I'm turning 23 in three months.

          It's very scary and, sometimes, it feels like time is going backwards. On the other hand, I feel like the past years have been full of learning experiences and I thought I'd share some of that wisdom with you.

— Inspired by Taylor Swift's "30 things I've learned before turning 30" article

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1. Yes, you're going to miss out if you skip that lecture.

          I'm known for my grades.

          Modesty aside, getting good grades is one of the few things I'm good at, and I take great pride in that. With that being said, one of the reasons why I've consistently maintained a good GPA is because I force myself to go to lectures even when all I want to do is stay in bed all day.

          I've moved houses since my first year of college and now I'm living a lot farther from my college, meaning I have to get up earlier and it takes me a lot longer to get there and to come back home. That certainly affected my motivation, along with other factors related to my health and other personal reasons, and, last semester, I think I skipped more lectures than the ones I actually attended.

          I lived. My grades were the exact same as they used to be, but there were times when I really regretted skipping some lectures because I felt like I could have learned so much more. After all, I'm almost a professional clinical psychologist—I have to learn these things!

2. It's okay to click that block button and move on.

          The block button on social media exists for a reason. So does the mute button.

          Instead of repeatedly beating myself up over things I can't control (we'll get there), instead of giving toxic people the power to ruin my day over and over again, I've learned to click that button and move on with my day. Having to resort to blocking and muting says more about those people than it does about me; I only do it as a last resort, when there's nothing that can be done, and it's been great.

3. Sometimes things just won't work out and you need to stop pushing it.

          My ex-boyfriend and I have been on and off for the past two years. It hasn't done us any good, it's pretty clear we're simply not good together, and that's not ever going to change. For whatever reason, we kept going back to each other after long periods of not talking, without properly working on our issues, and it's just toxic.

          Then, we let go. It hurt like hell.

          But it's okay. At the end of the day, it's okay.

4. You're going to lose friends along the way.

          In 2018, I had a massive argument with someone who had been my friend for twelve years. Long story short, I got stabbed in the back, was talked about behind said back, and got villified for things I hadn't even done.

          I mean. It hurt like a bitch and I spent plenty of time wondering what in the world I'd done wrong, especially since it affected me in more areas of my life besides our friendship, but, if it hadn't been for the support of my other friends, it could have been a lot harder to deal with.

          It wasn't just her. I've lost friendships with people I never thought would lose, also thanks to things I've done, but it's just not realistic to think you're going to be friends with the same people when you're, like, eighty. Friendships shouldn't be tossed aside like nothing, so please don't misinterpret what I'm saying, but sometimes they end sooner than you think.

5. Your twenties are a period of growth, and it's okay to not have everything figured out.

          They don't tell you this. They don't ever tell you.

          I know people who are the same age as me who are engaged, parents, expecting a child, or even married. That's all okay, but not even TV tells me it's okay to not be one of those people. We all laugh at twenty-somethings on movies and TV who struggle to get through life and find love between shifts at their local Starbucks, but they never say it's okay to struggle. Your thirties are probably going to be better, anyway.

          You're going to do stupid stuff in your twenties. You're going to do stupid stuff for the rest of your life, but, if you don't take those experiences and learn from them, you're not going to change. Things are not going to change.

          My point is that it's okay to mess up. You need to keep remembering yourself of that.

6. They expect you to match unrealistic expectations as a woman, and that's not okay.

          You're going to age. You can't beat gravity.

          There will come a time, hopefully, when people will stop trying to force women to fit into some unrealistic mold of perfection they'll never achieve. There will come a time when we're going to stop hating ourselves for not being anything but ourselves—and the best version of who we can be.

7. Alcohol is glorified, and it's not necessarily a good thing.

          I love drinking. I do! My favorite drink is a good old bottle of rosé wine. I love going out with my friends, I love drinking with my friends, but, most importantly, I love drinking responsibly.

          I believe I can drink legally everywhere in the world except for Russia (correct me if I'm wrong), but there's no denying there's plenty of underage drinking virtually everywhere. It's promoted by movies and TV, by the books we read and the stories we write, and I think it's time we take a step back and think about what we're promoting here.

          Before anyone comes at me and calls me a hypocrite because I include underage drinking in some of my books (Until The Day, for example), I know all about disclaimers. I include them, you include them, everyone includes them. Cool. We're not our characters, and we don't necessarily promote everything we portray in what we write (sexism, racism, etc.). What matters is that we make it very clear where we stand regarding harmful and sensitive topics and don't promote unhealthy, illegal habits.

          Alcohol poisoning and alcoholism are serious issues, guys. They're not cute, quirky plot twists.

8. GO VEGAN.

          Yep. I became a vegetarian in 2013 and a vegan in 2015. I haven't looked back ever since.

9. Apologize when you've done something wrong.

          I'm a Cancer sun. According to astrology, it means I tend to play the victim in arguments instead of admitting when I'm wrong, and, during the past few years, I've been learning to be the better person and utter those damn words: I'M SORRY.

          Sincerity and honesty matter in every single relationship—even the relationship with the stranger you've just bumped against in a busy street. It saves you from so many problems, solves so many miscommunication issues, and maintains the trust.

