Drink up with me now

And forget all about

The pressure of days

Do what I say

And I'll make you okay

And drive them away

The images stuck in your head

-Elliott Smith, Between the Bars

Everyone has guilty pleasures. For some, it’s that midnight snack that they sneak in, under the cover of night, when they snuggle up between the sheets. For some, the secret is darker; it’s that drug they take, that fifth of vodka they keep hidden from everyone; or the little trinket they steal from the local store even when Daddy’s loaded and can pay for it. It’s that deep yearning within them, a darkness, a compulsion.

Although there was a darkness within me now that couldn’t be denied, there wasn’t much darkness in my deep longing. I yearned to be alive again. I never meant to leave the life I left behind; the person whose touch I never wanted to forget, and whose voice I so longed to hear.

Daniel and I walked slowly along Esplanade Avenue. It was such a mundane thing to do, but it meant so much to me. The early morning sun warmed my face as I looked upon it through the trees. The smell of fresh beignets greeted us. I had my caramel macchiato in hand now, ready to face a new day. But was that what this really was?  

“Why did I know you would order that?” Daniel said, with a wink, but I didn’t have anything witty to say to that, so I just kept quiet.

“So tell me about you, Haley,” he insisted.

“I’m afraid there isn’t much to say,” I said, smiling. “I’m not as interesting as you would like to believe. I’m sorry to disappoint.”

“Nonsense! If there’s anything I know, it’s that Richard Grim never takes on boring people.”

Yes, that’s right Daniel. This is the boring life I wanted. To walk with you, to be with you. To talk about stupid, trivial things. Was that too much to ask of life?

“Well, maybe someday you’ll find out,” I winked. I found that I enjoyed flirting with him, even now; after my death. Very few things change, I guess.

Daniel’s eyes turned pensive. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“Sorry for what?”

“It’s just… you remind me so much of her.”  he sighed. “Look, this is very unfair of me to say to you. You barely know me, and here I go on and on. You don’t even look anything like her, but I swear, everything you do reminds me of Vanessa.”

Vanessa this, Vanessa that. I wasn’t sure whether to be happy or sad. My Daniel loved me. That certainly appeared to be so. But then again, I was dead. What did it matter now what he thought?

“Your fiance who was murdered?” I asked, stopping myself abruptly. “I’m sorry, Daniel, that was insensitive of me.”

Daniel smiled. “It’s quite alright. I needed something to take my mind off her. I’ve decided that grieving isn’t beneficial in the long run.”

“Do they have any leads in the case?” I asked, curious.

Daniel’s brow furrowed. “The lead investigator’s still interviewing everyone who was at the party. It’s been a crazy few days, I can tell you that much. Between that case, and now running into you all bloodied up at Jackson Square.” Daniel paused. “I guess I just…”

“You just?” I asked, pushing Daniel further.

“I  just, I can’t stop thinking that if I had never let Van run off on her own that day. If I had just held onto her hand firmly, that she might never have; it might never have happened you know?”  Daniel looked forlorn.

“We quarreled,” Daniel admitted. “That day, Van and I, we had a fight. It was a petty squabble, too. I wanted her to attend the event. She thought it was silly and didn’t want to go, but it was important to me, and…” Daniel sighed. “I forced her to. I think, in my own insufferable way, I forced Vanessa to be there, to be present at a time when she lost her life.”

I was quiet. This was a side of Daniel that I admit I hadn’t really been accustomed to. I remembered that tiny fight quite well now that he brought it up. It seemed so paltry and insignificant now.

“So where are you originally from, Haley?” said Daniel, changing the subject.

“Chicago.” I said it without thinking - quickly realizing how stupid that was to say.

“So am I,” said Daniel. “Chicago doesn’t have that many Wellingtons. To be honest, I’m not sure I’ve run into any,” he said.

“Yes, well, my family is rather reclusive,”  I said.

“So where do you hail from in Chicago?” Daniel insisted.

Here we go Daniel.

“Winnetka,” I said. “And I have some cousins in Kenilworth.”

