Three.
"Allow me..."
••
"We're ready." I utter, lifting Busa and letting him rest on my hip. He can't fight back the kisses I place on his chubby cheeks.
My little boy has grown so much yaz.
Bangi was busy tying Nzwano's hair into a little ponytail. He was a pro at that now, honestly, and my heart melted all over again.
It's amazing how such a simple task can make you pat yourself on the shoulder, because who else would've been a better father to our babies than this very man.
He gets up, and she looks up at him with a smile.
"Done?"she asks.
" I'm done, my Princess, " he says and returns her smile.
I'm melting.
Tell me why I'm falling in love even more.
...these pills must really be working now cause I haven't felt like this in forever.
"How I look, Mama?"
"So pretty, my baby." I reply genuinely.
"And if Mama approves, that means we can go, right sthandwa Sam."
"Yes, my love." me.
He nods and fetches the bag we had prepared for our bundles, ready for any messes and emergencies.
A diaper bag for both of them, if I could say.
He takes Nzwano's hand and gives me a nod to indicate that we could go.
Nandi was off today. We gave her some time off to go be herself and live a little.
Once in the car, we head off to a place I thought we'd rid ourselves from years ago. We've survived so well without it, but today... I look at Bangi.
He's playing with his beard, deep in thoughts clearly. I reach for his thigh, grabbing his attention.
"You okay?" I ask.
"Im okay," him. "Just... I don't know."
"Breathe."
"Okay."
Here, I was pretending to be strong for him when I was just as nervous about driving through these palace gates. It was heavily gated and now just dull looking as ever. I couldn't believe this was the same palace I got to meet the Queen and the late King in.
This was the same palace that I got married in.
But this is the same place that the King... and of course, that devil called Alakhe lost their lives in. This is also where I got arrested for something I didn't do.
So many lies and truths were revealed here. There is so much pain and emotional suffering here too.
Deliverance opens my door for me and subsequently helps me out. Bangi has the babies out, and I could tell they were a bit confused by where we were, especially Nzwano. She looked up at me as I took her hand.
Before we even took a further step, the huge palace doors opened. Guards come out canvassing the scene armed and ready. Immediately, I panic, pulling my baby behind me.
Oh, I was regretting this now cause what if this woman hasn't changed?
What if this woman just wanted to end us, and this was thee perfect moment to do so. I mean, look at us, we even handed ourselves over on a golden platter.
I try by all means not to have guns around our children because of the obvious dangers, so this was a lot for me.
... And there she is, looking like she aged 10 whole years since I last saw her. She looked so frail and thin that it had my heart aching for a second. She raised a hand, and they lowered their weapons, allowing me to sigh in relief.
It was only then that I noticed that our men had surrounded us too.
"My children..." a smile invades her face. One step at a time, she made her way down the flight, until she stood inches away from us. She looked at Bangi and then to Usabusa before looking at Nzwano and I. Her gaze stayed on me for the longest, long enough for me to see tears roll down her cheeks.
"Don't cry," I hear Nzwano say, poking her tiny body from behind me.
Bathong this child!
Bangi's mother lets out a titter and wipes her tears away.
"These are happy tears," her.
"What are Happy Tears?" Nzwano asks.
"Tears I shed because I haven't seen my family in so long."
Family?
I look at Bangi, who's looking at me.
"Thank you...for coming..."
••
Being back here is bringing back so many wanted and unwanted memories.
All the laughter and the biggish family that we would be when we sat at this table.
All the fights and bickering that took place here.
All the insults and drama had me wondering if I was really in the correct place for life.
"Zano... Aren't you gonna eat?" she asks.
Everyone was eating, but me.
"it's not poisoned if that's what you think."
Wow.
That word made the hairs on my neck stand.
"Would I be wrong if I did think it was?" I ask when in all honesty I couldn't even think of eating this because my mind was everywhere.
"Fair point," she says and puts her cutlery down before heaving out a sigh. "I can taste it first if you'd like."
"No need." me.
Silence.
Why Bangi is this quiet is beyond me, really.
