CHAPTER FIVE / the name of the game.

WOULD YOU LAUGH AT ME IF I SAID I CARE FOR YOU?

( INTERVIEWER: What do you remember about the tour?

CAMILA: I remember everything.

ODETTE: You know how sometimes, there are just some things that you can't forgive or forget no matter how much time has passed? [ Pause ] That's how I feel about that tour. It's been years and I still wished things were different. It was a fucking snowball effect. . . It was the root of so many things that went wrong.

I just wished that I realized there was more going on than what I was aware of. I was used to talking to them while they were off wherever. If it wasn't Karen, then it was Eddie, sometimes it was all three of the boys on the phone together. But it was never Billy, I never asked about him because honestly, I didn't fucking care. If we talked about the tour, it was always how the shows went or them talking about the sights, a lot of "oh, you would've loved it". I was so wrapped up in my own bullshit to fucking notice the signs. )

Odette had grown used to entering the living room and seeing Camila sitting there talking to Lucy. Throughout her pregnancy, Camila had leaned on the two of them, Lucy was there to hold her hand through it all, something that Odette was barely any help with because she hadn't had any children at that point in her life, and while Lucy never had any kids of her own, being there when Katrina was pregnant with both Odette and Romeo, she was more helpful than Odette could ever be. Where Odette was helpful, was more keeping Camila company with all their friends, plus Billy, being off on tour, as well as buying Camila everything she needed for when her daughter would finally be born. And of course, Camila had protested her doing so, but it didn't last long when they got around to going shopping. But on days when Odette was locked in her studio, it was just Camila and Lucy.

So it didn't come to a surprise to see both of them when she went into the kitchen to grab something to eat, only taking a break because she could hear Eddie's voice in the back of her head when she saw exactly how much time had passed. Camila sitting at the dining room table with a cup of tea in her hands while Lucy moved around the kitchen as she baked.

"And she finally emerges from her tower," Lucy commented, much to Odette's annoyance.

She rolled her eyes as she grabbed a handful of chocolate chips. "You sound like Eddie."

"How is he?" Camila asked, a knowing grin on her face that left Odette wondering what exactly she did know.

"Fine. . ." She replied, staring at Camila through narrowed eyes. "It's been a few days since we last talked though."

That seemed to have changed the mood instantly, Camila frowning but covering it up with taking a sip of tea. It was something that Odette wanted to comment on but before she could, making sure that her mouth wasn't full of chocolate chips as she spoke, Lucy changed the subject completely. It was subtle, but it left Odette still surrounded in questions.

"Your brother called," she commented.

Odette scrunched up her nose in disgust. "What'd that asshole want?"

Lucy swatted her with a tea towel, hitting Odette in the leg and causing her to move into the dining room where it was safe.

"He's finished filming and he'll be over today."

She nodded. "And will he be with company or─"

"Just Ivy."

The James stayed in New York went unsaid and so once more, Odette nodded, preparing herself to witness her brother moping in his LA apartment while his best friend and the person he'd been in love with since he was eighteen but far too scared to make a move had stayed behind. It had been an art she had perfected, stoking up on ice-cream, wine and dusting off her brother's records that only consisted of classical music to play in the background as he wallowed in his silence. And while normally she'd grab him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him down so they could be eye level which would allow herself to drill into his head that he was being stupid and if he'd just say something, then he'd realise that he was being stupid.

Although now, there would be an underlying hypocrisy underneath all that advice if she were to say anything to him this time around, anything she would say to him would be the very words that he'd say to her if he knew about Eddie─ which if Odette was being honest, she wouldn't be surprised if he did in fact know considering Romeo and Karen talked almost as much as she did with him, it meant that she would have to work harder to keep Eddie from ever meeting her younger brother. She knew what Romeo would say to her, he'd tell her that she was being stupid (very much her words) and would remind her that she had less to lose than he would if she made a move (his words), and at least she knew there was something there. Which, admittedly was true, she couldn't forget the look on Eddie's face when she had kissed his cheek when she last saw him, how it was as if all she had felt had been left behind with the lip stick stain that painted his cheek, nor could she get over the fact that whenever Warren would pass Eddie the phone, he always said "go talk to your fucking girl, Eds" and it left her blushing like a teenager.

But stubbornness was a trait shared by the Miller siblings, most likely one passed down from mother to children, a fact that only made the trait worse if they were both being honest. Their stubbornness always got in the way of things, or at least when it didn't seem to matter. Neither of them had mastered the art of saying no, still having to be people pleasers because that's how they were raised. Where their stubbornness reared its ugly head was being able to see the signs that were right in front of them because the fear of change. Odette wasn't scared of the chances of Eddie rejecting her, she had been through enough auditions to grow used to the feeling, but she feared the change that would occur if he were to do so, not caring how low that risk was, she didn't care if they remained friends as long as they stayed the same. If he wanted her as much as she wanted him, he'd have to be the one to finally and properly cross that line that they had been tiptoeing for months.