“I see, you’re Old Money,” Daniel said again.

I smiled, not knowing what else to say. Time had stopped for me, I must admit, but here in this timeless twilight zone, I had found yet another chance for me to be with the person I loved most. But would this Daniel fall for my new persona or be forever stuck loving the dead Vanessa Hunter?

“Daniel?”

“Hmmm?”

“Have you ever come across the term, Cabrit Sans Cor?”

“I can’t say I have, Haley. I’m afraid I can’t help you with that.”

I smiled. “It’s okay, Daniel.”

“Ummm… Haley?” he asked me in a voice that sounded unsure.

“Yes, Daniel?”

“Do you have plans for tonight?”

“You’re asking the girl who was attacked just a few nights before and has no recollection of the matter what I’m doing tonight?” I chuckled.

Daniel turned bright red. ”Well, not in so many words…” he began but faltered.

I chuckled. “It’s ok. It’s not like I’ve made plans,” I jokingly said.

“So, how well do you know Grim?” Daniel asked.

“Richard? All my life.” I was getting better at this lying thing by the day.

“There are people in the business community who would consider Richard Grim a bit of an enigma.”

“I can see that,” I said, laughing.

“You can?”

“Richard can be, well, eccentric,” I said. “He’s been a friend of the family for as long as I can remember. I trust him.”

“That’s nice. You need people you can trust.” Daniel breathed in deep. “Listen Haley, I swear I’m not like this with all the young ladies I meet, and I promise to stop drawing comparisons to Vanessa, but there’s just this, I don’t know, this something that draws me to you, makes me want to know you more. I’ve felt this way ever since we met at the dinner, and when I ran into you so suddenly at Jackson Square, it’s like, you know, Fate.” He exhaled loudly. “There. I’ve said it. You can call me creepy and file a restraining order now.”

I laughed. “Well considering you found me close to unconscious that night and that I’ve been unconscious for days in your home and that I haven’t been taken advantage of, I’d say that certainly counts for something.”

Daniel beamed.

It’s the Hedgehog’s Dilemma, Daniel. We both long to be with each other, but we both have too many secrets between us; secrets that could hurt the other. I don’t want to hurt you and you don’t want to hurt me, but the closer to we get to each other, the greater the chances one of us is going to be hurt.

We walked for a few more moments, enjoying each others’ company, words unspoken.

I would have enjoyed all the time I was spending with Daniel but for one thing.

It was slowly at first, but I began to see her in my peripheral vision. At first, I thought I was imagining it, until I realized I wasn’t. The little girl who had showed up in the nick of time to save me from Rina Tanaka. It was like she was following me around on my walk. She wasn’t moving, just part of the constant stream of people that went about their day around us. As if she were trying to blend into the scenery.

I felt goosebumps coming on.

“What’s wrong?” Daniel asked, noticing my concern.

I shook my head. “Nothing.”

There she was again, by the bakery window. She’d been sitting on a bench next to the coffee shop just a block before. I walked in silence now. Daniel didn’t seem to mind. This was creeping me out for certain and I needed to do something about it.

“Listen Daniel,” I began, “I know you’re a very busy person and taking care of me like this has got to be drawing you away from important things.”

“Well, I wanted to make sure you were ok,” he said with a sigh. “And to make you you don’t just run off on me I guess!” he added with a nervous laugh.

I shook my head and smiled. “I wouldn’t so disrespectful Daniel. Besides, I find you interesting too.”

Score one for Vanessa!

Daniel smiled. “Well, in that case, if you really wouldn’t mind me leaving you alone for a little bit. Is there someplace we can meet up tonight?”

“How about Broussard’s on Conti? It’s near St. Louis Cathedral.”

“Perfect. Yes, I know the place. I’ll see you at seven then?”

“Count on it!” I said with a smile.

Daniel smiled back and I melted. “It’s a date, Haley.”

And with that, Daniel waved goodbye and I was all alone again.

Free to deal with this other problem unhindered.

Now, where was she?

