CHAPTER 38: Darren vs. Kelly

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All of my confidence was building up to this day. I wasn't really one for revenge, but whenever karma hit someone who deserved it, that's all I needed for it to taste so sweet.

I walked into school that day with my head held high. Most students looked at me like I had gone mad. Well, I was crying my eyes out just a week ago. Crying over a boy was the dumbest thing I could do especially if that boy was Darren.

Confidence was key when it came to elegance. To be graceful when I'm delivering that punch in the gut. I wouldn't want my reputation to be tarnished now. This side of me barely came out, but my father always told me to do things gracefully in my own way.

English was never my strong subject. Shakespeare confused me and every language technique was just pointless to remember. In ten years time, I highly doubt I'll remember any of them so why start now? I walked into the classroom with a grin on my face before walking over to my desk in the front corner.

Darren shared the same class as me and I bet he's dreading this day. Obviously, he is. It wasn't that I was a jealous bitch or something. Mostly, to give him a taste of his own medicine. People don't learn from their mistakes if you don't teach them a lesson. There is a reason parents are strict and for that's for the beneficial lessons they teach their children.

"Good morning, Miss James. How are you this morning?" my teacher walked in, taking her coat off and placing it behind her chair before checking through her notebooks for today's lesson. I grinned at her, one leg over the other under the desk.

"I'm feeling great, Miss. Hopefully, I'll be getting in a lot of work done today," I spoke slyly. Today was my chance to make him feel as shit as he's made me feel. Last lesson, our teacher told us we were reading an extract that involved a girl and her cheating husband or something. I don't know much because I wasn't listening, but now with me in this class, the guilt will slowly eat away at him.

The teacher smiled, completely oblivious to the situation. There were a few students in class and soon, many more piled in, settling in their seats. I settled into a comfortable conversation with the people around me when the familiar sight of dark hair caught my attention. My eyes drifted over to Darren.

That guy, honestly. How does he do it? Look so good without actually trying. Today, he wore his school trousers and school blazer, which probably means he couldn't find his leather jacket this morning.

When his eyes met mine, I smirked slightly and waved at him. Those hazel orbs that I loved to stare in widened as he just looked around before walking over to his desk on the other side of the class towards the back. Let the nightmare begin. 

"Alright, class, please read the whole text and write done four things you can find about Rosa." our teacher spoke as she finished handing out the sheets of paper. I opened a page in my notebook before writing today's date and title. My eyes flickered over to the sheet she gave us and my fingers lifted up the sheet.

Rosalind walked back to her house that morning after picking apples from the orchard. Her brown locks of hair fluttered in the wind as she placed a hand on her hat to stop it from blowing away. It was windy that Wednesday afternoon when she made it back into the kitchen. Mary, the housemaid was there, peeling the potatoes when Rosa walked in, a basket full of fresh apples in her arms.

Rosalind Smith was the wife of Mr Alexander Smith, a doctor who worked a few miles from the countryside in the city. The two were content with their current lives where Alex went out to work and brought back money that they needed and Rosa stayed at home to help maintain the property.

Recently, though, Rosa had been receiving phone calls from a series of women saying her husband had done several sexual advances on them. Obviously, she wouldn't know because she isn't in the city, but sometimes she went there to bring lunch to her husband.

"Rosa, I was cleaning Sir's office and I saw this," Mary said, drying her hands with the dish towel and went to the side to pick a small metal box up. It was his lunch that he forgot again, "I was just wondering if you wanted me to deliver it."

Rosa took the box from Mary and sighed before smiling. Rosalind rarely ever went to the city. She had everything she could wish for here in the countryside, but she knew as her husband rose in the business world that he was eventually going to want more.

"It's fine. I'll do it myself. It would be nice to go to the city today and get some shopping done." Rosa soon collected her coat from the hook and headed out of the house, down the steps before heading to the bus stop. The familiar sound of bus horns in the distance brought her out of her faze and she sprinted for the stop. It would've been embarrassing if she fell or if she didn't make it in time, but she had to run like her life depended on it.

God, I have no idea what's going on already. Something about a bus? I've read the text before because I was the one who suggested we used it. It talked about raw emotion and the betrayal of a lover by the person they truly cared about.

I decided to skip through the rest of the text to the one part that always got me. The part where Rosa sees her husband with another woman. It's purely for my interest to make Darren suffer and to make him feel guilty. I could just let him see the light of day, but then again, not everyone in the world was that giving and I was one of them.

Rosalind rushing through the office doors to see the empty chair of the receptionist and decided to head up herself. She's been to his office thousands of times before, enough times that every single staff member knew her there.

She got into the elevator and pressed the number three, which was the floor her husband's office was situated. Rosa stood there, foot tapping against the ground as she stared up at the floor levels. They drifted by slowly from the ground floor.

First...second...third.

The lift came to a stop with a ding and the doors opened. She swiftly made her way out, passing some staff members on the way and giving them the occasional wave or 'good morning' before finally seeing her husband's double doors in front of her.