That was why her brother would always have it harder than she would. While Odette understood having feelings for someone who wouldn't feel the same way─ a fucking crush on a female co-star, Romeo called it a goddamn cliché when she had admitted it to him─, she at least had a chance with Eddie. And with Romeo, the cost was admitting his feelings for James Hannigan meant coming out to him, something that neither of them could be too sure how it would go. There was a chance that Romeo did know, but Odette knew he wouldn't tell her.

Yet even then, if James were accepting, Romeo was still running the risk of being rejected by him and possibly ruin their friendship completely because Romeo allowed feelings to get in the way. But even then, it something did happen between the two of them, they couldn't be open, not with how people frowned at same-sex relationships but even further, Romeo's career would get in the way. She could understand why Romeo refused to make a move.

Hence, the wine and ice-cream needing to be on hand for Romeo's stay, however long that would be in LA for until he found himself in some other part of the world for his next movie.

"Is Ivy his girlfriend?" Camila questioned.

And before she could stop it, Odette let out the loudest, most awkward laugh she could have. "Uh, no, Ivy is his stylist. It's basically where he goes, she goes."

Camila nodded. "With him being back in LA, does this mean we finally get to meet the Hollywood heartthrob brother?" Camila asked.

Odette rolled her eyes. "You say that in front of him and watch his head get bigger."

"Stop being dramatic, Odette," Lucy scolded.

"What? It's true, he's like a goddamn peacock."

Camila laughed. "So just like you?"

Odette gaped at her. "You take that back!"

"You got ready with me back at my wedding, I know who you were hoping to impress," Camila reminded her, Odette's eyes widening upon realising where Camila was going with her point.

"Okay!" Odette exclaimed. "So, you have a point, but it's not one you need to make in front of my aunt."

"You're acting like she doesn't know." Odette glared at Camila, but it did nothing to stop her. "You two are obvious."

She huffed. "I have no fucking idea what you're talking."

"Do you ever?" Romeo's voice suddenly asked, causing all three women to turn in his direction.

Odette narrowed her eyes as she stared at her brother. "Do you ever fucking knock?"

Flipping her off, he approached Lucy, the two of them greeting each other and completely ignoring Odette.

"I can't believe your brother is Romeo Miller," Camila commented, gaping at the mentioned man.

Romeo grinned at her. "You must be Camila," he said, offering her hand out to her, to which she shook. "I've heard a lot about you."

Looking at Odette, Camila arched a brow before turning to Romeo. "Tell me, what was it like growing up with Odette?"

Odette glared at her before it turned into a smile that was directed at her younger brother. "How was shooting your next big hit?"

If there was one person that Odette knew like the back of her hand and most likely better than herself was her brother. She knew that asking him about his film would ultimately lead him to ramble about it while keeping tight lipped about what it was about because the two siblings had the tradition of seeing the film together once it finally released. Because here was the thing, while Lucy knew about it, Odette hadn't told her brother that none of her new friends new that she too had a filmography under her belt─ one that wasn't as impressive as her aunt's or as growing as her brother's, but she still had one and had no intentions of telling the others. It was part of her life that she wanted to forget and therefore, she would never acknowledge it. The only time she ever had was to Eddie, and even then, it wasn't something she outright talked about, being subtle in a way that never confirmed or denied her having a career that she left sabotage as she grew older and eventually left behind when she moved out a day after she turned eighteen, the only person who really knew, was Karen.

She knew that if Romeo were to answer Camila's question, it would all come out and it was something that she didn't want to talk about, at least not then─ but at the same time, she hoped to never say anything. So, dodging it completely was the best way she could've gone about it. And it had nothing to do with her genuine interest in his career. Absolutely not.

( CAMILA: I didn't tell Odette I was going to surprise Billy and the others on tour. Her brother had just finished filming and already had an audition lined up. . . I knew that his work was unpredictable considering he was in high demand in the 70s, so I didn't want to ruin it for her. Lucy was the only person I told everything to. . . When I got back after I found out everything, she was the one I turned to. I never told Odette what happened, I knew what she would've said had she known, she would've told me to divorce Billy. . . But I didn't want that, and I didn't want her judging me for staying with him.

ODETTE: I found out eventually what happened. And Camila was both wrong and right. . . I would've told her to divorce him, but I wouldn't have judged her for staying with him. Back then and sometimes even now, being a single mother isn't easy and it wasn't something Camila wanted for Jules. The only thing I would've done was showcase anger at Billy for what he did.

