Day 00010 Mission Nilex

Ayla followed the butterfly on a route she'd never used before, down the lanes between equipment to the empty zone bordering the hangar wall. The butterfly led her straight to the wall. Puzzled, she looked both ways. 

No panel, no door, no handle. Just a blank metal wall.

As the butterfly danced circles and loops in front of her, the metal wall flowed away to create a door opening—it was the only way Ayla could think of describing it. Beyond was a long hallway leading to what she recognized as a transit tube. She stepped through and turned to watch the opening behind her close to become gray smooth metal.

"I didn't know you could do that, Canaisis," she said.

«It's not exactly something We come right out and advertise,» came the response in her mind. «Humans tend to react badly to things they don't understand.»

The butterfly fluttered down the hallway, and Ayla followed. 

«Humans can be downright stupid and primitive.»

«Stupid? No, Ayla. But react primitively? Yes. It's a survival reaction from early evolution. In the past, the unknown often proved fatal. I can't criticize Humans for defaulting to a survival reaction that improved survival.»

«So that's it then? We're destined to constantly make destructive choices whenever we don't understand something?»

«Not at all. But Humans must find other reactions that lead to greater survival odds if they're going to become a galactic species.»

Sighing, Ayla thought, «How can we when we war with ourselves?»

«War seems to also be a necessary trait of Humans. Humans are very energetic during times of war, both technologically and creatively. Some of your greatest beneficial tech and your greatest works of art were created during war. Humans can rise to their best and worst during times of strife, whether it be war or natural disasters. Humans need strife to strive for better. But sadly, Humans do not realize that it's the Universe you need to strive against. Extinction is a certainty, given enough time, if Humans don't come to this realization.»

«What do you mean?»

«Earth will not last forever. In four-and-a-half billion years, the sun will become a red giant, and Earth will be consumed. Eventually all stars die. To survive, Humans must become a true species of the Universe. Realizing that extinction is the only possible outcome if you do not change, may be what is necessary. Humans are like caterpillars that have not metamorphosed into butterflies.» 

Ayla stopped before the transit tube and eyed the butterfly before her as it hovered, blue wings flashing.

«Billions of years? Humans don't think in those terms. The sun going red giant is a long time away.»

«I only mentioned the final possible extinction event. There are many possibilities that may occur much sooner. Natural disasters such as volcanic events or meteor strikes have resulted in the extinction of many species before Mankind. Then there are possible events outside of Earth. Solar micro-novas, or a radiation wave from a nova in another system sweeping over Earth. Humans have been fortunate—your solar system has been passing through a bubble of empty space surrounded by galactic dust as it swings with the galactic arm. The dust has shielded this system from many outside hazards, and the empty bubble has protected Sol.»

«And what created that bubble?»

«A star went nova from the bombardment of dust, creating a void within the dust cloud. But Sol will soon leave this void. When it does, it will become very active from the dust bombardment.»

«How soon?»

«Thousands of years into your future, Ayla. But Humans may need all the time they can get.»

Ayla narrowed her eyes at the butterfly. «How is it you think in terms like this, Canaisis? Humans don't think from this kind of perspective.»

«You saw the results of war, Ayla. Humans may not get a chance to worry about my perspective.»

Ayla nodded and wrapped her arms around herself, against the chill that wanted to creep in. «Where are you taking me?»

«It's a surprise. I was grateful when the Captain granted me permission.»

«Alright.» Ayla stepped into the zero-G of the transit tube.

«Thank you for trusting me, Ayla. I'm sure this will please you.» The butterfly flew to her head and landed on the pin.

«Just go slow, please.»

«I promise.» 

The journey was easy on Ayla, halting at a nondescript level. She stepped out, noting the symbols on both sides of the doorway opening. She stood in the hallway and stared at the symbols, trying to work them out.

«Is everything alright?» asked Canaisis.

Ayla shook herself back to the present. "Yes... It's just that I can almost read those symbols. Like I should know them, but I don't."

"Interesting." Canaisis' voice carried through the hallway.

"Why?"

"I assume it has to do with your Journey."

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense."

The butterfly took off and flew down the hallway. 

"This way, Ayla."

"What level is this?"

