Words: 3119

August has been staying at Finns for the last three days now. I popped in to drop off some Cookies that I made at home for Finn and felt bad that August was there and wouldn't eat them but he has dealt with us eating in front of him for a long time, also it's not like he wants it but can't have it, he doesn't want it, Well thats how he explained it. August has been staying in the guest room, he hasn't told me why he has been camping there but I know something is wrong with his Homelife. He doesn't need to say it for us to know.

I came over twice in the last week and August hung out with Finn and I for about thirty minutes before returning back to the guest room, poor guy. He hasn't been the same August since the rough night but I haven't seen one drip of alcohol enter his mouth since then even though Finn has been drinking beers around him. I haven't gotten another text from Owen since the that one paragraph that I haven't fully read. He hasn't even been going to school, I know that all of this apologizing is just so I don't get my brother to beat the shit out of him. Owen did me wrong but I'm not going to tell my brother and have Owen turn up in a body bag and Finn sent to jail.

Finn was very cold the last day I went over to see him. I thought that he was just in a bad mood because he got in a fight with August but they seemed fine. It upset me but I went over to Lara's after. Sometimes it feels like no matter what I do, I can't satisfy Finn, no matter if I complement him, or offer to do an assignment for him nothing ever changes. He hasn't visited since the night he told me Owen was going to come over for Dinner. I text him sometimes but he doesn't even read them most of the time. I get that he isn't affectionate but sometimes I need to see him, I need to talk to him because he is the only one who understands what we went through, I can't go talking to August because he has too much stuff going on and I don't want to make myself more of a problem to him than I already have been these past few weeks, I have no idea if he and Kim are back together.

I went over to Matt's the other day and he said that I am welcome to come over today as well because they are planning something special. I pull up to the house and hear music playing from inside. I close my car, lock it and start walking up the steps to knock on the door.

The door opens and a smile forms on Nicks face "Come on in, we are just setting up the video" he says walking into the kitchen and I follow behind. When we enter the kitchen I look over at Chris but he doesn't look up. He is taking off the plastic wrap from a sprinkles container and emptying it into a small white bowl "We are making a Sunday bar, grab a bowl" Nick walks around the counter where Chris and Matt are standing

"Is it recording?" I ask pointing to the camera.

Nick starts adjusting a nob. "Not quite yet, we're just setting up at the moment"

I look around the counter at all of the syrups and toppings. "I have never seen you guys film before, this is a really cool set up you have" I add looking at the ring light and the other Ubeesize LED box light stands. They look like real influencers, I know that they are, but I haven't seen them actually doing their job.

"Thanks, I had to set up while Chris and Matt went to the store to pick up the ingredients" I look over to matt and we connect eyes, he drops some malteser's into a bowl and flashes a friendly smile to me, I smile back and he passes me a bowl.

Matt walks around the counter after putting the Malteser's down and hugs me from the side. "Good to see you again"

"You too" I say watching Chris still do his own thing, he is always so quiet around me, we had a small conversation in the hot tub but then yesterday when I came over he was close to ignoring me again, he's been very hot and cold lately, there is nothing I can do about it so I try not to let it effect me the way it usually would, I need to focus on myself instead of falling in love again. I learned that it's so easy for it to drop out of your hands in the matter of a day. Chris grabs a tub of ice cream out of the freezer, it's a big enough tub that could last weeks. He starts opening it and slides it over to my side for me to serve myself first, he's still polite which I really appreciate.

Time skip.

The boys are filming the video now but I choose to stay behind the camera, I told them that I'll make sure it stays in focused so that Nick doesn't have to keep checking every few minutes, I don't feel like being online because If I'm scared to join twitter because of how toxic it is I'm not going to be going on a YouTube Channel that has 4 million subscribers. They introduced me as a guest and I waved my hand at the camera but I sat back down afterwards.  I take another spoonful of the sprinkle goodness from the bowl and look up to the camera checking it and then look back over to Chris who is in his own world and very zoned out. I find him taking bites of Nicks and Matt's ice cream when they aren't paying attention. Matt see's Chris taking bites of Nicks sometimes but doesn't tell Nick and Nick finds Chris taking bites of Matt's but also says nothing.

Matt puts down his phone onto the counter and then says "Most likely to laugh at their own joke, even if no one else is-"

"Chris" Nick says without hesitation before Matt can even finish the sentence. I Smile and Chris nods his head.

