Chan really likes listening to me talk about myself.

He would always constantly ask about me, even after four months of talking every day. He'd ask me how my day was, what I was like when I was younger, what my talents are, what my hobbies are. I realise, even now, that he seems to be really interested in me.

I guess it makes sense, since I already knew things about him way before we even officially met. Like how he used to be a competitive swimmer, or how he likes to work out, and even how he has an adorable dog named Berry. Things like that can't be well hidden when you're famous.

But Chan didn't know anything about me before we met, he didn't know me like how I already knew him, so I understand why he's always constantly asking about me. I don't mind it, actually it's pretty cute, how his eyes shine whenever I tell him something new about me, or how he grins so wide whenever he listens to me talk, or how he compliments me and chimes in whenever he can.

And it's not just him — the feeling is mutual too. I also want to know more about him. The real Chan. And to my pleasant surprise, I have. I've found out about things that I'm pretty sure no one else knows about him. Not big things, but little subtle things that he wouldn't otherwise openly talk about. Like how I realise Chan falls so deep in thought whenever he works, how his eyebrows furrow together in concentration as he plays a few chords on the keyboard of his MIDI, or how he wrinkles his nose whenever he doesn't like how his track is turning out.

How he, as someone who he always speaks English to, mumbles to himself in Korean when he'd do something a bit embarrassing, or how he lets out a real, stomach laugh I've never really heard on camera before, or how he's actually sometimes a little scary whenever the other boys would misbehave a little around him.

Chan has moments like that. After so many months of talking to him, I realise that Chan has let his guard down around me. He's more human, more of a person. He's not someone who I thought was just an idol through a screen anymore, but rather he's more of a man who always greets me in the morning with a smile. He isn't as cautious around me than he would be to a camera, like how he allows himself to show how tired he actually is instead of hiding it now, or how he actually shows how angry or upset he is over something and rant to me about it (and damn, he's kind of scary when he's mad).

But it actually makes me happy when he shows me his vulnerable side. It makes me realise that Chan's grown comfortable around me, and that he doesn't care to let his idol image slip whenever we're on a call. It warms my heart to see him like this.

We're friends now after all.

It's nice little subtle things that I've found out just by observing him, and it would be a lie if I said it didn't make me feel a bit special to be one of the few people who know about his little traits.

I also realise that Chan is a really, really big goddamn flirt.

He has no regrets. Not one single regret. Every single time I talk to him now, he wastes no time calling me angel, he teases me for little things, he's always complimenting me or my smile or my laugh. He's always been doing it, even when we were first talking, but after that conversation those many nights ago, and after he and Felix met Kevin, it's like Chan's flirting has been dialled to eleven and his confidence is suddenly off the charts.

And what's worse is that it's so attractive.

So, so attractive.

I don't know what to think anymore. Chan's always running in my mind, 24/7, and it's harder to concentrate on anything else when he's flirting with me all the goddamn time. Don't get me wrong, it's not unwelcomed, it's just something I have to get used to. And Chan, annoyingly, knows the effect of what his flirting is doing to me. He's amused. He's having fun. He chuckles whenever he sees my face flush a deep apple red, or smirks whenever I sputter in surprise. He's finding my reactions to his shameless flirting amusing, and honestly, it doesn't bother me as it probably should.

Because it's Chan. If it was anybody else flirting with me, if it was anybody else teasing and playing with me, I'd instantly shut them down. But it's Chan here. I trust him. I can see the genuine kindness and happiness in his eyes whenever he teases me, or the heavy honesty or realness he holds whenever he would complement me. Chan wouldn't do this with anyone else. Chan would only do this with me, and that thought always sends me into a spiral.

Chan's flirting with me on a comfortable and honest level, and I know he's not doing this to put me down or make fun of me. Chan compliments me because he actually believes I look nice that day, or that he really thinks I'm pretty whenever I style my hair.

Chan's genuine, and real, and honest and it never fails to tug harshly on my heartstrings. There's just no possible way to express how much I like this man. How much my heart yearns for him. It's just impossible.