«Astrological science division.»

She passed several closed doors along the way as she approached the one at the end of the hallway. The butterfly returned, landing gently on her head, and she reached up and shifted the pin to ease the tension on her hair. Her fingers ran over the butterfly, but it felt like a metal ornament.

The door opened to a room with an airlock at the opposite end. Lockers lined the left side with a bench before them, but what surprised Ayla was what hung on the right. 

Spacesuits of a design she'd never seen before.

"You want me to spacewalk in those?" 

«You asked for someplace quiet. This is as far from people you can go. The Captain is outside, working towards the stern of the ship. You don't have to talk to him if you're not ready. Your file says you have 3,479 hours of suit time, so I assume you must be comfortable space walking. And it's the best view 'in the house'.»

"Oh. Thank you. And I do enjoy suit time."

«Then the first suit on the right will fit you adequately. I'll walk you through the procedure.»

Ayla stepped over to the suit and gazed at it. The helmet stared back at her, the visor a gold mirror of blankness. Characters ran across the helm just over the visor, and more labeled various places on the suit as if taunting her.

«Ayla, Ahmid has officially asked for your location. I hadn't realized how upset your absence would make your family. How would you like me to respond?»

"Tell him I'm just taking a walk. I need time to think."

She reached up and pulled at the suit. It swung out from the wall on a metal rod. Eyeing the suit as it rocked back and forth, she suddenly knew she needed to turn it around. It rotated easily from its helmet anchor point to the rack rod, exposing the back of the suit and a darker colored seam running down the length of its back. 

Grabbing the suit's left arm, she eyed the wrist controls. Automatically she located two buttons and tapped them simultaneously three times. The suit detached from the helmet and dropped into her arms with the spine seam parted. She could see inside.

«Usually you take off your clothes and put on the one-piece body sock from the locker, before entering the suit.»

Canaisis' mental voice startled Ayla back to the present. She looked down at the suit in her arms, at a loss for words. How did she know how to open the suit? She'd never been in a zone without thought like this before.

«Ahmid is insisting on hearing your answer in your own words. I can connect you two directly or record your answer to play back to him. What would you like to do?»

Ayla threw the spacesuit over the extended rack rod and stepped over to the locker to examine the latch. "Connecting us would be best."

«Done. You may speak whenever you wish.»

"I'm here, Ahmid," Ayla said to the empty room as she opened the locker and pulled out what looked like a one-piece white pajamas.

"Ayla? Are you alright?" came Ahmid's voice as if from the ceiling. "What are you doing? And why? Where are you?" 

"I'm going for a walk like Canaisis said, Ahmid. I'm alright—I just needed to get away. To be alone and think for a while."

"I understand. But going for a walk is not the same as space-walking. And going alone is an unnecessary risk, Ayla."

Ayla swung her gaze to the suit. The helmet had turned slightly toward her, and she could see herself in the gold visor. Data and specifications of the suit briefly flowed across her mind before vanishing. She couldn't help herself—she laughed.

"This suit is far safer than anything we have, Ahmid. Don't worry. Canaisis won't let anything happen to me. You've seen her control of magnetic fields—I couldn't drift away if I tried." 

"That doesn't change the fact that I don't have to like it. You should be among your family. I understand your need for solitude. I expected it even, but I don't think this is wise."

Ayla stared at the floor, puzzling over how she'd known so much about the suit. She tried to find the knowledge again, but it was like clutching at smoke. 

Is it because of Gareth? And my Journey? 

In an instant, as if in reply, the sound of scraping ash from somewhere dark within blew into her thoughts. With a deep breath, Ayla thrust it away. Ahmid couldn't know about this—he might insist she return. She couldn't do that. Her nerves were too raw. 

"You haven't seen what I've seen. I need to be alone."

"Please, Ayla, will you help us understand?"

"He deserves better, Ahmid. I don't know how I know, but I just know." Ayla knew it with certainty, but she wouldn't share her next thought with Ahmid. Sharing the burden would be wrong in Gareth's case. Even if it means I'll hurt myself.

"Are you going to talk to him?"

