49. not enough

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*Venus' POV*

When I see the people I love most in the world standing below me with expressions of relief, happiness and a little fear, I almost pass out. I forget, for just a small moment, everything that's happened— for a single, fleeting moment, I'm lying awake at night and listening to my mother sing lullabies. I'm at the Leaky Cauldron. I'm on the train. I'm walking down the hall for the Choosing Ceremony.

Then the pink woman below me—Umbridge—brandishes her wand, and that familiar anger comes back. I drop to the ground and flex my palms, flashing purple foxfire that blinds her and twirling it around my fingers for a moment. "I wouldn't do that if I were you, ma'am," I say.

"Who are you?" she spits. "What are you?" there's a distinct tone of otherness in her voice that suggests she may not be super excited about my Kitsune status.

"My name is Venus Jordan," I say.

My friends step forward after a moment. "She's my twin sister," Lee says, his voice raspy as he looks over at me.

"She's our best friend," Allie, Angie and Julian say.

"She's my love," Fred says breathlessly.

"She's a Triwizard Champion," Harry says, joining the group. He stares wide-eyed at me, seemingly unable to comprehend that I'm here.

"She's a Kitsune," someone gasps from behind us. When I turn, Professor McGonagall is pushing her way through the throngs of students that have gathered in seconds, and she comes to stand in front of me. The students gasp and whisper, some cowering in fear while others look on in awe. This is what I was afraid of, but I'm so angry I don't care. "Did Professor Dumbledore know?" McGonagall asks quietly.

I say nothing, glancing as discreetly as I can over to Umbridge. She understands—the answer is yes, but it would incriminate Dumbledore more. McGonagall strides over to Umbridge, speaking rapidly in hushed tones, and I turn to my friends.

They're hesitant for a second, unsure of who goes first, so in an instant they all step forward and wrestle me into the tightest hug I've ever been a part of. I get a moment with each of them, but I know I'll have to talk to them properly later. I give Lee another hug, and when I pull back, he tilts his head in amazement. "Your eyes," he murmurs, examining them. One is my usual brown, but the other has a section in the bottom left that glows violet, like sunlight peeking through clouds.

"Later," I say, and then I look over to Fred. He looks so exhausted, so relieved that I'm here, that it almost hurts too much to look at him.

"Aphrodite," he says quietly. I'm right—it hurts too much to look at him.

"Later," I choke.

I turn back around.

McGonagall is furious, so I walk over and reinsert myself into the conversation. My friends hang back, and I realize almost the entire student body—professors, too—have gathered around the courtyard to watch the showdown. If they didn't see me levitate or see the foxfire, they'll know soon enough. No hiding now.

"Professor Umbridge, right?" I ask, slowly. I know the answer.

"That's correct, but I am also High Inquisitor, and this means I have jurisdiction over this school."

"To explain, then, High Inquisitor, I've been attending Hogwarts for the last several years. I left during the Triwizard Tournament, but I'm back now."

Umbridge smiles, and for a minute I wonder if things are finally correcting themselves—but I know better than to trust that for myself. "Unfortunately, dear, you can no longer be a student here any longer."

"Excuse you?" Allie says, taking a step forward with the others in agreement. Another round of whispers ripple through the crowd.

"Well, for one, you cannot simply show up after being absent for almost a year. Disregarding your blatant ignorance of the rules and regulations here at Hogwarts, you have also missed all of your exams," she says, stepping forward curtly to stand so close I can feel her sickly-sweet breath fan over my face when she speaks. "Finally, and most importantly.... You are a threat to this school."

"A threat to this school, or a threat to you, Delores?" snipes McGonagall, and the crowd is in such disbelief that in the silence I could hear a pin drop. Then they erupt in cheers for our Professor, and I myself resist the urge to break my stoic expression and grin. "Venus has had these powers for quite some time now, and not once has she been a threat to others. She has kept it a secret from the student body, in fact, precisely to keep them safe—a secret you ignored when you told everyone just a moment ago."

