Heey guys, here ya go, A promise is a promise.

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Valerie:

It was impossible for me to admit to myself that he actually changed his phone number just so I can't reach him. That's so ridiculous. What if there was an emergency? what if i was dead? he wouldn’t even care? would he come to my funeral? ug, i hated him. 

Chad didn't tell me here he was either and I didn't want to tell him about something i was supposed to tell Noah excitedly and not send it through a message via his best friend. I told Chad it was important, he didn’t bulge. So i’m done, i can’t keep insisting. 

I emailed him, if I knew where he was I'd sent him a letter, but he's not even bothering to check his email, or if he is, he’s ignoring my messages too, that’s even worse. after everything he said, that he’d always be there for me, look how that ended. He is a ghost.

I gave up. The stress of just waiting for him to give me a sign of life was ridiculous, if he won't let me know where he is, he won’t answer my tries to reach him, I won't try to force him into being close to someone he doesn't even stand enough to reply an email to. It’s his lose. It’s his fault he doesn’t get to know his baby

I'm just done. 

Doctor sent me back to my parent's house so they'd keep an eye on my until the baby is born. I had a panic attack at the mall in New York, And i literally had no emergency contack in the city, it was quite stressful, and also very depressing, just knowing you had literally nobody to rely on.

Never got close to anyone in that city to ask for help during those months, literally just Tara and that friendship got so fucked up anyways. I didn’t even knew how to get friends, i should have started going to yoga or something of the sort, so i didn’t end up alone like the lonely potato i am. 

Being an entrepreneur is kinda lonely, my world literally revolved around Noah, even since i very first moved, the first person i met was his fiancé, my only friends were my friends because i met them through him, so it was just me, and my art. Now that Noah wasn't there, I had nothing or no one there that I could ask to be there for me. I really think I can try another gallery in L.A, where my sister and best friend lives, I need some company and support, i am having a baby for god’s sake. 

A moving company took care of packing literally everything that I had to a new place in L.A, way cheaper than downtown new York. I couldn’t afford the loneliness and i needed to go to a cheaper city if i was going to raise a baby on my own.

I had cried enough for Noah these past but didn't cry when I left the city that reminded me of him. It felt like at least somewhere else i'd pretend I don't miss him, I can’t pretend i never met him, even though a living creature that looks just like him is gonna remind me of his existence, and the lack of his presence.. 

Because I just really need to pretend to be happy and eventually I'll be happy. I'll fake it till I make it, right? i saw a video on youtube about that.

"your first ultrasound…are you nervous?" my sister asked, she pulled me out of my tance of thoughts, she didn’t know whether to be excited or scared with me. I knew I was terrified . I closed my eyes and rested my face on my hands.

"Andre, what if they don't find a heartbeat?" I asked with a whisper. She sat beside me and hugged me, i tear escaped my eye and i knew i was not ready to bare this.

"you've been nothing but a healthy mommy these days. I can only hope there is a healthy baby, let's don't think of the worse, yeah? You’ll be fine sweetie." my sister encouraged. She had a perfect pregnancy with Jason, no complications whatsoever, ofcourse she wouldn’t understand how i feel, she has never been through any of the sort. 

I knew what it felt to not hear a heartbeat anymore. I don't know if I could actually take it if that happened again. I’ve been trying hard to to keep my hopes ups but everyday that goes by in this pregnancy i just feel a little bit of hope, i really need this baby to be born. 

"hope can be a terrible enemy" I sigh and Andrea kisses my temple before standing up and hanging her purse on her hand. She looks back at me, a sad smile on her face

"let's go to the appointment to try to avoid any thing that can harm that baby, we agree on that, right?" she got a little less cheerful and I nodded. standing up from my bed and going with her to the car. 

We silently drove to the doctor's consult and waited for the appointment. I didn't look pregnant, I had grown a little, but just someone who knew how skinny was before, could have noticed, to everyone else i was just normal sized. The doctor welcomed us to his office and after a few questions I was sitting on a surgical chair and he applied a gel on top of my belly. The worst part was telling him about the baby’s father being M.I.A.

The gel felt cold not in a bad way. I have felt this before, and the first time I had this checkup for Stacy I cried when Heard her heartbeat. This time I will cry but because I'm already so scared. I might be hyperventilating.

“Relax, Valerie, Everything will be okay” he tried to soothe me. i inhaled a big gulp of air trying to calm myself.

The doctor put the device on top and I inhaled a deep breath shutting off my eyes, I didn’t want to see , thinking everything was not okay, i only opened them when I heard my sister sigh in content. 

"there is our little baby" the doctor pointed. I saw the little place he was pointing and a wave of relief washed down when I heard the little heartbeat, it was beautiful.

"do you see? Everything is going perfect. Seems okay to me" the doctor camly said and I watched the screen on a trance. The drumming beating heart practically muting everything else around me. 

The sound was better than a song, i could listen to it for days. Tears rolled down my eyes, happy tears, finally.

"Ms. Valerie? Did you hear me?"

I came back to reality, my sister had a tear rolling on her cheek, and a big smile. 

"V, can you believe that?" Andrea threw her arms around me and I frowned hugging her back and looking at the doctor. What the hell did he said when i was on that trance, i totally zooned out

"what? I'm sorry, I didn't catch that" I said frowning , confused about what he said, and he smiled softly 

"I said there are two heartbeats, they’re crystal clear, you're having twins!“ he said in a cheerful tone and I blinked a couple of times. Not acknowledging what i just heard. 

Not knowing if this was good of bad news.

should i smile or cry?

Deep down I wanted to feel happy, this WAS good news. But i couldn't stop thinking about the clear missing piece of all this. 

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40 votes and 15 comments for the next ❤️

What do you guys think about the twins?

I'm mad, I'd be so mad if I were a reader hahaha she's so happy and Noah should be here, it's so frustrating ugh, I get you guys. But I needed to make this interesting again, this was the only solution I could come up with.