The ticking of the clock was getting rather annoying. You couldn't sleep. It was not because of the clock, you just needed something to blame your insomnia on aside from that messy head of yours. Shifting your weight on Jisung's bed, you turned to the other side and scooted closer to the edge.

You peered down at the floor where Jisung slept, your hands unconsciously bringing the covers to your chin.

He slept in a curled-up position with a thin blanket draped over his small frame, giving you the false sense that he might be shivering from the cold night. Jisung was not a loud snorer; you could still hear his breathing from up on the bed but it was nothing too distracting. Not distracting enough for you to blame your lack of sleep on, at least.

Seeing him like this, so fragile and small, made you feel guilty.

Slowly and surely, after deciding you needed a breather, you got off the bed and tip-toed your way out of his room, not before taking a long strand of blue string for yourself. Heading out to the living room, you quietly slid open the glass door that led to the balcony and stepped out onto the cold tiles. You sucked in a long breath as you propped your elbows on the fence, taking in the chilly air and letting them bruise your lungs like drugs and alcohol.

After finding out your soulmate ties, your first reaction had not been the best you could muster because your first reaction was, in truth, not the best. But, you were usually so good at hiding emotions you thought would bring harm to others and thus, a disadvantage to you. For some reason, your inability manifested at the most important time; supposed anxiety does make performance worse.

Your anxiety was not the only fault. The more time you spent with Jisung, the more he took away your default need to hide in plain sight. Self-expression became easy and normal, and Jisung has made it that you were expected to be embraced through all the flaws in your demeanour and opinions. It has gotten to a point where when your first reaction of having him as your soulmate was fear, you just immediately showed it to him.

He didn't seem to be visibly upset about the way you were unsatisfied with the universe's choice. All he did was smile and beam about the fact that he has you as a soulmate. Yet, even then, a part of you wondered if he was mad at you. Or if he was disappointed, at the very least. Any form of negative emotions, just any, unless he was just doing as you usually would—hiding how he feels so he doesn't ruin the mood.

Crazy how you two could do the same thing, but while you lied for yourself, Jisung lied solely for others.

That was just one of the many reasons that weighted down on why you didn't want him as your soulmate. Your selfishness, your instinct to protect yourself over others, your tendency to feel annoyed, your suspicion and insecurities, your lack of desire to experience human interactions, and so on.

You've created an uncountable list of negative traits you possessed within a short two hours of laying on Jisung's bed because you needed something solid to think about, not just bits and pieces to why you absolutely do not deserve Han Jisung as your soulmate. Not as measly as that, everything that has happened to you and your family was somehow deserved, it seemed. You didn't possess the power to change your inherent characteristics, and this was the consequence.

Standing straighter, you counted in your head the seconds you inhaled and tapped your finger against the vinyl rail to remind yourself you needed to release the air slowly. Your heart calmed down but there was still an exhausting slump in your chest. No mistakes could be made by the cosmos; your life was supposed to be this tragic. You were unlucky, and you were bad, and that was the end of it.

Your eyes traced across the night sky and the bright buildings. The empty air hit your ears with a gift of white noises of sounds that traveled from the alive souls of others. Among the chatters you could faintly hear, you remained silent as you always have with not a soul to confide in. Despite all the people that surrounded, you were ultimately alone within. Nobody could truly understand; the one person who could hasn't been awake in ages.

A shy tear rolled down your cheek and you huffed at yourself, reaching up to wipe it away as more rushed to your waterline in hopes to welcome their escape. You pursed your lips together and faced skyward at the ceiling, forcing down a shaky breath only to feel a croaked sob claw up your throat. Too much was going on in your head, starting from you revisiting your past for Jisung to you suspecting he was probably mad at you.

This was bad, really bad. After keeping your feelings on a down-low, you knew very well that once you break out of moderation, the tears would start flooding.

You should fly for a while, you urged yourself. You should jump off the balcony and float for a little. The sky had always cradled you as one of its own, like the ocean has always hugged you as her child. Nature was your second mother, and your first after your own passed. You had slept in trees and sung to the moon. If you wanted to calm down, you should fly. You would feel safer with the clouds.

Rubbing your eyes, you hoisted yourself on top of the balcony fence and balanced your body so you could stand still on the thin railing. The wind brushed against your body, causing Jisung's thin shirt to stick closely to your skin. The wind seeped through the fabric, grazing you with cold. You prepared the blue string in your hands, a string that makes you weightless, and you closed your eyes.