I like him. I like Bang Chan so much, and it's stupid.

Because there's nothing I can do but like him. There's nothing else for me to do than just like him here from my room. But despite the way my heart wrenches at this, I'm always telling myself that it's enough. That it's okay. That I'm lucky to even be on terms with Chan like this. That I'm the luckiest girl in the whole world to be able to talk to Chan like this. But I still can't help the way my heart wants more. Want to be with him. How can I not? Chan is just too perfect, and too pretty, and too likeable for me not to think otherwise. But what else can I do but to just talk with him, here, like this?

So I bear with it.

But despite these thoughts, it's not bad. Not bad at all. Chan still calls me every day. He calls me almost three times a day, morning, noon and night. We greet each other good morning, we make breakfast with each other, we stay up late together, and it's wonderful. And now that Kevin is aware of him now, I'm not afraid to openly facetime with him around the house. Kevin would usually pop into frame and say hi to him whenever he'd walk past, and Chan would always ecstatically wave back.

It makes me all warm inside to find that Chan still makes so much time to talk to me. Between his work, photo shoots, recordings, working on promotions, Chan still calls and texts me every day. He has such a busy schedule, and yet he still finds time out of his day to send me a selfie. It's sweet, and it's adorable and honestly, I can't believe I'm even talking to him.

But last week, Chan's flirting had really gotten to the best of me, because he actually had the goddamn audacity to answer my facetime call all hot, all shirtless, all smug, and with freshly wet hair from the shower.

And he said, "Hi, how you doin?" with the meanest, smuggest, most attractive smirk on his face, like he knows what he's doing to me.

I remember embarrassingly gawking, before flipping him off and hanging up on him, just as his laughter echoed my room.

And it was hard not to think about it after that.

But either way, it's been amazing. It's almost been six months since I texted Chan during that live, and six months of us constantly texting and calling each other every hour of the day. To put it simply, I've become best friends with Chan and the boys. Because that's what they are, they're my best friends.

It's weird to think that I've become such good friends with Stray Kids, but there's no other way to put it. They really are my best friends, and I'm finally proud to label them as such.

There are still speculations and rumours about Chan and I going around. I still get harassed every week, and I swear I also started getting noticed on the street. A few of my classmates and workmates also asked about me, but I always told them it was just a rumour and that photo wasn't me, but I don't think they ever believed me.

Still, I try to avoid the topic as much as possible. Especially when Nao and Ryuu are both already so suspicious of me. Especially Nao.

Nao hadn't asked me about the photo. She already knew how I reacted to what happened to me on Twitter. She had apologised for coming off a little strong when she had confronted me about it, but I told her that I didn't mind. She's still been careful though, tiptoeing around me and eyeing me like she wants to ask what I've been hiding. I haven't told her yet. I feel bad every time.

Ryuu's a different story. Ryuu looks like he already knows. He knows I'm still connected with Chan, I can feel it. But, for whatever reason, he's not saying anything. He's giving me looks whenever I smile at a text, or asking me what I've been up to with that look in his cat-like eyes. He's so observant, and so stealthy, and so silent about everything that it makes me feel a little uneasy.

I remember feeling a lot better when Kevin found out, and I've been telling myself to tell Nao and Ryuu as well. But I just can't seem to bring myself to when it comes to those two. I know Nao would be upset from hiding it from her for so long, and I just know Ryuu wouldn't support it after what had happened before. These two are different from Kevin because Kevin could never hate me even if he tried, but I still know deep inside that I'll have to tell them eventually.

I just have to find the right time.

-

The early sunlight shining through the gaps of my curtain is what wakes me up first. I feel it upon my face, my eyelids wincing a little as I turn my face away from the light.

But then I hear the pretty sound of soft humming and the sizzle of eggs, and it causes me to slowly pull myself into consciousness. My eyelids flutter as I open them, confusion settling over me as I hear someone talking quite clearly.

I wouldn't usually hear the sound of Kevin cooking eggs so clearly from my room, so the confusion I feel only increases as I slowly begin to process my surroundings.