I took a left on Royal Street. “Ok, kiddo, let’s see how good your following act is. I’m all alone now. No need to be so coy,” I whispered. I looked around furtively. It was the middle of the day and crowds of busy people filled the French Quarter. The tree-lined streets were narrow, and the traffic had already begun to swell. The buildings were at once drab and colorful; a mishmash of faded reds, yellows, and blues; rows upon rows of ‘painted ladies’, each one more nondescript the more of them I passed. It was going to very hard to spot her in this color maze.

I had barely crossed Barracks Street when I felt someone pull me into an alleyway. I tried resisting, but my attacker was strong. I struggled for a bit until I realized who my attacker was.

I found myself staring Death in the eye once more.

“Why hello, Vanessa,” he said with a smile as he pinned me down. I felt powerless against his grasp. He wasn’t normally this forceful.

“You have been a troublemaker.”

“Well excuse me for not flying into your arms after you’d pretty much told me you used me!” I shot back. “Let me go!”

“No.” Death’s eyes bored into me. I felt helpless, naked before his piercing gaze. There was something oddly compelling about the man. Was he ever even a man? He could certainly turn the charm full on when he wanted to, and when he did, it was very difficult to resist him.

Relax, Vanessa, it’s Death, not some hot guy off the street. It’s an illusion.

“You have no idea the danger that you have put yourself in, Vanessa Hunter.”

“Ok, tell me exactly what trouble I’m in then, because that little girl is after me too.”

Death’s eyes turned very somber at first, then angry. His form shifted again. His true nature was coming out again.

“What little girl?”

I shook my head. “It’s nothing, it’s not a big deal.”

Death took me by my arm and squeezed hard.

“Stop it!” I said, “you’re hurting me!”

“Vanessa, I’m not going to ask again. What little girl?”

Tears came into my eyes. “I hate you! I wish I had never taken your stupid contract!” I sobbed.

“Vanessa, your safety is at stake here. What did you see?”

I sighed. “A few days ago, Rina Tanaka attacked me.”

Death smiled. “Yes, I tried to warn you about that, but you ran away from the party.”

“She almost killed me. Her sword, Katsujinken bit into my shoulder and cut me to the bone.”

“Yes, there is much you don’t know Vanessa, but there is something very important that you should know.” Death relaxed his grip on my arm. “Please, continue.”

I looked down at the ground. The pavement was cracked and dirty. Royal Street wasn’t exactly pretty. I took some time to regain my composure, to wipe the tears that fell, unbidden from my face. “I lost the fight, and Rina was about to kill me when a little girl stopped her,” I said, pausing. “It’s strange, the little girl looked so fragile and yet she stopped Rina’s sword so effortlessly. It was almost as though she were...toying with Rina.”

I turned to Death almost angrily. “I almost got killed, you know! Twice in the same week! This is ridiculous, why me?” I buried my face in my hands.

“This little girl,” Death said softly. “Did she have a name?”

“Rina seemed to know who she was. She called her, Azazel.” I glanced around me furtively. “She’s still here,” I added. “I noticed her a few blocks back.”

Death breathed in deep. “Ok Vanessa. We are only going to have one shot at this. You’re going to listen to me, and you’re going to do exactly as I say. And please, please do not run away from me again.”

“What’s wrong? What’s happening?”

“Vanessa, you and I are both in grave danger right now. I don’t have much time to explain, so please just listen. Nod if you understand.”

I nodded.

“We will need to get as far away from here as we can. We have to throw him off our scent.”

“Him?”

Death sighed. “Him, Her. It. The little girl. It doesn’t really matter Vanessa.” Death put his hands on my shoulders.

Death closed his eyes, and placed his hands on my head, whispering words in Latin: “Cuius autem in caprum emissarium statuet eum vivum coram Domino ut fundat preces super eo et emittat illum in solitudinem.”

Death looked at me solemnly and sighed. “The great archdemon from Hell; the legendary Scapegoat and Scourge of the Nether World, the one spoken of in the books of the Apocrypha and the Apocalypse of Abraham.”

Death pointed at me. “The Fallen Angel Azazel wants your soul.”

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