"Perhaps I was wrong for thinking we've all forgiven each other for what happened almost 3 years ago. I mean, I've done the same. "
I raise my eyebrows in confusion, waiting for her to continue talking.
"Your sister took the life of my so-..."
"Woah! Woah!" Bangi finally spoke. "After all these years, you still can't tell the difference between her and my wife?"
"Okay. I'm sorry," she says.
"None of us in this room took dad or Alakhes lives. You just chose to blame us because you refused to believe your son was a monster. I beg you to not even think for a second that you had to go sit in that room of yours, doing God knows what to try and forgive my family for something they didn't do." Bangi says, and I feel myself relax.
Those words made perfect sense to me.
"I was wrong, Bangizwe. I shouldn't have. I was angry at the world for everything that happened, but you're right, I should've never blamed you or your wife for it all."
"Damn right."I mumble.
"I just don't want to die knowing I could've fixed things with you, my children. I want to have a relationship with my grandkids, too. So many things could've been amended earlier, but now should be the perfect time. I'm sorry, Zanokuhle, for all the accusations."
"What makes now different? You've done this before." Bangi asks.
"I know. But this time around, I'm sure. I've worked on myself, Bangizwe. If you feel like I'm not being truthful, then I give you every right to cut me off again. All I'm asking for is a chance."
Bangi and I look at each other again.
He's looking to me for the go-ahead, and I just want him to lead with his words. I nod and check if my baby girl was still eating and enjoying her meal.
"This is your last chance, ma. Don't make me regret it."
A chair pushing back grabs my attention before I see the woman sprint to her son. He eventually gets up to return the hug she was offering him. It's a semi beautiful moment, I guess, I didn't think I'd ever see again. When they stop, she makes her way to my side to do the same, I assume.
Correct.
Her hug is somewhat missing something. A mother's hug? The same mother I thought I had before is what I longed to feel in that hug, but nothing.
"Thank you, Zanokuhle ."
I had no reply.
"Mama, I'm full," Nzwano spoke, cueing our separation. Busa tries to say the same thing, but it doesn't really come across. Also, he took a nibble of the mash after.
Weeh.
"You're full. Good girl.".I wipe her mouth again, registering in my head that it was time for me to introduce them to their grandmother. "Nzwano"
"Mama," she smiles.
"I want you to meet someone... Okay?"
•••
The day was so long.
The day was emotionally exhausting
The day was something else.
We were back home now after spending the entire day with the Queen Mother. I won't lie, I was just shocked at how well my babies accepted their grandmother, and she loved them. She even took her time learning a few things about them. It was kinda beautiful to watch. Just like how beautiful this sight was in front of me. Bangi was putting our kids to sleep.
He first put Busa to sleep, and now he has managed to read and pray Nzwano to sleep.
He kisses her forehead and gets up, putting the book he was reading her on her bedside table. I think he's shocked to see me standing by the doorway in pure admiration.
"You're so good with them."
"I try," he shrugs with a glimpse of a smile while headed my way. Once in front of me, he turns the main light off, leaving her night light on.
I place my hands on his chest, sliding them up to his shoulders and then to his neck. The skin contact brings him to a sigh, eyes now closed.
Stepping forward, the space between us becomes nonexistent. It was like his heartbeat was mine, and like clockwork, his hands land on my waist. When he opens his eyes, they land on me again.
This look...
One glance at his lips, and I find myself pulling him to me.
Hesitance...
"Can I?"
"Can you what?" he asks.
His soft lips are on mine, gently pecking on them. "Like that?" he asks.
"No," I shake my head. "Like this." I bring him to me and claim his soft lips. My fingers feel through his rough, uncut hair.
Slowly and gently, we got into a motion I haven't been able to feel in so long. A feeling of needing my husband.
My hands swim down to his collar, where I find the buttons of his shirt and start undoing them. I could feel his touch on my butt, squeezing it and then feeling them glide up against the back of my dress. Slowly, he undid the zip, exposing my back.
I had no bra on today...