I'm in my single bed in my bedroom when I open my eyes, the morning sun peeking through the curtains of my window. I turn my head, trying to find the source of the noise half awake, until I notice something on my desk.

My desk sits right next to my bed, so I have a clear view of my laptop that's on the edge of the desk closest to my bed, opened and playing something on the screen.

But as I finally find myself fully awake, I blink, surprised to see a clear side view of Chan on my laptop screen, humming to himself and cooking something in a pan in his dorm kitchen.

It's hard to see what he's exactly cooking from this angle, but I have a clear view of Chan's face and torso as he holds a spatula in his hand and scrolls through his phone in the other.

He must be in a video call with me on his laptop, which is probably sitting on the counter of the kitchen. On the bottom right of the screen, I see myself sitting half up on my bed, an expression of surprise on my tired face, my hair all over the place and a pillow crease on my cheek.

"Chan?"

Chan glances up from his phone. He's wearing a simple black zip up hoodie with a t-shirt underneath, his bed hair loose and messy and falling over his forehead. I watch as his eyes practically light up at the sight of me, and he switches off his phone and places it away.

"Morning, princess," he greets cheekily. "Have a good sleep?"

I make a mental note that the smile Chan's offering to me at this very moment can easily rival the sun streaming through my curtains.

I fight back my blush and look around, taking in my surroundings as Chan continues to watch me in amusement. I run a hand through my hair and yawn, stretching and sitting fully up, still a little perplexed. I wrinkle my nose as the memories of last night slowly dawn on me, remembering that Chan and I were up talking late again, both of us in our bedrooms as we did (Chan not in his studio for once).

I glance over to Chan again to now find him tending to what he's cooking in the pan.

"Did I fall asleep?" I question.

"Mhm," Chan nods. "You fell asleep when we were talking last night."

"Oh." I blink dumbly. Then that must mean... "You didn't hang up?"

Chan meets my gaze again, a little bashfully this time. "You don't remember?"

The shy look on Chan's face causes me to blush a little. "Remember what?"

Chan looks away again, and I notice the redness on his cheeks beginning to become a little more prominent now. His shy expression makes goosebumps arise on my skin, my pulse rushing as I struggle to remember what had happened. Fortunately, I don't have to wrack my brain any further when Felix suddenly pops into frame with a freckled smile, greeting me good morning with a wave.

"Oh, hi Felix," I reply back with a smile of my own. Upon talking with the boys and facetiming them so much over these couple of months, I've given up on looking my best for them, not really caring if they ever see me bare faced and tired. After all, they never seem to mind anyway, assuring me that I shouldn't have to make an effort to look nice for them every single time. It may have been like that at first, but at this point, I can't really bring myself to care enough to brush my hair.

Felix looks like he's just woken up as well, his long blonde hair messily pulled into a tiny ponytail, the roots starting to show his natural hair colour. Unlike Chan, who's black hair is all curly and a mess, Felix is a stark contrast to him, standing there in the kitchen in a bright pink sweater.

But then Felix is starting to grin now, all cheeky and smug as he leans over Chan to grab a pair of chopsticks, and tells me so easily and so smoothly, "You fell asleep while Channie-hyung was singing to you last night."

It's a little embarrassing just how fast my face explodes a bright apple red. "Oh."

I numbly watch as Chan sputters, profusely stammering out Korean as he turns to Felix and grabs him by his arms, ears bright red as he hides his embarrassment by laughing between his stuttering, Felix's high-pitched giggles also ringing out as the two of them stumble out of view.

I stare a little dazedly, the cogs in my brain slowly turning as the memories from last night come back to me. I remember now, Chan and I slowly drifting off as we talked, both of us facing each other in each of our beds, not even holding a proper conversation as my eyelids became heavier and heavier. And then I remember falling asleep to the sound of Chan's soft voice singing an unfamiliar tune.

