Transpicuous

/tranˈspikyo͞oəs/

adjective

easily understood; lucid

It had been two weeks since that heart to heart between Luke and I, and the whole time I was focused on what Janice had told me. Multiple times I had come close to requesting to enter Calum's room to search for the plans she had supposedly been able to get, but each time I found myself doubting the idea of Janice being able to do such a thing. Thoughts of whether she was telling the true circled within my brain as I wondered if she was really mentally ill.

Although she had been left undiagnosed, that was very common within the colony's psychiatry department because they relied only on the medication we had within our means to treat the people of the colony. Furthermore, the Code had seemed to dramatically lessen the cases of mental disorders that had similar symptoms as Janice's, which meant that the only place to find the needed medications would be in the city, but since Michael's death, none of us were eager to go back into that city.

There were nights in the past two weeks that I would lie awake in Luke's arms, trying to find a cure to Janice's problem, but with the limited amount of resources we had, it was obvious that the only option was to go on another raid. However, I knew that if I suggested that to the group, tension would only build as everyone agreed to never return to that city unless it was to save the entire population within it.

I battled my emotions internally as I tossed and turned slightly in bed, alerting Luke to something being off. Although he offered his help, I knew that he wouldn't want to be involved in this decision either way. From his past experiences, Luke could never turn down a person in need; however, he still held pent up anger toward Janice for attempting to harm me and the emotions from Michael's death were still fresh in his mind.

Knowing that I could not talk to anyone within the colony about this issue, I was left with no other choice but to talk to the only person that would listen to me, which led to my sneaking out of mine and Luke's room. Even though I felt guilty for leaving him without warning to wake up alone, I felt that the task at hand was more important than his feelings that would recover fairly quickly once he found me where I was headed. The red coat that I had become fairly accustomed to still hung on the racks near the exit of the colony as I made my way toward the door.

At that time in the morning, there were not any workers on duty, which left me with no one to know where I was headed. Although I felt unsafe on my own as I walked in the snow covered forest, I quickly overcame my fear and pursued the trail I was very familiar with. When I finally approached the landmarking willow tree, I fell to my knees on the snow covered ground.

"Well, I finally got around to visiting you," I said, smiling slightly to myself as I glared at the infamous carved stone marking Michael's grave. I still had a distaste toward the thing due to its blandness, thinking that it should represent Michael a bit more clearly by being painted several different colors due to his love for dying his hair.

"I know this probably sounds really selfish of me," I began, cringing at how I sounded like I was speaking to an actual person. Somehow, I recalled the way Riley spoke to Michael as if he were there, attempting to do the same as I found solace in the way she did. "But I needed some advice," I finally said, moving my hair out of my face as it had begun to cover my line of sight.

The wind began to pick up as I remained sitting at his grave. My frozen fingers, moved the hood up to cover my ears since they were beginning to feel extremely cold due to the harsh wind's persistence. I imagined the way Michael would laugh at me and make a joke about my incompetence since I forgot to grab a pair of gloves before my way out here. That was when the pain in my chest began to settle in as tears welled within my eyes.

"Damn it," I whispered, wiping the liquid away as I attempted to stop my crying. "I really miss you," I finally admitted as the emotions overcame me. My thoughts reflected on the way I had begged him in his final moments to stay with me and not leave me alone, but the endless pain I felt the past few months told a story of his decision to disregard my feelings.

My sniffles slowly subsided as I attempted to allow myself to get all of my emotions out in the open, never really having the chance before to speak my mind about how I felt. "You left me, you dumbass," I slightly laughed as I spoke, finding the term endearing due to our sibling like relationship.

I shook my head, moving on to my next topic as I recoiled my composure. "I got that tattoo by the way," I finally spoke, going off track, but still wanting him to know that I had honored his wishes even though he wasn't present when I did. "And it looks amazing," I assured him, knowing he was probably rolling his eyes at me for attempting to get a tattoo without the help of the other boys. I brought up other various topics, wanting to dodge the topic of what I had initially came here for until the last minute.

Finally, I assumed that I had procrastinated long enough and released a sigh, wrapping my arms around myself as I felt the wind pick up once again. "So I actually came here to talk to you about Janice," I admitted. While I was speaking, I could almost sense his eyes rolling at me, annoyed that I would only visit for my own issues but still enjoying the company.

I shook my head at myself suddenly, standing and dusting my legs of the snow that had stuck to my pants. My brain was overloaded with questions as I asked myself why I thought this would work at all. Of course Michael couldn't give me his input, so why was I attempting to speak to him as though he would?

My hands ran through my hair, similar to how Luke would when he was stressed. Although I thought that this would help me make a decision, this moment only confused me more as I thought of how crazy I appeared talking and laughing with a slab of concrete. "You're making me look like an idiot Clifford," I mumbled, blowing my breath into my extremely red hands in a vain attempt to warm them up.

As I was about to leave, I reflected on why I had come out initially, knowing that I still didn't have my answer. I shook my head as I turned back toward the lone grave site and began to speak again. "Janice claims that there is a new brain chip that the Code doesn't deactivate." I let out a long breath as I fought my emotions from ranting quickly about it, trying to keep my cool so I could learn something I hadn't known from this experience.