There was an eager smile on her face as her hand settled on the doorknob, but something in there made her blood run cold. Shouting, groaning, moaning. Her eyes widened as she leaned the side of her head against the door. She could just make out the sound of her husband in there as well as the sound of someone else...another woman?

Rosalind couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her fingers had gone numb from gripping the metal box tightly in her hand. Leaning down, she looked through the keyhole to see the one sight she dreaded the most. The one sight she prayed wouldn't happen, but right in front of her, she knew it was true.

Her husband, Alex was with the receptionist from downstairs. He had pinned her down upon his desk and their clothes discarded on the floor around them as well as scattered sheets of paper. That man looked at that woman under him as if she was the only woman he loved. As he was having sex with his wife.

Rosa's eyes began to blur with tears and one ran down her cheek, landing on her hand as she glared angrily at the scene in front of her. On some occasions, she had seen her husband's eyes linger on the woman a little too long for her liking, but she never spoke up about it, worried she was just being paranoid.

Little did she know, her paranoia and her gut instincts were right all along.

"Alright, class, what do we think? It's time we develop some understanding as to the situation and please, have some respect as well. I can understand this might be a touchy topic for some of you," miss spoke as she stood up from her chair and headed over to the board, grabbing a pen and writing something up.

EMOTION. That's what it said. How did we think emotion affected the way the text affected us? More importantly, how do we think the situation affected the character's emotions. It was like guessing. We could never truly know what a fictional character might feel, but if we put it into context, we can develop some sort of understanding.

"Right, Kelly, how do you think Mrs Smith might've felt when she caught her husband cheating on her? Please provide some evidence if you will." I looked up before nodding.

"Of course, miss. Uh, towards the end, it mentions 'Rosa's eyes began to blur with tears and one ran down her cheek' and this portrays the feeling of betrayal and heart wrenching pain that she's feeling without actually mentioning how she's feeling." my teacher nodded with a smile and wrote it down on the board. Slowly, I turned my attention to Darren, who had what looked like...guilt in his eyes?

"Okay, Kelly, answer this for me. How can the author use language to portray emotions without actually using words like happy or sad or angry?"

"Well, the author can use something like for example in the text, he used tears as an expression for sadness because when people cry, we assume they're upset. Also, it depends on the severity of the situation. We, as an audience know what's happening and assume she's feeling a certain way because of it."

"Very good, miss James. I see you've developed a great understanding for the text having read it already. Do you mind telling me if it's a personal understanding or something else for that matter?" I gulped, my eyes drifting to Darren as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. The satisfaction of singling him out in front of everyone was too cruel for my liking. I preferred if I could tell it to his face myself.

"Let's just say I have a habit of being loved and then being left behind." miss just nodded, her mouth forming into a flat line as she just smiled sadly at me. She turned back around and continued asking questions to other students as my mind drifted to earlier.

For some reason, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Darren should be fucking grateful I saved his ass there. Everyone knew I was out to get him and to single him out in front of everyone, that wasn't who I was. Well, I wouldn't do it in front of a teacher anyway.

Typical, even after all this time, my heart wouldn't bear it if he got hurt. I would do anything to hurt him for what he's done to me, but every time I get to that stage, I can't bring myself to do it.

I couldn't bring myself to feel as if I was sharing him with anyone. As possessive as that sounds, it was true. Before it was always me and dad and the thought of having mom back just screws my head up. I didn't want to share dad with anyone else because he was all I had to keep me sane. It was exactly the same with Darren. For him to be with another girl, it just felt like before when mom didn't need me anymore. It felt like Déjà vu except the bad kind and I hated it.

That woman discarded the man who loved her and the child who needed her and now, we were better off. Same with Darren. He loved me for one night and then the next day, decided that sharing was a nice thing to do. It's just a shame he didn't tell me about it.

Me and dad. We learn as we grow or is it the other way round? Whatever, the point's the same. Anyway, we learned that when mom ever comes back, we wouldn't need her. We survived years without her. Who's to say we can't survive a couple more? Maybe forever if we're lucky.

My pen tapped against the table as I tried to listen to what the teacher was saying when I caught my name being mentioned in conversation by some people behind me. It was so loud, I'm surprised the teacher couldn't hear it. Someone's finger prodded my on the shoulder as I turned to see Peggy stood behind me. She had a worried look on her face as she leaned down to my level.

"I think Darren's talking about you." my attention averted to her as I turned in my seat. I arched my eyebrow at her, "I'm sat just in front of him and I keep hearing your name. He said something about you doing all this to make him feel guilty and to make it seem like he's done something wrong."

I shot up in my seat and faced her, glaring in the direction of Darren as my pent up frustration blew over. For the past few days, my anger's been bubbling over and cooling down and today, I really wasn't going to have it. The fact that his friends would agree that what he does to other girls is okay is making me feel physically sick. Peggy looked at me in shock before turning to look at Darren

"But he has done something wrong!" I exclaimed so loud that people looked up and turned to face me. My frown deepened as Darren just stared at me with a smug smile. How could I not get frustrated at that face right now? He knows he's getting to me and later, he'll gloat in my face like he did before, "h-he did do something wrong, but he's just too goddamn blind to see it."