With each button I undid my insides would clench deliciously in anticipation.
The suction of our lips separating echoes in my ears. I've left him pouting, and under a spell I remember well.
Not wasting another second, I grab him by the hand and lead him down to our bedroom. The moment we're inside, he pulls me to him and buries his face on my neck.
I struggle with unhooking his belt, only because of how good it felt with him on my neck. The nibbles send immediate tingles to my already needy self.
"Allow me," the deepness of his voice mellowed in my lust filled head. He pulls my dress off my shoulders, down past my arms. "Allow me to make love to your body..."
There it goes pooling by my feet. He pulls away from me as if to look into my soul.
Not averting my gaze from him I reach up to peel the shirt off him, allowing it to drop to the floor before making my way to the bed and finding my seat at the corner.
"My body is yours," I say, not sure where all of this confidence is suddenly from.
His body glistens in this dim room to the bits of lights that catch his skin.
He hovers over me
He hooks his fingers to the band of my thong. With me lifing my butt from the bed, he pulls it off before tossing them somewhere. With them gone, I scrunch, hugging my chest for comfort.
He let's out a slight chuckle. "Ngivulele phela sthandwa sam"
Oh confidence, where are you now?
His palms make contact with my inner thighs as he leaned in to taste my lips again.
"If you're not comfortable, we can stop," he says.
"No, don't. Please don't," me.
He kisses on my body, trailing down to my unkept bush. When he's there, he lifts my leg and puts it on his shoulder.
His stubble tickles their way to where he'd kiss and look back at me looking back at him, my lips trapped between my teeth.
I shivered as pleasure built up in me. I didn't want him to stop... and if he did I'd- woah!
He slips a finger in... and then two before curling them up, and that does it. I convulse in bliss, allowing what I've denied my body for so long to remind me what it's made of.
When he gets up, he puts both of my legs on his shoulders. I never lose his eyes... even when he rubs himself on my wetness. He kept teasing my entrance, never really pushing past the tip.
"Yeah, I missed you too," he says groaning and I watch him bite on his lips before he embeds himself in me.
A gasp...
A groan...
A moment of talking it all in...
"If I don't make it past 3 stokes, you'd understand, right sthandwa sam?"
I titter, opening my eyes. He looks right back at me, with those almost closed eyes of his, only this time there is no smile on those gorgeous lips of his.
"I wouldn't blame you."
"And it's not helping that you are such a beautiful woman... my woman." He rotates his hips, slowly setting the pace for our lovemaking.
Each stroke is deep and gentle. It felt like he was being careful with me and also cautious with himself. One wrong rhythm, and surely he'd be knocked out on top of me in a mess.
"You are worth an eternal wait," he says, and I feel my insides pull and contract around him.
••••••••••••
I'm up first after the works of last night, which had me feeling like a new woman. Here I was again, drooling over him as he slept away.
I knew I had to allow him to sleep, but I just couldn't resist running my finger down his jawline to the goatee he neatly kept there. He twitched lightly before reaching for me in his sleep.
I grin, feeling his hard self on my thigh.
Maybe if I woke him up a little differently today, he wouldn't mind. Not that he ever minded, though...
Damn.
I'm craving this man like I didn't get all of him last night.
What time did we even allow sleep to consume us?
He twitches in my hand as I watched him open his eyes slightly, still in a sleepy state. A smile finds his lips before he takes in a deep breath.
"Good morning, husband," I mention and plant a kiss on his exposed chest.
"Good morning, wife,"he says and squeezes my buttcheek. That is my cue to get on top of him and watch him come to life. "What's this?"
"Something... I don't know... you don't like it?"
"Anything with you in, I'll never not like sthandwa sam."
"Oh, good then." I say before he sits up causing me to hold onto his shoulders. We're looking into each others souls, breathing each other in like it's not already addicting being around one another. "We didn't use protection last night."
He chuckles. "Are you tired of having my babies already?"
"No," I lift myself slightly and allow him in.
"So you want the pill?" I ride him.
"No,"
"Haybo, Ma'Dlamini uthini ke, kanti?"
