tw: mentions of self-harm 

"KJ, are you sure you're alright? You've been up all night. I can take over your shift." I shake my head and widen my eyes, stretching my face out. "No, you're supposed to be relaxing. I know you feel fine too but I'm not the one with glow sticks for eyes." He nods and chuckles before going back to staring out at the fire. 

I get up and extend my arms as I walk away from the camp. I feel a little bit of my shirt rise up and the random breeze brings goosebumps across my skin. My white hoodie and puffer vest combo has kept me toasty all night but somewhere along the night, my hoodie unrolled itself and there was a gap between the waistband of my jeans and my vest. I yawn and grab my flashlight from my back pocket and head into the woods to use the bathroom. 

The path to the outhouse is clearly outlined so I find my way there in no time. This is exactly how black people die in movies. Going off by themselves. But then again, they weren't surrounded by their best friends that happen to be werewolves and if anything was wrong, they'd protect you. I think. As I finish up and use the canteen we have for water and biodegradable soap, I hear rustling in the brush. My flashlight is in my mouth so I turn my head to highlight the area where I heard the noise. 

I see a black wolf staring intently at me and I can't help but drop the flashlight from my mouth. "Shit!" I whisper shout, trying not to scare the wolf into attacking. I rush to wipe my hands on my jeans and pick up the flashlight. I tuck one of my hands in my pocket and bring the other back up where I previously saw the wolf. It's still standing where it was but just very still. "Never turn your back on a wolf and move slowly away." I mumble. 

Using my peripheral vision, I see that I'm about 70 feet from camp. I let out a breath and start to back up, keeping my flashlight on the wolf and praying that my dumb ass doesn't trip. The wolf treks silently, keeping the same pace and following me. I look the wolf deeper in the eyes and realize they look familiar. "Holdup." I lean forward and hold eye contact with it. "Derek?" I whisper. Part of me hopes that it's him so I don't have to worry about being seen as crazy and the other part knows this could just be a really calm wolf that's not scared of people.

I take my hand from my pocket and hold it out, praying that I'm not losing my mind. The wolf comes over and sits on its hind legs, sniffing my hand briefly before rubbing its head against my leg. "Alright, this is weird. You're a grown ass man just shift back." The wolf glares up at me but I turn my back. "I don't know if you come back naked but I'd rather not see that for myself." I hear shifting and shuffling before I hear his voice.

"If you're gonna act like this, I might as well have tackled you and started growling." I roll my eyes and turn back around. "Why didn't you? It's not like Scott or Isaac is gonna be able to take you on a night like tonight anyway." He shakes his head and crosses his arms over his bare chest. "They're doing alright for a few betas." I nod and reply, "Yeah, no thanks to you. I don't even know where Erica and Boyd are right now because of you."

"Oh please, it's not like you really cared about them in the first place." My eyes damn near bug out of my head and I say, "Don't care?! Derek, Erica only wanted to be a werewolf because it meant she wouldn't have to worry about seizures anymore and Boyd did it so he could protect the people he cared about." Derek inches closer to me and responds, "I was supposed to protect the people I care about and I was born with this and they still died. I made it out of the fire aside from my psychotic uncle and maybe my sister. But that's a shred of hope I can barely feed myself because if I get too hopeful, everything around me tends to fall apart."

I clench my jaw and exhale from my nose. "I can't do this right now. I have to go check on Is and Liam and make sure that Scott doesn't need me for anything. Just go back home. You shouldn't even be here." Derek chuckles sarcastically and replies, "You shouldn't be here either. And I'm not talking about in the woods with 3 werewolves, I'm talking about in Beacon Hills. Or in the natural world for that matter. I saw your scars earlier." I start walking away and turn my flashlight toward the path.

"Good night, Derek." He catches up to me quickly, taking 3 steps to my one. I cross my arms across my chest and click my flashlight off, tucking it in my vest. "No KJ. You don't get to say good night and act like you don't avoid how you're feeling and let everyone else's emotions wash over you." I pause and angrily press my pointer finger into his chest. "You don't get to judge me Derek. Both of us have had enough trauma to last a lifetime and yet here we are. We both cope in different ways - you by tormenting local werewolf teens and turning into a big ass fur ball. And me by feeling the emotions of those around me. I used to hurt myself because I thought something was wrong with me." 

I keep walking but Derek grabs my forearm and turns my body toward him. I attempt to fight him but it's laughable how effortlessly he moves me back in front of him. He holds the back of my neck with one of his hands so I look him in the eye. "You aren't the only one hurting. You felt alone because you didn't know what you were going through but now that you're through it, you have the scars to show that you were in a battle. A battle you won." I feel my breath catch in my throat and I feel Derek's thumb brush against my skin.

"I thought I was losing my mind Derek. That wasn't a battle, it was mental warfare. And it damn near broke me. I'm still working on myself. I have all these tattoos because they feel like the only way to pay tribute to those whose extreme emotions I'm feeling. Some of them felt like ones I had. So much so my heart would ache. Don't tell me I won the battle. Because that would mean the war is over. And it's far from over."

Before Derek can say anything else, I break through a line in the woods and Scott turns back as his eyes watch me sit back down. "How's everyone?" I ask. He smiles small and replies, "Is, Liam and Stiles are still completely knocked out." I laugh and shake my head. "Good. That means I didn't leave you by your lonesome with the 3 stooges." 

Scott chuckles and places his lips behind his knuckle. "No, you took care of them and now they're taking care of you by staying asleep." I shake my head and glance back at the walking trail. With the light from the fire, I see Derek in his wolf form again and he's facing us. Before I could turn around, he was gone in a blink.