I burst through the door, and the trio gave me panicked looks seeing the state I was in.

"___!" They shouted my name in unison.

I was still in shock, and the dried tears on my face left stains. They saw how I trembled, and Gilbert held me as my knees gave out, and I fell into his embrace hyperventilating, unable to hold back tears of guilt.

I wanted to tell them everything, but I couldn't. I wanted them to understand, but they didn't, though they tried.

They'd given me everything, and I'd done nothing in return to prove how much I cared. Why did they care about me? Why?

"I'm so sorry!" I blubbered.

They'd never seen me in such a panicked state, and it scared them.

"Chica, calm down, okay? It's going to be okay, what happened? How much of this blood is yours?" Antonio said hurriedly; I could barely make out what he was saying.

I couldn't answer him. I was sobbing, but no tears came out; I'd already cried so much.

"___, talk to us, s'il te plait," Francis begged.

He was at the end of his rope with me but simultaneously panicking. He loved me, and that's why he was so frustrated I wasn't telling them everything.

"I-it's not that I d-don't trust you," I wailed, "I-I just can't tell you. I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry; please forgive me, I'm sorry, I'm—"

Gilbert hugged me tightly and muffled my apologies.

"Tell us what happened. Otherwise, we don't know 'ow to 'elp." Francis said softly, petting my head.

"Alice."

"Who?"

"Greta's name is actually Alice...and she...she only came because she didn't have a choice. I-I tried Francis, I really did! She wouldn't listen, I couldn't capture her, I just, I-" and I began shaking again.

"You're covered in blood, amore...let's get you cleaned up," he hushed and took me from Gilbert's arms, who grumbled, glaring at Francis for taking me.

Francis ignored him and carried me upstairs as I clung to his chest.

"I'm going to die," I whimpered, and he froze in his steps.

"What?"

"Vhat do you mean? Vhat happened?" Gilbert panicked and pushed Antonio out of his way to run to my side.

"If you don't turn me, I'll die..."

"You know why we haven't-"

I cut Francis off and looked him in the eyes.

"It's okay..."

He looked shocked and looked back to Gilbert and Antonio as if to confirm he heard me right.

"You...you're consenting?" He asked, baffled like he'd never expected me to.

I nodded, looking away from him shyly.

He blushed but gave me a stern look, becoming very serious.

"O-okay...let's get you cleaned and changed first..." he mumbled and looked back at Gilbert and Antonio, who were still in disbelief.

It didn't matter anymore if I was ready or not. I'd do anything to save my life, but somehow I felt like I was using them. Gilbert had said before if he enjoyed it, then he didn't mind but still...

Francis knew I was consenting out of fear which is why he wasn't leaping for joy.

Gilbert ran the water, and Francis sat me down, kneeling in front of me.

"__. Look at me...if you're only consenting because you're afraid of something then, it just doesn't feel right. I know I've said in zhe past we'd take zhis opportunity, but my gut is telling me this isn't right-"

From the bathroom, we heard Gilbert shout, "shut up, Francis, she said yes!"

"Shut your mouth. Do you lack empathy?" He shouted back.

Usually, such arguments would make me laugh, but I felt so hollow inside. I was numb. I was empty. It's like I'd lost my soul.

If I weren't dehydrated, I'd have probably pissed myself I was that scared.

I knew what was coming and even though they were humans, the thought of the trio facing them terrified me.

There's no way they could possibly storm through such a powerful organization. This was beyond them and beyond me, and if I ever told a soul, I'd be killed.

"There is a man..." I started slowly, "his name is Peter Banks..."

Gilbert and Antonio leaned against my wall, wondering how much I'd actually tell them. I was guilt-ridden that I couldn't say much, but I'd tell them what I could.

"Peter. I feel like we've 'eard that name before."

"Lynette mentioned him. We were trying to figure out who Alice was... It turns out she was just like me...unfortunately, she was just a little bit weaker."

"Shit," Gilbert mumbled, rubbing his temples. "Vhere's the crime scene? Before ve do anything, I think ve need to clean up before anyvone sees. Erasing minds is annoying," he mumbled, and I nodded.