God [ runs hand over face ] I just wish that I picked up on the signs that things weren't right. Looking back on it. . . I know the fucking day that was the point when I should've known something had happened. )

It wasn't rare for Romeo and Odette to find themselves sitting by the Hollywood sign as they overlooked the city. It was something they started doing after Odette left home, both of them knew that Odette showing her face in the home she had run away from would've been bad for not only her, but also in a sense that if Katrina were to have found out about the fact, Romeo would've suffered the consequences. So they figured out other ways to spend time together, that they had to do so in a way that no one would find out, especially when during the first few months of her having moved out and his name was becoming more and more popular when he became the lead in his first film, they had to do so in a way that wouldn't alert the paparazzi.

Although, that didn't mean there wasn't this paranoia that surrounded them, she could see it in the way that his eyes were never able to fixate on one thing but rather around them, as well as the fact that he covered his head with a hat and wore glasses to hide his appearance. And while Odette liked to believe they were safe; they also spoke quietly to avoid being overheard despite the fact that they were the only two around.

"You know how James is working on his book?" Romeo asked, not caring about the fact that he was speaking through a mouthful of fries, it made Odette look at him in disgust.

"No, I didn't know you fucking pig." She then elbowed him.

He swallowed his food. "Okay, well, he's almost finished his second draft and is looking to publish─ I thought he told you?"

She shook her head. "You're forgetting, he's your best friend."

"You two talk."

"Only when your home," she admitted. "He only calls when you're not off somewhere filming and he especially didn't call when you were staying him with."

"Right, well, don't be surprised if he ends up paying you to do some art for it," Romeo continued. "No idea what he wants but I told him to talk to you."

"Just tell him to give me a call."

Romeo nodded before looking back out to the city. "I told him."

Odette's eyes widened. "About─?"

"I didn't mean too. It was the day before I left for here so all I could do was sit around his apartment, so I just read Maurice until he got home from work," he started explaining. "And you know James, you dangle a book in front of his face that he's never heard of and he's going to ask questions. He didn't say anything when I admitted it involved a gay love story but when I admitted I wanted to one day be in the film if they ever made one, that's when the questions started."

"And?"

He shrugged. "He asked me why I'd want to be involved in a such a story, so I told him the truth, that I wanted to portray something real while hiding in plain sight. And I hate that I have to say this, but you were right, he was accepting about it."

She smiled and wrapped her arms around him. "I told you he would be."

He pushed her off him. "I just said you were right, what more do you want from me?"

"To tell me whether or not you admitted more than that."

Sighing he shook his head. "The most I did was ask him to move to move in with him," Romeo admitted, much to her surprise. "Apparently he's not feeling inspired in New York and is considering moving back. That was why I suggested it."

Reaching over, Odette patted his hand. "Baby steps."

He huffed out a laugh. "Baby steps," he agreed. "And what about you?"

She sighed, looking down at her hands as she fiddled with her rings. "There's. . . Someone."

"Oh my god, someone?" He sarcastically asked, earning him another elbow to the ribs.

"Fine, okay, his name is Eddie and he's the bassist in Karen's more recent band, The Six," she started, and it was enough to get her rambling. "He's. . . He's different, he's the first person who actually got to know me as me, not Lucy's niece or your sister, but me, Odette. And even after he found out, do you know what he said?" She asked but barely left any time for Romeo to answer. "He told me that it didn't change how he saw me."

"I think you need to marry him."

"Do not say that."

"Isn't your greatest worry about dating is that they're going to treat you like Benjamin did?" When she nodded, he continued. "Sounds like he isn't."

"He isn't," she replied. "He's the complete opposite. He doesn't care about my honesty bordering on me being judgemental bitch." Odette laughed. "I can really be myself with him."

Romeo nodded. "There's a but, isn't there?"

"He doesn't. . . Know me."

She didn't have to explain what exactly she meant by it because he knew her well enough to know what she did. He had been the one to be there for her through it all before Lucy had taken her under her wing.

"You could just. . . Not tell him. He doesn't need to know about all that bullshit and if he ever did find out then if he really cared about you, he would understand why you didn't tell him."

Odette scrunched up her nose. "I hate when you're right."

"So always?" Romeo joked, causing Odette to swat at him, something he dodged when he hopped off the hood of the car. He then tapped her leg as he gathered the empty fast-food bag. "Come on."

She frowned as she watched him. "Is this a conversation we're going to continue while eating ice-cream and drinking wine?"

"Obviously."

She grinned as she too hopped off the car. "This is why you're my brother."

( ODETTE: By the time my brother and I got home, Lucy and Camila were on the couch and Camila was crying in her arms. )

It was a worrying sight, seeing Camila in such a state, not only for Odette, but also for Romeo who looked between every woman in the room before promptly grabbing the ice-cream from Odette and heading into the kitchen. It left Odette standing there for a few moments, perhaps a little too long before she eventually moved to sit with