You tried to ignore the droplets that kept rolling down the corner of your face, but the crying didn't stop. It never stops. The pain just keeps going, possibly until exhaustion takes over you.

From your past experience of flying, you liked to chant the spell whilst falling through the air. The thrill was addicting to you. Despite the constant protest of your teachers and family members, you had continued to do it, and you have gotten used it to now. Your shoulders slumped with an exhale as you prepared the spell with your strings, then you poked one foot out into the air after you were done with the initial phase of spell casting.

Just as you were about to fall forward, a pair of hands harshly gripped at your ankles, yanking you back to the ground with a huge thud. Jisung scrambled across the floor, ignoring the pain that expelled from his back when he fell with you on top of him.

He couldn't see straight, only the vivid image of you standing on the balcony fence haunted his knowledge. The instant he has you all forgotten. He knew not that you could use magic, or to assume that you knew how to fly. All he knew was that he needed to feel you in his arms, he needed to know he pulled you back from falling and that you were safe with him.

His arms fussed around the air, desperately searching for your form before he grabbed a fistful of your shirt and tugged you to his chest, hugging you with every ounce of strength he has. The previous grogginess slow began to vanish. It was slowly coming back to him now.

He thought you woke up to get a glass of water, but you had been gone from his bed for too long to just be getting water. When he decided to leave his warm cocoon, he remembered seeing you tipping your leg forward into the sky and how it brought him a sense of panic he has never felt before.

It wasn't the usual paranoid nervousness, something most anxiety-prone people would feel on a daily basis. It was not the ones that would surface when it was his turn to do a presentation in front of a class or when his mother found a loop-hole in his array of lies about failing the Math test. This felt like spikes growing from within his ribs, penetrating his body, and there was nothing he could do aside from waiting for the impending moment of his heart being pierced through.

This was genuine fear. The second he was introduced to the concept of losing you, all Jisung could feel was terror. And then it was resolution that if you did, in fact, not know how to fly, the next person going off the building would be him. It was the resolution to connote the soulmate tradition where if one goes, the other soon follows.

"What were you thinking?" he asked shakily, still pressing you close to him despite his arms aching from the overuse of muscles. "Wha–what the hell were you doing? You–you can't do that."

Your brows furrowed because you were unsure as to why he acted this way. But then it hit you that he probably wasn't able to see the string across your fingers so his mind just aimed for the worst. You tried to pull away then, to give him an explanation that you knew how to fly, but Jisung refused to let you go as he whined out a panicked sob.

"No, don't! Don–don't," he stuttered, burying his face to your shoulder as he so desperately needed to feel you with him. Starting from your body to your scent, he had to latch onto you to calm himself down. "Please."

You licked our lower lip in a troubled manner. Jisung was really agitated and it was not in his usual energetic way. You found it harder to deal with him when he was like this since it was an unfamiliar sight to you. You never counted on him to be at loss for words, or to be on the verge of breaking down. therefore you opted for best thing you could do for him—you let him hold you until he feels better.

"Jisung, I'm not..." You exhaled carefully. "I'm not trying to do that."

The calming process was slow. You could feel his shoulders heaving slower now, but even then, it seemed like Jisung has no plan of letting you go anytime sooner. And you felt okay with that. You could stay where you were for a while longer.

"You don't have to worry. I promise I am not trying to jump off," you said with your hand on his head, patting him gently to ease him down further.

"Why... why aren't you sleeping? It's so late," he asked with a muffled voice, seeming to slowly relax into your caressing touch.

"I felt a little overwhelmed, Jisung. A lot of things happened recently and my life-style completely changed," you replied. "I just came out to have a breath of fresh air... and to think about things, that is all."

He sniffed, turning his face to press his cheek against your shoulder. You smiled at the softness of it, feeling wet tears staining your skin that made your own rush up to your eyes. You were sure Jisung was the first person to ever cry for you, and that thought touched you more than it baffled you.

"I'm sorry I acted all weird when I found out you are my soulmate, it was not my intention," you confessed to him, feeling the impulsive rush that you needed to do it now when the timing felt right. "I thought the universe made an incompetent choice and I just got a little mad. You have such a good heart, Jisung, and I think you deserve so much better than having me."

