Tengen wasn't sure if he was frustrated or happy with the current situation he was in. He knew he was seconds away from having Mizuki entirely to himself, and he was getting rather impatient for that to happen. However, there was a massive wall he had hit. He practically ran into that wall, and oh what pain had it been when he did. He nearly wanted to slap himself for making such a mistake. But the thing that hurt more? He saw the wall a mile away and yet still ran straight into it. He had avoided this wall for the longest. Partially because he figured he could and mostly because he didn't want to deal with it. But the interaction he had with the girl during hashira training, which at this point had been about 4 days ago, had vividly reminded him of that wall. In fact, he was convinced that if he didn't deal with it properly, it was going to kill him. As the beautiful concoction of carnal lust and the purest most wonderful love he had ever felt was stirring something terrible in him.

But still...

Man, had it felt good! To know what the feeling was and call it by its name. There was nothing more satisfying than that! After so long of mulling over what the feeling was, he was finally free of the burden of not knowing.

Now, Tengen was very much aware that the thoughts that filled his mind were never always the purest of thoughts. Given that his imagination was very much active, and so, perverse thoughts such as those were not a foreign idea to him. However, it seemed that it was indefinitely worse when he managed to get this particular girl in a compromising situation. To picture her in such erotic ways often kept him up at night with an impossibly frustrating insatiable hunger. However, as much as he was tempted to take her every moment he had, he was, surprisingly willing to wait until after he had the chance to wed her. In fact, he actually thought of taking her as more of a reward for all of his patient waiting. A very delightful and much-anticipated reward of course, but a smaller goal of his than marriage nonetheless. Of course, the idea of putting their intimacy on hold was painful and at times so annoying that he was nearly willing to skip the marriage part, but the feeling that settled in his gut when he thought of how she would react was unbearable. Besides, he had wanted to make sure that she would be his and his only for as long as he lived, and marrying her would be the way to do it. Therefore, he had to marry her first. The rest could come later.

But how much longer would he have to wait? The frustration from having to wait was becoming severely irritating. He began to deeply regret sending the girl away so early from his training grounds even though he knew it was the best option for the both of them. But perhaps, if he hadn't sent her away that day, he could have bent the knee right then and there. The thought was a beautiful one. Of course, that would be possible only in a perfect world though, because it seemed to Tengen, that whenever he was around this girl, everyone suddenly developed a strong desire to check on him and see where he was or what he was doing. It was painfully aggravating. Especially now that he knew why he had wanted this girl so badly.

Tengen loved the relationship he developed with Mizuki and wanted nothing more than to be there for her in the same way she was there for him. He wanted to experience every aspect of her personality, learn all of the things she knows, protect her and fight demons alongside her. Even if she very well could have been one herself.

The thought nearly made him laugh. But the fact that he didn't feel even an ounce of disgust towards this girl who had the ability to transform into the very thing he despised the most in this world, was truly laughable. Either he really did love the girl or he was insane. And Tengen was not very inclined to believe the latter.

Even still, whether he was crazy or in love, he knew one thing for certain. Being with this girl brought him immense joy. To Tengen, all the little interactions and small moments he has with her are, in his perspective, utterly priceless. The time he spent with her in those moments was something he enjoyed more than he could explain in words. For him to say or do something and sit back to watch her adorable reactions was something he practically lived to see. And to be honest, he didn't realize how much he loved it until he had to go through those 7 long years without her. Surely he didn't ignore the three women he lived and traveled with to safety during that time. In fact, he became very accustomed to them and even cared a great deal for them. However, that was just about the extent to what Tengen felt. No matter how painful it might be to admit it to those women, it was the truth when he realized he merely became accustomed to them. Of course, he cared about them, and yes, there were traits about them that he liked a lot. He even thought of them as attractive women, but it was not the same kind of love he felt for Mizuki, for she had possessed all the traits that he found he liked in the three women, all on her own.

Tengen groaned at the thought. He wanted her with him now. He needed her. But the fact that she hadn't known the truth was downright despicable and made him utterly sick. He needed to tell her all these things and so much more so he could just break right past that damn wall. He needed to find her. So he could just tell her he was sorry. That he made a grave mistake when he sent her away to the next part of her hashira training. He needed to hold her in his arms, look into her eyes, stroke her hair, feel her warm body against his and kiss her senseless but—

"Tengen-San...Are you alright?"

The sound of Makio's voice was gentle, but he could not stop the way it forced his head to jerk up and out of his hands. He had been sitting with his head in his hands for a while, but he did not realize how much time had passed until he saw the sun was nearly at its midpoint in the sky. He had to force the sigh that was developing back down as he looked out at the field of demon slayers. He had spent so much time mulling over what to do and what not to do that he had completely forgotten about training the demon slayers.

It took all he could to answer her with a small smile, but the look he saw on her face when he looked up was unconvinced. At this, he sighed, stood, and stroked her hair, "Stop being so worried. It'll give you wrinkles far earlier than you should have them."

Makio was shocked when Tengen quickly retracted his hand from her hair when she blushed. However, she dismissed it as him being stressed. Besides, she had seen this look on his face before.

"Tengen," she pressed, "It's not like you to be like this...Maybe you should train the demon slayers to clear your mind. I know—I know how much you like to order them around."

Makio had made the statement in an attempt to get him to laugh. However, the man's face was a blank indecipherable mask when he responded, "No. I've made a serious mistake. And if I don't deal with it now I..." Tengen couldn't finish his statement before he tossed a glance at Makio and started again, "Just—just watch over the demon hunters for me. There are a set of orders I have planned for them today, and I need you, Hinatsuru, and Suma to make sure they get done while I'm gone, understand?"

Makio's mouth opened and closed a few times before she could bring herself to respond. The more she looked into his eyes, she realized what it was he had been thinking about and gave him a curt nod,

"Yes, Tengen...We will make sure it gets done."

A/N- I know I said the next few chapters were supposed to be a little longer, but I guess I didn't really think about where writing this chapter was going to take me. After I wrote the end of this chapter I really just liked how it ended and didn't really feel like anything else should come after it. Either way, chapter 19 is in the making, I hope you enjoyed this one and will stay patient with me until the next. Let me know what you think in the comments!

WORD COUNT- 1,439 WORDS || 4.1 PAGES