The first thing Shinji did when the lights came back on was to vomit uncontrollably on the Doctor's shoes. The Doctor winced but said nothing.

Shinji looked up. The Angel-thing lay collapsed on the ground, burned and shriveled. It looked smaller than it had seemed in the dark. The signal and work lights throughout the tunnel had turned back on, as had the fluorescents back in the train. At the far end of the tunnel, he could see the rapidly receding figures of Sato and Mrs. Yamashita, carrying Hiroshi in her arms; and he could hear the sounds of approaching sirens.

"All right, then?" the Doctor asked cheerfully. "Physically, at least? All limbs and major organs still in the right spots?" Shinji nodded. "Right. Come on, then. Let's get you something to eat."

"Wh-what about Mrs. Yamashita?" asked Shinji. "And Hiroshi? And -"

"Oh, they'll be fine now. You never want to stick around for the cleanup on these things. Small rooms, too many questions, lots of waiting around. And besides -" The Doctor looked Shinji in the eye. "She said that you were being watched. If you really want to get free from it all, at least for a time, this might be your one chance."

Shinji glanced down the tunnel, where the others had gone. He could see flashing lights in the distance.

"Up to you, though," the Doctor said. He strolled off casually towards the other end of the tunnel, away from the sirens, paint can in hand.

Shinji hesitated. Then ran to catch up.

***

They found a gas station a few miles down the tracks. It was open, but they weren't accepting credit cards. The Doctor eventually managed to unearth three surprisingly crisp five-hundred-yen notes from his pockets, enough for two cups of tea and a handful of candy bars. Across the street from the station, there was a park that looked towards the city.

"You'll want to drink that tea," the Doctor advised as they sat down on a park bench. "Helps with the nightmares, I find. Aww, look at that! They lower into the ground! That's brilliant!" He watched as the downtown skyscrapers rose and fell in the distance, a grin on his face. "Not to mention, practical. What with the giant monsters and all."

Shinji quietly ate one of the chocolate rice cakes. It was one of the ones with vanilla. The station hadn't had any of the caramel. Eventually, he asked, "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Being this kind to me."

"Well," the Doctor said. "Thing is, I get curious about things, that's all. Just the way I am. I see something that doesn't quite make sense, it'll drive me mad until I've got it figured out.

"And right now, I'm wondering how a fourteen-year-old boy in modern Japan winds up with post-traumatic shock syndrome."

"What's that?" Shinji asked.

"You mean, they haven't told you?" The Doctor sighed. "No, never mind, of course they haven't. You'll... really want to look that up at some point. Look, just - start at the beginning and tell me everything. Please."

"Why?"

"Because if you don't, it'll tear your mind apart." The Doctor seemed to be looking past Shinji somehow, to some place and time only he could see. "All the things you can't bear to think about. All of the memories you wish you could forget. They build up. Until one day, you'll look at yourself in a mirror and you won't be able to recognize yourself. That's what they can take from you, if you let them."

Shinji stared into the styrofoam tea cup. "I-it's a long story," he finally said.

"I have time."

They sat on the park bench. Eventually, Shinji started to talk.

***

It was the first time that Shinji had ever told someone the entire story. About his father summoning him to the city, after years with no contact. About how it'd turned out that his father was commander of an entire military organization, dedicated to turning back the invasion. About the first Angel attack, and being told that he had to fight, and the injured girl they'd brought in on the gurney to send in his place when he'd tried to refuse. How they hadn't told him that he'd be able to feel everything that the Evangelion felt, and that horrible first battle, and how he hadn't been able to use his left arm for days; and the days of training afterwards, and being taken in by his commander, Misato; and the boy who had hit him at school because he'd let his little sister get injured. And then the battle with the second Angel, and feeling it rip through the Eva's side like it was his own, and running away, all the while knowing that he'd have to go back eventually, it's not like he had any other place to go...

"And the worst part of it is - no one seems to get that I'm the worst possible choice for all of this." Shinji's throat felt scratchy. He couldn't remember the last time he'd talked this much. "I'm everything that a pilot shouldn't be. I'm weak, and spineless, and a coward -"

"Right. Stop it right there," said the Doctor. "Don't say that. Don't even think that, not even for a second. And you know why? Fate of humanity put on your shoulders, thrown into a war - no training, no preparation, no support. To go through something like that - to survive - and to still care about people once it's over? That's not just satisfactory. That's incredible."

Shinji crossed his arms. "But - why couldn't I - why do I have to be so -" Words failed him. "Why do I have to be so me?"

"Be what? Be human? As opposed to just an unthinking, unfeeling weapon?" The Doctor sighed. "Shinji, listen to me. You're fourteen years old. You can't properly hate yourself. You've barely even started to figure out who you are. Well -" The Doctor scratched the side of his nose. "Will say, you do seem to have established one thing definitively. I mean, what with the way you risked your life earlier tonight for the sake of a few people you'd only just met."

"But -" Shinji said.

The Doctor cut him off. "Uhp, uhp. Doesn't matter why you think you did it. The point is, you did. And what about before that? When you nearly got yourself killed so that poor girl wouldn't have to?

"You can be anyone or anything you want to be, Shinji Ikari. You still have time. But trust me, because I'd know -" The Doctor grinned. "You are not - and will never be - a coward."

Shinji didn't know what to say to that.

The Doctor turned towards the city. "Look at it." He smiled. "You know what the amazing thing about this island is? I've seen it destroyed so many times. Earthquakes and wars and great waves and solar flares... and you know what? No matter how many times you get knocked down, no matter how much you lose, you keep coming back. You keep rebuilding and building and building, no matter what... until you're one of the most advanced and respected nations on the planet.

"That strength's your birthright, Shinji. It'll be there when you need it. Well, won't be quite that simple, of course, but..."

He looked back. Shinji had fallen asleep.

The Doctor took a sip from his cup of tea. "Long day," he said to no one in particular.

***

Captain Misato Katsuragi liked to think of herself as a patient woman, at least under the proper circumstances. Circumstances which did not include being woken up at four in the morning with very bad news.

"Widen the search perimeter to ten kilometers," she barked into the phone as she put her shoes on. "I don't care who you have to wake up! Just get it done!"

She slammed the phone down and headed for the door. She got three steps before it rang again. She grabbed it off the hook. "What? Oh, it's you, Ritsuko... no, they still haven't found him. I was just about to go join the search."

"Well, it can't hurt, can it?" She paced restlessly through the empty apartment. "All right, I'm sorry... God, what a nightmare. I don't know what Intelligence is doing these days. First they disobey my orders not to follow him. Then they wait hours to tell me there's been an attack..." She waved her hand. "Of course I know that! That's not the point!"

She stopped outside the door to Shinji's room, or what had been his room. The door had been left slightly ajar. She reached out to close it...

... and saw Shinji, asleep on the bed.

She froze in place. "Ritsuko," she whispered into the phone. "Can I call you back?" She hung up without waiting for an answer.

She slid the door open and stepped into the room. Shinji stirred a little, but didn't wake up.

She stared at him. "But how did he...?" she asked out loud. She'd been in the apartment all night. She hadn't slept all that well. And she hadn't heard the door open...