Eliana:

I was asked no more questions, and no more details. In the moment of confession, it had felt a little bit like the floodgates crumbled- I couldn't hold back the words once it started, but they were awful, destructive, terrible. The words were ruining me, but it gained the trust of the other leaders. Some things couldn't be described- the smell of burned coffee that I threw on the police officer, the running mascara on Lily's face as I stabbed the man trying to rape her. There weren't words that could let someone else feel it, much less live it with you as you recollected.

Everyone seemed to know that I was near my boiling point, like a pot sitting on the stove to simmer but the burner's lowest setting is still going to force it to boil over. Some of the other leaders had left, Elias did so almost immediately after the meeting after getting a text from his wife. Something about his absence made the huge house seem slightly lighter, even though I was pretty sure that he had moved past distrust to a general dislike of me. Or maybe he had a resting bitch face- I know that I did a lot of the time. Blaise and Allegra had disappeared for a couple of hours, only to reappear for a few minutes before the leader of the French took his leave. I could see from the window as Allegra stood there on the bottom steps stoically, watching his car pull away slowly. I knew that there had to be something more to their relationship, this only confirmed it.

Fynn was the only one that seemed to be friends with Alessio, or at least the closest you could get when you ran separate mobs. It wasn't a friendliness like Leonardo's, but a seeming mutual understanding and long term partnership that started with their fathers. He even stayed to have dinner and genuinely offered that I eat with them and their capos, but Dr. Montcroix had arrived to check on me and I didn't want to keep him waiting. He left the next morning, and only after he was gone did the leader of the Spaniards arrive. I didn't get a good look since I was upstairs spending time with Lucia, but I remembered Alessio mentioning that some understanding between them had placed them at odds. These men were ruthless adults in many ways, but they were also more petty than high schoolers.

Aldrich stayed for a few hours, meeting briefly with Fynn and Alessio before he stepped onto the front steps next to Allegra, who had returned from her discussion with Blaise. The way that the two of them relaxed their postures and seemed less tense made me think their previous acquaintance was a positive one. I almost asked Alessio if he knew anything about it, but I figured it was best not to be nosy into the life of a fearless assassin. It wasn't like we would ever be close enough friends to eat ice cream and gossip.

Lucia and I, on the other hand, hit it off fairly well. She was understandably busy with work, but she tried to use her free time to keep me company, which I appreciated. She had her injured brother to worry about as well, so I took the free time to look at possible classes for my next semester. I usually tried to take as many online courses as possible, but with the Russian mafia hunting me down, I had a feeling that Alessio would encourage an electronic presence even more.

I was thinking about the Russians when Leonardo and Angelo wandered into the kitchen. One of my dad's famous tortilla soups had been in process for most of the day, multiple men had poked their heads into the kitchen to ask if there would be some extra. After hearing so much public interest, I doubled the recipe.

I had my headphones in, at first humming to Your Daddy's Son from Ragtime before I got too lost in my head to notice that the music had ended entirely and moved on to Bandstand. My brain moved to the people who wanted me dead, who sliced me and broke my bones. Not just the Russians, but everyone who hurt me- foster parents, people on the streets, I was even seething at fate for putting me through everything and still daring to touch Ezrah with cancer.

"Eliana, are you alright?"

Leonardo's genuine concern came from the doorway, starling me slightly. His brow was furrowed in concern and his gaze locked on mine, but Angelo's eyes were focused on the death grip that I had on the wooden spoon, one that I hadn't even noticed myself. My fingers were wrapped so tight that it was painful when I unclenched them.

I set it on the counter next to me, yanking my headphones out more viciously than I intended. "Yes, of course."

Leonardo seemed slightly more assured, but Angelo's scrutinizing gaze didn't waver. He rarely spoke, he seemed like the kind of man to usually let his actions and fists do the talking, but his voice was an odd mix of stern and quiet. "Eliana, can that simmer for a while?"

