He looked at me seriously, "Stop saying that. You're upset. I understand that. But doing this isn't the right way. Soorim, I want you to know something, I'm finally moving on. It took some time but I realized that I was trying to hold onto a high school love. But it was you who helped me realize that it wasn't what I wanted. It's because you helped me see the light. You've been a light for this entire tour. Right now though, you're sitting in darkness. And you want to bounce back. But I won't let that be by degrading your self morals."

He hugged me tightly, stroking my hair as I cried.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" I sobbed.

"You were you. That's what."

And so I stayed with Jungkook the rest of the night, not as a rebound or a pick-me-up but as someone who was in need of a friend.

Healing takes time. And it has bumps on the road because it's not a straight path. But with the right people, maybe just maybe, you'll make it to the end.

I put a rant on my community tab about the 97 line incident. Please don't spread hate. It's not the solution to anything. It's disheartening to see how many awful things have been said about the boys. Educate don't hate.