[ TW: Self-Harm ]

Carrington catches Johnnie harming himself. Johnnie relapsed!

Please skip if uncomfortable.

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It was late in the household. Johnnie was awake as usual. But.. he was trying to fight off his demons in his head.

A soft sigh left his lips as he gets up, walking into his closet. He flicks the light on, looking through some old boxes and stuff. Before he found it... a very old razor, it's extremely rusted, and had a bunch of dull edges.

He slowly picks up the razor, looking at it for a moment. He stares at his reflection in the blade, then slowly looks down at his arms. They had scars, but most of his tattoos covered them but they were old.

He had been clean for years, but it was all about to change. He knew that this was a bad idea, but he couldn't stop himself.

"Fuck," Johnnie whispered as he looks at the old blade. Getting a wave of depression and sickness of an unnerving nostalgia. Remembering how he use to cut so much as a teenager.

His mind spiraled further into the darkness of his mental illnesses.

He sat down on the floor, staring at the razor in his hand. He was tempted, he wanted to do it so badly.

He slowly brought the blade to his wrist, the tip of it just barely touching his skin. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, and he knew he was about to make a huge mistake.

Tears filled Johnnie's eyes. His hand is visibly shaking as his breathing gets all panicked and shaken up.

He tried to calm himself down, but it was no use. The tears started to stream down his face, and he felt like he was about to break.

He couldn't do this. He had come so far, he couldn't go back to the person he was before. He let out a sob, dropping the razor onto the floor.

"Damnit," Johnnie cried out as he picks up the blade again. He gets up, bringing the blade with him as he walks himself to his bed. He sits on the floor beside it. His back against the wall.

He stared at the blade, his heart still racing. He knew he had to do something, he couldn't just sit here and cry. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down again.

He closed his eyes and thought about all the reasons why he had stopped cutting. He thought about his friends, his family, and all the people who loved him. He couldn't do this to them.

But his dark thoughts suddenly clouded that, His eyes slowly reopened. His makeup was in streaks as he placed the blade back to his tatted wrist.

He pressed the blade down a little harder, his hand shaking even more. He was fighting with himself, his mind telling him to do it while his heart was telling him not to. He knew that once he started, he wouldn't be able to stop. But he couldn't help himself.

Johnnie takes a sharp inhale as he makes the quick slice. Watching the blood appear, he felt nauseated. Remembering that feeling, remembering how sick it made him feel.

The pain was immediate, and it was excruciating. He let out a gasp, dropping the razor as he clutched his wrist. The blood was flowing freely now, staining his skin and his clothes. He felt like he was going to throw up.

"Fuck, i fucked up..!" Johnnie cried softly. Leaning his head back against the wall as tears freely rolled down his face.

But at this point, he couldn't stop.

He picks the razor back up.

Johnnie continues to make cuts, each one deeper than the last. He doesn't care about the pain, he just wants to feel something, anything other than the overwhelming darkness in his mind.

Meanwhile, Carrington just came home from hanging with Chase and a few other friends. As he was walking up the stairs to call it a night, he heard soft crying.

Carrington paused, his ears perking up at the sound of the crying. He recognized it as Johnnie's voice. Concerned, he quietly made his way towards Johnnie's room.

Johnnie drops the razor blade on the floor. It made a small dink sound as it hits the wooden flooring. He procceeded to hit the back of his head on the wall now in shame. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck."

Carrington's heart sank as he heard the sound of a blade hitting the floor. He quickly walked into the room, his eyes widening at the sight of Johnnie. "Johnnie?" he said softly, his voice filled with worry.

Stiffening his breathing, Johnnie's head stops hitting himself on the wall. His emo eyes slowly look over at Carrington, fearfully.

Carrington's eyes widened as he saw the fear in Johnnie's eyes. He could see the cuts on his wrist. He quickly rushed over to Johnnie's side, kneeling down beside him. "Oh my god, Johnnie..." he said, his voice shaking.

