For those of you not familiar to me allow me to introduce myself. I'm C.J. The brash, bold & daring South Philadelphian , Who is extremely unapologetic for his style of creativity. I often find myself in situations where my lacking of empathy in areas which seem all too serious to others gets me labeled as cruel, a bully, a psychopath or just a top of the line Grade A, A**hole. To my delight and the unfortunate surprise of others I simply do not care. I've only come to realize that I can't make myself sick or get upset over how others have not seen what truly goes on in my life. The most people ever see or here from me will ever be from 7-10 hours a day. That in itself tells me that the perception of me from others within that time is totally irrelevant. My lifestyle is unique if I do say so say myself, backed strongly by my Christian Faith. My phone is on silent all day because as of late its just been God and Myself as he molds me into the man I'm destined to be.On a side note I never feel comfortable playing the victim because of those I have victimized myself. My Chase however is that of peace, and stability. Recently I've returned to a state of Carelessness, Recklessness & Rage beyond all forms of control. At times I'm tormented with thoughts of abandonment, worthlessness & all around shame for what my life is right now and for what I've allowed it to become so far. I'm fortunate to be surrounded by those who have still managed to love and put up with me through all my messes, circumstances and problems. These Days I've promised my self that with the help of God , I wont turn 18 with 17 year old problems. Nothing that I did while I was 17 & over the previous 17 years will step in the way of me transcending into adulthood. Through This Chase I've lost close friends, Gone through 3 years and 5 months of on and off again relationships with my birth parents all the while having to once again deal with the rage of their absence. I've watched those I've affected go on to great things while I sit silently in the shadows of my own creation. Yet this is How good God is. He'll take someone a low as i am, as thoughtless as I am , as Disobedient and selfish and Compulsive as I am and form me into nothing short of a Masterpiece. Through my time of sorrow he's opened many doors for me, Introduced me to new people, gave me new opportunities to succeed, Pushed me to my Physical, Mental & spiritual limits and as I called on his name before I went over he caught me. When all is said and done Many will have a story of what or who they Knew me as. The "bad guy" the "good guy" the "tall guy" the " goofy looking guy"  the "mean guy" my " brother, cousin, blood, friend, enemy, boyfriend, best friend, " Yet one day as I stand above and reflect I'll see myself as the one who chased everything he believed in , the one who wasn't afraid to run to God when he messed up, the one who apologized, motivated, and comforted even when those courtesies weren't extended to him. I'll look back and say, "I Chased" and "I Caught".