Ayla paused. Was she? Maybe. She didn't know. She didn't know if she was ready. Dark winds blew through her mind, still. Her Gift hadn't found his pain, and she felt as if she were losing herself in the world it had shown her. She thrust the images of that dead world from her mind and continued undressing.

"No. There's nothing I can say to him. When words are useless, then the only thing you can do is make your presence felt."

"I see and I understand. But I still have misgivings about you going outside the ship. You've been through so much recently, and this is not wise."

Ayla already had pushed one foot in. "Are you ordering me to return, Ahmid?"

"No, I won't go that far. But in return, you must listen to me gripe about your choice."

Her lips twitched into a small smile as she pulled the body sock on. "Thank you."

"If you're gone too long, I'm coming out after you."

"I know you will. That's why you're Leader, and I love you for it."

"If I die from worry, you'll become Leader, and it will be your fault."

"You'll outlive me. You're too good of a leader to die," countered Ayla as she fought the body sock into place. It covered her from neck to toe, but gave her free movement. 

"Outliving you is what has me worried, Ayla."

"I have to deal with this in my own way."

"No one in our living memory has ever returned from being Lost. And there is no such knowledge from those before to help us. If there were, I would already have asked the Captain to awaken the Elder. So letting you deal with your Journey is the only thing I can do." 

Knowledge sprung to Ayla's mind, Gareth's knowledge. Awakening from cold sleep took time. Only Gareth could revive in an instant, and that was due to his unique Nanos altering his cells. "It wouldn't do any good. The awakening process takes too long, unless we delayed going to FTL. Somehow I don't think the Captain would do that." 

"I didn't know that. I'd be hesitant to ask such a thing from the Captain, either way."

"Don't. Unless it's a medical emergency, he'd most likely throw us all into cold sleep, instead. And that would mean reducing our starting fish stock."

"You have a point." Ayla could hear Ahmid sigh. "Alright. But be careful, please."

"The Journey didn't claim me. I came back."

"You almost didn't, remember that. No one knows if it can claim you again."

"If it claims me again, Canaisis will notify the Captain. And he's also outside. So you see? I'm not really going to be outside alone."

"Why does nothing you're saying make me feel reassured?"

"Because you're a good leader." Ayla was eyeing the suit, but nothing came to her about the next step.

"Remember that when it's your turn, and you're dealing with Lina."

She looked up at the ceiling. "Speaking of Lina, tell her I'm sorry if I was rude. I didn't intend to hurt anyone."

"She and Nura know this. They understand you've been through a lot. They told me you said you had multiple Journeys."

Ayla took down the suit and situated it so she could insert her feet through the seam in the back. It seemed like the next logical step. Canaisis would stop her if she was wrong. 

It felt like she was stepping into a piece of history. She was donning a suit from the past, and yet it was superior to anything Nilex had. It was soft and flexible at the joints, yet stiff and thicker at calfs, thighs, chest, and arms. Added protection, she surmised. She had her feet in the suit, and after some wiggling, pulled it up to her thighs.

A flashback from her Journey of Gareth spacewalking came to her, and she saw the backpack that should be covering her back. But it was nowhere in sight. Then her gaze rested on the airlock door. It would be on the other side. 

"Ayla?" came Ahmid's voice.

"I'm here. Yes, I had more than one Journey. I would have told you myself. I was going to wait until we had time to talk after Last Meal."

"But you will not tell me about them?"

"No."

"Did you Journey to different parts of the Captain's life, different times?"

"Yes. And no." 

"I don't understand."

"Yes, I saw different parts of the Captain's life. I also saw another."

"Whose?"

"Canaisis. I saw through her eyes."

"What! How is this possible?"

"I don't know. But the Gift proved one thing to me."

"What is that?"

"She's very much alive, just like you and I. She was there, in my Journey. She was trying to help me, and she never left my side. I'm certain she's the reason I came back at all."

"We all did everything we could to save you, Ayla. It was I who had to make the decision about these nanomeds you received. The Captain was not sure if it was the right thing to do."

Ayla remembered Canaisis words about the Nanos. She had one arm in the suit and was about to push the other arm inside. "Why? What made him think it might be the wrong thing to do?"

She could hear Ahmid sigh. "Your lifespan has been extended beyond normal, Ayla."