Johnnie was frozen in place. He didn't know what to do, he couldn't speak. His mouth dried up at the sight of his roommate catching him doing this.

Carrington reached out to touch Johnnie's shoulder, but hesitated. He could see the fear in his eyes, and he didn't want to scare him further. "Please, talk to me," he said gently. "What happened?"

"Don't be mad at me,-" Johnnie's voice cracks, covering his self inflicted arm. Turning his head to not look at the brunet.

"I'm not mad at you," Carrington said, his voice gentle and soothing. "I just want to help you. You're scaring me." He reached out again, this time placing a hand on Johnnie's knee.

Johnnie tears up again. His emo eyes glossed with tears. His body visibly shaking, "I'm sorry, dont be mad at me!"

"I'm not mad at you, I promise," Carrington repeated, his voice firm but gentle. "I just need you to listen to me, okay?" He gently squeezed Johnnie's knee, trying to get him to look at him.

"Don't be mad, don't be mad." Johnnie kept repeating, as if he was in a traumatic response.

Carrington's heart broke as he saw Johnnie's reaction. He knew he needed to be careful with his words.

"I won't be mad," he said softly, moving closer to Johnnie. "I just need you to breathe, okay? Take deep breaths with me." He took a deep breath, hoping that Johnnie would follow his lead.

Johnnie hides his face into his black skinny jeaned covered knee's. Taking deep breaths, his arm was covered in blood.

Carrington watches as Johnnie tries to calm himself down. He can see the blood on his arm, and it worries him even more.

"That's it," he says softly. "Keep taking deep breaths. I'm right here." He reaches out and gently rubs Johnnie's back, trying to offer some comfort.

Johnnie slowly lifted his head back up. His eyes full of tears as he stared at Carrington now.

Carrington looks at Johnnie with a mixture of concern and empathy. "Can I see your arm?" he asks gently, reaching out to take Johnnie's hand.

There was an unnervingly silence for about two minutes. Before Johnnie nods his head, holding Carrington's hand.

Carrington takes Johnnie's hand and gently turns his arm over, inspecting the cuts. His heart sinks as he sees the damage. "Johnnie..." he says, his voice barely above a whisper. "Why did you do this to yourself?"

"I don't know," Johnnie's voice choked on emotion. As tears roll down his face again, mascara and eyeliner a mess.

Carrington looks up at Johnnie, his heart breaking even more. "You don't have to know," he says softly. "But please, promise me you won't do it again." He reaches up and gently wipes away the tears from Johnnie's face.

Johnnie cried softly as he leaned into the touch. Soft sobs leaving from him as he is shaking.

Carrington wrapped his arms around Johnnie, pulling him into a tight embrace. He held him close, rubbing his back soothingly. "It's okay," he whispered. "You're going to be okay. I'm here for you."

Johnnie just remained still in Carrington's arms, not hugging back. Which isn't a suprise, the emo wasn't necessarily a huge fan on hugs. But he secretly was grateful for the hug he's getting now.

Carrington could feel the tension in Johnnie's body, but he didn't mind. He knew that Johnnie wasn't a fan of hugs, but he needed the comfort.

He held him for a few more moments before pulling back slightly, still keeping his arms around him. "Can I ask you something?" he asked softly.

Johnnie nods his head, keeping it downwards as he is staring at his arm.

Carrington gently lifts Johnnie's chin, forcing him to look up at him. "Why do you think you did this?" he asks, his eyes searching Johnnie's face. "What was going through your mind?"

"...I dont know- i just- fuck, man.." Johnnie broke into sobs as he says, "My depression has been getting so fucking bad, to the point I'm thinking of harming myself."

Carrington's heart ached as he heard Johnnie's words. He knew that depression could be a difficult thing to deal with, but he didn't realize how much Johnnie was struggling. "I'm so sorry," he said, his voice filled with empathy. "You should have told me. I would have been there for you."

"And so i fucking did!" Johnnie looked back down at his arm. Tears pooling out of his eyes. "Years of being clean... ruined!"

