Chapter 13 "Don't hold back."

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A/N: I have the perfect song for you guys to listen to while reading this! It is True Love by Coldplay. It is perfect!!! Let me know if you guys like me picking songs to listen to while reading this book, and I will try to do it more. Ok, Happy Reading!!!

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I was shocked by Harry's words. Tell me the truth? About what? I sit there, silence filling the room. I stare at Harry still trying to understand what he means by what he just said. My mind is swimming with possibilities. Then a thought hits me, what if Harry did it because he loves me? Like how I love him, not in a friends way. I would be the happiest person in the world, but then I remember he is engaged. Harry doesn't even think of me like that. It's really to bad, Harry will never find someone who loves him nearly as much as I do.

"Okay Harry, tell me the truth. Don't hold back. I want to know what train of thought you took that led you to the conclusion that you should ruin my date." I say quite plainly to him. At this point I don't care if it hurts his feelings, I need to understand his mental state because between him wanting to marry Lisa and him showing up on my date with Sam, I am getting the distinct feeling he is trying to ruin my life.

"Okay." Harry takes a deep breath trying to calm himself down. "You and I have known each other our whole lives, right?" Harry asks.

"Yes." I say quietly, trying to understand why he is stating the obvious.

"Well, you and I have had a lot of first time experiences together. After Lisa found out and told everyone at Thanksgiving, I felt horrible. You were all I could think about. I kept thinking about our first kiss that we shared that night we sat on the river bank and the stars shined bright. It was so gentle and innocent. I thought about how I asked you to go on a date with me because neither of us had ever gone on a date before, and we both felt like it would be awesome if we just went on a first date together. I remember how we both decided to loose our virginities to each other, looking back on it now it felt more like making love than just having sex. I remember the way you felt, the way you touched me and looked at me. I remember everything about that experience together, I haven't felt anything like it since." Harry pauses and then begins to speak again."Getting to share those first time experiences with you are a crucial part of my life and adolescence. The fact that Lisa couldn't except it made me have doubts, maybe we aren't meant to be together. Maybe the person I am meant to be with would understand, maybe even the person I am meant to be with is the person I did those first time things with." Harry says slightly looking up at me. "I wanted to talk to you in person and talk about it all, I needed help to try and figure out if I should continue things with Lisa. But then Liam told me you were going on a date with some guy you had just met. I guess, I was just jealous because all of that stuff had just come up about the things we used to do in the past. Thinking about someone else with you just got me a little upset because that guy used to be me."

"Why did you tell her anyway?" I asked confused.

"I accidentally moaned out your name while we were having sex." Harry says while nervously scratching the back of his neck.

I am dumbfounded. My mind is racing and there is so much to say to him, but my mouth can't seem to form any words. This is the moment, not back in the kitchen on Thanksgiving. I need to tell Harry, it is now or never...

"Harry." I start very breathlessly. I don't know how he will react to what I'm about to say, but I can only hope he won't hate me. "I need to tell you something. Ever since we were younger I have lo-" I am interrupted by Harry's cellphone ringing.

"It's Lisa. I better take this." Harry says and make his way to the door. I don't think there will ever be an opportunity where I will get to tell Harry I love him. I was really close this time, I even got to start saying the word "love" to him, but it still didn't happen. For the first time in my life I actually felt like Harry might feel the same way as me. He told me things he has never said to me before. I never knew he even thought about the things we did as teenagers. I do, a lot actually, but to know Harry does is exciting to me.

Harry walks back into my flat after finishing his phone call with Lisa. "I'm so sorry to rush off Grace, but I have to leave now. Lisa is panicking over something. This was a great talk though, I'm really glad we did this."

"Goodbye, Grace." Harry says wrapping me in a warm hug, and kissing my cheek gently. After that Harry leaves and I am left alone again.

I can't help but let my mind wonder to the "what ifs". What if Harry had been my boyfriend and we would have had really dated instead of just went out on that one date? What if I had told Harry that I love him a long time ago? What if he had never met Lisa? What if I had never met Sam?

These questions could drive me crazy until I am blue in the face. I will probably never know the answers to these questions. As of right now, the reality is that Harry is engaged. He is engaged to Lisa, and they are going to get married. There is nothing I can do about it. Every time I try to change it I get stopped. Harry thinks maybe we are meant to be, but I am thinking maybe we aren't.

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A/N: Tears......

Niki xx

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