After an hour or so of pointless daydreaming, I finally got out of bed. I want to scream, I want to let my anger out. I didn't mean to yell at Em and now I'm angry at myself for it. I keep it bottled in, screaming on the inside.

You're frail and withered. You can't do anything correct, you probably hurt Em's feelings earlier.

I sit down beside my desk, back against the wall, and pull open the bottom drawer. I search through it and pull out an old breath-mint container, the contents clinging against the metal. Opening it, I pick up what was inside.

"I'm sorry Em. . ." I whisper to myself, starting to cry. Placing the blade to my arm, it breaks through skin, drawing blood.

—————-

Pulling on a thin sweater, I try to hide what happened so Em doesn't worry. I sit back down against the wall, hearing Em doing something on the other side in her room.

"I'm sorry. . ." I whisper to the wall, crying a little. I hear my door open and see Em come in.

"Hey Toby ho-" she locks eyes with me and comes over and sits in front of me. "Are you ok? Tobias what happened, what did you do." Em said, panic rising in her voice.

"I'm sorry Em." I say, crying.

She grabbed my arm and pushed up the sleeve, seeing the fresh cuts. "Tobias. . ." She pulled me into a hug. "Tobias, hey. I forgive you. You were doing good, longer time than last time. You are getting better and that's what matters."

Even if you're getting better with your self harm, it doesn't change the fact you are dead inside. You've lost the love of your life. Now you're faded weary and I know you won't make it out alive.

"I feel like I'm going to be lost forever. Feel like one day you may receive a letter from the dead. I'm sorry." I cried into her shoulder.

She let go and held my shoulders, locking eyes with me, "Toby, please don't say that. I'll be here with you, by your side, the whole way. Or at least as often as I can. You can make it. I won't leave and let you fall behind. Just please stay alive. Not just for me, but for others to, and most importantly, for yourself."

Why? Why ask for help? Em won't make that much of a difference. Heaven wouldn't hear you even if it existed. Like I said before, you will not make it out alive. I will make sure of that. Now why don't you hurry up and go straight into the light, let your breath grow still and shallow.

"I know that we - that you - can make it out alive, Tobias. Just please keep fighting, it'll be worth it in the end." Em said, still staring into my eyes.

I drop my eyes from her stare, crying still, "Please stay with me Em. You're all I have left since Ryan's gone. You say I'll make it out alive, but I don't know anymore. I don't know if I will Em. I'm so sorry."

She sighed and pulled me into another hug, "I know, Toby. I know. Just please try. Just that, just try."

I nod as best as I could, hugging her tightly, "I'll try."

Little does Em know you already have something planned. Too bad you won't be alive to see her reaction to what you're going to do.