"So? Why wouldn't living a long time be a good thing, Ahmid?"

"The Captain has a different perspective. You should talk to him about it. And tell him thank you for everything he did for you while you're at it."

"I had Lina say thank you for me."

"No, Ayla. This is an order because he needs to hear it from you, and there is much you do not know."

The firm note in Ahmid's voice stopped Ayla in mid-motion, and she cocked her head at the ceiling. "What don't I know, Ahmid?"

"Everything that I was going to discuss with you this evening. But you owe him a great deal for the sacrifice he was willing to make. He also taught me an important lesson."

"I'm listening. What sacrifice are you talking about?" Ayla finally had both arms in, and she straightened up to adjust the suit.

"He taught me that insanity is a matter of perspective. Be careful, Ayla. Both outside and with him."

"I carry the Burden alone, Ahmid. That is how it must be. What sacrifice are you talking about?"

"This is not how I wish to discuss this, Ayla. Come, have tea with me, and we'll talk."

"I'm already half suited up. I want to say farewell to our home stars. This is the last time we'll ever see them. Have you thought of that, Ahmid?"

"Yes, I have thought of the stars. But I dream of a new sky that will be our home. I fear for you, Ayla, so don't be long. We'll talk and have tea."

"I promise, Ahmid. And thank you."

"Alright then. May Gaia guide you safely."

"Goodbye, Ahmid."

«Communication disconnected,» Canaisis' voice sounded in her mind.

"Thank you, Canaisis."

«You're welcome. Thank you for what you said about me.»

"It was true. Now, what's next?"

«You don't know? You were doing so well.»

"I don't know how I knew how to do what I did. It just came to me."

«Interesting.»

"It's getting warm with this on. What's next?"

«On your wrist pad, touch the triangle symbol three times, and the suit will seal up your back.»

Ayla felt the suit tug and shift as the seam closed.

«Take the helmet and enter the first airlock. Inside, you'll find the backpack you must don.»

"First?"

"Yes. The inner chamber is for equipment storage and decontamination if necessary. It also acts as redundancy, if for some reason the outer chamber is unusable.»

Ayla took her helmet and entered the airlock as it swung open. Inside she saw seven squarish packs hanging at chest height along the right wall.

«Don the helmet and back up to a pack. It will automatically secure itself to your suit and make the required hook-ups. This will be a short-duration walk—do you think you can hold your bladder, or shall I have the suit perform a full hook-up?»

Ayla froze with the helmet half-raised to her head. "Yes, I can hold it. Wait, are you telling me this suit can handle waste elimination?"

«The suit can keep you sustained for seven days if needs be, including handling waste.»

Amazed, Ayla looked down at the fabric covering her body. "You're joking. How does it do that? Our suits need to be considerably larger, and it requires preparation. The kind of preparation I really don't like."

«The proper plumbing extends from the bottom of the pack and is self-guiding, under my control. Although it's a somewhat intrusive feeling, I'm told.»

«I've always hated it. Men have it easy in that respect.»

Canaisis' laughter came into Ayla's mind. «Well, if it cheers you up any, men have a much harder time dealing with the solid waste hook-up.»

Ayla smiled. "Good. Serves them right for having it easy. I'm amazed at this suit though. Anything we made like this would only be good for short jumps between shuttles."

«This suit is the equivalent.»

Images of Gareth spacewalking flashed through Ayla's mind. "Gareth wasn't wearing a suit like this when you had the explosion in your cargo bay."

«That was a long time ago. I designed these myself. The Captain insists on wearing his old suit, but he did allow me to modify it as well.»

"Then who are these for?"

«We once had a crew. Perhaps one day we will again.»

Ayla found herself gazing into the gold-mirrored visor, at a loss for words. "Do you wish you had a crew?"

«No, I have the Captain. When you have the helmet on, press the flashing button on your wrist. The suit will seal itself.» 

Ayla got the sense that Canaisis had just closed the subject of having a crew. 

She put the helmet on and did as instructed. A HUD display appeared inside her visor with symbols that she couldn't read, though they seemed so familiar. One symbol, larger than the others, was flashing in orange.

«Now just back up to the backpack. You'll feel when it is