"Because I'm hilarious and you guys don't appreciate my humour" He says sarcastically taking a sip of his water.

Nick turns towards the camera and says "Chris can't even get out the joke without laughing so we are sitting there for a minute straight of Chris laughing his ass off while we patiently wait" Chris continues playing with the condensation on the bowl and then Nick adds "Most likely to not be able to keep quiet in a library even after getting told to"

"Chris" Matt says quickly and Nick starts smiling and nodding because he was going to say the same thing.

Chris shakes his head and says "No, it's Nick 10,000%. He always has something to say no matter-"

"yeah, But I know how to shut the fuck up" Nick says flatly and Everyone's attention shifts to him.

"Do you?" Matt asks and my eyes widen taking another bite of my ice cream because this is very interesting, I look at Nick.

Nick steps back with his hands up "Matt, who's side are you on" He looks offended and all of us are holding in our laughing.

Chris grabs the phone and starts scrolling while Matt and Nick continue talking. He then cuts in "Wait this one is good, Most likely to-" He chuckles to himself and then continues "Most likely to Join a cult without even meaning to" They all think for a few seconds and then Chris swallows his ice cream and says "probably Matt"

Nick starts smiling and finishes the ice cream in his mouth then says "But not even because he doesn't realize, it would be because he doesn't want to sound mean by saying 'no'. Like, if one of the members asked him to join he would be like 'oh, okay, yeah for sure' and the cult would be some midsommar type shit" Nick says twirling the spoon in between his fingers and Chris starts laughing and trying to hold the cold ice cream in his mouth.

"Poor Matty boy is always so oblivious" Chris laughs patting Matt on the shoulder and he lets out a squeak from trying to keep in his laughing which makes all of us laugh harder.

Matt puts his finger up to speak "I would say yes and then I would not go-"

"Most likely to-" Nick starts talking.

Chris interrupts and says "If it was a cult like midsommar they would kidnap you" to Matt.

Nick tries to talk again "Most likely to-"

But Matt says "I could fight back-"

Chris laughs to himself "You couldn't-"

Matt steps forward "Guess who fought for you" I know that this isn't going to make it to the last cut, they don't release stuff like this to the public for obvious reasons. They go silent for a few seconds and Chris starts laughing it off and taking another bite, I'm glad they are close enough to just go down with the jokes instead of getting angry or upset.

"Most likely to order chicken fingers at a five star restaurant, fucking hell that took a few tries, shows that I was right about that one question" he says and I laugh to myself but not loud enough for the camera to pick it up.

"Why are they even on the menu in the first place?" Matt asks.

"Because Chicken fingers are fine dining, Duh" Chris says making a dumb face to Matt and shovels another scoop of ice cream in his mouth. I giggle because he has a point.

Nick steps in "point is. There is chicken fingers, who is most likely to order them?"

"Matt" Chris says

"Chris" Both Matt and Nick say at the same time causing me to smile to them.

"This game is so rigged" Chris stays walking his bowl over to the sink. "I have been picked 55% of the time and you guys combined make up for the other 45%" they all chuckle to themselves and I put my bowl down.

"Thats what happens when you're the youngest" Nick says and Chris shakes his head with a smile, he's used to being teased, even if it was only a minute difference.

Time skip:

Chris is in the kitchen washing dishes while Matt, Nick and I are playing Clue. I look at my cards and look at the board a few times trying to get a good idea and good strategy. I was expecting nick to be a cheater but he's really not, he's sneaky and I'll give that to him but he isn't a cheater. "Miss scarlet, revolver, library"

Nick shows me his card of Miss scarlet and I check her off my list. He bounces his leg a few times before giving in and then hops up while putting his cards down on the floor "I have to use the washroom" He starts walking away from the game.

Matt lets out a dramatized sigh "He always does this"

Nick stops in his tracks and turns around taking a few steps closer "Everyone does-"

"Yeah but they don't wait till the game starts then they go-" Matt cuts him off putting down his cars.

Nick takes a few steps closer to say "Eat me" I chuckle watching him walk back to the washroom.

Matt and I look at each other awkwardly for a few second before I place my cards down and walk towards the kitchen. Now is my time to talk to Chris, I'm desperately still holding onto what once was. I don't want to give up on us and I know I sound crazy but last night I blocked Owen's number for good and I genuinely feel like I could focus on Chris without anyone getting in the way, that is if I can make up to him for whatever I did in the past to make him act this way to me.