My voice cracked as I knew no one would believe me. Even if every girl said it, I know they'll just say it to get attention. Darren's friends started looking at me weirdly, knowing full well that they think I'm taking it out of proportion. Ugh, there's that pain in my heart again.

I just wanted my heart to stop hurting. I wanted him to feel how I felt the day after, but no matter what, he gets away with everything. When he came back, I wanted him gone and then I wanted him. I thought once I had him, maybe he would be capable to love, but he isn't. He just fucking isn't.

"I hate him," I muttered under my breath as my breathing quickened. Probably look like a drama queen right now, but do I really give a fuck when the boy I love is looking down on me right now as if I was just someone he could fuck and then chuck aside, "I. Hate him more than I've ever hated anyone before!"

I picked up my bag and walked down the step, walking off as the teacher turned to look, brows furrowing in confusion at the state of me. She asked me where I was heading and without turning back, I said,

"I-I have to go and see the councillor." I slammed the door closed on my way out before heading in the direction of the fields behind the school. There were some students there, sat down upon the grass and plants. God, what have I got myself into? That plan completely backfired. It was as if he wasn't effected or that he didn't care. Oh, yeah, I got the fact he didn't care about me.

"Wait, Kelly!" I turned around to see my teacher catching up to me as best as she could in her heels. Wait, who's tending to the class then? "just stop there. I-I have one of the kids looking after the class, but I need to know what's going on. You can't just run off like that."

My eyes and nose stung slightly from the pent up frustration that I had kept inside myself. I just wanted him to get what he deserved and once he did, that's the only time my heart will stop hurting. I still loved him and I didn't want to let that go, the stupid fool I was. I wanted something real, raw and passionate, but he didn't.

"It's everything, miss. My life, Darren, everything. I want it to stop, don't you see?" miss O'Shears understood I always went to the councillor or left lessons to go, but she never understood why. She sat down on the grass and invited me to come and sit next to her. Tucking my skirt underneath me, I sat directly in front of her as she looked at me with worry.

"Tell me what happened between you and that boy," she spoke quietly as the wind rushed through the trees, making the leaves rustle and my hair moves slightly, "I will only be able to help you if you tell me."

That stupid night. Why did I have to go with him? I really should've just gone home instead of following my stupid heart.

After I told her everything, she just sighed and placed a hand on mine. It felt like no one knew just how bad I felt. I would never wish pain upon anyone, but I served revenge on a cold dish or whatever the phrase is. My jaw clenched as I felt all the emotions build up inside me, causing me to choke on a sob.

"Life is never easy and you know that. People like that boy make it difficult, but you need to remember, you fell down once and you got back up again. Who's to say you can't do it all again? There's a thing calling doing things peacefully. I know for a fact you want to punch his face in with brute force, but use your words. Make him regret every losing you by giving him the know how. Then, walk away, wish him luck and get on with your life. Soon, he'll just be a distant memory of someone you loved. Loved: past tense."

I thought about really hard, about everything everyone had said to me. What the councillor said, what my teacher said and what Darren said. The reason why he said he loved me was because I always gave people a second chance. I rarely ever lost my temper and I was willing to hear people out on their views. He said I had heart worth of so much gold.

We were never going to get anywhere if we just kept dodging each other, talking about each other behind our backs. I needed to get everything out in the open, just express my emotions for a bit until, tell him why I was upset and then I'll go. He'll be forgotten about and I wouldn't have to deal with any of this any longer.

"You're right. Thank you for listening," I told has as she grinned, standing up and pulling me up with her. She dusted her skirt off and led me back towards the school.

"I'm a teacher. It's my job to help any student if they need it." I smiled as we walked back into school. She excused me from her class today and told me she would email me the task that I could do at home. My feet carried me to the cafeteria where I settled for an early lunch before just walking around to clear my head.

This was my last year in the school. I would be graduating soon and I still have no idea where I wanted to go. I guess wherever the wind takes me. Sport was my passion, sure, but I did it because of dad. He used to do a lot of sport back in school so I took some up to keep it in our blood. I really just wanted something for myself and for me to not feel guilt anymore.

I kicked my foot out in front of me and leaned my head against the lockers, just thinking. God, it was nice to just think of peaceful thoughts like fucking sheep and clouds. Obviously, I would have to confront Darren soon, but I'll be fine. It'll just be a bump in the road, nothing else.

I felt someone tap me on the shoulder and I turned around to see that students were now leaving their lessons for break and behind me, hands in his pockets as he just looked at me sternly was Darren.

"Were you trying to make me feel bad or something?" he whispered sharply as he leaned down to my level, "because it didn't work and there wasn't any point in running off in a fit."

See, attention. AtTeNtIoN. That's all they thought it was