I raised my eyes at the odd question, nodding slowly, "I suppose, as long as the lid stays on. I can add broth if it starts to thicken too mu-"

"Great. Leonardo, watch dinner. Eliana, if you could come with me for a moment."

Angelo gave commands the way that we all breathed, and did I have to admit that he terrified me a little bit? Yes.

I looked at Leonardo questioningly, but based on his confused expression he didn't know anything more than I did. Angelo was always impeccably dressed, but following him down the rich colored hallways with paintings and photographs hung neatly around was suddenly making my legging and sweatshirt feel more underdressed than ever.

I didn't dare ask where we were going, even after we veered down a few hallways that I didn't recognize. I knew that we were moving further down to the basement, but I had never been myself, I just knew which direction the others always pointed to. The door that he opened led to a room that was much brighter, but everything in it was more worn. A boxing ring in the middle, weight equipment against the walls, much further away there was even a line of targets for shooting practice. The massive living room on the floor above me was pristine, almost barely used, but the things in this room had obviously been used well and extensively. It said a lot about them.

It was cooler, so I crossed my arms as Angelo lead me along the side towards the firing stalls, shrugging off his jacket and leaving two of the guns at his belt on full display. I didn't feel threatened, but I was curious. Was he trying to relate to me or something by teaching me how to shoot a gun? Did he think it would destress me somehow?

"I don't know how to fire a gun, I don't think it's going to help me with anger management. Besides, wouldn't it be a bad idea to hand an angry person a lethal weapon?"

"That's why we're not going to the range. Trust me, there's a much more satisfying and visceral way to deal with this anger. Shooting something isn't personal enough, you need to feel something break with your own two hands."

"I'm starting to worry that none of you are in the mafia and this is just some extremely elaborate fight club."

"We don't talk about fight club."

It was the closest that I had ever heard Angelo come to a joke. The mere attempt was enough to pull the side of my mouth up, but I didn't let Angelo see it. Instead he set his weapons and coat to the side, stepping into the boxing ring and offering me his hand to pull me up.

I hesitated, "I'm not sure this is a good idea."

"That's the thing, Eliana. No one else here needs to know about fight club. They'll never hear a thing."

I bit my lip, taking the plunge and letting him hoist me up between the ropes. "Are you sure that this is a good idea with some of my bones still healing?"

He nodded, strapping two gloves onto my hands, "If you start feeling pain, stop. Just listen to what your body is trying to tell you."

I thought that he would put on his own, but he just stood there, staring at me expectantly. "Hit me."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"You heard me."

"I'm not- I'm not going to just punch you like that."

He shrugged, seeming to be genuinely confused about my hesitancy, "Why not?"

"Because.... Because.... It wouldn't be right."

It wasn't a full eye roll, but he looked at the ceiling in disbelief. When he turned back towards me, he was wearing a protective pair on his own hands, the kind with targets drawn onto them. "Better?"

"Yeah, I guess. I just don't really know what to do."

"Let instinct do the work. Oh, and don't tuck your thumb inside your fist, don't let your wrist bend when you punch."

He looked at me expectantly, so I gave his glove a light tap. The stare I got in return ws pure disbelief. "Eliana, really?"

"I'll be terrible at this, I'm sure I look ridiculous-"

"No one will hear about it, and it doesn't matter how you look, it's about channeling anger in a healthy way. It's how I started, you should have seen the twig teenage version of me that could barely lift a box."

I sighed, gritting my teeth and putting more force into my next hit. He nodded. "Better. Now tell me what was making you strangle that poor spoon upstairs."

"I was just thinking about some stuff that made me angry."

"Tell me. Who would you love to punch, right here, right now?"

It only took a moment for me to think back to the first person I ever hated, and I let my fist fly, picturing his face on the punching pad. "My third foster mom. She thought she could force us into being child prodigies. She'd slam the piano lid on my hands when I messed up, she forced me into pointe shoes too young and it ruined my feet. Made me practice until I was bloody through the satin. I was a kid."