"A clearing."

"Same place as Dedrich?"

"No...but close."

"Toni and Francis can clean up-"

"Oi, why us?" Francis interjected.

"You have more practice,

"You have more practice, dummköpfe," he snapped, and they rolled their eyes.

"I also have more practice cleaning wounds. I'm more gentle than you are, so you and Toni can go."

"Why do I keep getting volunteered?" Antonio complained. "We should go as a team," he added sternly.

Francis shook his head. "Where 'ave you been the last ten minutes. Zhis Peter guy is threatening 'er life, and she's actually scared for once; we can't leave 'er alone."

"Vhen ve can wash her together too-"

"Uh...I feel like I should have a say in this..." I mumbled, and they turned to me, blushing as if they'd forgotten.

"Eh...so anyway, since you consented, can we maybe-"

"I can wash myself...I just..." I didn't want to be alone, but my words may be misconstrued. I am willing, though, to accept them...all of them.

The thought had me blushing, but at the same time, I felt like there was so much weight on my shoulders. This felt like a mission, not like something I should look forward to.

I'd heard the way girls moaned for them, and I'd certainly gotten my taste of it, but...

I shook the doubts from my head.

No. This is to survive. You have to survive no matter what, and once you do...you can kill Peter.

Kill him.

This thought didn't bother me like it should. How did I come to think of murder so casually, but did it count as murder if it was justified? I suppose that depends on the circumstances.

"Francis..." I said softly, and he looked at me with concern.

"Oui?"

"Stay with me, please...I don't want you more disappointed in me than you are already."

"I'm not disappointed, I'm..." he sighed, "no, you're right. I am disappointed."

My heart sank.

"We trust you, and we love you, and we give you so much, and I know ever since you got mixed up with all of our drama, it's been hard on you, but I 'ate you don't trust us by now." He confessed.

Gilbert spoke up, "Ja...no matter what, Liebe, I'm not going to leave your side, got it? But..after everything you know about me, don't I deserve to know about you too? I'm not saying I'm entitled to it, it's your life, but I vant to know."

"Si. You hate yourself so much, chica, for the things you don't tell us but don't you think once everything is out in the open, you won't feel so guilty anymore."

I knew that what I'd done probably didn't compare to the things they've seen but seeing how much they cared about me, for them to know how much blood I have on my hands was unbearable.

"I'll tell you everything...once I'm safe."

They sighed simultaneously, and Antonio nodded, "I think I can understand, chica. In my past...I had a secret that I'd be killed for if found out...I ended up getting stabbed anyway, but that's beside the point."

Huh?

"By your cousin, right?"

"Si, that puta," he growled.

"Right..." Francis trailed off, "I suppose even with three powerful vampires protecting you, that deep-rooted fear isn't going to just vanish..."

"Gil, Toni, can you clean things up. Also, keep one of her fingers."

"The fuck?" Gil blurted out.

"Her phone needs her thumbprint."

"Geez, there are other ways to get a fingerprint without ripping off a finger..."

"Of you think ripping off a finger was bad, then you're not gonna like what you find."

"Santo infierno, __," Antonio lightly scolded. He wasn't necessarily angry, just surprised.

"By the way...after this is over. Let's never speak of Alice again..."

"Ja. Bad memories. I understand vhat all too well," Gilbert assured me, and with a nod, he and Antonio left the house to clean up everything I'd left in the forest.

"You said you didn't want to be alone," Francis double-checked, and I nodded.

"Just...hold my hand or something, I still...I'm not ready to be seen yet."

"Of course. Should we talk about this more? About you consenting? Is zhis still the case."

I took a deep breath and nodded, forcing a smile.

He knew I was faking; he saw right through my act. I was too shaken up to feign any semblance of joy properly.

"Remember when I offered to knock you out and do zhings zhat way?"

I nodded.

"Is zhat what you want to do now? Clean yourself up, and I'll lull you to a sleeping state?"

I shook my head.