He finishes the last dish and watches me enter the room, I let out a hopeful smile and he puts the dish on the drying rack. He walks over to the fridge and takes out a coca cola. I lean on the counter and tilt my head to him, my hair is now in a ponytail and my hair swings to the left side. I put my hand to my chin supporting it and he mirrors my body language.

"Why are you so quiet?" I whisper, I look weird asking the question almost too quiet for him to hear. "Why don't you come join the game with us?" He looks down at his pop and then opens it taking a swig. He swallows and Nick exits the washroom walking into the kitchen. He stops in his tracks and makes eye contact with Chris and then me, he knows he just walked into something. He retreats and we both watch him. Chris makes eye contact with me again and then looks down. "Would you like to join?" I ask and he shakes his head softly, he isn't making eye contact with me. "I'm not going to apologize again because it's getting annoying for both of us but can I at least get an explanation?"

He taps his finger on the table and then pushes hair behind his ear, there is something at the tip of his tongue but he can't get it out. Please, just say something, even a clue? Please, anything.

"Dallas?-" I hear Matt call out to me but he gets shushed by Nick telling him that Chris and I are talking, I don't even know if thats true, would this count as talking? It's very one sided right now.

Chris backs down from whatever he was trying to push himself to say, I don't even think that he is angry anymore, I think that he's just really upset. I swallow and push off of the counter, I'm not going to wait here for a response that I won't get. I won't stand here and look like a fool and I'm not going to fall to his feet like every other girl does, I have in the past but I'm not doing it again. as I walk over to the boys sitting at the coffee table I look back to Chris and he's walking upstairs.

Time skip.

My eyes fall slowly but I wake myself up every time, I'm resting my eyes while studying. Exams are coming up and I can't fall behind, Life has been a shit show for the last few weeks and has been distracting me from basically every thing school related and now I'm paying the price, I sit up so that my tiredness doesn't take over. I got back from Nick's a few hours ago. I have a plate of apple slices beside me but they are going brown because I haven't touched them. August hasn't texted me but I assume that Finn is keeping him company, I mean August basically lives there already so it feels like nothing has really changed, I just wonder what could be going on to the point that August can't even be at home for the very little bit of time that his parents are home. They are busy people so I wonder how bad it was.

August wont tell me anymore about his family, he didn't even want to tell me about the food sensory issue thing but I still pushed him far enough for him too, I still feel bad for basically forcing him to be vulnerable. I rub my eyes looking at my computer and see spots because of my exhaustion. I stretch my face and write down a little more. "C'mon Dallas. Focus" I mumble to myself. My mom made us a nice dinner. She has been making a lot more lately, she has food to occupy her time that is no longer being spent by Bret. That pathological liar can fall into a hole and I wouldn't care, hell I might even laugh. I reach and take a sip of the water that I have beside me and press enter on my computer key after placing it back down. I need to get this done but it seems near impossible at this moment. I'm exhausted, I'm glad that I went over to the Sturniolo's house but I really should have taken the day off to study, of course I never think. My phone buzzes waking me up when I see the name.

Chris Stir Knee Olo

[Chris] On Thursday do you want to go to the beach and talk about what has been going on? Are you ready to talk?

I have been ready an hour after he texted me he was at my house for the party, I don't tell him that though, I don't want to chance losing my shot to fix this, fix us.

[Me] Yes. What time?

[Chris] 7pm

[Me] Okay. See you then.

I close my eyes with a small smile. Finally, we can get this over and done with and we can return to normal, hopefully. Maybe I said something wrong and it hurt his feelings, I have no idea what it could have been since I didn't even text him at all, I gave him my number at school and then nothing happened after that. Anyways, it doesn't matter now, We are going to talk and it will all be okay, I'll forget about Owen completely and Chris and I can really grow together, we can be ourselves again. Chris isn't into dark stuff like Owen was and he doesn't scare and intimidate me as much as Owen did, he makes me feel calm, safe.

Maybe if we build everything back we can start dating and be really cringy and take stupid pictures and I can tell Lara all about it and she can meet him and understand why I was so messed up over him. She'll love him. I'm getting so ahead of myself but this is a step, I'm more excited than I have been in a long while. It feels great to have something to look forward to again.

Chris's sudden text has woken me up so I don't have to worry about making an emergency espresso that I was debating on making. But now I don't want to work, I want to keep thinking about the beach.