"What powers?" someone says.

"How long has she been using them for?" someone else whispers.

Other questions float through the crowd, and I steel myself for a moment. Energy fills my body and instead of levitating or creating foxfire, I push it outwards, closing my eyes for a moment as I let the energy encase me. When I open my eyes again, a purple glow surrounds me in a bright aura, and for a moment I feel the Kitsune as a separate entity—one pleased to be revealed to everyone in its true form, and pleased that I am finally owning my identity. The aura is in the form of a fox, and it covers me like armour. When I let the energy fade and I open my eyes, I'm greeted by hundreds of pairs of wide-eyes staring back at me. Some cheers fill the crowd, but most of all, they just stare, unable to say or do anything else.

"Dolores," McGonagall says in a low voice. "It may not be the best idea to do this here."

Umbridge probably would've thought this was a good idea if it had come from anyone else—but because it's McGonagall, Umbridge makes a 'hmph' sound and turns to the crowds of students. "It's alright, students. I know you're fearful of this... creature, but as High Inquisitor I will keep you safe."

I scoff and roll my eyes. "We both know who's the dangerous one," I murmur under my breath, quietly so she doesn't hear me. McGonagall does, though, and she shoots me a glance with eyes twinkling that makes me want to jump around with joy.

"You'd like to do this here, then," McGonagall says. "Alright."

"What is she doing?" I hear Julian mutter, eyes fixated on McGonagall as she strides forward and even bends down a little to meat Umbridge's beady gaze.

"Venus Jordan will stay at the school, on my head," McGonagall says calmly. "Venus, would you mind explaining briefly why you were gone these past months?"

I know she can probably guess, but I know she wants me to corroborate Harry's story. I've seen the slander about him and Dumbledore in the papers, after all. "I left because I saw Voldemort's return in the graveyard where Cedric Diggory was killed."

Gasps fill the crowd, but Umbridge attempts to hold her ground. "Lies!" she says indignantly. "Dumbledore has filled yours and Mr. Potter's head with lies."

I'm so done with this. How has Harry taken this for so long? "Hmm... I wonder. Tell me, High Inquisitor. If Dumbledore brainwashed Harry and I like you and the Ministry have been saying, then I guess he too gave me this?" I say, my voice rising as I slip off my jacket to reveal the short-sleeved shirt beneath. On my wrist, fading but still prominent, is the writhing Death Eater mark. "For those of you that don't know, this is His mark. It only moves if it is activated—by Voldemort himself. Oh, and I guess Dumbledore gave me these, too?" I lift my shirt, revealing the gash on my stomach that never properly healed, leaving a pinkish puckered scar. Then I unfurl my fisted hands and show my palms to the leering audience. The scars are deep and ugly, and it causes a gasp to ripple through the crowd. I feel like a show animal, but for the first time in the last year I am glad he has left these marks on me.

I expect even more kickback from Umbridge, I expect to fight—and instead I get nothing. In the end, Umbridge hisses and mutters in protest, but lets me go pending a review from the Ministry. She tells me I'll be hearing from her so I can explain what I've been doing since I disappeared, but I doubt she will. She knows my answers will be nothing good for what the Ministry has been telling us.

Before everyone leaves, Fred and George look at each other and shrug. Perfectly in sync, they wave their wands and all the students instantly look around, waiting for slime to come bursting down the corridor or some other kind of prank. Instead. Fireworks shoot over the courtyard and burst, igniting the sky into an array of reds and golds. First, the fireworks make a number of relatively crude images. Then, they morph into words that send ripples of shock through the crowd: 'Gred and Forge are leaving school to open up Weasley's Wizard Wheezes!' exhilarated shouts of excitement and applause explodes from the crowd, who clap even harder when Fred and George burst into a run, their brooms appearing just in time as they leap into the air, landing in unison. They burst through the letters, and the fireworks shift, still letting off their trade mark whizzing sounds as they morph into a gigantic dragon that instantly aims straight for Umbridge. Good dragon.