He seemed surprised by this too.

"Right. Get in the shower now; I don't zhink you should be wearing these bloody clothes any longer."

I nodded in agreement, and I briefly turned the shower off as I undressed, handing my clothes to Francis from behind the shower curtain.

He took them, looking away, respecting my privacy.

It was quiet as I showered.

I didn't want to be alone because my darkest thoughts came when I was alone—especially shower-specific thoughts.

Francis reached his hand it and I jolted in surprise until I noticed the washcloth and thanked him as I began scrubbing off the dried blood that didn't wash off easily.

I heard something clatter to the floor.

"What was that?" I called out.

"Ah, just your flip phone."

"Oh...umm. Please just set that aside."

"Of course. Am I allowed to know what's on it without you being in trouble?"

"No. It only receives and sends calls, so you'd have to call one of the numbers, and the contacts aren't usually ever the same twice."

"Zhat's not suspicious at all..."

"The point is being discreet."

"So secretive you are, ___." He paused, and I waited for him to say something, certain that he would.

"I'm sorry."

I couldn't help but let my mouth hang open in shock.

"What!? Excuse me, what the hell are you apologizing for?" I yelled in his direction.

"For forcing answers from you before you were ready-"

"I did the same thing from you."

"You 'ad every right too," he argued.

"And you do too. Most people would want answers if their friend is in constant danger and coming home bloody," I huffed, guilt twisting knots in my stomach.

I sat down as the shower ran over my body and heard Francis's phone chime.

"Gil wants to double-check you want zhe thumb," he asked, and I bit my lip and agreed.

"Probably not a conversation we should be having..." I muttered, and he reached his hand in again, this time nothing in it.

He made a grasping motion with his hand until I realized he wanted to hold mine.

I placed my hand in his, and he gave it a comforting squeeze.

He sat down on the other side of the curtain, and I heard his soft breathing.

"Speaking of conversations. If we're really going through with zhis, then you need to know more about your transition. Ideally, you'd 'ave time to make an excuse to your family why you can't be reached for a bit but if zhis situation is really so dire, zhen perhaps you shouldn't. Such short notice may seem more suspicious."

The bathroom was silent again, and I stayed under the shower until the hot water ran. I twisted the knob until the water stopped running.

"Done?" He asked, and I agreed.

"Do you want a change of clothes, or..." he trailed off.

"I want to set up a spa appointment first," I confessed. It was true, not a way to avoid him. I wanted to look my best, and I wasn't the best with hygiene. I was skilled at stitching myself up. At least before the healing serum.

Speaking of which, Lynette said she'd be sending some. I don't think any amount would be enough to bring Alice back.

Thinking about anything right now induced so much anxiety I could vomit.

I just killed someone, and I was in immediate danger of being killed by the only person I feared connected to an organization that I couldn't escape. And my only way out of it was my greatest fear of all—trusting someone with my body.

Now that I knew I could be sexually attracted to someone, it became apparent I was genophobic.

It seems the trio finally realized I had my reasons to not tell them anything. Hopefully, they'd understand I trusted them and didn't fear them, but that didn't change my fear of sex. I'd already tried hard to overcome my fear, and the pleasure didn't long distract me from the fear. I'd also been raised with strict morals, so the anxiety and guilt I'd feel would only pile on to the stress I had now.

My heart had probably handled worse stress than right now, but it didn't seem like it at the moment.

Francis returned to the bathroom and placed my change of clothes on the sink. I thanked him and heard the door shut, but I poked my head out to check he wasn't there anyway.

I locked the bathroom door and changed into my clothes.

Like always, he'd chosen frilly lingerie for underneath my nightwear. I sighed and heard him laughing at me.

I left the bathroom, a towel wrapped around my hair, and saw Gilbert and Antonio sitting in my room chatting with him in a light-hearted manner. Not the atmosphere I expected after what just happened.

"Chica," Antonio smiled and held up Alice's phone.

I nodded, and Gilbert informed me the thumb was in the ice machine in the fridge, which apparently was news to Francis as he scolded him.