Jisung narrowed his eyes, his breathing hitching in his throat. Disbelief riddled his senses—how dare you say that about yourself? You were such a strong individual to have continued even after what has happened to your family and yourself, and you have been so endearing to him with your hidden smiles and playful bickers. If the roles were reversed, Jisung doubted he would survive it.

You don't even know how much he adores you, from your spirit to your presence.

"I'm so sorry," you apologized. "This is all my fault."

"No, it isn't. Nothing is," he mumbled slowly, shaking his head and finally deciding to pull away to look into your eyes. "You just had to find a way to release yourself. I'm not going to blame you for doing that."

Neither was anything that happened to your family. You never chose to be born into that position, neither did you choose that people possess such cruelty against each other. This was all the universe's doing. This was all God's doing, if he even existed. Everything that has happened to you was all just an unfortunate tragedy that he—a cruel man—could have let happen to anyone else or just not happen at all.

"But please give me a heads up next time you do something like that. I love you and seeing that just then scared the hell out of me," Jisung blurted out. And even when he saw how you reacted to his confession, which was to freeze on the spot and stare at him judgementally, he made no attempt to back down.

It was true, he was only being honest. Was it a little too early for him to say that? Perhaps, but what are standards when it comes to human affection, anyway? There is none. There is never any standard. Love is blind and ignorant in the face of time, it has always been. Sometimes you just have to shoot your shot and believe in yourself. Sometimes you just have to trust that you are in love with someone and you will be for eternity.

"Yeah, I said it. I love you! There, I said it again! I love you, and... uhh, yeah! I love you!" Jisung declared, his eyes glimmering with affection when you begin to soften at his antics.

A smile slowly moved up his lips as well, the force he had always felt in his chest magnifying as he looked at you fondly. He wondered what the string looked like now. Would it be vivid with redness? Would it be rich and overflowing with love? Would it become so powerful that it could save a city of people if a hazard occurs?

Jisung has quieted down now. The calmness solidified when he faced you with care. He leaned his torso forward tentatively, hesitation riddled in his movements as he inched closer and closer to you. For a moment, he thought if he didn't change his mind, your lips would touch. But he altered his course of action and bumped his forehead against yours instead. You nudged at him with a hearted huff, smiling.

He closed his eyes to feel your presence. When he spoke again, his voice came out as a whisper.

"I don't want any other soulmate but you."

You didn't know what to say. Words have never been your strong suit, especially when it was a reply to a confession, the sort that Jisung just made so shamelessly. Or screw that, receiving love has never been your strong suit! It was a habit you have unlearnt after the death of your family. How were you supposed to react to someone who throws verbal affection at you? Laugh? Accept it with the same amount of love? You have not a single idea.

But his lashes were wet and there were faint trails of tears down his chubby cheeks. It warmed up a smile on your face. Your heart feeling more cradled than ever at the sight of his vulnerability. Perhaps you were never too good with words, but Jisung would understand, and you felt it was okay to resort to the second best thing you could do.

The second best thing to show that your heart was filled and your loyalty was now tied not only to you but to him as well. Your hand moved up to his face and you stroked the dry line on his soft skin, causing Jisung to glance up at you in surprise. Innocence filled the glimmer of his eyes while his mouth went agape at the unexpected action. He has only seen your gaze so celestial like this when you thought no one was looking; bright, loving, filled with the tender light of each star visible in the sky.

He squeezed his eyes tightly in one bashful swift when you leaned forward to plant a featherlight kiss on his brow, somewhere close to his temple and the corner of his eyes.

"Thank you," you said as you pulled away.

Jisung's eyes flickered around his surroundings, his cheeks fluttering with a nice pinkness your friendly kiss sent him. He hadn't got the time to think properly. He could only remember how soft your lips felt and how, surely, the spikes in his chest has pierced through his heart happily from that brief moment.

His heart will bleed for you, he just knows it. He could suffer for you, but the suffering would be kind and gentle, because he had done it for you.

"Of–of course..." He lowered his head, a wide smile hidden.

If it wasn't for Jisung, you would probably be laying on a rooftop somewhere, stargazing freely and flying without a care in the world. It was good back then, you enjoyed the freedom. Now, you could almost safely say you have a place to go back to. You have someone who would look out for you, someone who would cry for you, someone who sits under the night sky and hold your hand until you both get too tired.

Now, you have Jisung.

It was good back then, and it was much better now.