10. Sometimes you're the toxic one in the relationship and you have to own up to it. 

          See the point above this one.

11. Take care of your skin.

          You guys, I cannot possibly stress this enough.

          I love makeup and I wear it pretty much daily—both to go to college and also because my job demands it. With that being said, I've also learned to invest in skincare products—moisturize, prime, exfoliate—and letting it breathe whenever it's possible. It's super important to know your skin—if it's dry or oily—and to let your pores breathe.

12. DRINK WATER.

13. Don't beat yourself up over things you can't control.

          Human beings are uncontrollable things. Even if they can be predictable (I'm a psychologist; I study behavior and belief patterns for a living) at times, it doesn't mean you get to control what they do or don't do, what they say or don't say. Sometimes you can't even control yourself, and it's time you understand you're always going to have to deal with some unpredictability every now and then.

          Sometimes, you have to tell yourself it's okay to let go, and not let everything be so rough and stiff.

14. Your real friends know who you are, and you don't have to prove yourself to them. They love you for who you are.

          Not to be dramatic, but I've gone through some rough stuff during the past few years. I had three of my pets die in the span of two months in 2018, I had my grandmother die, I lost friends, I lost family, I was hospitalized for my eating disorder in 2012, I've been in and out of treatment since then, I've screwed up, I lost my mentor this February . . . I could go on.

          I wouldn't have gotten through it as relatively well as I did if it hadn't been for my family and my friends—the real ones. I've been friends with some people for twenty years now and, even if we don't speak every day, I know I can trust them with my life. They've seen me at my worst and at my best, and they know me. They know what I can do, they know my potential, and they amplify it. I do the same to them (twitter isn't lying when it tells you to hype up your friends).

          Thank you so much for all you've done. You know who you are.

15. You're going to stop liking stuff that meant the world to you at some point.

          Thanks, JKR. Thanks a lot.

16. Don't be afraid to try new things.

          I know, I know, this is a part of every self-help book out there, and I used to think it really wasn't worth it or it wasn't that big of a deal. However, if you don't get out of your comfort zone, you'll never be able to grow as a person, and you don't want to be the same person you were at 16 when you're 25.

          Look, I'm tiny. I'm 5'4. I'm fragile. I struggle with opening jars, water bottles, and heavy doors. I bruise easily. My dog weighed more than me. All of this screams DEAR GOD CATE PLEASE DON'T TRY ROLLER DERBY, but you know what I did in September? I went for it, and I loved it.

17. Cutting your hair short isn't the same as going to therapy.

          Shut up.

18. Check in on your friends.

          Even though it sounds trivial and obvious, you might underestimate just how a "hey, is everything okay" message can mean to someone. Even on my worst days, when I didn't want to talk to anyone, the fact that some people still took a minute of their day to check if I was okay or if I needed to talk meant the absolute world to me and it made me remember people care.

          Don't forget to support your friends, just like they've done to you.

19. There's no set speed for healing.

          Recovery takes time. It's not a straight path, there will be bumps on the road, and, more often that not, you're going to find a massive boulder standing in your way and you're going to say "yeah no screw this" and turn around.

          And that's okay. I believe in you.

20. There's no shame in asking for help.

          I hate group projects. It's no secret to everyone that I prefer doing assignments on my own, at my own pace, and that translates itself into other areas of my life. As such, I've spent my college life trying to finally convince myself it's okay to admit I've failed and I can't do everything on my own; especially in group projects, when you're supposed to split tasks between the group members.

          Other people aren't always your enemy.

21. You don't have to be in a relationship because all your friends are.

          I know this can sound a bit ridiculous, but I've been single for so long I get kind of upset whenever my friends are all gushing about their significant others. I'm happy for them, obviously, but sometimes I find myself wishing I was in the same situation as them—I'm a people person, I love to be around people, and kissing and being in love feels good.

          However, being single doesn't make me any less valuable. I've learned to slowly feel good with being single and having fun.

22. Speak up for yourself and for others, especially in a situation where you can acknowledge your privilege.

          They have voices. It's not my place to steal it for them, to tell their stories for them, or to dictate how they live their lives. However, it's my place to call out situations of injustice when I'm the only person safe to do so. It's my place to know when to back off and let them handle it.

          I'm a bisexual cisgender white woman. I know my place, and I know my privilege. It's not my place to deny people their right to exist or their right to protest.

23. It's not the end of the world.

          Yes, I know, climate change and global warming would beg to differ, but I'm talking about a different end of the world.

          You know, when my mentor died in February and I was left without a thesis mentor, an internship mentor, and without a damn thesis itself, I felt utterly lost. Everything I had worked for during the past four years had simply turned to dust, since no one else at my college mentored that particular theme (it's autobiographical memories, in case you're interested), and I had to mourn the loss of my future and the loss of the person who'd taught me pretty much everything I know and cherish.

          It's been hard, but I'm picking myself up—slowly, but surely. I've talked to my family, I've talked to my friends, I've talked to another professor of mine, who's barely out of college himself and knew my mentor, and I'm taking things day by day. Even though it feels like it sometimes, my journey isn't over. It won't ever be.