"Who else? There's more rage in you than one person could create."

"The parents I had when I was ten. Their biological son was older, he would drag the foster girls into the shed out back and do awful things, pull off our nails and drill things into our skin. We told them, begged them to make it stop and they did nothing."

"Others?"

I took a break, standing there for a second and realizing exactly what he was trying to do. It wouldn't be hard to provoke me into fury at the moment, my anger was already simmering below the surface. If he really thought this could work out some of my fury, then I was willing to give it a try since my previous coping techniques didn't seem to work so well.

"Alright, we'll try it your way," I brought the gloves up in front of my face, steeling myself and letting the heat in my chest rise into my throat and roll off my tongue. "The man in the motel. He pulled that towel off me and-"

I threw the punch before finishing my sentence, like I could beat it out of history. Angelo nodded, "Who else?"

"The one who shot Lily."

"And?"

I let it out. All of it. Everything that I hadn't said for years because there was no one I could bear to burden with all of it. I didn't trust a lot of people, but I knew Angelo wasn't lying about one thing- nothing I said in this room was going to be repeated. I punched until my arms were beyond burning and merely numb.

By the end, Angelo knew everything and everyone I held a vendetta against. The people who tried to directly hurt me and those who stood by and did nothing, all of them were added to a list of those I hadn't been able to forgive. Not talking about it for too long had made the whole thing toxic- I was mad at every person who had refused to love me or Lily, or any of the foster children I watched get passed around. Those good parents hadn't been able to make me forget the bad ones, or those who treated us like trinkets, passed around from peson to person until something newer and better came along.

My arms fell to my sides and I stared at him in shock, too drained and exhausted to be mad anymore. He seemed to understand, to sympathize with the way all of the energy in my body was suddenly sapped away into the floor. He patted my shoulder, then gripped it to steer me out of the ring and towards a weight bench. He set me on the edge and offered me a water bottle.

"Eliana, you know it's healthy to vent, right?"

"Yeah, I know," I took a huge gulp. "I just didn't really have anyone to vent to I suppose."

"Until now." His playful grin was disarming- Angelo didn't joke. He didn't go out of his way to be friendly, he was rarely one to speak first or acknowledge anyone other that Alessio with more than a nod. It was a welcome shock.

I agree, "Until now."

"You know, you have decent instincts. You could do some damage in the ring if you ever wanted to train up a little bit."

"I'm not sure how I feel about actually tying to hurt someone."

"What if you approach it a litte differently? Maybe more along the line of self defense, we train you up for your own sake and safety. And then, if you ever want to spar, they can take it easy on you. It's even more satisfying than that."

I sighed, not sure that he was understanding my real concern, "Maybe."

"No one would make you, but when you're in the moment, it's not really about pain, and you don't feel it the same way. I know you must have a high pain tolerance from the way that you dragged yourself back in here after escaping the Russians. It isn't about hurting, I'm not sure how to explain it."

He didn't need to find the words, because deep in my chest, I knew what he was talking about. Anger dims everything around you, and feeling anything, even pain, just felt like a light tap, or someone shaking you awake to reality. In some odd way, it felt good, something to pull you out of the numbness.

"Maybe I will someday. Ever since I was on the streets, I figured I was cut out to be more of a lover, not a fighter."

Angelo chuckled, "It's not impossible to be both, you know. Fighting for your life is different than doing it in a controlled environment."

"I didn't hate throwing a few punches, I just don't think I'd ever be quick enough on my feet to really fight."

"It takes practice, but some people have more of a natural instinct than others do." He paused, taking a sip of his own water and staring at the cream colored walls not far behind us. "You know, I hated fighting for the longest time. I didn't like the blood, I didn't like knowing that I had spilled it."

I tried to conceal the surprise on my face, but out of almost everything I had heard, that was some of the hardest to believe. "Really?"

"When I was younger. I loved my parents and idolized them, but I didn't want to be in this business. Ironically, I wanted to be a cop when I was small, and then I realized the violence that was involved so I wanted to be racecar driver."

