I looked myself over in the mirror of my desk as I read the Bible.

I'd probably read more than half in the few weeks I'd been here.

Weeks have passed since Eliza and I began a shameful affair of sorts.

I could lose my dreams.

Eliza could lose her reputation, her future, and her love.

But if Eliza loves him why does she run to me?

Easy.

She's scared to commit to what will be the start of the rest of her life.

I don't have someone I'm in love with so I have it easy.

I do like Eliza but she's not someone I see myself settling with and having kids.

Does this make me her side piece? What the hell?

I sighed as I was again distracted by her.

She'd moved into the mansion. She doesn't share Roderick's room but her room is across the hall until her bed is moved into his after they marry, whenever that will be.

A part of me didn't want it to be soon but at the same time after she began sleeping with him, if he ever manned up to something like that, or even knew how; then I could do the same. The only problem when she gives birth if the baby ends up being mine it will be obvious. I'm albino and Roderick has thick black hair and skin a bit darker than mine. The baby's hair would probably be very light brown if it were mine or very dark brown if it were his.

I can't believe this is the shit I'm thinking about instead of hunting down the demon who killed my friends and put a target on my back and Eliza's.

Only Roderick and Eliza and a few staff know my title is Father Beilshmidt. The hunters that Roderick goes with on their "parties" don't know this so I've tagged along, often distracted by seeing Eliza so dressed up chatting with other women over Tea while she attends to Gretchen. She looks so much like a mother.

How weird for her. How weird for me to notice.

Eliza and I are just friends with benefits, but I wonder if maybe there's a bit of love and not just lustful distraction.

Probably mot as much love as she has for Roderick.

After this demon is gone she won't feel the need to be distracted. She'll probably run to him and marry and forget about me and I'll run back to the knights and serve as a priest.

I don't even want to be a priest, my entire future was based on the decision to get revenge and as soon as that happens that means the rest is purposeless.

God says not to take revenge but I'm sure he doesn't mind if it's a demon.

I tell myself "god won't mind" and "god understands" all the time but I'm just trying to ignore that fact I'm sinning and I'm enjoying it.

I'm enjoying Eliza's hand on me and mine on her. We haven't actually had sex but we get as close as we can and it's euphoric. It's tempting as all hell and habit I worried would manifest that ended up doing so.

How long has it been since I arrived, without progress, a month and a week maybe?

I also haven't been writing too much in my diary.

I haven't written about Eliza other than the surprise she's a woman.

If I keep any record of her affair it risks coming to light.

If we're ever caught the backlash of the situation depends on who catches us.

If it's the mother in law I'm sure all hell will be let loose.

If it's Roderick, her heart might break into a million pieces. Roderick understands Eliza's behavior but there's no telling how he'd handle this.

If it's one of her many admirers it could be even worse.

I blew out the candles in my room and closed the Bible.

It was no use, I couldn't focus. I've been trying for weeks and the only times I can concentrate are right after Eliza and I are intimate.

I lay awake in bed for a long time before sleep overcame me and I was greeted with the nightmare I've been having for years.

I woke up with a groan.

The nightmares used to scare me awake but it was so routine now.

The reflection of myself in the blood Sea seemed certain I was in a lethal amount of danger as any waking moment ever since Eliza and I started seeing each other but I'm not sure why it would tell me that. Probably my conscious trying to get through to me.

Today I dressed in my priest's uniform and wore my rosary.

I prayed to god for focus on my objective and left my room.

Eliza, Roderick and Roderick's adoptive family sat around the dining room table eating meals fancier than the likes I'd ever see back home.

My mouth watered and I was offered a seat.

As a "father" I had to act holy and mature and made sure they saw me pray over my food before eating.

Keeping up appearances is exhausting.

I usually try to be a holy man but these last weeks I'd been a poor example of it.

"Gilbert have you made progress on this red-eyed man?" Roderick's mother asked me.

I hesitated to tell her the truth. "I haven't yet. But my mind feels clear today and I'm sure I'll make progress."

That was the whole truth.

My nightmare seemed different from usual.

My mindset is different than usual.

So was the pit in my stomach.

It was knowing away at me. But why?

After breakfast, Eliza followed me into town with the excuse she was seeing her parents. I definitely had something to write about in my journal after that experience.

July 21st, 1204

Eliza and I went to town today.

We saw her parents which was cool and us two got to talking by the river

Like hell, I meant talking

I met a few of her neighbors.

A kind woman named Agnes.

A man named Anso...that's where the strange things started.

Anso followed us nearly all day. Everyone he saw he whispered to and I didn't know what of until after we returned to Eliza's old home and her father warned me that Anso, supposedly the biggest influence of the marketing town, warned the others my red eyes were a sign of evil.

I've heard it all before, I doubt it'll get anywhere.

Eliza hugged me goodnight and ran to her room as soon as I finished writing.

She'd taken a look in some of my older journals and I was entertained, to say the least. She also let me look in hers and I felt flattered she decided to keep a journal for my sake.

Her short will when she thought she was dying was hysterical.

Her entries on dealing with the move and the truth about herself were after gripping and emotional even in my opinion.

Eliza...you really had it hard.

I'm astounded that she remains or at least appears to be a stable person. No one would know she was raised a boy or thought herself one by the way she behaves.

July 22nd, 1204

Roderick and I watched Eliza fencing today.

She swifter but her skills are lacking.

Mine are too but I'm still more awesome.

We decided to soar against each other and it was hard to keep from acting so familiar with each other right in front of Roderick who didn't seem suspicious but he did seem a little jealous to the point he asked us to show him some fencing moves.

He fell on his ass fought away and I laughed so hard they both made me leave and that's why I'm writing this now. I'm still laughing.

July 23rd, 1204

Eliza and I had a picnic in the fields behind her house by the forest.

The pit in my stomach I had a few days ago has not gone away. If anything it's worse. Eliza feels it too, but she thinks the pit in her stomach is excitement, not fear.

What does she have to be excited about, it certainly wasn't the food. Eliza can't cook.

Don't tell her that or she'll beat you with it.

July 24th, 1204

I went into town again today to talk with some residents about any weird sightings and they wouldn't talk to me.

I gave Roderick's servant a list of the same questions and had him go around instead. They all answered to him.

They replied I was the weird sighting.

How rude.

The servant also seemed shaken by something. I don't know if he saw something out there or if what he's afraid of is me.

Red eyes aren't such a big deal.

Then again the only thing that stands out about the demon I'm hunting are his red eyes.

I guess that means I'm also a red-eyed man. The only difference is I'm not a demon, but it's not like anyone would be able to tell.

July 25th, 1204

There was a public execution today.

For some reason, nobles are expected to go to these.

I was asked to come to bless the man's soul, try to save it.

This man was stoned to death for assaulting the daughter of a noble

My position could get me out of such a thing that seemed a little twisted. A rich man could get away with murder, a poor man got away with nothing. Not that he deserved too.

Today just seemed a little off to me.

After he was confirmed dead, no one left, not until I left and I feel like they watched me go.

July 26th, 1204

Everyone including the nobles know of the dangerous red-eyed man that Roderick and his family are looking for.

Problem is they think that's me.

I have to maintain a perfect appearance at all times. If I step out of line I'm worried about what could happen. I also never leave the mansion alone.

I've never been this shamed for having red eyes before.

Eliza is trying to help me feel better, she's helping to distract me but I've looked over my entries for the two months I've been here and I feel like things are getting stranger.

Gray clouds are moving in from the east and the wars are getting closer and more violent.

I think something is going to happen.