**

The Gryffindor common room is filled with deafening silence. My friends stare, unsure of what to say, and I sit cross-legged with my back to the fire, similarly speechless. I'm not sure where to start, and I'm not sure they do either. Finally, I manage to say, "How've you all been?"

"Well, the other day Nimmy baked us cookies, but they were peanut butter, and as you know—"

"Lee, no one cares," Julian says, and turns back to me. Lee frowns but says nothing, his gaze also meeting mine. "Vee, why don't you start from the beginning and we'll fill things in as you go."

I nod, taking a deep breath. "Okay, uh... I guess I'll start from the tournament." I shut my eyes for a second and wonder if coming back was the right choice. If I'm too changed from everything for them to still be friends with me, if I'm too uncontrollable, if I'm too this or that—but then I open my eyes and see my nine friends waiting patiently, carefully crafting their expressions so that they seem supportive but not overbearing and empathetic but not too emotional and this is what I came back for.

And so, I tell them.

I don't remember getting to the Portkey very well, but I remember the fear I felt as I lunged for it because somewhere inside me—maybe because of the Kitsune—I knew I would be used for terrible things at the hands of Voldemort. I knew I would die with him.

Dumbledore found me in the courtyard later that night, shivering and covered in blood. I couldn't feel a thing, and Dumbledore recognized it as shock and took me to his office. He let me clean myself up in his bathroom and went to get fresh clothes, and that's when he told me that I couldn't just go back to bed. He told me that now that Voldemort knew what I was, he would just add me to the list of people to get, right alongside Harry. Apparently, Kitsune are exceedingly rare, especially ones with my powers. "The foxfire literally poured out of me, and I wasn't even thinking about that. I wasn't even trying. It was... it was effortless," I tell them.

Dumbledore told me that because of my powers, Voldemort would want me on his side, and even more so because of my connection with Harry. I didn't want to believe it, but I knew it was true. He looked at me like I was another thing to add to his collection. That doesn't mean I wanted to go, though—I had no idea where I was even going, but all I knew was that Dumbledore was telling me to leave now, and that I was putting everyone here at risk by staying.

"I was so glad that you guys knew, even though I couldn't talk to you," I say sincerely but my smile drops when I see nine confused faces staring back at me.

"Come again?" Allie says, furrowing her brows.

"I was so glad that Dumbledore told you guys that I was alive," I repeat, as if this will suddenly explain everything.

"Dumbledore was supposed to tell us?" Fred says slowly.

"He didn't? He didn't tell you?" I say lamely, repeating it as if they'll all suddenly remember.

"No, Vee," Lee says. "He told us nothing."

**

I'm filled with rage. That was the one thing I asked Dumbledore to do. The one thing. He could've said no! I mean, I wouldn't have let him say no, but we could have had that discussion. Instead, he promised me he would tell them. Promised. He said he'd tell them that I was alive and okay, but to be safe I had to go and that I'd be back as soon as possible. That's all. It takes a while to calm me down, and everyone else is super pissed now—but I force myself to continue the story, because I know if I don't, I'll never tell it.

I tell them about how I was shipped off in the early hours of the morning, barely able to move my hands because of the wounds and almost delirious with pain. I travelled by Floo Powder and Dumbledore came with me, taking me all the way to my new home—the Order of the Phoenix.

"But Lupin—" begins George. "Ah... he knew, I'm guessing."

I nod. "He wanted to keep me—and all of you—safe, so he figured it was best to say he hadn't seen me."

I wasn't always with the Order, though. I had to stay indoors at all times with them, not even able to open a window for fear of someone spotting me. A few months into my stay, Sirius came into my room with a flask and a shit-eating grin on his face. He told me that he had a way for me to leave headquarters without being spotted, even if it was only for a few hours.

"Polyjuice potion," Harry breathes, no doubt exhilarated at the thought of his godfather performing such a daring task to help me, especially one he had used years earlier.

