i don't know what it is but i can feel myself slipping. i can feel myself becoming suicidal and wanting to shut everyone out and who do i really have to tell? no one. that's sort of funny, isn't it? how alone we all are. how we all want someone but in our own way. we're all lonely. right now i can't help but feel my loneliness a little more than usual. i want to slide a razor down my wrist and take one last deep breath and disappear. forever. for good because who needs someone like me? definitely not you or my mom or my boyfriend. those are all just people who "care" but not enough. they're definitely not people that understand. they don't understand but, wow, do they fucking judge. that's how you know. that's how i know. i don't have shit. so what's stopping me? i just need some rope or a razor or a bridge. ive failed so many times but i can't possibly fail again right? would life be that cruel?