"I am tired of being what You want me to be, I don't know what you're expecting of me, putting the pressure of walking in your shoes."

This phrase echoes in my head every time I think of him. Unintentionally, what has been a problem for years of fights and screams, he never stopped to think, maybe I caused this. How could he think that? He always believes he is right, he knows everything. The words of the child, the teenager, the young man, will never be at his level because he has more experience than all of them. Why bother to listen?

For a long time, the child saw him as a hero, a support. But suddenly, he became the opposite. First, it was the scolding for not going to church, a place unknown to the child, where he didn't feel safe. Those scoldings turned into pain, and little by little, the tyrant stopped when he saw the child's immunity. However, the gap had already formed.

What does it mean for a lonely child to make friends and finally be able to socialize with them? Many things can come from it, but for the tyrant, it wasn't like that. When the child approached him to ask to go out with his friends or have a sleepover, the tyrant said NO. This caused the child to stop asking for permission. Of course, how could he change the tyrant's mind? Facing him wasn't beneficial for the child; enduring screams, fights, or even blows wasn't worth it. For the tyrant, it was education; for the child, it was suffering. He felt repressed, deprived of certain experiences, moments, and from getting closer to more people. But everything had to change at some point. The child stopped being a child and became a teenager, with some abandonment, some indifference, full of complaints and anger. Unable to hide all those wounds, he found his safe place in music.

The teenager continued to endure certain fights and moments of screaming, but little by little, he lost himself in music. He found his voice, filled with anger and hatred, and decided that things would change, that he would be heard no matter the cost. It no longer mattered how hard the tyrant could be, how much the blows hurt, or how the screams affected him. The teenager would not be ignored; he was going to be heard, whether the tyrant liked it or not. So the tyrant could no longer turn his back; the teenager found ways to make him turn around. Of course, the difference between him and the tyrant was the blows. The main rule: never return the blows. After all, he only wanted to be heard and recognized.

How difficult and stressful it can be that the tyrant, no matter how much he heard the teenager's muffled screams, never understood him, never sought to get closer or, at least, hug him and say that everything would be better. No, the one who doesn't understand is the teenager. He doesn't know; he must learn from life. How can you be so hard? How can you turn a blind eye? Even when you hear those muffled screams from a teenager with no more will to live because he doesn't understand what you want from him, what you expect from him.

A child who grew up repressed, a teenager who had to hide his emotions, who learned not to express himself. Why bother to express himself if no one was going to listen? So much mental exhaustion, tough love, because, of course, being sensitive never helped. Wanting to understand the tyrant, even less. That forges many things, like a barrier to protect oneself, a barrier to not trust anyone, a barrier to reject love. After childhood, he never felt it again. But of course, shoes to fill led the teenager to be competitive, egocentric, but insecure. What is the difference when your heart is made of stone, your mind of gold, and your tongue of a sword, but your soul has weakened?

In certain moments, so much pain and confusion can lead anyone astray. The teenager couldn't find a place where he belonged and wondered: When did all this start? Why do I feel stuck? I don't want this; I want to heal, I want to feel part of something real. I want to let go of all this pain that I've felt for so long. And then he reached the breaking point: if not them, if not the tyrant, who can save me? The teenager was simply left in the void with words that couldn't defend him. Without realizing what he became because of the tyrant, who, without caring, watched as the teenager fell and fell into darkness. Thus, the teenager only wanted one thing: for the lights to go out, so that when the tyrant opened his eyes, he realized that the teenager was gone, unable to help himself, in silence and alone, leaving a note in the air:

"Tell me again, what should I be, who should I be, how should I be, how do I do what you want me to do. Tell me again, as if there's no other way, you are guilty anyway, you're too closed-minded to be ashamed, you want to point the finger but there's no one else to blame."