"No... " I bring back my focus to the topic at hand. "...do you want another baby Malinga?"
"You know I want a soccer team from you sthandwa sam, that hasn't changed yet," he pecks my lips.
"My max is 4 Bangi," I stop.
I don't know why, but I instantly feel my cheeks heat up.
"Bangizwe,"
"Zanokuhle."
"Can we wait a bit though before that... I want to enjoy you again before I'm big and pregnant," I lean in and make out with his lips while getting my hips back into grinding us both into a feeling of ecstacy.
It doesn't take long before we hear a knock followed by a low sounding "Mama." by our door. I freeze looking at the man underneath me who just chuckles.
"Yes, my baby?"
Am I pissed?
"Mama vula," Nzwano says.
Yoh.
"Okay, uyeza umama neh," Me.
I'm defeated.
Is this what they mean when they say kids ruin your bedroom life? The same bedroom life that has been MIA for a good couple of months?
"Soccer team, neh? Hayi, get me my pill, please," I say and get off him, leaving him laughing silently at whatever this was.
•••
"Your mother is doing the most now," I say to him and hand him my phone.
The moon hasn't even marinated properly yet, and she is already asking for our kids to sleep over at her palace. It feels like she's plotting something, and I'm not here for it. Even if this is me being paranoid, I'm not about to take chances with her. I've already jumped over a mountain with allowing her to see them, but this... no.
"I'll talk to her." He says.
"Thank you." Me.
We walk into his office where we find his new stand-in secretary fixing a couple of papers on his desk. Lerato is on maternity leave. The pregnancy virus must've been injected in bread because it seems to be everywhere.
As soon as she spots us, she stands at attention and accidentally drops some of her papers on the floor.
"Oh my, I'm so sorry. I'm so clumsy."
She bends to pick them up, and Bangi quickly helps her.
"It's okay." Him.
"I'm just so nervous, I swear I'm professional."
"Mpumi, relax, there's no need to be nervous." Him. They get up.
"Oh, you know my name?"
"I know all I need to know about you, Mpumi."
Is that her blushing?
"Anyway, this is my wife and isithandwa sami, the Queen of Emashazini." He says as he swiftly walked back to my side.
It's then that she snaps back to the real reality and formally curtseys uttering something I don't hear at first.
"... my Queen. May you live long." She says.
Her words make the hair behind my neck stand up.
Why is everyone making me so paranoid?
"My love, I'm sure I've told you all there is to know about Mpumi. She'll be with us until Lerato is back and able."
I nod.
"Right, let us get this going then. Baby, come sit next to me." He pulls a chair out for me.
I'm telling my mind that it's nothing.
Not everyone I meet is bad news, right? and I hate that I think that already about someone I just met.
And the nerves must be playing with her just like how they did with me the first time I ever met the Royal family. Even meeting Bangi's father was a big deal to me. Heck, our first encounter wasn't even the greatest...
"Right, what do we have this week?" Bangi asks.
She quickly scrolls through her tablet and takes a seat.
"You're flying out to Ghana on Thursday..."
•••
I scrolled past the adorable baby gifts that this online store had to offer. I was buying my sister a few things for the baby shower we were planning for her.
It was a little too exciting, honestly, that I decided to add a few things for Lerato as well that we could send to her.
Bangi walks in with Busa on his hip and a plastic bag in his other hand. Just seeing them brings an instant smile on my face. My boys are looking all handsome.
Literal clones.
"Thatha," he gives Usabusa the plastic bag, which he takes. "Give Mama"
He practically sprints over to me with the package.
"Andwa sam," Busa says, causing Bangi and I to burst into laughter as the shock manages to leave us gobsmacked.
"Did he just...?"
"I'm going to cry," I say and take the plastic from Busa, who looks so proud of himself. Off he goes to Nzwano who's playing with her toys.
"I should've captured that." Bangi says.
"I have a feeling we might hear it again... but then again, thank you, Malinga wam."
He bought the pill just as I had requested.
"What would I do without you?" Me.
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