So this isn't exactly a rant but I kind of had a realization recently.

I made an earlier chapter called "my story" talking about how cringeworthy and weird my original creepypasta phase was. What I realized about that was that it was a coping mechanism.

Around the time I began getting into creepypasta my mental illness was getting much worse. I had gone from a normal kid to mildly anxious and depressed.

I immersed myself in this made up world where I was loved and noticed and could pretend real life didn't exist. I didn't have to worry about how much a hated myself because someone, though fake, was there for me in my head. I didn't have to be anxious because these fictional characters weren't going to judge me and could help me through it.

The way I said I was "insane" seems to me like me hinting towards the real problems in an extreme, noticeable way. Not that it was acceptable it's just what I believe I was doing.

Looking back at it I can't see the whole phase in the same way? Knowing I was just trying to feel okay.