Carrington flinched slightly at Johnnie's outburst, but he didn't blame him. He knew how hard it was to fight against depression, and he could only imagine how difficult it must have been for Johnnie to stay clean for so long. "It's not ruined," he said firmly. "You can start over. You can get clean again."

"Its not that fucking easy..." Johnnie hides his face into Carrington's chest, crying into it.

Carrington wraps his arms around Johnnie again, holding him close. He runs his fingers through his hair, trying to comfort him. "I know it's not easy," he says softly. "But you can do it. You're strong. You've done it before. You can do it again."

Johnnie at this point, has a mental breakdown into Carrington's chest. Crying out his emotions and stress.

Carrington held Johnnie as he cried, letting him release all of his emotions. He rubbed his back soothingly, whispering words of comfort and encouragement. "It's okay," he said. "Let it out. You're safe with me. I'm here for you."

After a moment, Johnnie pulls away. Sniffling as he looks at his arm. It was stinging and hurting.

Carrington gently takes Johnnie's arm in his hands, inspecting the cuts again. "We should clean this up," he says softly. "Do you have any bandages or anything?"

"In the cabinet, bathroom." Johnnie sniffles again as he watches Carrington closely.

Carrington nods and stands up, heading towards the bathroom. He rummages through the cabinet until he finds some bandages and disinfectant.

He brings them back to Johnnie and sits down beside him. "This might sting a bit," he warns as he starts to clean the cuts.

Johnnie gasps sharply in pain. Wincing as he shuts his eyes tight. "Ow, fuck." He whispered.

"Sorry," Carrington says apologetically. He tries to be as gentle as possible as he cleans the cuts, but he knows it's still painful. "Just bear with me for a bit longer, okay?" He finishes cleaning the cuts and then starts to bandage them up.

Johnnie opened up his eyes. Watching Carrington slowly and intently.

Carrington finishes bandaging Johnnie's arm and looks up at him. "There," he says, a small smile on his face. "All done. You did great." He reaches out and takes Johnnie's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

Johnnie hugs onto Carrington. Muttering, "Don't tell Jake about this, please."

Carrington hugs Johnnie back, wrapping his arms around him protectively. "I won't," he says firmly. "I promise. Your secret is safe with me."

" 'Cause if he found out.." Johnnie pulled away, sighing. "He'd freak out, he'd be so worried.."

Carrington nods in understanding. "I know," he says. "Jake is a worrier. He would definitely freak out if he found out. But you know that he cares about you, right? He'd want to help you."

"I know, i know." Johnnie shakily replied. "But i dont want him to worry about me, he's just been so happy lately.. i don't want to change that."

Carrington smiled sadly. "You're a good friend, Johnnie," he said. "You don't want to burden anyone with your problems. But you have to remember that your friends care about you too. They want to help you, just like I do. You don't have to go through this alone."

Johnnie froze up when his bedroom door opened. Revealing Jake. His eyes are wide as he is looking at the two.

Carrington looks up and sees Jake standing in the doorway. He can see the surprise on his face and the concern in his eyes. "Hey," he says, trying to sound casual. "We were just..." He trails off, unsure of what to say.

Jake immediately went over and sat next to Johnnie. Gently grasping his arm. "What the fuck did you do?" His voice sounded concerned.

Johnnie was frozen, he shakily asked.
".. You're awake?" Jake nods, "I heard crying and.. well, now i know why."

Carrington watches as Jake gently takes Johnnie's arm, inspecting the bandages. He can see the worry on Jake's face and feels a pang of guilt for not being able to keep his promise to Johnnie. He sighs and looks down at the floor. "I'm sorry," he says quietly. "I should have been more careful."

Johnnie shakes his head, "No its fine. Like you said, - it's not a burden..."

Jake teared up a bit, but no tears aren't falling. He wanted to cry but no tears came out.

Carrington looked up at Jake, seeing the tears in his eyes. He knew how much Jake cared about Johnnie and how hard this must be for him.