It may be a little embarrassing, but I can't help but think of it as nothing as pleasant, remembering just how fast I had fallen asleep. I briefly wonder if Chan was able to fall asleep as well, but he must have, otherwise he would have ended the call (and wow does that thought make me really happy). I begin to feel a little flustered at the thought of Chan waking up to me sleeping on his laptop screen, and I wonder what he would have thought to see me there. And then I can't help but feel even more flustered when I realise I've fallen asleep to Chan singing and then woken up to him humming.

It feels a little domestic and a little intimate and it only makes me blush a shade deeper, but it makes me so, so, so happy.

Felix and Chan are still arguing with each other off screen, the sound of them laughing and roughhousing with each other clear even with them out of frame, but honestly, it's something I've already gotten so used to, so I end up just tuning them out. But then I glance up when I notice another figure enter the frame, my heart swelling and a smile pulling at my lips when I watch a sleepy Jeongin pad into view.

He seems to be ignoring the other two as well, which is something pretty normal in the dorm that I'm not surprised to find him doing so. When he notices me on the screen of Chan's laptop, I watch as his face lightens up and as he approaches, already waving.

"Noona!" He says, happy and cute.

"Hello, Jeongin," I greet happily, waving my own hand.

"What are you doing here?" He asks, his words heavily accented but improving.

"I just woke up," I tell him with a small smile. "How about you?"

Jeongin takes a moment to think before he's saying, "I'm finding breakfast."

I nod, and I point at the pan that Chan left on the stove. "What's Chan cooking?"

"Eggs," Jeongin replies with a quick glance.

"Are they burning?"

"Yes," he says, and I giggle when he quickly pulls them off the stove and does his best to place the charred eggs on a plate. Then, he's turning over his shoulder and saying something to the two boys who are still laughing with each other, and I smirk in amusement when Chan and Felix rush back into frame.

"Aww, Felix, look what you've done," Chan says with a shake of his head and Felix gawks.

"Me? That was you, hyung!" Felix counters and now they're playfully arguing again, pushing and grabbing onto each other, and all Jeongin and I do is share a knowing look, a smile on our faces, and I start to help him make his own breakfast.

-

Mum meets Chan first.

I'm on a video call with him on my laptop on the dining room table, sipping on a cup of coffee and listening to him tell me something interesting on his way back to the dorm in a company van. It's ten on a Tuesday morning and Kevin's on summer vacation so of course he would be out at the beach with his friends right now, and my parents are both at work, so I'm not worried at all to openly video call him.

I must have been too enticed as to what Chan is saying, because I miss the sound of the apartment door opening behind me and the sound of someone entering the apartment.

It's not until Mum approaches me, peering over my shoulder and appearing on the screen behind me on the bottom right when I realise she's here. I first notice her on the screen before turning in surprise, jumping a little.

"Mum! What are you doing here?"

But Mum doesn't look at me, because she's too busy ogling the man on my laptop screen, who now looks just as surprised as me, Chan's eyebrows shooting up and blinking widely as Mum takes him in.

"Who's this, honey? I didn't know you were friends with someone so handsome," she says so casually in her calming voice, a kind genuine expression falling upon her features as she casts Chan a smile. "Hello, dear."

She must have heard Chan speaking English when she had entered the apartment because she greets Chan in the same language, and I watch (maybe slightly amused) as Chan stammers a little and quickly bows his head, suddenly turning all polite.

"Ah, hello. It's nice to meet you, ma'am. I'm Chan."

"Well, it's lovely to meet you as well, Chan," Mum replies just as sweet and it's hard to ignore the flaming heat of my cheeks when Chan's face is just as red. Mum is looking all calm and collected right now, but I can see her analysing Chan, and I try not to burst out laughing when I realise she's trying to pinpoint where she's seen the man on my screen before.

"Mum, I thought you had work today?" I ask her instead, trying to take away the sudden pressure Chan must be feeling just by looking at the aghast and sheepish expression on his face.

"I had to quickly come and pick something up," she tells me, and she leans over and brushes her fingers through my hair and presses a kiss to the crown of my head. "Have you eaten?"

"Yeah, I have."

"Good." Mum heads off to her bedroom and calls over her shoulder, "Has