Chapter Eleven

"I'm retiring to my room."

He nodded and waved me on. I curtsied and left. I leaned against the door, waiting for my shaking legs to steady. I wanted to confess to Cassius that there had someone else. I wanted to tell him I'd fallen in love while in France and had my heartbroken, but I couldn't. Seeing him again after his visit to the French courts, after our night of dancing and drinking, after the stolen kiss under the willow by the brook that ran through the courtyard, my heart was torn. I didn't want to feel that pain and betrayal again. I walked away without another word. The kiss should never have happened.

Stop it, Joselyn. You cannot fall for the king you serve. Don't forget about Jonathan. You love Jonathan.

I took a long breath of cool night air as I walked toward the stairs. I wanted nothing more than to curl up under the blankets.

Some assassin you are, Joselyn.

"Madame," a servant said, dipping into a low curtsy.

"Is the fire stoked?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"I'm going to bed now. Don't allow anyone in."

"Of course, ma'am."

I closed the doors behind me, leaving the servant girl in the sitting room. I untied my gown and let it fall to the ground. I stepped out of it and loosened my corset. My skin was red and marked with the seams. I hated those things most of all. A white nightdress lay on the bed.

White. Pure. Something I'm not. The corners of my lips turned down as I stared at it.

Why do we always wear white? Who at court is truly pure and innocent? Most definitely not I. I had the blood of men and women on my hands. I wrung the cloth in my hands, tears stinging my eyes. Letting out a scream of rage I threw it in the fire. I went to my trunk and dug through until I found a long, black nightdress. Pulling it over my head, I retreated to the large bed in the center of the room. The mattress was soft and the blankets warm. I crawled underneath and settled down on the fluffy pillows. I closed my eyes, listening to the crackle of the fire, and tried to sleep. My eyelids felt so heavy and my mind was already a million miles away from this place. I drifted away to another time. A time when I could be a normal girl. Running across the meadows in front of my family's estate, Cassius close behind. Through miles of wildflowers, further and further away. We paused near a creek and watched as a doe and her fawn sipped the cool water. Removing my shoes, I dipped my toes in and splashed about. A raccoon waddled along the bank, looking for fish for its supper. Cassius sat beside me, entwining his fingers with mine.

A knock at my chamber door roused me from the peaceful dream. I was brought back to reality rather abruptly. I lay still for a few moments, trying to will them away.

"Lady Joselyn?" a man's voice called from the other side.

"Yes?" I called out groggily.

"Are you awake, my lady?"

"No. Come back later."

"Your mother, the duchess, wants to see you."

"Yes, I know who my mother is. You don't have to tell me her title," I shouted at the door.

There was a long pause before the man responded. "Sorry, ma'am."

"What does she want?" I asked.

"She wants her daughter out of bed," my mother explained, bursting through the door.

"I did not say enter," I grumbled, watching her cross the room to my window.

She threw open the curtains allowing the bright midday sun to stream in. It burned my eyes. "I do not take orders from my daughter. Why are you still in bed?"

"I'm tired. I want to sleep. That's why."

"The king is having breakfast in twenty minutes. Get up, get dressed, and go meet him. You are his guest here."

"Stop trying to make something happen that will never happen, mother."

"Joselyn, out of bed. You're wearing the periwinkle day dress." She yanked back the covers and stared. 

"I don't need help selecting my clothes, mother."

"I will be back in ten minutes. I expect you out of bed and in that dress." She turned on her heels and vanished from the room in a flash.

I stared at the hideous purple dress my mother picked out. I hated it. I couldn't find anywhere to hide my blades aside from another hidden in my garter. The short sleeves did not allow for hidden blades. I had the servant girl from the night before tie the back of the skirt as I slid the jacket on.

"I can finish, thank you."

"Yes, ma'am."

Once the girl was gone, I dug through my trunk once again. I grabbed three knives. I tucked one into my garter belt and the other two I fastened to the inside of my skirts alongside my hip. They pressed firmly to my body. I laced the front of the jacket up and slid into a pair of purple, satin slippers. The squared neckline exposed most of my shoulders, neck, and chest. The skirt did a phenomenal job hiding the lower portion of my body.

At least nobody will see the knives.

"Are you ready?" mother asked, throwing open the doors once more.

"Yes."

"You look lovely. The king will be pleased. Now let's go. Breakfast is being served."

"You are dining with us?" I asked, arching my brows.

"Of course not. I'm merely making sure you show up."

"Where else am I going to go?" I asked, walking toward the dining hall.

"He's taking breakfast in his sitting room." Mother smiled, pointing down the long corridor I traversed a few short hours ago.

"Why does that not surprise me?" I changed direction and went to the king's door, knocking lightly.

"Yes?"

"It's Lady Joselyn, your grace," I answered.

"Enter."

"You requested my presence, my lord?" I asked, dipping into a low curtsy. I hate curtsying.

"Sit, Lady Joselyn." He motioned to the seat in front of him. The food spread across the small table.

Cautiously I sat, accepting a plate of fruit, cheeses, and egg. "What is this about, Cassius?"

He said nothing. I watched him pluck a grape from a vine on his plate and toss it in his mouth. Sitting back, he chewed while watching me. I hadn't touched my food. I was more concerned with why I was summoned to the king's chambers so early in the morning. On the other hand, was this a ploy by my mother?

"The Duchess Annabelle de La Mare has gone missing," he finally said.

"Belle?" I asked shocked.

"Yes."

"How long has she been missing?"

"I'm unsure. Her husband informed me early this morning that he has not seen or heard from his wife in weeks." He sliced through a piece of cheese and shoved it in his mouth. "This is delicious."

"Enough about the fucking cheese. Why did it take him weeks to come to you about Belle being gone?"

We grew up with Belle. She lived on the estate downriver from my family. After her parents passed away during the plague, she inherited all her father's lands and titles. She was also my best friend. She spent a great deal of time in France until her mother and father died. She was almost chosen for the Guild.

"Find her. Bring her back," he instructed.

"Find her?"

"You are my assassin. I want you to find her, kill whoever took her, and return her."

"Of course. May I go?"

"Eat first."

"I'm not hungry," I replied.

"I told you to eat. You'll need your strength to find the Duchess."

"Fine." I picked up my fork and started on the egg.

Cassius nodded his approval, continuing with his feast. My stomach heaved with each bite. My mind was stuck on Belle. Why hadn't her husband come forward sooner? Where could she be? With each bite, I was losing more time that is valuable. I didn't even know where to start in my search. I needed to escape from this place. Becoming an assassin turned out to be one of the worst decisions, I'd ever made. Of course, did I make that decision?