"Why would you do zhat!? Now we need to change zhe ice and clean it out unless ___ is okay with drinking water zhat's been exposed to a dismembered thumb!"

Gilbert waved his hands, trying to calm the situation, and when Francis finally calmed down, he sighed in frustration with Gilbert.

I wasn't sure how he handled the three of us at once. I had a lot on my plate dealing with the three of them, but dealing with two of them and me must be very stressful. I'd been told as much by my family and friends that it wasn't a good idea to live with someone else as I was very difficult to handle. Looking back at my childhood and the few months I'd lived here, I couldn't contest that claim.

"Soooo," Gilbert said, giving me a look and sly grin.

I felt a chill run through me, and Francis cut Gilbert off.

"She wants to go to a spa first," he informed, and Gilbert let out a "gah" noise, displeased to wait any longer.

"But vhy? Ve think you're gorgeous, and it doesn't even matter vhat you look vike."

"I'd feel better about being seen if I had more confidence in myself."

"That's understandable," Antonio agreed, and Gilbert denied this.

"Grrrr, you have no idea how hard it is to hold back, __, I've been dying to fick you from day vone."

I turned pink, and Francis and Antonio whacked him over the head as he repeatedly apologized until they stopped.

"Vell, it's true..." he mumbled.

I looked at my hands as I sat on my bed, and the tears came back to my eyes.

They were surprised at first and questioned by tears.

"I can't stop-I can't stop thinking about what I did," my stomach lurched, but it was empty; I could feel vile on my throat as I began panicking again.

"Hey, it's okay, chica. Let me bring you your pills, si? Francis can make sure you stay asleep, and we won't leave your side," he comforted, but this did little to actually comfort my nerves.

"I can try blurring the memories, but..." Francis paused thinking about it, "I doubt such traumatic memories can be easily blurred. Memories are like cuts, and if they're unforgettable, it leaves a deep gash that never heals. Memories you forget at one point or another leave scars or no marks at all. My powers don't stitch together a deep gash in your brain; they only mask the little scratches; zhis is only zhe case with you, though. With everyone else, I could erase every memory from birth."

"That's frightening..." I mumbled.

He chuckled and kissed my forehead, wiping away my continuous stream of tears.

"I'll be right back. Let me get you some water; I'm sure you've cried it all out," he fretted and rushed downstairs before recalling Gilbert had contaminated the fridge water.

"I'll be right back, ___," Francis called as he was forced to get water at the store.

Antonio came back up with my medication and a glass of chocolate milk to take them down. I thanked him and set them on my dresser. Antonio pulled the covers on my bed back and took the damp towel on my head, my dried hair falling into my face.

Gilbert came back to the room with an extra pillow and jumped into bed next to me.

"Okay, gute nacht," he chimed and snuggled under the covers, grabbing my waist and pulling me down next to him.

My tears hadn't stopped, and his cheery expression dissipated as he turned me over, so my face was in his chest. He ran his fingers through my hair and gave a chaste kiss on the top of my head.

"It's going to be alright. I promise," he said in a surprisingly soothing voice. I wasn't aware such a thick German accent could sound so honeyed.

He felt me relax in his arms and his heart leaped for joy. He smiled again and held me gently as Francis returned home, shouting at Gilbert about owing him money.

"You have millions more vhan me; give me a break!"

My peaceful moment was ruined as they began to argue. Antonio gave me a sympathetic look as I was caught between the two.

"I wouldn't have had to spend money if you hadn't put a thumb in the fridge."

Anxiety ridden I commented, "there wouldn't be a thumb in the fridge if it weren't for me."

"Exactly—vait no," Gilbert immediately corrected himself.

He glared at Francis, annoyed I was no longer relaxed.

Francis set a water bottle on my desk and brought the new bag of ice down to the fridge.

Antonio desperately wanted to join us under the covers but let Gilbert have his time with me. Before Gilbert accepted he had strong feelings for me, he'd never looked so at peace, and Antonio cherished that more than his own desires because he loved Gilbert too.