"And one day you just.... Changed your mind?"

"The day my parents died, actually." He shrugged. "I was seventeen, only ten years ago, and you would think watching them die in front of me should have turned me off of this life completely, but afterwards I was angry a lot like you and the violence just made sense. One of the guys took me boxing and it felt right. Somehow the rationale made more sense after that. In this business everyone needs a protector, and I needed an outlet. I just never left, but I thought my life was going to be over the day my parents died. In a way, my desire for leading any other type of life was gone. Nothing else really made sense."

I stared, brow furrowed as I started to open my mouth when Angelo stopped me.

"I've seen that face too much. I don't want pity. My being here-"

"I know. I was just going to say that I'm sure they were great people, to have raised someone that turned the worst day of his life into a success."

Angelo quirked his head to the side, giving me that look he had perfected. It was like he was trying to figure me out, but something had surprised him, which he wasn't used to. He was about to say something when my phone rang, and I glanced down to see Ezrah's name scrolling over a photo of us from a day he had taken me to a local museum.

He clapped me on the shoulder and gripped my elbow to help me onto my feet, "I hope Ezrah is doing well, you might also want to change clothes before dinner."

I glanced down and laughed, not realizing how much I had been sweating. Boxing seemed to be more of a workout than I expected, so I followed him out of the room as I answered the phone.

"Hey Ezrah, how are you?"

"I'm great, feeling better every day. How are you doing, kiddo?"

"I'm starting to think that we somehow got mono while we were camping," I made sure to pitch my voice lower, making myself sound more congested. "One of the girls went to the doctor today and is waiting for her results, but it would make sense if we all got it since we shared water bottles on the hike once or twice. I can't think that anything else would knock us out of commission this long."

A foolproof explanation? Not really. The best I could do at the moment? Probably. I knew the mono could knock someone out for a long time, and now that I couldn't go back to work until the Russian issue was taken care of, it was the best lie that would keep people from being suspicious for a long period of time.

Ezrah sounded tired, but optimistic. "Are you sure you don't need anything, Eliana? I could swing by your apartment with some soup or even-"

"I'm fine, Ezrah. And with your compromised immune system, I don't want to risk getting you sick. No worries, the girls are keeping me company and Alessio keeps running to the drugstore for us. Speaking of your immune system, is the treatment giving you any other side effects? How are you?" I asked as Angelo and I made it to the main floor and we split into different directions so that I could run up to Alessio's room to change my clothes.

"From what I can tell, it's going well. The doctors ae extremely attentive, everyone I see at the hospital seems to be rather wealthy and expects the best treatment, so I know I'm getting stuff from the top of the line. Whoever this donor is, I owe them. I won't say that I'm not feeling the fatigue. There's some nausea and other things, but I would prefer it to the alternative."

"I hate not being able to see you, but I know that it's more unsafe than ever. It's reassuring to know that you're getting the best. St. Laziosi sounds like a great program."

"It is," Ezrah reassured me as I set the phone on speakerphone and placed it on the bed while I switched shirts. "I finally told the staff a little bit about it. I didn't tell them the name or go into details about the program, but they know I'm getting a decent treatment and that I may not be at work as much as I was before."

I laughed, "You're entitled to some privacy, but I think it's good that you told them something. They care about you a lot, they'll appreciate knowing and doing what they can.... to help."

I trailed off at the end, a realization slowly clicking into place in my mind. Something Ezrah said made me finally put the pieces together.

"Are you alright, kiddo?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just... I just realized that I forgot to turn something into one of my professors, but it's alright because it was an online course anyways. She knows my situation and that I'm sick though, I'll just email her as soon as I can," I lied smoothly.

"I'll let you go so you can take care of that," He chuckled. "We can talk more later, I should probably stop by the shop and check in with them since I wasn't there this morning."

Normally I would have protested, I would have told him it was no bother so that I could hear his comforting voice just a little bit longer, but my brain