He reached out and placed a hand on Jake's shoulder, trying to offer some comfort. "Hey," he said softly. "It's okay. We'll figure this out together, okay?"

"Mhm." Jake hums. "Did you clean those cuts..?" He asked towards Carrington. Johnnie watches them, closely.

Carrington nods. "Yeah, I did," he says. "I made sure to clean them thoroughly and bandage them up. They should heal nicely as long as we keep them clean and dry."

Jake nods, he wrapped his arms around Johnnie. Hugging him gently. "Why didn't you tell me? I'm here for you."

Johnnie sighed, "I didn't want you to worry."

Jake tightened his grip on Johnnie, holding him close. "I know," he said softly. "But I care about you, and I want to help you. I want to be there for you, no matter what. You don't have to keep things from me. I'm not going to judge you or be mad at you, I just want to support you."

Johnnie sniffles, nodding his head. "I'm sorry for not telling you." Tears filled his eyes again.

"It's okay," Jake said, rubbing Johnnie's back soothingly. "You don't have to apologize. I understand why you didn't want to tell me. But I'm glad you're letting me help you now. Just promise me you'll come to me next time, okay?"

Johnnie nods, "Okay." Jake smiled a bit, before he looked at Carrington. "Can you stay with him tonight?"

Carrington looked surprised at Jake's request, but he nodded. "Yeah, of course," he said. "I'll stay with him tonight."

"Thank you." Jake hugs Johnnie's head, kissing his best friend's cheek. "If you need to talk to me or anything, i'm right next door."

Carrington smiled warmly. "I'll keep an eye on him," he said. "Don't worry, I'll make sure he's okay. And if anything happens, I'll come get you right away."

"Thanks Carrington," Jake nodded as he ruffled Johnnie's hair. Johnnie felt a smile curl up on his face.

Carrington chuckled as he watched Jake ruffle Johnnie's hair. "No problem," he said. "I'll take good care of him." He gently pulled Johnnie closer to him, wrapping his arm around his shoulders.

Jake gets up, "Im right next door." He reminded to Johnnie, making a heart with his hands before he left the bedroom.

Johnnie nodded and waved goodbye to Jake, a small smile still on his face. Carrington watched as Jake left the room and closed the door behind him.

He turned his attention back to Johnnie and squeezed his shoulder gently. "You're lucky to have a friend like him," he said.

"I know, im grateful for him." Johnnie looks at Carrington. "I'm grateful for you, too."

Carrington smiled warmly at Johnnie. "I'm grateful for you too," he said. "You're a good friend, and I care about you a lot. I just wish I could do more to help you."

"You do help me enough," Johnnie replied. Laying his head onto Carrington's shoulder. "Just being here, helps me."

Carrington wrapped his arm around Johnnie's shoulders again, pulling him closer. "I'm glad I can be here for you," he said. "I'll always be here for you, no matter what. Even if you don't think you need me, I'll still be here."

"Thanks Carrington," Johnnie mutters, looking down at his bandaged arm.

Carrington followed Johnnie's gaze to his bandaged arm. "Does it hurt?" he asked softly.

"A little, but it's tolerable. Im just thankful Jake didn't see the actual... you know." Johnnie nods.

Carrington nodded in understanding. "Yeah, that would have been hard for him to see," he said. "But you're safe now. You're safe with me."

Johnnie nods, kissing Carrington's cheek. Before laying his head back down on his shoulder.

Carrington smiled as Johnnie kissed his cheek. He wrapped his other arm around Johnnie and held him close. "You know, you're pretty cute when you're all snuggled up like this," he teased.

"Haha," Johnnie laughed softly. Before he closed his eyes. He fell asleep due to the exhaustion of this emotional issue.

Carrington watched as Johnnie fell asleep on his shoulder. He carefully shifted his position so that Johnnie was lying comfortably against him.

He gently ran his fingers through Johnnie's hair, hoping that the physical contact would help him sleep better.

"Goodnight, Johnnie."

The end
(3,066 words)