"And she said she had the plans in her room with Calum," I explained, sitting back in the snow despite how cold it made me. I felt oddly closer with the blonde boy as I traced shapes in the snow, speaking to him as though he were a real person and could give me advice that I needed so desperately.

"But the thing is, I don't know if she has a mental disorder, Michael," I went on, imagining him nodding understandingly at me while I tried to keep my composure. The feeling of speaking to my dead best friend about my possibly psychotic one made me feel uncomfortable on so many levels; however, I battled through it because I knew I was getting somewhere in this short session of therapy.

"And the boys," I paused, recalling the many times Luke would wake from a nightmare, trying to save Michael from the hands of the officer that had killed Cynthia and had only been trying to capture me. I shook my head, not wanting to backtrack from the progress I had made in the past few weeks. "They miss you so much, Michael." My breathing began to become ragged as I tried to control the tears threatening to fall.

"I just don't know if they would do it," I admitted, knowing he would understand the circumstances I was in currently. Michael had always been able to understand exactly what I was saying, despite my obvious flaws in explaining. Sometimes, Michael would even understand better than Luke about the trauma I had endured within the Brain system since he was a product of it as well.

The amount of Brain's within the colony was extensive, but the majority of the people were born outside of the society, but held the same genetic mutation of the Code. However, the difference between them and the others of society was the lack of the microchip in their brains, which enabled them to make their own decisions all of their life.

Meanwhile, those of us from the lab were scared with the memories of guns firing after us as we ran, or in Michael's case, the memory of seeing his twin as a cyborg for the first time when going on raids against the White Coats.

The sound of leaves and twigs breaking from behind filled my ears. My head turned quickly to observe the person approaching me. I relaxed as I saw the familiar black clothed boy approaching, smiling slightly at him before turning my attention back to the grave in front of me.

His footsteps came closer until he was behind me and kneeling so that he could hold me closer to him. I released a long breath as his body heat warmed me greatly, the coat I had draped over myself not doing much to keep the cold out. The blonde haired boy said nothing as he kept quiet and allowed me to continue talking to my best friend.

"So I don't know if I should risk having the boys go on another raid for something that may end up killing them." I felt Luke's arms tighten around me as if to encourage me to go on and let all of my emotions out while I sat on the the frozen ground. "I mean, Luke wouldn't want anything to do with it," I spoke up, noticing how Luke's grip slightly increased. "She tried to kill me, so I don't really blame him." That was when I heard Luke gasp from behind me.

When he turned me to look into my eyes, I saw the fear lacing his eyes and the way he looked pained from the choice lying before him. Although I knew it wasn't fair of me to present the issue to him, I reminded myself that even though Michael could give me an answer, I would have to ask the blonde haired boy sooner or later.

His eyes were wide as if he couldn't understand why I would be considering this. "I knew you visited her yesterday," he spoke up, his voice coming out husky as it cracked slightly from emotions overcoming him. "But I never thought you would think about going on a raid for her," he whispered in shock, shaking his head lightly at me.

I opened my mouth before closing it and stopping for a moment to rethink how I would explain the situation, eventually deciding on telling him the same way I had told Michael, only this time, I was met with the judgmental faces of Luke as he assessed my decision for himself.

"We lost Michael on the last raid," he finally spoke after I had been finished explaining for a few moments. I nodded my head, recalling how I had confessed my fear of Luke denying this request on the grounds of not wanting to risk any more lives.

Although one of his hands still encompassed my waist, the other went up to his hair, shoving the locks back as he ran his hand through. He bit his lip, similar to how he did when he still had his lip ring in and was making a decision. While I knew Luke wouldn't hesitate to do this as a boyfriend, I knew he had to consider this from a military perspective.

If we went through with this, we would be risking the welfare of several of his men for the well being of one girl who was already declared mentally unstable. He winced slightly as if the decision was physically paining him to make.

Suddenly he pulled away from me and looked straight into my eyes, his blue eyes assessing mine before letting out a deep breath. "You know you can't come, right?" he asked, my head immediately nodding as I recalled the reason for Michael's death. I would never dream of attending another raid for that reason alone.

After he thought for a few more minutes, he nodded slightly, coming to a final decision. "We'll go, but it's just me, Ashton, and Calum," he stated firmly. Despite my protests, he shook his head at me, "I'm not risking any more of my men for Janice." With that, I dropped the subject, thankful for him trying to treat the girl that had attempted to kill me.

"Thank you," I whispered into his ear as I pulled him into a hug. He simply nodded into my shoulder, not saying much, but I knew what he was doing in that moment. He was staring down at Michael's grave. My arms stayed around him, knowing he needed my support now more than ever.

So I held him and didn't let go until he moved away and forced us toward the colony again so that we would be out of the harsh weather of the winter. However, I knew that the entire walk he was thinking of the decision he had made by that willow tree as the wind blew. Something inside of me feared he would back out of the agreement, but as the weeks went on, he never seemed to flinch about the thought of going on another raid.

That was what scared me the most.