I tell them about how I turned into some woman he had seen on the street a few weeks before—turning into a white woman was an experience, by the way—and that he changed into dog form and we walked around London for a little while. I couldn't stay out for long, since the potion he brewed wasn't masterful and would only last for a few hours, but I was overjoyed at even the smallest reprieve.

Somehow, a Death Eater spotted my wand in my boot on the train (curse crowded trains) and recognized it, immediately alerting some others in the area. Three of them tried to follow me back to headquarters and I made Sirius split up with me to go alert everyone else. I knew that when he left, I would be on my own, so as soon as he turned the corner, I started trying to fight them off. Before I could even land a spell—or a punch—one of them hit me over the head and knocked me out cold.

I came to in the alley they found me in, and they were just a few feet away—I think plotting where to take me. They had clearly been told that I was wanted, but not why, because they really underestimated me. And that, I guess, was when I first realized that Voldemort was right—I really have tapped only a tiny portion of my power. I barely wiggled my wingers and a force of foxfire knocked the three of them back into the wall. I wiped their memories and left, because I didn't know what else to do.

After that run-in, I was sent back to Ilvermorny. If I'm being completely honest, it was the right place to be—but that doesn't mean I didn't want to be here every second. I attended some classes when I could, but I still had to keep a very low profile. During this time, I got some letters from Remus to tell me what was going on—Dumbledore was reporting to him about how everyone was doing, and Remus was sending these to me.

"Dumbledore was spying on us?" Angie says.

I nod. "After a while I went back to London because I hadn't heard from the Order in a while, and it was driving my mad to be so far from them—and all of you. It turns out that the Order was tracking some Death Eaters and had to go off the grid to find them in the hopes that it would lead to any information. The night that I got back I woke up shaking. I felt feral—sweating and nauseous—but something told me I needed to go to the Ministry. So, I did. it's like I could feel when I went the wrong way. My body almost pulled itself in the right direction, and soon enough I found myself in a huge, dark room filled with crystal balls. It was there that I found Arthur, and then I went to get help."

"You saved his life that night," Fred says quietly, speaking for the first time since we sat down. He looks up (thankfully? Hopefully?) but I avert my gaze, continuing with my story.

"I'm glad I was there at the right time. Anyway, I told Remus what happened. Of course, the Order went into chaos. They were tripping over themselves to find out who could've been behind the snake, although everyone knew who it actually was. I didn't think it was possible for them to get more protective than they already were, but I was wrong. They would barely let me open a curtain—after you guys wrote to Remus saying Harry had seen me, they figured that you can't have been the only one to see it. Then—well, then I saw your message in the Prophet. 'Starman' was a nice touch," I say, smiling a little as I think back to the muffin prank two and a half years ago.

"So, if they were even more strict after that, how'd you wind up at the front door of Hogwarts?" Hermione asks matter-of-factly.

"It was Sirius, actually," I say, glancing over at Harry, who perks up a little at the mention of his Godfather.

"It's time for her to go, Moony."

"You're only saying that because you want her there to protect Harry!"

"Are you mad? I would never put her in danger only to protect him. Her being there doesn't hurt, I'll say that—but Hogwarts, even if it's being run by a madwoman, is a whole lot safer than out here. Besides, mate... the fight is going there eventually, whether we like it or not. It always will."

Harry sits back to digest everything, and the others echo his silence. "Are you a student here now, Vee?" Ron asks after a moment, toying with the hem of his shirt sleeve. "Are you back for good?"

I shrug. "Umbridge says I'm leaving, but I know she doesn't mean it. The trouble that would cause? She wouldn't dare."

"Well, I guess it's all a moot point anyway," George says, leaning back against the sofa and rubbing his jaw for a moment, wrapping an arm around Angie.

"Since you'll be with us," Fred finishes.

Wait, what?

"Excuse me?" I say, turning to meet his gaze properly for

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